Are parent's more selfish now than previous generations?

family-studies.org...

I've been noticing complaints lately from new, young parents in the media. There seems to be a new trend that makes people feel like their children automatically make their lives 10x harder. As if their children are a burden. They're surprised at the reality that their lives revolve around their kids. It's sooo challenging raising them, they say. With all of modern life's stressors.

It isn’t necessarily that family life has changed that dramatically in the last few generations. Rather, it’s stayed the same in crucial ways—because babies still need what babies need—while outside the domestic sphere there’s been an expansion of opportunities, a proliferation of choices and entertainments and immediately available gratifications, that make child rearing seem much more burdensome by comparison.

I don't have any children, but my baby sister was born when I was 16. I helped raise her. And so for the life of me I don't really know what everyone is complaining about. I took everything that she dished out to me gladly. I was happy to cater to all her needs. Unlike so many parents, I never felt burdened by my sister.
I feel like parents today relate more poorly to their children then say, their grandparents or great grandparents what have been to them. And I didn't treat her like a "little adult". She's a child and I have the small, marginal amount of common sense to treat her as such. My family is poor, but we get by. And we've been very successful without the need to beat anyone. One analogy would be humans and their relationships with their animal companions but of course that's very different. Thugs often raise violent pit bulls and Rottweiler's, while many gentle elderly raise little yappy dogs. If your kid is acting out or misbehaving or whatever, why not try to figure out the root of the problem and figure out whats causing them to do that? Instead of "solve it with a beating".

No , you just hear about it more.

I think these very young parents are finding that you can't just put babies in front of a computer to make them happy.

The surprise is that you have to interact with children!

They really do need those hugs and cuddles ... real ones ... where you have to actually pick up a baby. Shoot, how does that happen.

Of course this thread relates to a few young parents, a small minority and yet ... it is real.

P

For those who don't understand are those who don't look from the past. There are too much regulation and demand. The young are forced to do college in order to get decent pay job compare to the past. Either that, you would join military. But who cares about American military. They send you to war everyday. People die before they get to raise kids.

Also women used to be the one raising the kids at home while men work. Today everyone including women are forced to do full time jobs to survive. Tell me about the stress.

Well not all parents of today. Some parents live for their kids, absolutely love them to death and wouldn't want to live without them.

Kids are awesome.

Life is not that bad, I'm pretty sure struggle has always existed.

I have never met these parents described in the OP thankfully.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

TL;DR - totally agree. Actually, maybe it's not more selfish than before, maybe most parents "now" and "then" weren't/aren't much different.

My Captain Longwind version:

I think in many cases, yes. Many people are wimpy little wussies when it comes to raising children - and the worst of the whiners are the ones who put the least effort in. I hear complaints that make me laugh all the time by parents of 6mo-3yr olds such as these:

"I hardly ever get a night out at the bars anymore!"

Same here! My son was born almost 4 years ago, my daughter 2. Since then, I've only gotten hammered at the bars like zero times every 4 years!

"I've definitely cut back on my gaming time!"

Maybe stop being such a sissy and sleeping 4 hours a night and you could dedicate the proper amount of time to gaming.

"The only way I'm able to keep up with Facebook now is because I can multitask while I watch my shows!"

Same problem here. An ATS comment while we're watching Little Einsteins. Read an OP while Penguins of Madagascar is on. -oh wait, your shows and plural?! Ha! Thought you were being serious!

I'm only slightly exaggerating my responses. What bothers me isn't so much that people don't realize they need to set aside most of their mindless tedium leisure "activities", or even that most people don't have the brains or willpower to be more efficient, work harder and deal with less sleep.

What bothers me is that people are bothered by any sacrifice they DO make, and resent doing so, rather than cherishing every moment with their children and incorporating them into their lives as much as possible. It's enriching for the children and the parents. I don't feel like I'm "missing" anything - quite the opposite.

I wish people who aren't ready to raise children would stop having children. I fear there's going to be a generation mostly full of kids whose parents taught them next to nothing - probably what they do teach amounts to "Be quiet!" "Because I said so!" and "Just do as you're told!" - perfect fodder for indoctrination subjects at the hands of whoever they can hand them off to so they can get back to their drone leisure.

I think its just a difference in what a family is.

