— Oy, gardener! Where is my husband?

Situation is this: as the death of Emperor Tiberius is announced soon after he passes away on Monday, 16th March, 37 AD, Jesus rises to the challenge and parades through Jerusalem as the new King of the Jews. Neither Rome nor Jerusalem thinks that is a good idea, so the story goes he is trialled both by the Sanhedrin (blasphemy) and Rome (high-treason), and crucified on Wednesday 18th March 37 AD, at the same day The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius's will and proclaims Caligula Roman Emperor, on Erev Pesach, the day before Passover and the first Sabbath during the feast of unleavened bread year 37 AD. Thursday 19th March 37 AD or 14th of Nisan, 3797, was Pesach I and a specially sacred Sabbath to the Jews, Sabbaths are not limited to Saturdays, first and last day of Passover are always (extra holy, special—) Sabbaths no matter which days they fall on (so the Church is wrong with the dating completely). As the prophecy says, Jesus stayed in the Sepulchre 3.5 days (and not a mere one-and-a-half-days as the Church wants it). Sundown Wed. 18th until Sunrise Sun. 22nd March is exactly 3.5 days, and everything makes sense with the death of Tiberius and how the crucifixion of Jesus would be about the last thing Pilate would do before he was called back to Rome and replaced by some other tosser.

Soon after Jesus is taken to the tomb, one of the first things on the to-do list would be to give the Jebus a close shave. Remember he is treated for excessive wounds to his scalp from the crown of thorns, a ruptured lung— and is generally a bloody mess from the lashings and beatings in front of the Sanhedrin and the angry mob, and with painful wounds in his hands and feet as well. Difficulties breathing while his collapsed lung is healing (which takes about 3 days and involves extracting blood and water from the chest), in a tomb where several Essene healers (they wore white clothes) worked on him for three and a half days, after which Jesus rose up and walked out of his grave.

Rosemary approaches the Sepulchre at Sunrise, Sunday morning 18th of Nisan (22nd March), Hebrew year 3797 (AD 37), which was Pesach IV and also 3rd day of Omer. Jesus is still not fully recovered, but he can walk and talk, so shaved and dressed in unfamiliar clothes, wearing gloves and boots and perhaps even a hat to hide his wounds, his appearance leads Rosemary to think he is The Gardener. In Hebrew the word Heb. בגוי «Bigway» means both Gardener and Husband, and this idiomatic link was also used for husbands (calling them gardeners), did Magdalen mistake Jesus with someone called Bigway? Had the gardener given his clothes to Jesus, since, after all, after the crucifixion the good lord was only in his boxers and a complete mess. A wife would call her husband Lord (ba'al means both lord and husband) and there is a classical Hebrew idiomatic link between husband and gardener (ex. the Eden Tale + Song of Solomon). And since he had had an encounter with Death, he would have to wait a month to celebrate Passover with bread and bitter herbs (special delayed Passover for people unclean from corpses Nu 9:10-11), which even makes Pentecost make perfect sense too, and since he had been as good as dead and had been in touch with Death in all ways possible, his own preaching said that the marriage between Jesus and Mary would have been cancelled, so in order to touch her again and go back to live with her, he would first have to recover properly and and then approach her father and ask for her hand. Again.

But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb, and as she wept she stooped to look into the tomb. And she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had lain, one at the head and one at the feet. They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.” Having said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?” Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.” Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned and said to him in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means Teacher). Jesus said to her, “Do not cling to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father; but go to my brothers and say to them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’” Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord”—and that he had said these things to her. [ESV] John 20:11-18

Jesus had threatened the Empire, challenged Death and lived to tell the tale. Only problem was he'd have to postpone Passover and Remarry Magdalen (pun intended). Wouldn't remarrying be alright if you happened to die and rise again and you'd simply remarry your half-widowed wife? If you read Jesus' preaching on remarriage, the whole gardener-scene of John 20 makes even more sense. Jesus said that only death would cancel a marriage, and if you died, you would have to remarry your then-widowed wife in order to embrace her.

Hebcal.com Calendar link year 37 AD
April 9th year 37 AD, less than a month away from Passover (or since Passover is celebrated around the equinox, Passover would have been celebrated one month later due to precession of the equinox) a great earthquake hit Antioch ==> en.wikipedia.org...
An earthquake that shook Antioch in AD 37 caused the emperor Caligula to send two senators to report on the condition of the city. ==> en.wikipedia.org...

