"Welcome back!"

Yes, I know you probably haven't just come back from somewhere, but I did. I was out and just got back. So... “Welcome back, everyone.”



"Ummm... What the hey??"

If that's what you just thought (or worse!), I don't blame you. I mean, I go away, then I come back and say, “Welcome back”?

How dumb is that?

It's what our TV air-heads say every damned day. That's how dumb it is.

You know how it goes. You're watching the news, a sports program, or just about any other live event, and they “take a break” for some commercials. And then, when their break is over and the airheads reappear, they say, “Welcome back.”

And smile. Like they're ohh-sooo-happy to see us again.

Now put that behavior in another context. Let's say a couple of your friends drop by to visit. You chat a while, then they leave. A little later, the doorbell rings. You open the door and your friends are there again.

“Welcome back,” they smile.

Wooo... Like, wooooooooo... I'd feel less creeped out if they said, “It puts the lotion on its skin.”

If they were my friends, I'd slowly back away and say, “Look, I'm little busy right now...” And then gently close the door.

And lock it.

(You can mentally add your own additional self-defense/survival techniques in here.)

News flash for the news Teleprompter readers and those who get paid $$$$ to tell us what we can already see is happening in some sporting event: We didn't go anywhere. You did.

This is not an exercise in existentialism. If I'm sitting in my chair and someone flicks a switch so you “go away”, you do not need to welcome me back when you “return”. Because I – never – left!

Do you understand that, TV presenters? It's really not that hard. I had it down pretty well by the age of three or so. (But I must admit that I'm a slow learner.)

So, live TV people, when you come back, try saying something like, “Hi, we're back”. You know, like normal people do when they come back?

Okay, “We're back” has echoes of “They're baa-aack...” from Poltergeist II, but considering I'm talking about TV, then maybe that's not so far removed from this weird reality as we might think.

But meanwhile, ATS reader, if you've never thought much about this little piece of media stupidity before (which is quite forgivable considering how much stupidity the media throws our way on a daily basis), then maybe the next time a TV air-head comes back and says, “Welcome back,” just respond as I sometimes do:

“I didn't go anywhere, moron. You did!”

a reply to: JustMike

But I DO go somewhere! I grab a drink or a snack, or use the washroom, or check in on anything else I'm multi-tasking at the moment. Never sit there and subject myself to the multitude of corporate ads shoving useless consumer crap at me. Then I'd have to be sure to take a grain of salt and a spoonful of sugar at each break....Not good for me.

a reply to: AccessDenied
Hi, AD. Great to see you!

Yes, I do things like that too sometimes. But I'm hoping they don't know that!

What galls me most about the ads is how often they try to push old products (or old ideas) as "new". About all that is new is the packaging or the design. I mean, how "new" can margarine be? Or bottled water? :roll eyes a lot:

originally posted by: JustMike
a reply to: AccessDenied
Hi, AD. Great to see you!

Yes, I do things like that too sometimes. But I'm hoping they don't know that!

What galls me most about the ads is how often they try to push old products (or old ideas) as "new". About all that is new is the packaging or the design. I mean, how "new" can margarine be? Or bottled water? :roll eyes a lot:

True. Guaranteed if it's an ad begging for money for starving children in third world countries...I'll make a reason to leave the room. Not that I lack compassion or empathy, I just can't stand them being exploited for the funding of a "charity".

Glad to see you back Mike.

I enjoy your input here.

And I also trust your judgement.

(You can mentally add your own additional self-defense/survival techniques in here.)

a reply to: JustMike

Great thread. After spending a few years with live television, I can relate.Whether live, commercial, taped or rerun...all exist in the "now" to the viewer.

a reply to: JustMike

i have on occasion heard the media conglomerates instead say "and.. we're back." which is fine by me.

but your right they usually do say welcome back to the viewer, i dont think this is simply poor writing, its intentional, it tells the viewer that the presenter is the stage, they are what matters, everything else is either absent of their wisdom or present. its all about subtly and subconsciously establishing to the viewer that the show they are watching is important and they were missing something in their temporary absence.

they pick their words carefully, always doing their best to manipulate the viewer into sticking around and watching more.



i gotta be honest when i read your first line i thought the post ended there and was just gonna reply that you are self centered, thinking the world revolves around you, because that is what that logic implies, which is exactly what the media is attempting to imply to the viewer, the world revolves around the media, they are all that matters.

a reply to: JustMike

Because I – never – left!

But you did leave or not. Stop badmouthing Television, you wont make me change my mind. This is ATS - more news stories than conspiracies these days...oh and plenty of threads about something to do with American politics.

Welcome, not back...

a reply to: JustMike
There is a kind of logic behind it, from the viewpoint of the people in the studio.
During the ad-break, your attention (as defined by the picture on your screen) has been taken away from them.
Now it has come back.
And from their viewpoint again, they haven't moved. They were sitting there in the studio whether you were watching them or not. (Although Berkeley the philosopher might disagree with that statement)

a reply to: JustMike

Me thinks you watch way too much fricken live TV-shows.



Well...come back! You sound like a funny guy, have a nice day (with or without TV).

a reply to: JustMike

But meanwhile, ATS reader, if you've never thought much about this little piece of media stupidity before (which is quite forgivable considering how much stupidity the media throws our way on a daily basis), then maybe the next time a TV air-head comes back and says, “Welcome back,” just respond as I sometimes do:

“I didn't go anywhere, moron. You did!”

