Enjoying Intimacy: Encouragement for the Married Couple {from a Husband & Wife}

Enjoying Intimacy: Encouragement for the Married Couple [from a Husband & Wife]

from Club 31 Women: a passion for husband, home & family

Evidently Lisa Jacobson has a book coming out: 100 WAYS TO LOVE YOUR HUSBAND

and

Matthew Jacobson has a book coming out: 100 WAYS TO LOVE YOUR WIFE
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article link:

club31women.com...

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Yet here we are. Talking about IT.
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So why’s that? Because we can’t talk about a wonderful, rich marriage without it. Intimacy plays such a powerful role in marriage. It’s how God designed us to be: two souls…two bodies becoming one. As close as a man and a woman can be. A beautiful thing.
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I’ve asked God to give me a desire for my husband when I was going through a particularly difficult season in my life. I’ve asked for insight when we found ourselves struggling in a way we never had before. I’ve asked for strength when I was tired – and healing for when our relationship was hurting.
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Intimacy is worth investing in. Pray about it. Ask God to protect this area for you both. Make it a priority in your relationship which might mean you need to rest up and plan for it. And if you need help, then seek it out. But whatever you do – don’t give up and don’t ignore it. Love-making is a beautiful gift from God to be treasured.
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FOR THE HUSBANDS:

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She doesn’t mean ‘sex’ when she says she wants intimacy. But learn what she does mean and the intimacy you enjoy with her will often involve making love.
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So, what does she mean when she says the word ‘intimacy’? It’s pretty straightforward: She means EVERYTHING!
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Do you like math? Think of it this way: Intimacy = Everything
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She doesn’t mean ‘sex’ when she says she wants intimacy. But learn what she does mean and the intimacy you enjoy with her will often involve making love.

So, what does she mean when she says the word ‘intimacy’? It’s pretty straightforward: She means EVERYTHING!

Do you like math? Think of it this way: Intimacy = Everything
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Here are 5 Things you can do to develop the healthy habit of intimacy:
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This is one of the better articles I've read in a long time.

Yes, it appears to be written from the Christian perspective.

However, I believe couples serious about being closer and maintaining that closeness could learn a lot from this couple--regardless of their values orientation.

I think the points the couple makes are somewhat like a velvet covered brick--very solid and heavy hitting while being mostly gentle and warm and fuzzy.

There are also several links to other articles by them that appear to be very worthy, too--with some free printables--like:

"103 Words of Affirmation Every Husband Wants to Hear"

matthewljacobson.com...
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and

"102 Words of Affirmation Every Wife Wants to Hear"
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matthewljacobson.com...
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and

"101 Words of Affirmation Every Child Wants to Hear]
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matthewljacobson.com...
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and

"What does it Really Take to be a Family Man?"
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matthewljacobson.com...
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I think these 17 factoids are absolutely top level points of value to any genuine man serious about being the best father and husband he can be.
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"3 Things He Can't Live Without ~3 Things She Has to Have"
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matthewljacobson.com...
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He's got to have your respect. . . .
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He's got to have your loyalty. . . .
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He's got to have your body. . . .
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She has to be known and understood. . . .
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She has to be honored and admired. . . .
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She has to be convinced of your love.]/color] . . .
and

"5 Common Discipline Mistakes Every Parent Should Avoid"
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matthewljacobson.com...
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1. Disciplining in anger . . .
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2. Disciplining because of pride . . .
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3. Disciplining with continued condemnation after repentance . . .
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4. Disciplining to get a certain behavior outcome rather than winning the heart of your child . . .
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[I REALLY THINK THAT ONE IS VERY IMPORTANT. All of the 4 are, actually. But I see that one soooo neglected so routinely--it is super sad and results in a lot of unnecessary grief for all concern--as do the anger and pride ones.]
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and

"10 Relationship Killers Wise Couples Avoid"
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matthewljacobson.com...
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a reply to: BO XIAN

Works for a while. Decent read,

Kind regards,

Bally

originally posted by: bally001
a reply to: BO XIAN

THANKS for your kind reply.

Works for a while. Decent read,

Kind regards,

Bally

You imply it quits working after a while.

Is that what you meant?

IF SO,

Perhaps the working on it was more surface than in earnest.

Going through the shallow motions of doing it without earnestly applying one's heart, mind and soul to the tasks AND THE GOAL--will usually peter out far too soon, alright.

AND--it virtually--but not 100% always--it almost always requires BOTH PEOPLE to earnestly apply their efforts along the lines outlined. Sometimes one can do so for 3-6 months earnestly with great patience and a positive attitude and that will SOMETIMES eventually bring the other along. But there's no guarantee.

