Top 10 Ways Men Destroy Their Marriage

Updated on September 30, 2015

"Neglected Wife Symptoms—Ways Husbands Destroy Their Marriages"

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hubpages.com...
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It is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. So, while this list below may seen daunting, always remember that. If life is stressful, then work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek the things that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.
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Also, while both the husband and wife should take responsibility for their part in a marriage, below are ten mistakes common to men. Read on to learn about the behaviors of men which can completely destroy a marriage.
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1. Leaving Her Alone
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One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. This means things like spending long hours at work and following it up by a beer or several afterward with the guys. Then, when you get home, you don't engage her or your children. Instead, you lose yourself in baseball or computer poker. Also, on the weekends, you'll complain about the messy house, then leave to run errands, and then you don't come back for several hours.
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2. Not getting Close Enough
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2.5. Closing Yourself Off to Her
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4. Never [or very rarely] Saying "I'm Sorry."
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8. Getting Lost in Bitterness and Anger

My notes:
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--Treat her insecurities with respect due them
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--Take personal responsibility as fitting
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--Simple Gestures can be priceless
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--Insure sex is not drained of all the fun
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I'm a bit . . . torn about the 'male finger-pointing' slant of this article. However, imho, men ARE incredibly responsible, on average, for a good chunk of the problems in a marriage--far more than most of them have any clue of.
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I realize that this obliviousness is partly from the way men's brains are constructed in terms of emotional expression, etc. as well as inculturation factors. Still, I think the degree of cluelessness is far beyond what it reasonably should be--all things considered.
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So, as I reflected on this article, I became convinced it was an important one to share.
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I'd prefer that men found it first rather than that wives shoved it under their faces via a link. LOL.
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However, if the wife finds it first, I encourage her to be very gentle and tentative in suggesting that the two read it together. She might ask, for example: "Do you see many of the men you know pulling these sorts of things in their marriages?"
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Saying something like "You need to read this and clean up your act!" is not likely to be very fruitful with most men.
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Anyway--FWIW, I hope those who MIGHT even need such a discussion will consider this article as a starting place.

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BTW, if those seemingly allergic to relationship articles compulsively share their strong opinions, I hope the rest will ignore them peaceably. Please avoid letting such intrusions dampen the discussion.
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a reply to: BO XIAN
You know why men are responsible for a fair amount? Because they are half of the marriage. Women are equally to blame. Bye. I care not for these articles, but wanted to make that point.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Communication skills are awesome.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Marriage is just legalized prostitution.

I question the validity of your thread and I suggest that your post content is misrepresentative, dangerous and nonsensical.

If we were to put your relationship advices into practice, I would expect many of us would have lost perfectly healthy relationships 20 threads ago.

This is like homeopathy for desperate housewives.

a reply to: SpecialSauce

I don't know a single couple in my reference group that would agree with you.
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We see the physical union as also a spiritual union.
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And, we see that spiritual union as a metaphor for Christ's love for The Church of those who have received Him into their hearts as their God and their Savior.
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Certainly the enemy of our souls has been having a hay-day in our era in deceiving folks that freewheeling unbridaled lust is the behavior of choice for anyone able to think amidst their drug induced haze.
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However, even a lot of prostitutes think that the sex-ploitation of the populace has been destructive to a lot of honorable, fulfilling, meaningful, enriched, and splendid relationships in marriage.
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The oligarchy is gleeful at their successes in such regards because they are determined to utterly destroy the family. They recognize the family as antithetical, a risk & threat to their tyrannical !!!!CONTROL!!!! cradle to grave government of the serfs and slaves. All the more so when it is a Christian family who's top authority is God instead of the government or God's opposition.
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You, of course, may consider it a form of prostitution if that's what your thinking concludes.
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I just don't think that conclusion shows very much thoughtfulness, rational analysis or solid research into the very real factors involved.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Yeah, would Donald Trump have a model wife if he were poor? Anyways I wasn't insightful enough to see that, a woman told me that once and I happen to agree with it.

a reply to: SpecialSauce

Actually, I've known more poor model--as in ideal--particularly relationally--wives than I have rich ones.

Quality of character and quality of relationships--both are often forged in the furnace of affliction.

Humility is one requirement. The rich seem to have that in short supply.

originally posted by: SpecialSauce
a reply to: BO XIAN

Yeah, would Donald Trump would have a model wife if he were poor? Anyways I wasn't insightful enough to see that, a woman told me that once and I happen to agree with it.

What does being a model have to do with having a good marriage????

I've known some models, I was myself for a time - and there is no more promise of peace with a model then with a woman who isn't (maybe even less).

I don't think efforts at good communication will make a woman more beautiful physically,
but it could make her behave much more beautifully and kindly......
But I guess some care more about the appearence than the personality and behavior?
The appearence might matter most when you are first dating, but when you spend years with the person, 24 hours a day, it can fail to make up for a nasty exchange of communication all the time...

a reply to: Bluesma

Maybe I misconstrued the post I was replying to.

When I used "model" I was meaning ideal--particularly in terms of relationship variables and behaviors e.g. communication, humility, appropriate selflessness, kindness, thoughtfulness etc.

