How To Turn Around A Damaged Relationship

originally posted by: Skywatcher2011

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: Skywatcher2011

It's not the money. It's the couple's willingness to work through it.

We've had our share of bad money times, and it just takes an understanding that the money is the money. You have to work on your priorities.

But is suppose if you place money on a pedestal and can't agree on things, then it will ruin your life. You can't be too materialistic and start chalking up who bought what for whom or you will go nuts.

Times and views are different for the Gen X/Y and Millenials...in today's age and economy it all comes down to money. Like it or not...lack of money TODAY ruins relationships. Everyone expects instant gratification these days. The days of past romancing ways are OVER. We all live very busy lives...and making money to support a healthy relationship is very important. Otherwise, a couple living together in a cardboard box is probably the way to go if money not an issue.

Again though, this is not the money. This is the problem of the people involved. If you are not willing to compromise and put the needs of the other person ahead of your own and understand that it isn't just you anymore but you and your partner ... well, of course, you're going to have problems. And that goes for both parties.

Marriage is about partnership as much as anything else, and you can't be a partner if everything is instantly and always about you and what you want and you are ready to give up on it just as soon as you can't instantly get it anymore.

If the kids have grown up to expect that, then I worry about my son's future and his ability to ever find a real partner for his life because he's growing up with a good example right in front of him. I hope he can find someone who was raised to think same herself.

originally posted by: ketsuko
Again though, this is not the money. This is the problem of the people involved. If you are not willing to compromise and put the needs of the other person ahead of your own and understand that it isn't just you anymore but you and your partner ... well, of course, you're going to have problems. And that goes for both parties.

ABSOLUTELY INDEED.

I just think that soooooo many folks are

1. desperately insecure, prone to instant gratification etc. etc. etc. because of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), that they don't know any other way to be . . . ditto for their parents.

2. Sure, they COULD say that various ideals in various spiritual documents are a better way to live--as a kind of intellectual affirmation in a crude meaning of intellectual--but to save their lives or their relationship--they cannot figure out how to 'get there' from where they are--and that's AFTER the huge task of truly realizing that they NEED to 'get there' for their individual sake as well as for the relationship's sake.

3. Compromise is a fairly high order sort of transaction between individuals. And those who still feel primarily a deficit and a huge bottomless pit of NEEDINESS are not great candidates for compromising with much of anyone.

Marriage is about partnership as much as anything else, and you can't be a partner if everything is instantly and always about you and what you want and you are ready to give up on it just as soon as you can't instantly get it anymore.

I think there's two huge strikes against that:

1. attachment issues.
2. The oligarchy has engineered a full court press fostering the "ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!" mentality from Hollyweed to colleges & universities, to politicos etc. etc.

So, they not only have a gaping bottomless pit of neediness from the first 8 years of life--they have every media institution and ignorant type of pseudo-psychology from TPTB telling them they have a RIGHT to !!!DEMAND!!! every right they can fantasize exists--regardless of who they step on to get it.

OF COURSE it's designed to fracture and shred the 'old order' and old values. That's their goal. They want chaos and destruction to reign--particularly socially.

Besides, they ultimately want the State to raise the kids and to have, essentially, no families. They want to anesthetize the individualized and fractured remaining serfs and slaves with drugs and rampant sex to make them easier to control in their bleak jobs and bleak housing with virtually no Bill of Rights.

If the kids have grown up to expect that, then I worry about my son's future and his ability to ever find a real partner for his life because he's growing up with a good example right in front of him. I hope he can find someone who was raised to think same herself.

INDEED. I'd be concerned, too. I almost wonder if we'll go back to arranged marriages contracted when the kids are small.

The oligarchy KNOWS--they've talked about it somewhat openly--they KNOW that seriously RAD afflicted individuals are seriously brain damaged (MRI'S SHOW THAT) and are essentially of blunted, inadequate to no use to society in any dependable serious, sane sense.

I think the rush to legalize grass is partly to, again, anesthetize the serfs and slaves until they can get the depopulation machines going full force.

a reply to: ketsuko

If the kids have grown up to expect that, then I worry about my son's future and his ability to ever find a real partner for his life because he's growing up with a good example right in front of him. I hope he can find someone who was raised to think same herself.

Obviously you are not of the Gen x/y or millenial generation so I will speak on behalf of Gen X when I say there are a lot of ladies out there that live below life standards and will have no problems linking up with a man who works really hard for his bread. Problem is this: Our generation is worse off because of inflation of real estate property that happened over the past 40 years that the baby boom generation is now benefiting from!

Be it as it may, most young couples today have to work 2 to 3 jobs in order to make ends meet. I often work 7 days a week 10-12 hour days to be able to support myself and my small business. Odds are it is hard to find someone who doesn't see the fact that the next 20-30 years aren't going to be getting any easier so when you settle down with them, life is on hold and you both become poor working class citizens by the time you have kids with your partner.

Inflation and taxes is what is nailing every new generation...as well as a fast decline in well paying jobs. New immigration of people at low pay is driving good pay work force out. Groceries cost like 500% more than 20 years ago...I remember these subtle price changes.

Bottom line...money makes or breaks relationships...and the pressures of life's demand drives out to want to get above the hell hole working life and find happiness in both ourselves and others. Ideally our counter partner exists, but it is hard to find someone with same values these days because society and its culture has changed or evolved so much along with their respected national, and global, economy!

a reply to: Skywatcher2011

Powerful points.

Nevertheless, relationship glitches can add a lot of grief to an already hard life. And ways to overcome them can bring relief and a closer relationship of mutual fulfillment and emotionally and otherwise powerful mutual support.

Certainly the looming traumas ahead in our era are going to be wrenching. It will take all the togetherness and mutual support we can muster to survive--WITH God's help.

Fractured relationships and isolated individuals are going to fare much worse.

And having kids for some time to come looks like utter insanity to me. I can't imagine bringing a kid into this increasingly horrendous mess.

But at least, healing a couple's dynamics is worth doing. And I think the OP has some practical, useful, effective ways to do that.

Thanks for your thoughtful post.