My first relationship. My first breakup.

I was not even planning to write this. This is just prose, straight from the heart, unrehearsed and spontaneous. That is the kind of person I am anyway. But I will proofread before posting (that is also the kind of person I am )

I think today I can say I officially lost someone, or maybe they really lost me--but I am the one who feels like a loser. Even through all the bad times and hardships, I loved her and she was very dear to me. There were good times, great times, and even purely magical moments shared between us over the last year.

It was my first actual relationship. And it crushed me. I am sure most people go through this as a teenager and it's just part of life. Well I am coming very late to the game (about 10 years too late.) I learned a lot. I learned about myself, what I'm capable of, how far I'm willing to go for another human being. I also learned a lot about other people, and just how chaotic it can be trying to join the same wavelength as another. We were just almost always inharmonious.

Just for fun, we are an Aries and a Leo. And from what I've read, they can be a really terrible match. We are two fiery, dominant, prideful people.

I mostly learned that I AM worthy of love and happiness, and that I am capable of finding it. I deserve it. I have a good heart, a beautiful soul, and hey--I am not terrible-looking either! I am not the hopeless, sullen, unlovable forest troll I thought I was all these years

I am confident that I did everything possible to make this work. I am satisfied that I went above and beyond to be a terrific boyfriend. If you only knew half of the hoops I jumped through, and just how twisted my spine is from all that bending over backwards. I guess it was just time for me to accept that I am too good to be in a relationship that is not nurturing me.

We had a little spat before Valentine's Day. We didn't end up spending it together. My choice. I didn't feel it would be right to fake spending it together. I want a love to be real and natural, not forced and pantomimed.

Anyway we work together, and that makes it tough to even want to wake up

We always said that no matter what we'd be there to talk to each other when we needed a friend. Today I needed a friend. She shunned me.

(I handed in my resignation/ 2 week's notice today and accepted another job that I think will be a chance for a great new chapter!)

Anyway, today I am feeling a bit like a mopey teenager who experienced a first, nasty breakup (I don't want to get into the 'nasty' details ha.)



Today, I learned to love myself again by feeling the sting of not being loved by another.

Nasty details please! Who screwed who over? Give us alllll the dirt! What were some of these hoops you had to jump through?

My longest relationshionship was a month or so, I'm 27 so don't feel too bad.
I'm currently dating what I believe to be a succubus (about 2 weeks now) I tried to break things off with her but she wouldn't let me then forced me to have sex with her.

originally posted by: Esoterotica
Nasty details please! Who screwed who over? Give us alllll the dirt! What were some of these hoops you had to jump through?

Let's just say a fool and his money soon go separate ways. She also had a young daughter that I put a lot of time, effort, and money into as well. I am not bitter or angry about it. I really adored her daughter. I could definitely see myself being a great father. I hope someday I will!

There were just a lot of things about our relationship (and her) that were really messed up. I don't want to reflect on it much. I already got the cheap beer and frozen pizzas poppin'.

My longest relationshionship was a month or so, I'm 27 so don't feel too bad.

I am the same age. And hadn't really dated before this. Our relationship just..happened.

I tried to break things off with her but she wouldn't let me then forced me to have sex with her.

Yeahhhh, that they do! It's bad news man heheh

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha Thanks for sharing. My most emotional breakup ever was in high school and after twenty years, I can still remember the pain.
It's harsh when you break up with someone and they are no longer someone you can count on for emotional support.
The good thing is, you learn to read the signs better and can move on towards finding someone who will always be your friend, whether your romantic together or not.
I always say, a good romantic relationship has the best foundation in a good friendship.
Your post sounds like you'll be okay and you are strong and have learned a lot about yourself.
So, I wish you the best and know that love is in abundance, whether or not it is romantic love.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

We're still here for you ... son (very big grin).

It is a horrible feeling, Awful, Big hug to you NB, every person on ATS pretty much has felt what you are feeling, it will hurt less and the good thing is you have opened yourself up to trying a relationship.

Don't place too much on what went wrong or that you miss her, rather be glad you know you can connect with someone on a special level and there is a gal who will love that about you when you head and heart let her in.

a reply to: zazzafrazz

I'm just trying to be ready to take a swing when the next pitch comes along I will knock the next one out of the park for sure!

