10 yr marriage hit the dead bedroom syndrome 6 years ago...

a reply to: CoBaZ

I don't think I would ever post any marital-sexual problems online.
Once you post it,it is there forever.

a reply to: CoBaZ

Well, kudos for asking for advice. Shows you care about the relationship, and that's always a good start. Now, do the same at the doctor's office. I know that can be uncomfortable in person, but it's likely health-related, as many have stated, and very likely related to the diabetes. There are probably things you can try. Looking into any possible emotional issues isn't a bad idea, either. Stress can affect libido, and depression is also possible. Talk to your doctor, and your wife, and look for some solid solutions.

Very admirable, by the way, avoiding the porn; that doesn't help anyone, and can cause a host of other problems. If you have had alcohol issues, again, good job avoiding that! Really, too much could interfere, anyway.

You might work on some romantic date times or something as well, to help bring about "the mood" for you. Being close emotionally is always a big help. Some prayer sent, that you can find a solution. Hang in there!

a reply to: CoBaZ

That's rough man. It probably is even worse because I know you want to be there for your wife too and be able to at least provide some level of sexual attention for her. Even if it's not 3 times a day, at least a few or more times a week I'm sure would help.

I'm not sure what would work as far as getting you mentally back in the game as in actually improving your desire and all. But if it's just needing some lead in the pencil there is always Viagra. That would at least make it physically possible for you to do your part. At that point even though you may not have a strong desire for sex you would at least be able to do your part in satisfying your wife.

Other than that I think going to a doctor would be a good start.

Is there just zero desire at all for you??? Do you ever get aroused at anything at all??? Or is it just after the long relationship with your wife that you just don't have that spark anymore???

That's a tough spot though man. I feel for you. That must be a strain on your relationship in various ways.

originally posted by: mamabeth

I don't think I would ever post any marital-sexual problems online.
Once you post it,it is there forever.

It's shows courage though.

I think it's good that he's trying to figure this out too.

Anyone who would make fun of him for trying to solve this or whatever is just a A-hole anyway and should just be ignored. There is no shame in asking for help for something like this IMO. I think he should feel good about the fact that he cares enough about his relationship to want to solve this problem.

as always there's the duality of men and women.

when a woman loses her libido mid life, which is more common then in men, its the man's job to figure out what hes not doing right. conversely, or not really, when a man loses his mojo its also his job to find a way to spark things up.


maybe the problem is not you at all.
maybe its your partner who may subconsciously fail to spark your interesr.


glass is half full... or empty

a reply to: CoBaZ

let her sleep with other people!

a reply to: mOjOm

I wasn't meaning to sound harsh and I agree it took courage to seek
help online,I have done that here as well. My husband would be very
angry with me if I had discussed such a personal topic online.

a reply to: mamabeth

It was more a dry run for me to get the courage to broach the topic face to face with my doctor. I felt comfortable bringing up the main points here instead of a place like Reddit for a main reason, I been watching the Relationship forums here, and Honestly there are people that honestly give a damn on this site. The most common answer for similar problems on Reddit were along the type of Oh well it is over, throw in the towel, why don't you cheat or let her cheat type answers. Plus In all truth Mamabeth, other then my posting history no one here would know who I am in a crowded room, as far as anyone knew I could have been one of those Advanced AI's that everyone was/is/will be panicked about, the type that could pass for human posting online...

But the main reason Like I stated before If I could talk about it being somewhat Anon then I could find my self being more comfortable to talk about it face to face with my Doctor.

P.s. My wife was standing next to me when I first posted the OP and everything I said had to go though her filter first.

What a brave move, and well done for seeking help/advice here. As you say, it was a first (and very courageous) step.

Good to know that your wife supports you, and is at your side. Talk to her, seek medical advice as suggested and you will get through this.

a reply to: CoBaZ

originally posted by: mOjOm
a reply to: CoBaZ

Is there just zero desire at all for you??? Do you ever get aroused at anything at all??? Or is it just after the long relationship with your wife that you just don't have that spark anymore???

There is the will to want, the frustration about not being able to make her happy one of those the will is there the way is not things. Looking back until I started on the Glipizide I was about a once every month and half barring any pain issues last three months have been worse... Long relationship? Dude My goal is min 50 years, were only a 1/5 of the way there ROFL, hope to retire and tour the country in an RV with this woman, she is the only one I am interested in.

