My Mother

This is going to be really personal. I'm probably going to regret it and feel embarrassed later. Anyway..

My mom has always been neurotic; we have always clashed. However, now, it has suddenly become mind-blowingly apparent.

She has been disabled for almost a decade now. She has always been a pretty straight person. She didn't smoke, drink, or anything worse. She's always been a Christian. But now, ever since she was injured, she has become addicted to pain medication. I am aware that that happens when one has been on them for a period of time.

During the first few years of this, she would share them with my older brother. Then, they started to come up missing. My brother blamed it on me and I think that my mom probably believed him for a while. By the way, I don't do drugs. She knows now that I never took them. So, my brother had starting stealing them which lasted for years. She eventually called the cops on him and he went to jail, rehab, etc. During this time they were still VERY close still. He eventually got on disability because he's "disabled". He claims he's schizophrenic but he's also extremely lazy. So he has lived in his own place for about 3 years now. My mom and him see each other usually daily. During this whole time, my brother often begs and cries for her pills. He's done a lot of damage. Yet they are still BFFs and he can do no wrong.

He has graduated to (I don't know if I can say it on here so..I'll say the drug that is portrayed a lot in the show 'Breaking Bad'.) He has overdosed and come very close to death several times.

My mom goes through her medication faster than she gets it. She goes through withdrawal regularly. This is in part from passing them out like candy to my brother and his awesome head friends. She has increasingly starting being at his place and hanging with him and his friends.

This last withdrawal, she has said she is considering doing heavier, previously mentioned drugs. She said she hasn't but since this whole thing started, she has become a definite liar.

She had a possible stroke a couple of months ago. Since then, she has seemed like her "normal" self up until recently.

I live with her. I have not always but I moved back here a few years ago. She has always thrown a pity party saying that she needs me and doesn't want me to leave. So, my boyfriend and I wanted to live with each other. He just moved in here with me and he pays rent and helps out in a ton of ways. For the first couple months she was so nice to us.

Last week I asked her to do something with all of my brother's crap that has been sitting in this house untouched. I am still working on cleaning his old bedroom. It was unhumanly filthy. The entire floor was essentially his trash can. Anyway, the next day, she pounds on my door and lunges at me, knocking me to the ground. She then proceeded to start punching me. I just lay there because it doesn't really hurt. I know that she wanted me to hit her for some reason. I didn't though. My boyfriend pulled her off of me. She immediately asked him to help her up and he kind of looked at her like she was nuts. In like two seconds she starts cussing him out and getting mad at him.

Later, she apologized to me. She apologized to my bf yesterday. Then, she started telling him that I'm a bad person and when he didn't trash talk me back, she flipped out. She told us we have to get out NOW and blah blah blah. She then started hitting my boyfriend! She hit him in the head with a pan! I am in utter shock at this insane behavior! She keeps fluctuating back and forth, though. My bf is now so stressed out that him and I are now probably done. He's acting weird too and it's making me question, "Is it me?".

I just can't wrap my head around all of this. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone.

I can't just up and leave. I have several animals that I would never even consider getting rid of.

I just wish everyone would calm down but it doesn't seem to be something that is going to end. Has anyone experienced things like this? I don't know what to do.

Also, her hypocrisy is infuriating. She often tells me that God is not happy with me and bad things will happen to me. Meanwhile, she lies, gossips, and curses like a sailor as of late. Grr

a reply to: paperdoll

Move out.

Get out of there NOW!

You can not help at this time. You and your BF need to take care of and protect yourselves. I had a friend in much the same situation, he woke up just in time to keep from having a knife in his gut. He had been staying and trying to help, but realized he had to take care of himself and his GF.

Check with your local addiction and mental health, and Al-anon for support.

Good luck.

a reply to: MagnaCarta2015

Also report the abuse to the police. If she is abusing her meds, tell her doctor as well.

Borderline Personality Disorder? - Maybe? I am married to one and things can get very confusing around here at the drop of a hat! Or it could be withdrawals like you mention earlier. Withdrawal symptoms will make you act irrational and angry.

Sorry you have to deal with this, I can relate somewhat.

Yep. You need to call the cops on her and your brother, and you need to find a way out now. Sounds tough, but if you don't, you will be dragged down to their level eventually and your life will be ruined forever.

Get out now.

Get. Out. Now.

