How to Protect Yourself Against Narcissists

I get stuck on the term "arrogant". In my own life, I see it applied to anyone who speaks their mind, and questions authority.

Well, were not the Founding Fathers "arrogant"? Would their righteousness in a way be considered "arrogant", or indeed be diagnosed as "narcissism"...with their big swirling signatures and declaratory style of writing?

Similarly, some of my friend's think of me as quirky. Many a times, even with my family, I have to defend some of my choices and decisions. I also don't mind giving advice. This adds up to a bit of self-centerism at most...but then I think, hey....I have a LOT to show for my modest income and relatively conservative life decisions. So, isn't that a contradiction? They guy making modest money and not running into debt becomes the one crowing about themselves?

Like a lot of phych analysis, perspective is everything. For instance, am I justifiably a little bit defensive to criticism, or am I full blown narcissist???

I think they just get a kick out of it so they do it.

a reply to: FlyingFox

To me, imho,

There's . . . assertive . . . --> . . . aggressive . . . --> . . . arrogant.

And, aggressive usually has a percentage of arrogant. Assertive may have a small amount.

Arrogance arises out of insecurity that arises out of ATTACHMENT DISORDER the first 6 years of life.

The individual ****HAS**** to be seen as superior, IN !!!CONTROL!!!, best or at least much better than average; with the longest d**k, etc. etc. etc. because his low sense of self worth HAS to constantly be aided, complemented--usually by hollow, shallow junk.

It's kind of like the toughly dressed biker toolling down the road with a super loud muffler--feeling thereby, that the loud volume proves his manhood is longer.

SOLID, WELL EARNED MATURITY, STATURE, SKILL, ABILITY, STATUS etc. does NOT have to be flaunted. It does NOT have to be rubbed in anyone's face. The mature person KNOWS they are quality stuff WITHOUT parading it brazenly.

a reply to: rickymouse

In the more brazen narcissists I observe,

the "get a kick out of it" is a sick, perverse, pathological thrill kind of 'kick.'

Everytime I listen to someone who is going on and on about narcissism, (and it is usually about their ex) I always get the sense that THEY seem narcissistic their self.

They sit there and describe what about their ex is narcissistic - while doing exactly what they are describing.
"He/she was always criticizing and judging others, trying to make others seem faulty or inferior to their self."


Instead of people worrying about pegging another as narcissistic, it might be more constructive for everyone to look at their own. To consider that narcissism is some that we all have some of- it only becomes a "disorder" when it gets to an extreme... and even then, as far as I can tell, it can be expressed or manifested in two different ways- either covert or overt.
And those two attract each other.

The only way to stop getting involved with very narcissistic people is work on cutting down your own.
But then, it seems so often that the passive narcissist is enjoying the role of victim to such an extent, they don't really want to change anything, ultimately.

This analyzation comes from my own experience as a covert narcissist. It was very hard for me to face this about myself, but very necessary when I became a mother.
Now I am just open and honest with my narcissism.