10 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Sex

By Brendan Tapley
Mar 11, 2015

"Learn what he really wants in the bedroom and why"

[Oh, dear, an article truly via a Woman's magazine! Obviously the world is coming to an end. LOLOL (jke). Let the wailing begin!]

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www.womansday.com...
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Freud called female sexuality "the dark continent"; if that's true, male sexuality could qualify as the dark planet. But when it comes to sex, guys are simple, right? Not true. The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, and as such, what you see and hear is typically the role, not the reality. It's no wonder, in trying to please the actor, a woman loses sight of a guy's true identity. Here are 10 "unmasking" facts you may want to know:
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1. We Respond to Praise
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It's believed that men are so consumed by our libido that we have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But men are no different from women when it comes to compliments as catalysts for sexual confidence. This praise can be delivered before reaching the bedroom (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look), and after (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look naked). Along those lines, men worry about the size of their guts (and other measurable organs), their hair (or lack thereof) and other attributes. Try to be extra affirming about those sensitivities.
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2. We Fear Intimacy...
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…but not for the reason you think! Studies have shown that boys are more affectionate, even more expressive, than girls until they reach school age. At that time, social repression begins—of words, thoughts, feelings—and our desire for human connection goes underground. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men—not because it's smothering, but because we realize how desperate we are for it. What's a woman to do? First, understand that your guy's hasty retreat post-sex may be about his own shock at how much he craves a connection with you (and how much he's denied it in life). Then, retreat a little yourself. This gives him time to see that his boyhood habits are, in fact, perfectly manly.
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I think this is a well done article with accurate insights and decent suggestions that should be effective, on average, toward improving a couple's sex life.

I think the FEAR OF INTIMACY is a HUGE ISSUE with men. My perspective on it is:

1. Of course it originates in significant attachment disorder . . . from the first 6 years of life and inadequate parenting--particularly a father hat did not ESTABLISH and MAINTAIN SUFFICIENT CONNECTEDNESS with the son for the son's self-worth, sense of security, sense of competence, sense of potency, sense of strength, playfulness, etc. to be FIRMLY established and rock solid.
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2. Therefore, when an above average (sometimes for some men, ANY) degree of intimacy threatens their status-quo, they are likely to feel threatened--particularly with:
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(A) a loss of !!!!CONTROL!!!!
(B) a sense of insecurity
(C) a sense of confusion, bewilderment--somewhat like 'a fish out of water' feeling
(D) a feeling of having inadequate skills to handle the situation well and come out even or on top--key issues for most men.
(E) a lack of communication skills in terms of the language, culture, syntax, dynamics of healthy powerful intimacy short of or more elaborate than orgasm.
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3. I think for most men, sexual intimacy is about as close as they get to any kind of intimacy. All the more so after their kids are older than toddlers. And, because we are all DESIGNED to NEED intimacy to be healthy and function well--it is a very DESPERATE NEED on the part of most men--but one that they likely will not even acknowledge to themselves and certainly not to others--sadly, even their partners.
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4. That means that sexual interactions and all that such entails--gets loaded up with allll that desperate male need for generalized intimacy--and it's too much of a load for too small, limited, narrow a part of the relationship. That's destined to complicate the sexual dance in unnecessary and troublesome ways.
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The only item in the article's list I'd quibble with is the one about pornography. I think that's hazardous for all concerned in ways that are not always immediately obvious. At least it is likely to leave the partner feeling somewhat inadequate that her spouse would 'need' to seek porn out. What is she not providing she might ask. Or what is so unattractive to her, she might think and feel sad about.
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Anyway--It's a worthwhile article that bears some thoughtful pondering, imho.
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I'm glad Woman's Day published it.
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I had to laugh I have this article bookmarked on my phone it's my only bookmark I have

a reply to: Steven1968

Are you willing to share how it has . . . touched your life and/or been helpful to you?

I think it's a riot that it's your only bookmarked article on your phone.

Very thought out article, but i agree to disagree. Male complexity in the bedroom and any insecurities and what not can be surmised through experience with a female and the communication therein.

I think its too in depth and overshoots its true purpose. Too much thought went in to it. Men (sorry to say) are just more simple than the article suggests.

This article touched me, in the closet with my uncle, while dressed as clowns, on a unicycle, in a pro-black neighborhood where the police dare to go, but thats about it.

Nice try though.

a reply to: BooCrackers

I've thought about that

"Men are simple" truism a lot over the years.

I think it's true, and not true . . . and, no doubt, depends on where on that simple/complex continuum that a given man is.