Relationships at work can really be a trial. You're doing the right thing by going somewhere else.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I can say no more, really, than the wise members above me.

Except, it sounds as if you have a good attitude about it. You seem to be healthy, emotionally, and realize it is NOT the end of the world...THIS is a big thing!

I predict you will do well, find love again, AND have a happy life...

Find someone to grow old with and share it ALL with and you shall truly find your happiness and peace...

Good luck to you!



Come back someday and tell me I was right! LOL

originally posted by: schuyler
Relationships at work can really be a trial. You're doing the right thing by going somewhere else.

I was sitting on the offer for a week now. I wanted to talk to her today and get her opinion on what I should do. I was leaving my shift as she was sitting in her car at her lunch. I walked up to the driver window and she immediately locked the doors and went back to her cell phone.

Yeah because I'm such a violent person!

I decided there just wasn't anything else to do there. My time and purpose in that place is just done.

New job will be more pay, more perks, more training, less commuting, all good things.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: zazzafrazz

I'm just trying to be ready to take a swing when the next pitch comes along

I will knock the next one out of the park for sure!

That's the spirit! Failed relationships are just practice for when the majic happens.

a reply to: olaru12

I am just a bit annoyed that anything between people has to be a 'fail.' But oh well, it is what it is. We are just on different paths.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I can understand the pain. Somehow the girl that I loved and lost 6 months ago. Today would have been an anniversary. I remember how I told her how I felt. It was an amazing feeling. Then I lost her and that was the greatest pain that I've felt. Cant imagine anyone else now. She still penetrates my mind.

a reply to: Tiamat384

Even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was not good for me, part of me still misses her and wants her. And if she came and knocked on my door right now I am sure I would even be stupid enough to get back into the scrum.

It's going to take a major lifestyle change, and a whole new state of mind to begin having romantic feelings for other people. But I predict that given enough time we can look back on these memories with a smile

I still believe in romance. Someone out there will be thrilled to have us in their lives Best wishes from NB.

Though it is painful, you have a great attitude! Believe me, if you don't find love, it will find you. You seem to really have your head together. I would have been bawling my eyes out and swearing I would never love again. LOL Good luck Honey! I bet one day you will be writing another thread, one about the soulmate and love of your life.

originally posted by: Night Star
I would have been bawling my eyes out and swearing I would never love again.

Who says I didn't?

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha
Look back with a smile? I'll be happy when I have forgotten of her existence because to remember all the moments of joy spent with her kills me. I mean, more often not I am focused on something else and rarely on her, but when even the slightest memory enters my mind or I am even slightly reminded of her it's not just a little prick on my brain, but full penetration into it. But you are right I suppose, that a different outlook on life will be necessary to have romantic feelings, something I try to have, but despite the fact that many girls are physically attractive that is hardly anything at all. I feel the same way as you. If there was even a slight chance to be together again, I would jump. The time I spent with her were the happiest of times of my life though pain was there too, but no match to me to defeat the joy. My relationship was much shorter, but when I fall for someone I truly do fall for them. The way we started was so backwards though Happy you seem to be taking it relatively well.


EDIT: I agree with NightStar. I do not take these matters well at all. Half a year and I still feel like complete #. Today would have been one year. Yeah I know not long. I planned for eternity. Originally we both had..

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha

originally posted by: Night Star
I would have been bawling my eyes out and swearing I would never love again.

Who says I didn't?

You did.

I'm just trying to be ready to take a swing when the next pitch comes along
I will knock the next one out of the park for sure!"

I'm sure it is still painful for you and those feelings will take a long time to heal, but I feel confident that you will find someone new and she will be someone wonderful.

originally posted by: Tiamat384
the slightest memory enters my mind or I am even slightly reminded of her it's not just a little prick on my brain, but full penetration into it.

Just be glad you didn't have to witness her flirting with other people while at work. That was really tough for me to keep a cool head.

I fall hard and quick as well. It's just who we are. Don't feel ashamed for it. Some people just have an innate ability to love with all their hearts. Hang in there, dude! As good as the good memories were, I think there's still lots more to come.

As I said in an earlier post, we have to be ready for the next pitch instead of dwelling on the one we whiffed on. You dig?

a reply to: Tiamat384


Sorry to hear Sweetie! My own relationship is...well...different. He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me...