The significant degree of attachment disorder on the part of the one dragging their feet can continue to sabotage even the best efforts on the part of their partner. Sometimes, it's healthier to realize that the up-hill struggle is not likely to end and to evaluate the merits or lack of merits in continuing the struggle. Professional help is likely a wise thing to engage in, when the situation looks that long term troublesome.

a reply to: BO XIAN

I only clicked on the first article you linked and I have to say, if I were to change around some nouns, this sounds very similar to something I would have written.

Intimacy is a very spiritual experience to many people. And, like the article said, intimacy can be just about anything. People also tend to confuse sensuality with sexuality when defining what they really want.

I've been appreciating some of your recent threads that bring your religion into an everyday context. This is probably one of the best ways to allow people a glimpse into another person's beliefs.

a reply to: Abysha

Thanks for your kind reply.

I hope you're right. I think you are.

I just decided that with everyone shoving their harsh cow-pies down the throats of those of my perspective . . . it was long overdue time for us to merely be ourselves . . .

PREFERABLY as HEARABLY and pleasantly, constructively, lovingly as possible--but at least to stand up and be ourselves in fitting ways as is our reasonable and proper right. I do realize that there's a mentality that Christians should have no rights while everyone else should have all the rights. That's NOT my perspective. LOL.

And, I do believe that the richest relationships arise out of a philosophical foundation that gives durable support for a couple on the wild seas of life . . . or . . . amidst the massive quakes of changing values and cultural structures.

RELATIONSHIPS are one of the few things we have any hope of taking something positive and lasting with us--regardless of events and/or circumstances.

Thanks for your kind reply and words.

originally posted by: BO XIAN
a reply to: Abysha

And, I do believe that the richest relationships arise out of a philosophical foundation that gives durable support for a couple on the wild seas of life . . . or . . . amidst the massive quakes of changing values and cultural structures.

I want to point out that you said "quakes of changing values". In most conversations I have with Christians, they would say "quakes of eroding values". It seems you are open to more than one kind of "philosophical foundation", as long as it creates a rich relationship. That is a healthy mindset to start with if you are beginning a relationship.

Only you and whomever you are with can truly define it in the way that best allows for growth in all parties involved. As you navigate your relationships through this constant change, keep in mind that many of us are that change and we've been having to build relationships in spite of traditional views. It has been felt on both sides, for certain.


The only balance that can ever be struck here is to maintain (and allow others to maintain) your own definition of what feeds your soul and makes you content.

a reply to: Abysha

VERY WELL PUT. THANKS.

Certainly my own values and perspective are solidly based on what I've found most true and predictive of reality, in my life experience.

However, I have lived long enough to realize that others may have a foundation that is not chaotic; is not totally hollow and bankrupt; that is not totally ephemeral etc. It may be lacking in eternal factors according to my own foundation--but it is NOT my foundation--it is THEIR'S. And they have a right to THEIR'S.

I can at least respect that right and respect whatever IS GOOD in their foundation and the outflow from that foundation. That costs me nothing but being an honorable person, to begin with.

Thanks for your thoughtful and wise words.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Yes, I agree.

Kind regards,

bally

a reply to: bally001

Thanks for your gracious reply.

Have you tried any of the suggestions?

At the end of the day I don't want a relationship but its natural to have sex. I'm not sure where I stand because I am very much apathetic and cynical, I'm also quite a bit a loner and I'm only social when I have to be and I'm pretty good at it. The thing is, is that I only see it this way cause I had a bitch leave me I was supposed to marry while I was doing the marine corps infantry thing during a certain invasion of a middle.eastern country. I'm glad my buddies at home found some easy p*ssy. I have some very deep scars and issues and I don't think your 1,2,3 guide means or says # about real people, I think it more or less explains what people think its supposed to be.

a reply to: Brotherman

Sorry to hear about your griefs and pains. Bummer, for sure.

Thanks for your sacrifices as a Marine. Sigh.

Deep 'soul wounds' can take a huge amount of work and healing to be overcome. I know the hard way.

I disagree about the articles being about real people.

I don't recall posting a single article that felt or sounded inauthentic or unreal, to me. I've known the full continuum of people and their problems up close and personal for at least 45 years. And, I have had a life-long habit of boring quickly down to the nitty gritty and looking honestly at even the very painful realities.

Perhaps it is easier for you to label such articles and their points as unreal so you don't have to face the challenging possibility that you could enjoy a better life more free of ancient pain and suffering . . . with the implications about all the scary work that would likely entail.

Anyway--I wish there were a quick and easy way to relieve you of your deep painful angst. I just don't know of any that works reliable very often.

Sigh. I know you have lots of company.