Many men are complex. Maybe 51%+ men are simple. Maybe.

Or, perhaps to put it another way:

Men are simple about some things and complex about others.

I think in terms of emotional expression and relationship management . . . it's a very tricky 2 areas for men. Our brain areas devoted to those two items are smaller, IIRC. And Certainly MRI studies have shown that all individuals with serious attachment disorder have physiological BRAIN DAMAGE in THOSE two areas. Brain damage does not usually result in refined simplicity.

I think that many men do approach many things in a binary sort of way.

Do it or don't do it.
Buy it or don't buy it.
Go on the trip or don't.
Get the job done or don't.
Say what you mean or keep silent.
Speak up. Don't hint.
Don't like something--say so. Like something--say so.

Spare us the endless 'round-the-barn-12-times;' plus '12-years-of-background-info;' plus 'a-12-inch-pile-of-references-justifying it;' . . . about why you want a new dress; or want to go on a particular vacation; or which movie you want to see etc. etc.

Though I do realize that probably most women THINK OUT LOUD and need to talk to think--seemingly.

I think men are more subterranean in a lot of their thinking. They may talk about work, sports or sex . . . and they may even sort through some things with a particular male buddy or group. But a lot of most men's mental work is done alone. And they need alone time to do it well.

In terms of sex . . . maybe men are more simple. But I don't think they are as simple as a lot of men think they are. There's a ton of nuances involved and I can imagine that they are difficult even for most women to discern. I suspect most of the men with the nuances are largely clueless about them though they affect the "sexual dance.'

a reply to: BO XIAN

You know what BO, "oh dear" says it all.

How the heck did it get this way to begin with? The questions, the wondering, the...gosh...men are men, women are women just ACCEPT us each for WHO we are. A Total pain in the butt. WHY does there ALWAYS have to be questions looking for silly arse answers? Are "answers" going to change anything? NO! Simply because...wait for it! OF HORMONES. You find a way AROUND those pesky little buggers and you'll have an answer. Well...as far as I can surmise at any rate.

I've had a LONG time to look at and question human interaction, and it's scarey. I gave birth to three of you people, and you still boggle my teeny tiny mind. I watch hours and hours of TV and wonder how the hell ya'll take the punches, the stompings, the horribly painful things you do and just...walk away. It's just gotta come with the territory of being "male". I absolutely love ya's, better than sliced bread even...but, come on, it has to be hormones...and yes, that covers a very wide range of things. But...heck, I'm tired, my eyeballs feel like they fell out of my head, rolled around in a bunch of sand and I've tried to get them back in place and missed. Take my theory and gimme an argument. I'll ll be more up to it tomorrow.

originally posted by: Rubicon3
a reply to: BO XIAN
. . .

How the heck did it get this way to begin with? The questions, the wondering, the...gosh...men are men, women are women just ACCEPT us each for WHO we are. A Total pain in the butt. WHY does there ALWAYS have to be questions looking for silly arse answers? Are "answers" going to change anything? NO! Simply because...wait for it! OF HORMONES. You find a way AROUND those pesky little buggers and you'll have an answer. Well...as far as I can surmise at any rate.

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Wellllllllll, Certainly Testosterone influences a ton of male behaviors in a lot of ways to a large degree.
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And most men would probably say something like--"But them women have a corner on the market of hormone stuff and their consequences!"
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Why? We are a questioning species. We seek answers--supposedly to understand and then to know how to make things better. SOMETIMES, it works out that way. Maybe many times.
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And, I think it depends on how much and how willing the individuals concerned are to make needed or wise changes.
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And that willingness gets back to childhood insecurities etc. etc. etc.
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AND USUALLY, IT IS THE WOMEN who ask the most questions! LOL.
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And their "Why" questions leave most men feeling accused before they even begin to think of an answer or before they start running out the door instead of answering! A lot of men think and feel like there's NO GOOD ANSWER to a woman's "Why?" questions.
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I think women ask questions somewhat to try and understand . . . and maybe SOME PERCENTAGE of women then consciously or unconsciously seek to re-strategize how to manipulate with the new info???
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I think men ask questions to try and figure out how to then fix something or make it better or if they'd better run and hide.
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I've had a LONG time to look at and question human interaction, and it's scarey. I gave birth to three of you people, and you still boggle my teeny tiny mind. I watch hours and hours of TV and wonder how the hell ya'll take the punches, the stompings, the horribly painful things you do and just...walk away. It's just gotta come with the territory of being "male". I absolutely love ya's, better than sliced bread even...but, come on, it has to be hormones...and yes, that covers a very wide range of things.