From the sound of it, it's only going to get worse and someday, she may decide she needs a gun. You do not want to be there when/if that happens. If she's so far gone as to attack you and you BF for no reason, you are in more danger than you realize.
Get. Out. Now.
I mean Now
Start packing and don't look back.

My @$&& manager had several episodes like this (math addicted bipolar)

One of my biggest regrets is not calling cops or who ever the people are that come an evaluate the person if they need to be submitted

Still alive kiddin one thing I always believed no matter how much you give advice to people they do their own thing, verbal advice means nothing till a strong enough voice snaps you out of it, I hope someone comes and not "advices" you but "makes" you do the right thing. Some people around you are a waste of breath but you will make excuses for them for what ever reasons till and if someone shows you better

I can't do the grammar check sorry

Pay attention to what people are telling you here. Get out. You're a co-dependent and you are NOT helping.

a reply to: paperdoll

Mental hospital/rehab/hospital/retirement home?

I understand it is so difficult because it is family, particularly the closest of family; but you need to when she is cognizant, pretty much read this exact opening post thread, and all these replies to her, and tell her that you need to focus and care about your own life; she is older than you and had her shot at making a stable life; accidental tragedy occurred which was not your fault, but regardless you have helped her anyway, not to mention her life sounds like it is nothing more than a continual drug binge, she might as well be hooked up to virtual reality goggles that are never taken off; and I know this is disrespectful and harsh and there is an unquantifiable natural love for ones mother, but it is disgusting and despicable to witness a good willed and mannered innocent person such as your self suffer at the hands of what appears to be incoherent drug addled derangement.

I would really recommend, reading your opening post to her, not showing the thread, because that may make her very upset that you went behind her back and talked to strangers... though it is all anonymous, and maybe it is medicine she deserves to be ashamed.

But yes, also contact professional help and tell them what you told us.

Addicts are selfish, manipulative liars. There is only one priority in their life and that's their next fix.

You will never take the place of the drug - you're always going to come second, if that.

I appreciate the difficulties but, please, do everything in your power to get yourself and your animals away even if your boyfriend takes off.

Although if he sees that you are serious about moving out asap perhaps he will stay to help.

But you do have to get out or, by the time you eventually get your life back, there will be very little of you left to enjoy it. Living with an addict will take a terrible toll. Take it from one who knows.

a reply to: paperdoll

Hate to say it, but if I were in your situation, I would get the heck out and not look back. In fact, I'd probably just drop all contact with that side of the family and move myself to somewhere they can't follow.

And this will sound harsh coming from a pet owner...but you need to think of yourself first. Granted, I would do my best to take my cat with me wherever I go, but if it there was no way that she could come with me, then I'd have to give her to a friend or someone I know will take care of her until I am able to come for her.

Assuming you and your bf are still together as of this - between the two of you is there enough money to cover a basic apartment or a rent a house? If yes, then don't waste time - get out before it gets worse.

-fossilera

a reply to: paperdoll

I have to say it, too. You and your bf must get out with your animals. All of you are in serious danger. You must report what is happening because your mother and brother are completely out of control (these drugs completely take over people's personalities) and it will take serious intervention to prevent something worse happening.

I'm terribly sorry you are going through this but please, take heed of what people are saying to you in this thread. People care.

You were worried about leaving your pets behind, but there are places that allow pets. Everyone here has given you good advice. I think you know they are right and just needed validation. I wish you all the best Sweetheart. Please keep us updated or we will worry about you and wonder what happened to you.

Has anyone heard from paperdoll?
I'm starting to worry.

originally posted by: LamontCranston
Has anyone heard from paperdoll?
I'm starting to worry.

Her last post was in another thread posted May 3rd.

a reply to: Night Star

Thanks for the update.

I know how you feel.

I grew up with a stepmother exactly like this. Moving out wasn't an option back when, as I was a minor, but if you're old enough, anywhere is better than there. I know it's hard, and I know you're looking in every direction for any other solution, anything that doesn't involve cutting ties and severing a family connection, but when it becomes toxic to the point where your own personal happiness is no longer possible, when fulfillment and happiness starts to look like some far off pipe dream, it's time for a change.

If you have a job, or if your bf has one, both of you make a plan to save up enough for a deposit in an apartment somewhere else. There are plenty of people who will take good care of your pets, and if all else fails, lying to your landlord about having pets wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

You need to make a plan, and you need to sever the vein that connects you to the toxic blood.

I'm sorry, it's the worst feeling in the world, but there is no other option.

Good luck,