The "single family unit" mom/dad/kids - - - is totally dumb and harmful. IMO

There used to be extended families. Parents/aunts/cousins etc who all lived together. Or all lived on the same block. If you needed an extra hand, it was there.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

I disagree with the first sentence in your source and I think it is a lie. It states "family life hasn't changed over the generations"

Wrong. More children are being raised in single parent households. More children see less of their mothers than before because of the need to work two jobs to pay the billls. So yes family life has changed and is impacting the lives of children nowadays.

a reply to: pheonix358

Sadly I don't think that is true. Kids are happy with a tablet in their hands. They get upset when you take the tablet away.

originally posted by: Tiamat384
a reply to: pheonix358

Sadly I don't think that is true. Kids are happy with a tablet in their hands. They get upset when you take the tablet away.

Kids yes, babies, I don't think so. I said Babies .....

P

I am a parent. I'm 31 years old and my wife is 28. We have a 3 year old and a 7 month old.

I realized how woefully unprepared I was for the challenges of fatherhood the day my daughter was born. It can be overwhelming, emotionally draining, and the most frustrating experience. I've been brought to tears simply by not being able to console a child that is inconsolable after hours of trying everything. There is frustration, a situation which makes you frantic, there is even anger at yourself for being woefully inadequate to deal with the situation.

Parents, especially new ones, aren't selfish. They are scared, worried, and inexperienced. It isn't that I ever felt my children were a burden, it's that no matter what you do, sometimes their happiness and yours are out of your control. It happens.

But it isn't a permanent feeling and with time and experience you get better at it.

Show support for these new parents and share your experience with them. I've been rescued not only by my wife, but by my sisters in law, my mother in law, and other women in my life who have been kind enough to lend me their knowledge and experience when I needed it most.

Be that guy/gal. You'll never know the difference you've made to a young and inexperienced parent.

a reply to: pheonix358

Point still stands. Honestly. Babies too. They like the images. Maybe they arent alone with it, but that is when they get "hooked".

Different times imo.

Look at the market, you can't be comfortable, eat well, and put a kid, let alone multiple kids through college etc, without pulling down 100k.

The days of one parent around to teach good values, and the other free after work are dying.
there is no more balance, just slavery for survival, if you can't make it.

I do see an increase in whiny, liberal entitlement and people who normally shut up, grow a giant pair online and turn the world into the inside of a giant adult special needs helmet.

I got to ask, what is the remark about the dogs about? Do you know a lot of "thugs" with rottweilers do you?

I'm sure they've always been around, but I've witnessed a lot of incredibly self-absorbed, horrible mothers in the 21st century. I do think it's increasing. Still, there are many decent mothers as well.

originally posted by: Tiamat384
a reply to: pheonix358

Point still stands. Honestly. Babies too. They like the images. Maybe they arent alone with it, but that is when they get "hooked".

Well, that is not how I raised children.

You don't start a baby off and if they get hooked, then that is on the parents. I think too many self entitled parents see the TV, game consoles and computers as baby sitters.

You have to go outside with the kids and kick the footy around, show them the yard, let them walk and then run.

Too many parents see raising kids as a chore instead of seeing it as a really fun time of your life.

P

originally posted by: Tiamat384
a reply to: pheonix358

Sadly I don't think that is true. Kids are happy with a tablet in their hands. They get upset when you take the tablet away.

Seriously, you have to check out the new Baby Oculus.

My kid can speak seven languages, and he's only 2.

a reply to: pheonix358

Of course. If I had kids I would like to play board games with them, cars, legos, hide'n seek and the like. And go outside of course. I love kids so I would never subject them to technology like this. And read them books!

a reply to: Mandroid7

Heh. Never heard of it. What is that? When I was two I knew many alien languages.

a reply to: dogstar23
Yeah I agree with most of that..And maybe more people need to learn to use contraception. Do you hate planned parenthood? Sorry, no recreational sex for you!. Just joking. (im not saying that directly to you)
(Sorry guys, I logged off after 15 minutes of no activity on here. I am going to bed now but will be back to respond midday)

a reply to: Tiamat384

Just joking around.
-a mini oculus virtual reality on the kids head vs parenting.
...cut out the middle man, handing them the tablet all the time.