Yeah cool imaginings
That doesn't explain why so many were prepared to die for this illusionary Man, story, myth.


Also calling Christ, Jebus indicates an unhealthy hostility towards Him and His followers

You have made this story up for no other reason than to cause disharmony and angst, kinda hilites your animosity
I can't think of a reason, logical reason for the hate, it must be illogical

All that and you make up a few dates to suit your story, but from where
Antioch, it was Jerusalem that shook according to the word, Antioch is in Turkey
Far out man


Good luvk, surely going to interest other like minded people

a reply to: Raggedyman

That doesn't explain why so many were prepared to die for this illusionary Man, story, myth.

People choose to die for all kinds of causes, illusionary or real. Heaven's Gate comes to mind.

a reply to: Raggedyman

I have no agenda other than showing a perfect timing for the crucifixion seen in a historical context that makes sense. Jebus is a funny nickname for Jesus from Nazareth (which is neither the name of Yetsai El-Michel Ha-Nazaree). Christian is a term used for the followers of Saulus, not Jesus. Followers of Jesus teachings belongs to a form of orthodox Mosaic Judaism that is rarely seen today. Contrary to what Saulus proclaims there is nothing to gain from killing your beloved king. Only Saulus's terrified subjects would «believe» that. If they didn't Saulus would come for them, and drag them by their tails to the forums or the circus or place them in front of the Elders or other inquisitive authority. He was a killer and enemy of Christ when he had st. Stephan killed, and he was a Satan when he blinded Eli, and a murderer when he dragged Peter to Rome. Saulus is history's greatest little Quisling. And Christians are all duped and unable to admit to it since it would make their illusive tower fall to the ground in a puff of magic. Then again, I'm with stupid, so I like the Church. Great architecture!

a reply to: Raggedyman

Also calling Christ, Jebus indicates an unhealthy hostility towards Him and His followers.

What does that say for Christians who criticize every other belief but their own, and say all other religions are false, and from the devil? I think it says Hypocrisy, with a capital H. Seems Christians have a bit of "unhealthy hostility" themselves.

a reply to: Utnapisjtim

Good points Utnapisjtim



But was this Jesus character also a Rabbi who had to be married by 21

www.pbs.org...

I always wondered how they remembered the Roman soldier Longinus decades later when all this was first put together

originally posted by: stonerwilliam
a reply to: Utnapisjtim

Good points Utnapisjtim

But was this Jesus character also a Rabbi who had to be married by 21

www.pbs.org...

I always wondered how they remembered the Roman soldier Longinus decades later when all this was first put together

Jesus was indeed a rabbi, and he would as you say, have been married away as soon as possible. To Mary Magdalen in Kana (or according to Ha-Kana, a great prophet of Talmud) where he would be expected to build a home for his family over the period of a year, after which the couple would be entirely married. Had Jesus been unmarried it would have been a scandal worse than blasphemy. Marriage is the first Mitzvah of the Torah. You cannot be a rabbi or a priest and be unmarried. Have you ever heard about an unmarried Jewish priest or rabbi?

Jesus said that the greatest form of love was to give your life to save another. St. Longinus did just that. St. Sergius Paulus gave his name to Saulus to save Eli's eyesight. Self-sacrifice as an ideal as compared to Sauli diabolic ritual sacrifice of humans.

a reply to: Utnapisjtim

Have you ever heard about an unmarried Jewish priest or rabbi?

I had a Chief Rabbi in my family until his death a few decades ago

a reply to: stonerwilliam

An unmarried one?

www.chabad.org... I once had this exact conversation with a taxi driver. He was Catholic, and asked me if rabbis marry. I told him that not only are rabbis allowed to marry, they are obligated to marry. “Be fruitful and multiply” is a command to all, regardless of career or position in the community.

So if Jesus was sinless in matters Torah, he would indeed be married (i.e. with Mary Magdalen) and have children (i.e. Sarah, Eli and the others we know of from the Bible and Grail myths).

a reply to: Utnapisjtim

No he was married to Fanny i kid you not that was her real name

a reply to: stonerwilliam

Lol, how lovely, would his name be Richard by any chance?