My tumour is now untreatable -- RIP our beloved friend: August 11, 2016 --

I made a thread about 2 years ago about giving up treatment for my brain tumour, well I stuck with it for another 18 months spending most of /015 in hospital. I had two more brain surgeries and a course of radiotherapy. I made it long enough to see my niece born, which was the happiest day of my life, she's a little stunner and brought so much joy to my family. However in April I started to grow a large lump on the side of my head it seems the tumour I had which was a glioblastoma has mutated into a glio sarcoma. Which is like the gbm but worse in that it can metastasise around the body, hence the lump on the head. I had it removed in April and it returned in 2 weeks. So I was back in hospital last week, but my surgeon said even if he got all of the tumour out there would always be a few cells left which would grow back in a few weeks, so he wanted to pass it back to oncology. Problem is it's such a rare tumour that there is no designated chemo. They usually treat it like the gbm that I've had since 2007. Now the chemo no longer works I've had it so many times. So I'm back home now, just trying to make sure I'm as pain free as possible. I haven't given up, but realise I've been lucky to survive a grade 4 brain tumour for so long, it was only a matter of time until the inevitable. It's located in the eloquent area of the brain which controls speech and motor function. I've already noticed a significant weakness in my hand and foot, but no other recogniseable symptoms. I've been in this situation a few times now including a brain hemorrhage in 2014. I've kind of got used to the disappointment and fear. I'm just making sure I'm in as little pain as possible and as comfortable as I can get. I've found my meditation has helped a lot over the years, but there's only so much it can help with. I've had so much support from members of ats. I won't name names you know who you are. It really has been quite touching, never thought I would have developed such close relationships via ats and Facebook messenger. I don't know how long I've got, but seeing as there's no treatment availability I don't think I'll have long. The tumour is so rare that it makes up a tiny proportion of brain tumours, so not much research has been done. It's in the brain so couldn't really spread to a worse region of the brain. I'm not in pain yet and I don't wNt to go to a hospice. So am going to try and manage pain best as I can through support from local hospice and local Drs who've said they will make sure I don't suffer any pain. It's so hard talkin about it, so I don't expect any one to know what to say. I find it hard enough talking to close friends and family. No words seem to come out or sound right. I will keep fighting to the bitter end and intend to meet my death in as concious a state as possible. You only get one opportunity to experience it. Whether that will be possible who knows. I'm gonna stay on ats while I still can, so sorry if I'm a bit narky with some people or don't take your threads as seriously as you want me too, but we are all a mixed bunch on ats going through our own personal struggles.

Look after your health and make the most of your lives while you can, follow your dreams, enjoy your families they will always be there for you and have proved to be the most important thing in my life. and don't let anyone hold you back. If you can walk and talk you can achieve anything you want. I could state more cliches, but I imagine I've used up my quota for ats. No need to respond I just wanted to get it off my chest, rather than derail others threads sorry lysergic.

a reply to: woodwardjnr

There are no words. Although I do not know you, I feel so sad reading this. I wish you everything you wish for yourself x

I don't really know what to say other than I have always enjoyed you being here and posting. My mod self and well before that. You seem to be handling this with a dignity that I can not even imagine.

I am sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. I could go on but it would be filling space with things I am sure you have heard before because I am just at a loss for anything more eloquent.

I hope you are around for far longer than you or your doctors think. You matter.

You do.

Thoughts and prayers (if that is acceptable) to you and yours from me and mine.

Pump yourself full of CBD oil and ginger extracts and call me in the morning. No really though best of luck to you and by all means party like it's 1999.

a reply to: woodwardjnr

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a reply to: woodwardjnr

I will keep fighting to the bitter end and intend to meet my death in as concious a state as possible. You only get one opportunity to experience it. Whether that will be possible who knows. I'm gonna stay on ats while I still can, so sorry if I'm a bit narky with some people or don't take your threads as seriously as you want me too, but we are all a mixed bunch on ats going through our own personal struggles.

Captain Wisdom Award

We often forget that there are beating hearts and emotions behind the words on our screens. If your post teaches one thing, it's that people should try harder to be nicer because none of us know what goes on in their lives.

