6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal

Worth Checking Out, imho. This is a hard-hitting substantive one that notes what's wrong with each item and what to do about it.

Mark Manson 8 Aug 2013
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markmanson.net...
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Yes, it’s trial-and-error from the get-go. And if you’re like most people, it’s been mostly error.
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But part of the problem is that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. We worship romantic love — you know, that dizzying and irrational romantic love that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing — and scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities. Men and women are raised to objectify each other and to objectify their relationships. Thus, our partners are often seen as assets rather than someone to share mutual emotional support.
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Fortunately, there’s been a lot of psychological research into healthy and happy relationships the past few decades and there are some general principles that keep popping up consistently that most people are unaware of or don’t follow. In fact, some of these principles actually go against what is traditionally considered “romantic” or normal in a relationship.
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1. THE RELATIONSHIP SCORECARD
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What It Is: . . . is when someone you're dating continues to blame you for past mistakes . . .
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Why It's Toxic: . . . deflecting the current issue itself, but you're ginning up guilt and bitterness from the past to manipulate . . .
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What You Should Do Instead: Deal with issues individually . . .
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2. . . . "HINTS" AND OTHER PASSIVE-AGGRESSION . . .
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I love the straightforward candor of the author.

He gives good examples and good strategies for overcoming them.

He talks sanity about real people in real ways.

His discussion about blaming a partner for one's own emotions is worth the time, alone.

I'd like to hope that everyone in a less than perfect relationship would read and learn from this well done article.

a reply to: BO XIAN



we get it dude you read the internet media and try and make sense of your own relationships using these things, take control of your own life

a reply to: BO XIAN

Did you recently have a break-up?

You have posted so many of these types of threads lately, I'm just curious. If i offended you I'm only slightly sorry

Active-Aggression > Passive-Aggression.

a reply to: Lysergic

Your point is not very clear.

If you wish to make one, perhaps you could clarify it; elaborate on it.

originally posted by: BO XIAN
a reply to: Lysergic

Your point is not very clear.

If you wish to make one, perhaps you could clarify it; elaborate on it.

2. . . . "HINTS" AND OTHER PASSIVE-AGGRESSION . . .

Passive-aggression solves nothing.

a reply to: Lysergic

INDEED.

And usually worsens the relationship.

And it's too often a habit formed earlier in life. Then in a marriage it causes enormous trouble.

HOWEVER, being actively aggressive--in any conventional sense--is also destructive.

There's farrrrrrrrrrrr tooooo much spouse abuse . . . amazingly . . . also by plenty of women--possibly increasingly so.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Pick active, over passive, at least then, you know what you are dealing with.

a reply to: BO XIAN

I wonder how many can define their relationships as healthy, considering the emotional bombardments of the 21th century, and language has mostly been reduced to emoticons.

My simple card trick in life was avoiding toxic people, with that said i'm now avoiding over 99% of the population and happily single.

a reply to: Lysergic

There is plenty of truth, to that.

I'm just fiercely against spouse abuse.

a reply to: Shuye

Me too.

Once around the marriage go around was enough, thank you very much. LOL.

It wasn't that bad but I have no desire to risk and work at all that again.

If my significant other upsets me, I love tightening all the lids and caps on everything in the fridge and kitchen down as hard as humanly possible.

What was that? Oh, so NOW you need me for something?

to be honest all the things listed are pretty common sense.
if you are in a relationship where all this is going on against you, then it's really just your fault for staying in it

a reply to: BO XIAN

My now ex wife was a huge fan of 1 and 4.
She kept score of who did what, when, where, why and for how long. Seriously. That was her excuse when she did something that irritated me. She would actually bring up something I did 15 years ago, to justify her "getting back" at me. She used to say "Now you know how if feels" to try to shift blame.
On # 4, she would always blame me or pretty much anyone else, for things. Her favorite line was "Well, if you hadn't done that, I wouldn't have done that" and then blame me, when she was mad, sad, angry, or any other emotion except for happy.

Looking back, I see how incredibly toxic our relationship was and I'm sooo glad it's over. I am dead serious when I say, she demanded so much attention, it was like raising another kid.

a reply to: BO XIAN

I was told that I was passive-aggressive by an ATS member while I was still on face book.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Married only once,I have been married twice and this one is my last time.

a reply to: mamabeth

I haven't observed or experienced you that way.

Some folks when faced with a view not compatible with their own . . . must come up with a nasty label to try and deal with the person on the other side.

a reply to: MystikMushroom

I think I am going to do that next time we argue about something lol. Interesting and funny way to express ones angst .