Being Married To An Alcoholic... My First Rodeo

a reply to: YayMayorBee

I hope all is well.

Any updates?

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to give you all some updates. I don't want you guys to think I have abandoned you after all the wonderful support and advice.

After some hard work, conversations, and passage of time; im happy to report that things have done a complete 180 for the best.

I will begin where we left off (this is about 6 weeks ago now).

I had to convince her parents how bad things had gotten. They agreed to take her off my hands for about 2 full weeks. The 24 hour supervision did her extremely well in addition to letting me relax to put the house back together. I wont lie when I say the house was in shambles, both literally and figuratively.

Additionally, we found an addiction doctor which prescribed her Antibuse. There was much deliberation as to the risks associated with the medication but in the end, both her parents and myself decided it was worth the risks.

After 2 full weeks of constant supervision, intensive outpatient detox, anti-depressant medication (Wellburtin), and now Antibuse she came home a completely different person (actually her original self)

She has now been on the same program to recovery for about 6 total weeks, exercising regularly, proper diet and nutrition and looks like she is on a path to long-term recovery.

Both of us have decided to quit drinking completely; not just to aid her in her own recovery but I have decided alcohol no longer has a place in my life after seeing how it tears a person and their family apart.

Thanks again and I will try and pop on here to answer any additional questions/comments you all have.

Thank you very much for the update. I'm glad the news is so positive and wish you both well for the future.

I hope your post inspires others who have this sort of problem to get the professional help they need.

a reply to: YayMayorBee

I'm glad she's doing better and you both took drastic action to get her on the road to recovery. And that's great the house is put back together, in of itself that's frustrating when the home space is outta whack.

Smart move removing alcohol from the house as well; she doesn't need it and you don't care for it so no loss there.

Keep staying strong and all the best living the sober life together.

a reply to: YayMayorBee

Sounds like a good start!

Warning: Antibuse will only work if the person really wants to quit drinking.

I can't tell you how many alcoholics I've talked to who "got smart" and would time their medications to enable them to sneak drinks. They learned how long the drug stayed in their system and adjusted their dosages to allow for windows of drinking.

Now, even if you watch the person take the medication they may still go make themselves throw it back up when you're not watching.

Until the alcoholic has made a firm commitment to live the rest of their life alcohol-free, they will continue to bargain with themselves and weasel their way into finding opportunities to drink.

The alcoholic's mind has to be completely re-wired. Alcohol has to no longer be seen as something desirable or offering any kind of positive benefit. The alcoholic has to learn how to battle their "addictive voice".

This website is usefull It's a mini-crash course on AVRT (addictive voice recognition therapy). It can be used in combination with any other recovery efforts. If you aren't sure a few sniper bullets will kill addiction, why not break out the 12g shotgun and throw everything you have at it? Something will eventually hit its mark this way.

Out of the 30-40 or so people I knew when I entered recovery, I'd sadly say maybe 4-5 of them are still sober 2 years later.

Why?

Motivation.

The alcoholic's motivation has to come from within them. The alcoholic has to see and percieve a benefit from being sober and want so badly to be sober that they're willing to drastically rearrange and change their entire life and live that way for the rest of their life. It's not unlike deciding to cut off one hand and learning to cope without that hand for the rest of your life.

Far to often alcoholics won't cut off that metaphorical hand, and just "promise" to themselves and other that they'll "just not use that hand" and fail over and over...relapse after relapse. Each time that happens, it's usually worse in terms of psychological trauma and physical trauma.

HERE is Terry Gorski's AWARE questionaire for relapse risk. It's something I take every few months.

It's not perfect, but it does give some idea if you are making progress. Recovery isn't just about not drinking -- it's also about changing yourself internally. One's outlook on life has to change, their diet has to change, hobbies change -- hell, even someone's personality can change once they become sober.

Another thing you might want to keep in your toolbox is SMART Recovery. It is compatible with 12-step AA stuff, but also can be used as an alternative. If there aren't SMART meetings in your area, they have a chatroom and conduct online voice/text meetings. I've attended some and found them useful. SMART uses CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) that is grounded and based in SCIENCE, after many years and studies of addiction. It is secular and non-religious, if AA seems to turn you off. It can also be used WITH AA as another weapon though.

It's good you also decided to quit drinking ... you also might want to look into ALANON meetings to be put in touch with people like yourself that have had to live with and deal with an alcoholic in their lives. There's a lot of crazy and intense emotions around dealing with an alcoholic. There's anger, resentment, enabling, self-esteem issues...and you can't just bottle that stuff up and focus on the alcoholic in your life getting better. As they work on themselves, you also need to work on yourself.

Hope that helps...PM me anytime.

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a reply to: YayMayorBee

Wow, that s good news!
I am glad to hear that from you, and i am glad for both of you.

Hope things stay positive.

Stay aware though, fallbacks into addiction can happen faster than imagined. Mixed with Wellbutrin that would be horrible.

My best wishes to you both.