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I hope your eyes are rested now.
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Probably most Men take the punches and keep on Energizer Bunny ticking because we are genetically wired to do so and because our cultures expect it of us . . . and because we don't usually have any better way to be in the world. And, yeah, those with the most testosterone do that the most.
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Did I answer your questions at all?
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In my opinion woman to man

Woman wish that man understood it's not so simple and make the effort (eg I want a flower doesn't mean you have to give her a bunch but she needs to know that you want to shower her every day in them)

One on hand we say we want an equal partner (not a kid)

On the other hand (no offence to no one)

If you want your women club her on her head and drag her into your cave

It's a female instinct I think that you stay with the alpha male and how you become one is when everybody gets their hands off your woman without the ego battling, in return she will reciprocate by making you feel like one

a reply to: sumerain

I think there's wisdom in your words.

I don't know that most will catch it, however.

I think I'm too tired to try and translate/reword it tonight. Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe a quick try . . .

I think you are saying . . . That the gesture of a flower that communicates an abiding and underlying--constant DESIRE to shower one's woman with all things good, lovely and fun--is the desire of the woman--not necessarily to have a dozen roses every other day??

And then I think you are saying . . . something like . . . A woman is drawn to a rough, tumble, TAKE CHARGE sort of Alpha Male--though she may on the other hand fight with him for !!!CONTROL!!! tooth and toenail [maybe you only implied that or that may be my addition to what you said] . . . She may not literally want to be clubbed and drug off to his Alpha Male cave but SOMETHING like that is attractive to the average woman because she instinctively knows that such a male will be her maximum protection and provider.

And that IF he then treats her like his Alpha Male Alpha Queen, she will respond by super enhancing and affirming his Alpha Male feelings and status.

Am I close?

a reply to: BO XIAN

I am too tired to word it but yes very close (on to rest on my S shaped lazy boy in my sound proof room )

a reply to: BooCrackers

I agree with much of your post.

Feed us, love us and don't talk to us during the game.

That's about it I reckon.

a reply to: Metallicus

Why you simple ole boor you!

What a lump!

LOLOLOL.

That sure describes millions of men, much of the time.

But not all the time.

There are moments when, if one is looking closely, even such men will let a more complex picture leak out around the edges. They sure hope no one sees it, however. That could get messy.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Hand it a tissue with its OK it happens to all of us

a reply to: sumerain

Somehow I need at least a bit more elaboration to be sure I've understood what you're trying to communicate.

At least I think you are trying to communicate something worth understanding. LOL.

a reply to: BO XIAN

It's worth an article my beloved is a drama king but he pays me Devine attention so I put up with it

I will certainly try to elaborate later on but he clubbed me in the head can't think right now and he is decorating the house sweet thing didn't even have to mention it

Please don't let me confuse you we had a really busy last couple of weeks

a reply to: Rubicon3

I agree here, and the demographics or even perhaps geographical culture says all.

To BO XIAN,

Men and women are different all over the world. What's acceptable in one country may be not acceptable in another. Both genders have different roles in these cultures. The inground mentality is not the same.

As for sex, liberated countries may discuss it but try doing it in another country that prohibits talk of such and requires a social all over dress standard for their women who in most circumstances cede to the will of their beliefs and their upbringing.

Kinda like drinking of alcohol or even - OMG - smoking in public. The same public who ban smoking' reckon it's alright to 'choof' on a joint. Where's the flamin standard people may ask ? There is none.

So, in answer to your question, personally, my partner (female) and I decide what's best for both of us when it comes to sex.

Kind crikey's mate,

Bally

a reply to: bally001

I think couples benefit when both parties decide together what they desire for themselves and for the couple.

That's true about sex, where to eat out, what to spend money on etc. etc. etc.

a reply to: BO XIAN

You got it there mate. I'm taking my partner out for dinner on mother's day. (Sunday) At a restaurant of my choice. Like it or not she will be happy with whatever I choose. (Thai, I love Thai).

It's the thought that counts to which suits both of us and the menu caters for her tastes. ( Last time it was chinese).

Kama Sutra next year.

Kind regards as always,

Bally.

a reply to: BO XIAN

I think people just have really really messed up kinks and are afraid to admit them to their lover/prostitute/spouse whatever. People are messed up with messed up sexual desires, to admit them you must have real trust in the other party.

a reply to: GreenGunther

imho, You sure said an accurate load, there.

Far too much truth in that in many situations.

What do you think is the cause of that?