I've never really got into the Alan Watts thing. Will you post one that makes the most sense to you?

a reply to: woodwardjnr

There is nothing to add that can possibly help. You are a huge part of ATS to me, I always enjoy reading what you have to say. Keep saying it.
It is so unfair that you have to suffer any pain at all and I wish there was something that we could do here to take that away for you.
Like the others above, I hope you keep on fighting this and surprise everyone yet again.

Thinking of you and your family right now.

B x

originally posted by: stabstab
Pump yourself full of CBD oil and ginger extracts and call me in the morning. No really though best of luck to you and by all means party like it's 1999.

I'm on the old ginger and cod extract. I'm finding my meditation helpful too

Thanks

a reply to: woodwardjnr

Forgot to add that you should consume lots of Vit C and curse the world of medical science. Apparently, that'll do the trick.

I therefore prescribe two Ribenas for breakfast and 10 posts per day on Natural News.

We'll have you up and at 'em in no time.

a reply to: woodwardjnr

Crikey mate!!! All our love and best wishes to you.

Sincere regards as always,

Bally

a reply to: woodwardjnr

Woodward I salute you and the battle that you have fought.

Even though this dreaded disease is in your speech and motor function you have continued to speak eloquently and with genuine courage about your ordeal. You give wise advice and it truly is a blessing that you have gotten the years to reflect and see your niece come into the world!

My words stem from my beliefs so take them for what they are.

I believe that we are much more than the condensed version of consciousness we came to this realm to learn and grow in.

I believe there that we go through the experiences individually and collectively that are a part of our path back to remembering the aspects we have forgotten.

I believe that life and death are two sides of a coin that infinitely flips.

I believe that you have been a blessing in all those who have had the good fortune of getting to know you.

In my life I have lost more than one family member to this tragic disease, but I also believe that they had lessons to teach all of us that have had to go through the suffering of losing one we hold so dear.

I do not know what it is like to be facing your own mortality, but I understand your level of wisdom to understand that you intend to meet death in as conscious of a state as possible.

I am currently working on putting together a practice that will seek to help those approaching death to do so without fear. We go through our lives acquiring so much fear, regret, and anger and as I have observed, these are the very things that people process once they are no longer given the luxury of hope. I have also observed that as you move through these false perceptions, you are inevitably brought back to faith, given the right circumstances.

I have been compiling my own ideas as to what can help someone as they are entering hospice and I would like to recommend some of them to you.

A. Acupressure to clear the energetic meridian system
B. Singing Bowl ceremony to harmonize you cellular body through frequency.
C. Aromatherapy to bring peace of mind through the power of scent.
D. Reiki, Massage, Cranial Sacral work.

Given the kind of individual I believe you too be, I imagine that you will have family with you through this difficult time and I have given thought as to how to help families going through what we all eventually go through and I hope that you are able to speak with them about your thoughts on death.

It is such an important time to discuss the reality of what we all face. We have the opportunity to cry together, be angry, process the emotions together and face mortality with a light and not darkness. Celebrate your life and your relationships, honor the love that you have and the sorrow separation brings, but understand that we are never truly separate.

I am always recommending books and Conversations with God is an amazing story. To me it is a conversation between the author (ego) and his higher self (god) This book may help your family and friends at least those open to such material and perhaps yourself as well. I apologize about the lengthy reply, as I said these are just my beliefs and I hope to help people facing what you are.

Sending you love and blessings. We may not have ever met, but we are from the same source and we will meet again!

Oh I also strongly recommend this documentary, I believe it to be a part of the cosmic giggle of the universe that our brain creates such a powerful molecule. I call it the freebie blast off from God!

a reply to: woodwardjnr

You're an amazing person with strong conviction, you've been through hell and back. Ever since that thread you mention I have come to appreciate your wisdom, especially in philosophical matters and although we have differing opinions on certain subjects, I have an immense amount of respect for you Woody.

Thanks for sharing what is essentially very personal thoughts.

originally posted by: woodwardjnr
I'm not in pain yet and I don't wNt to go to a hospice. So am going to try and manage pain best as I can through support from local hospice and local Drs who've said they will make sure I don't suffer any pain.

