I never had a girlfriend ..

originally posted by: Counterintelligence
This dude OP, sounds like an epic troll to me but there are 10's of millions of young men who are just like this...in Japan alone it's such a cultural shift that the government has gotten worried over the low birth rate..in the west it's been branded MGTOW (men going their own way) although MGTOW is supposed to be a voluntary abstention from serious relationships with women.

If you made a list of what you want in a woman and then made a list of what that type of woman might want in a man..you might figure out that most men want a woman of at least average looks..men don't care much about how much she earns or how smart she is. Yet an average looking woman, increasingly has a laundry list of unrealistic crap she expects from a man.

You may as well stick to the video games dude because trying to secure and maintain an average woman's interest is a demanding full time job..and as you have never have a job i don't think it wise to start your working life at the deep end.

There definitely is a lot of guys like us out there these days. I luckily am pretty content with my situation though.

Being autistic makes working and having romantic relationships extremely exhausting. I actually feel bad for working folks with families.

If you aren't at least 6 feet tall, ripped, have money and a nice car... well you are SOL brother.

a reply to: dude200181

Find passion in things around you. Do things you love to do and peeps will love you for it..

a reply to: purplemer

dude, I was going to recommend volunteering....you should work on making a friend or two before the girlfriend thing....breathing is really important for someone who has anxiety., we get stuck in shallow breathing the more anxiety we have...deep breathing can help too.

here is a link to breathing www.anxietycoach.com...

these 2 links are 2 things you can do, and you don't have to go anywhere or pay anything, but a place to start to head in the right direction and get the life you want


.....regular exercise is important too, it releases feel good endorphins.


here is a link www.youtube.com... it is a 2 hour isochronic anxiety relief...don't need headphones....the music and images are beautiful

if you keep telling yourself you will never have a girlfriend then it will be true you have programmed yourself to believe it and your behavior will reflect that.

every day when you get up think a positive thought....and also something positive about yourself, say these outloud to yourself ....even if you don't believe it, you are planting these positive seeds , in time they will sprout and replace the negative commentary in your head...

I am a somewhat introverted individual myself so I know the difficulty in engaging with other people that you mentioned.

Personally I can see my pitfalls and like many other members are saying you need to have some form of social interaction face to face with people. I wouldn't consider myself as someone with many friends but the ones I am fortunate enough to have are good ones I have known since I was in secondary school, if it wasn't for them I would be in a situation where I would be unable to meet and socialize with people due to my work and anxieties around new people.

So, you are aware of your problems - you would like to find a girlfriend and some close friends you can spend time with. Sadly there isn't a blueprint for making friends and finding a girlfriend but there are some steps to help you along the way.

First up, try and find a means of meeting new people. This will put you waaay out of your comfort zone and it may not be smooth sailing but the love of your life and friends you can chill with won't just come and knock at your door.

Do you have a hobby you enjoy or know of one you have always wanted to do? Find a group that is related to that in someway. Want to be a ninja? Find a martial arts group near by. Love to paint or draw? Great - Find an art class. Feel like you've got some majestic pipes on you? Join a choir, band or acapella group, or even go to a few karaoke nights. Basically, find something that interests you and go do it in a group environment. It wont be easy if you suffer from social anxiety but because you are doing something that interests you will make it much, much easier. After you have been there for a few weeks/months you will start to open up and people will be starting to get to know you, the REAL you. And I'm sure the real you is a very likeable person just waiting to get out there.

So what else could you try? Well how about work. Find a job that offers you some form of social interaction on a regular basis so you open up and are more comfortable around people. Even if it's a really #ty job you hate with crappy pay that you only do for 3 weeks, remember that you are doing something far more important than making money - you are helping yourself to overcome any social issues you may have and you are directly involving yourself with new people on a daily basis. Who knows, perhaps you will meet a co-worker that hates the job just as much as you do and a friendship starts from there. Perhaps the girl of your dreams works at a shop down the street and comes in for lunch everyday. You will never know unless you go out there and do it.

"But it was a disaster, 'X' happened then 'Y' and I never want to go back there because i am 'Z'"
Well Z, that may have been the case but just relax and try again tomorrow. It's natural to think like this but it's basically your mind going into lock-down mode and it is trying to get you to slip back into your old routines; it's what you know and it's what you're comfortable with. But we both know that just because it's comfortable it doesn't mean it's what's best for you.

So in short, go out, do something you enjoy/don't and meet friends/girlfriends along the way all while expanding your horizons and experiences.

Ha - no expert but the usual thing is find a job(know its tough), join a gym/club and try not to worry about it; things work themselves out (if you let them).

Don't obsess about it, women smell fear

Volunteer at a local animal shelter. Go build houses for peeps. Find a big woman who wants to mother you to death. Keep your nose in a book. Act all shy. Work w/computers. Or as a receptionist at a hotel. Act like you are to busy for anyone, and when some girl walks by and asks you something, look up and go "hmmm?" with a sweet but half disinterested smile. Or you can be like yourself.

a reply to: dude200181

First, the friend thing.... I was always very shy in high school, even those I hung out with joked when I finally said something. And that's ok...but it has taken decades for me to build self-confidence. What you can start out with is the Toastmasters club, which helps you build confidence as a public speaker. I had to do Power point Presentations for nearly every class when I went for my degree and it makes a difference. Try some social clubs like book reviews at savvy bookstores, try learning to dance... women love a man who can dance and there's tons of opportunity for social events there. It will boost your self confidence like you never would believe. Learn salsa, it's fun and flirty.
Ok, so in all that kind of stuff, you never know where you will meet an interesting woman who likes what you like. It can be an effort to get out of your shell but learn to make small talk. You never know when that cute girl in the movie line will think you are adorable. Women love humor but keep it light and fun. Just get out and do fun stuff.
You have to feel good about yourself and others will too. Love yourself and love women. Treat them well, take them to a movie, buy her coffee, open doors for her, be a gentleman, don't expect sex on the first date, don't make her wait 2 months before another date...that drives women nuts...let me give another piece of advice....what woman wants to be with a guy who gapes at every pretty woman who walks by....that's def a deal breaker...at least for me.
So does that help any?

originally posted by: dude200181
a reply to: Tiamat384 I live with my older brother who works and my mom they worry about money I just play videogames all day.

Yah you need to get motivated. Job first...everything else will at least move...

a reply to: dude200181

You're not missing much, I can assure you. Look around yourself -- at the increasing divorce, 72% in California alone -- at the global wars, WW3 looming on the horizon, the soaring unemployment, the global rise of homosexuality and sex-change operations, the drug barons, the craziness . . . and ask yourself if you'd want to bring a child into this. No, you're not missing much. I wouldn't give a nanosecond of concern to whether you have a 'girlfriend' or not. Hitching yourself to someone else only weakens you, makes you half a person, in my humble opinion, for what it's worth, just sayin'.

Talk about the things girls like, like pop stars and the like.

a reply to: CoinforCharon

Maybe, but he did say that he wanted "a girl."

Not to criticize, but do you have a taste in girls? Or just "uh girl"? I mean, I don't even know where to start. Blondes, no? Redheads? Just a chick. Ok. .. You have no sex drive. You aren't a priest, you just wake up and have nun. Lol.

I wonder what it does with you Dude,after eleven paged positivity comments from around the world , do you see that people still care ?

We have saying from where I'm coming from " There's a lid for every pot"

a reply to: 0bserver1

just want to say ,even if dude is a troll or made up this story....a lurker could read this thread and get get some helpful advice out of it....so not a waste of time...

a reply to: research100
True,...