I think I've always looked more at a woman's inner qualities than her bazoobies . . . at her eyes more than her rear.

originally posted by: BO XIAN
a reply to: Bluesma

Maybe I misconstrued the post I was replying to.

When I used "model" I was meaning ideal--particularly in terms of relationship variables and behaviors e.g. communication, humility, appropriate selflessness, kindness, thoughtfulness etc.

I think I've always looked more at a woman's inner qualities than her bazoobies . . . at her eyes more than her rear.

I wasn't referencing what you said, the other person was refering to Trumps "model wife" being with him because he was rich. She is literally a model, as in career, and nobody knows anything else about her character.

But for that matter, a man being rich can be important at the beginning stages of dating, but even wealth doesn't make up for a nasty character over time!
Those kinds of comments usually give away the speakers lack of experience in long term relations and marriage.

a reply to: Bluesma

I think your comments are spot on. I particularly liked this sentence:

Those kinds of comments usually give away the speakers lack of experience in long term relations and marriage.

There's a ton of that in evidence on ATS on thread after thread. The degree of ignorance and inexperience in such matters . . . and the degree of an utter lack of perceptive, thoughtful, critical thinking is frightfully astounding.

Merci for your kind posts. It's refreshing to read someone with some mature insightfulness in their perspectives.

Why is it always the men's fault? It's like almost damn near every relationship advice column blames the man...

No! Screw that noise!!!

a reply to: EternalSolace

I've noticed this too and see a lot on Aussie media. I always thought it was 50/50. Emotions, children, allegations, possessions etc. But!!! read the threads.

I have a 'lucky wife' who denounces this stuff. We're equal and still there are those who ram misrepresentation down our throats. 'We laugh at it".

Love my kids, all 7 of them.

Kind regards,

Bally

a reply to: EternalSolace

Women with significant attachment problems bring plenty of trouble into a marriage, too.

Typically, as a therapist, I found that more women were more often more willing to take some responsibility than men were for THEIR RESPECTIVE parts of the problem.

That's a big reason why I hit men about it as often as I do.

I quite agree that the male bashing; emasculating of men etc. etc. etc. so rife in our culture is a huge pile of horse biscuits.

originally posted by: EternalSolace
Why is it always the men's fault? It's like almost damn near every relationship advice column blames the man...

No! Screw that noise!!!

There is also an article for women, and it repeats many times that relationship problems are not more mens faults than womens. The OP addressed that too. He is a man, so naturally, finds more interest in the advice for men.

Women also, look around for ideas and advice on relationship issues, and share it with each other.
It is normal for humans in general to look for solutions and ideas to help them in various endeavors of life- it doesn't say they are at fault (and no one else is). The smart people of both genders keep their minds open to learning and progressing all the time.

a reply to: Bluesma

Well said.

I'm just used to women having to pull teeth--get an act of congress--to get a man into therapy for their relationship.

And too often, once in therapy, a man will tend to sabotage the process and bail out on it at the earliest excuse. A lot of these REALLLL TOUGH!!! SUPERMEN turn into wimps, tuck tail and run away when they are in a situation where they can't bluster and intimidate out of it--to avoid taking responsibility for relationship poo. It gets old. Certainly it gets old for the woman who is likely quite willing to learn more about correcting her own destructive habits and move on in the relationship.

But hubby won't have it. Too often, he can't/won't bear the challenge of humbly admitting his part and learning to correct it. The selfishness pride issues are tough enough to deal with. When the guy refuses to even acknowledge and face them it's all the harder to impossible. I understand the causes of all that but understanding alone doesn't fix it.

That sort of pride issue can cause devastations in other family relationships, too.

A couple once brought a wealthy Taiwan industrialist to see me. He was somewhat desperate. He had a very crazy adult son. I never saw the son. He appeared to act psychotic occasionally but he mostly sounded very very very angry at the father. And, at times, he could be suicidal.

Once the son took some marble chairs--right--real stone marble chairs--from their penthouse patio 17 stories high--he took at least one of the chairs to the edge of the building and pushed it off. Thankfully it didn't hit anyone on the sidewalk below.

I told the dad that he had one chance to bridge the gap with his son--but that I didn't think he'd be up to the challenge. I told him he'd have to lay aside his pride and do everything he possibly could to break through and connect to his son. He wasn't willing to do that. THAT'S the level of challenge with many men. I don't recall if the son ever went through with suicide, or not.

A lot of men like to equate pride with self-worth, self-respect, self-esteem. Those things are real but they are not the same as pride/arrogance. It takes a real strong and inner-tall man to stand up and humbly admit fault, wrong. THEN progress can be made.

Yes, many women are the same. But most women really want a relationship to work--down under all their poo, they really want a relationship to work. They may sabotage it up one side and down the other every day--but in their heart of hearts, they want it to work.

Your list misses out the top two reasons:

1) Hookers.

2) Blow.

a reply to: Painterz

Perhaps for a percentage of those fixated below their belts.

Some men realize there's more to life than a few seconds of orgasm.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Any chance we can get a list for the opposite sex as well?