Yeah man, dont suffer out of principle, if you need a bit of candy, dont deny it..this is the worst part of life.

So, death..scary given it is a unknown. I mean, we know what happens to the meat, but you know what I am discussing here. I, an agnostic, constantly consider the outcome. I once wrote a story (and ultimately why for decades I am highly intrigued with paranormal) on here...basically my ghost stories..the main ones anyhow.
If it interests you at all, you can skim it here: My Ghost stuff
I continue to explore and consider..I have found some videos that even though kicks my skeptic mind up, seems to hold a very unique truth. I wont offer them forward unless you are interested though, I imagine you are getting more happy feels than you care to at this point...and you are if anything, wanting strong evidence more than antedotal discussions.
I will say only thing...and this is strictly from repeated personal experience and consideration...there...seems to be..something more going on. I dont say that lightly, nor do I demand this to be true. just, after a lot of skepticism, seeking, experiencing, and solid evidence, I am convinced that what we are aware of seems to be limited compared to what the reality is.

Anyhow, enough on that. At least you wont have to see the inevitable President Miley Cyrus...
...I just depressed myself.

Fight until you cant fight anymore, then rest knowing that you mattered, you will be remembered, missed, loved, and beers drunk in your honor..and with a touch of luck, there is a round 2 waiting for you in a far less broken state.

a reply to: woodwardjnr

Thanks for the update mate , although not the news any of us wanted to read I commend you for putting it here and keeping us in the loop.

I'm not going to use any cliches I just want you to know that there are people you've inspired through your battles with this tumour and the bravery you've displayed.
For what is's worth you are in my/ our thoughts , keep on keeping on mate.

a reply to: woodwardjnr

Very sorry to hear wwj ...

I draw strenghth from your positive calm demeanor in the face of your own mortality ...

Palliative care is great but surely now is the time to smash as many crackpot cures as well as those with
some weight in anecdotal positive feedback.

I lost a Son to leukaemia many years ago. The moment the Dr's told me that there was nothing more they could offer ... I explored alternatives.

It was unfortunately too late.

But as long as your arse points to the ground you still have hope !!

Thoughts with you ATS brother !

I will keep fighting to the bitter end

4 year fighter and stubborn old goat here. Drop the "bitter end" part and "keep on keepin on"
Peace to you.

a reply to: woodwardjnr

Had no idea you were going through this but I know your Blue Owl well having read your comments.

Very sad reading this but so admire the fight you have put up and only wish I might have that strength if its needed.
Our very best wishes to you and your family.

Thank you for the advice you have given here its good to be reminded as you have done to us all to enjoy life and not worry about it too much. Shiloh.

a reply to: woodwardjnr

Had no idea you were going through this but I know your Blue Owl well having read your comments.

Very sad reading this but so admire the fight you have put up and only wish I might have that strength if its needed.
Our very best wishes to you and your family.

Thank you for the advice you have given here its good to be reminded as you have done to us all to enjoy life and not worry about it too much. Shiloh.

originally posted by: elementalgrove
I believe that we are much more than the condensed version of consciousness we came to this realm to learn and grow in.

ok, so even if this is true, and to be honest, I kind of suspect it is just from some pretty intense experiences, but even if true, the persona here, however small by comparison, has to be mourned and honored. Woody is part of earth, part of us..and once he is gone, even if he literally just wakes up and realizes his body was just some old meat he was playing in, it still matters..that ID Woody wont be back here again, and that kinda sucks no matter what the reality is.

...hell, if there is reincarnation, he is gonna have to deal with puberty again...and tween boybands.
That right there is tragic

I do not know what it is like to be facing your own mortality,

The only difference between his death and yours or mine is that he has a arbitrary number at the top end..we may die tonight, hell, he may outlive everyone on ats..(unlikely, but rapture might happen and only he was lacking). Point is, we all are facing our own mortality..he is just blessed (cursed?) with having a slightly firm timeframe on it...that allows him to care less about abstract politeness and social norms and instead react based on emotions.