You are a one in a million kind of guy to recognize and even more care about pleasing your wife and then willing to listen and take steps towards that goal. Nothing to be ashamed of. Many good suggestions here by concerned ATSers. Being a diabetic too, I know full well it affects one emotionally as well as physically and the myriad of meds can also affect you differently-I am sure the answer is there. Best wishes-there is an answer as long as you care.

You mention pain issues.... are you on any opiate painkillers? Those can kill sex drive and make erections and climax extremely difficult to impossible.

Also doesn't your lady like you to chat with her ladyparts? It's much more fun when your in the mood but it can definitely still be done if you aren't!

a reply to: CoBaZ

Well, most likely it's the meds that have changed your body chemistry. But if you can't change those then you'll have to work around them.

Maybe try getting some toys or something too. There are many ways of pleasing your wife besides traditional intercourse. It can be a lot of fun too and might spark something in you too.

One thing for sure is you should communicate with her about it and let her know that you want to try and remedy the situation. Let her know that you understand the importance of it and that she shouldn't feel rejected or anything because you want the desire but for some reason your mind and body aren't working together on it. Letting her know that you're not just ignoring the problem I think will open up some ideas from her as well.

originally posted by: mamabeth
a reply to: mOjOm

I wasn't meaning to sound harsh and I agree it took courage to seek
help online,I have done that here as well. My husband would be very
angry with me if I had discussed such a personal topic online.

I know you weren't and you were just speaking for yourself. I just didn't want him to start thinking it wasn't a good idea. Because IMO screw the people on line who would actually make someone feel bad about themselves for trying to get help with a personal problem. I mean the social aspect of the internet is a great thing when used correctly. We should all want to help each other out. Especially in today's world where I think we could all use help now and then without having to go through hoops and doctors and specialists that require resources we don't always have.

We have the ability to communicate with each other anywhere at anytime now so why not use it to help each other if we can. Make the world a better place for us all.

I think that the OP has a very open way of communicating with his wife already - she checked the first post to see if it was ok with her. I think he is already communicating very well with her, and she is supportive in his seek for help.

And I think that the problem the OP has is a total lack of libido, which means he has no interest in any part of the sexual activity. I have spoken to diabetics who have similar libido issues and their description of how they felt was "If *insert name of any gorgeous, heart throb here* came in the room, I would offer her/him a cup of tea."



a reply to: mOjOm

a reply to: CoBaZ

I totally think that you are brave, too.

You can begin to handle this with some basic exercises to develop the legs and some herbs.

My post will likely be removed when I detail that.

Let me know, if you want to know.

originally posted by: Bybyots
a reply to: CoBaZ

I totally think that you are brave, too.

You can begin to handle this with some basic exercises to develop the legs and some herbs.

My post will likely be removed when I detail that.

Let me know, if you want to know.

Exorcise that is a good idea I think others have mentioned, as for Cannabis only in certain states is that available, and yes I have heard it is good for those with diabetes, I personally think you suggestion of it would fall under medicinal reasoning not recreational and thus should not be considered a bad thing for the reasoning you suggested, but from experience visiting relatives in cali and colorado, at least for me and my wife we can not stand the smell.

a reply to: CoBaZ

Understood.

I would only recommend that secondarily to Mucuna pruriens a.k.a. "Velvet Bean".

Primarily, I would suggest what you mention, lightly, as an aid to eroticism and connection on a scheduled basis.

Wanna know about the leg exercises?

Exorcise

Yeah: exercise with the intention to Exorcise.

That's it.

Don't get all concretized.

I did warn people long ago about my Stale toast Humor, and puns tend to be the largest part of it, so sorry about that full groan one...

ROFL.

I been doing Resistance band training to help with my legs and help stave off the Neuropathy, that is a side effect of diabetes. So the legs back and shoulders are covered.

Yes I am suppose to be on Lortab for pain Management but I take BC powder instead because I do not like falling asleep at work.

a reply to: CoBaZ

Good for you with the legs.

Why not bump it up to Tai Ji?

And the Maca?