As well, what they say before the break like, "Stay right here".

Afetr all, its rude to leave in the middle of 'programming'.

If you ever catch yourself repeating these mantras to others or find yourself talking to your TV (coughs), better to just shoot the TV.

"Have a nice day." (insert emoticon)

Now some thank you for staying tuned.I like that. I have just sat through 10 minutes of your boring commercials just to continue to watch.

a reply to: JustMike

HILL-ARIOUS! I love it...never put much thought to it, but now I'll always notice it. It's a perfect opportunity to use one of my favorite phrase templates. Basically, any niceties people say to you, you turn them around in a snippy manner, as if you flat-out refuse their graciousness because you want to reciprocate it back instead. It's fun. And dorky. Alright, it's hard to explain, but here's how it works, via examples:

Not-me: "Thank you so much!"
Me: "NO, thank YOU so much!"

Not-me: "Have a great weekend!"
Me: "No, YOU have a great weekend!"

And now -

News Guy: "Welcome back!"
Me: "No, YOU welcome back to my screen!"

I'm almost OCD about replying to posts in my threads. It's because I think that any good post deserves a reply. In this thread, that means all of them! But rather than create a pile of posts to reply to various members, I'll put several together.

a reply to: AccessDenied
I hear what you're saying, AD. And yes, I agree. Especially as the big charities that advertise on TV often have very high "administrative expenses" and sometimes only cents on the dollar actually reach the people who need the help.

a reply to: crappiekat
Hi, crappiekat. Thanks for posting! But don't trust my judgement too much.

a reply to: Indigent
Brilliant! I loved it. Thank you!

a reply to: mysterioustranger
Yes, there is that aspect to it.

If you'd like to comment more on your experiences I'd be very interested.

Next group of replies:

a reply to: NobodiesNormal
I was chatting to a friend of mine this afternoon about the aspect of whether this "welcome back" behavior is intentional manipulation or not. He felt it probably wasn't, but was more a matter of their perspective. (And another member has mentioned that angle as well.)

However, whether we believe there is manipulation in that way or not, there is no question that media outlets like TV stations want to hang on to us for as long as possible. It just seems to me their "welcome back" is part of creating that faux feeling of familiarity.

a reply to: TheConstruKctionofLight
I'm not badmouthing television per se, just some of the people on it. And I certainly don't expect to change your mind. Only you can do that. All I'm asking is to perhaps consider what I said -- and you've done that. For which I thank you.

a reply to: DISRAELI
The other perspective. Yes. And to them, it's valid.

If a TV presenter is speaking but no-one's watching, do they really have a voice? (Apologies to all trees falling unseen in their forests, silently or otherwise.)

a reply to: PublicOpinion
I'm probably under-nourished in terms of my TV program consumption. Just don't have the time, really. But live shows are a disproportionately large slice of what I do watch. So... Yeah. You're right. Kind of.

Have a good one and well-come back back!

Final bunch of replies (for now).

a reply to: intrptr
Those little command lines. Yeah. Makes me wonder what percentage of people feel they need to obey them. And is that number rising, falling or staying the same?

And yes, the irony of me talking to the TV.

But on the other hand, it's natural for us to react to stimuli, even when a stimulus is completely unable to then react to whatever our reaction is. Well, if it's a "dumb" TV like mine (which must be nearing voting age by now), it won't even "know" how I react. But "Smart" TVs, some of which are known to be able to gather data? I'd rather not say a word near one of those.

a reply to: Gothmog
I remember once I was laid up with a busted right ankle and a broken right hand (don't ask!!), so getting round on just one crutch was not easy. Therefore, I spent far too much time watching TV for several days. Then one day, when this channel went to their ad break and I hit the remote to mute the sound, the thing wouldn't work! The batteries had had quite a workout and they'd reached their limits.

Finally, after frigging with the thing for almost five minutes, with soap commercial after margarine commercial assailing my senses with why they were the best, I got up and hobbled across the living room to operate the TV manually. Just as I reached it, they ended their “break” and the talk-show host came back on with, “Thanks for staying with us.”

Oh, if only they knew...

a reply to: dogstar23
That works!

For some completely unconnected reason, that reminds me of a scene from Woody Allen's "Love and Death". So I just hunted around and found it online:

Napoleon: This is an honor for me.

Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.

Napoleon: No, a greater honor for me.

Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.

Napoleon: No, a greater honor for ME.

Boris: Well, perhaps you're right. Perhaps it IS a greater honor for you.

Napoleon: And you must be Don Francisco's sister.

Sonja: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.

Napoleon: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.

Sonja: No, you must be Don Francisco's sister.

Boris: No, it's a greater honor for me.

Napoleon: I see our Spanish guests have a sense of humor.

Boris: She's a great kidder.

Sonja: No, you're a great kidder.

Boris: No, you're Don Francisco's sister.

[From IMDB

a reply to: JustMike
Welcome back! Live at 10 Moderator JustMike makes a rant about dumb newscasters.

Sorry. I can't help myself sometimes. I really have nothing more to say, except I like your avatar.

a reply to: Skid Mark
No need to be sorry. You're perfectly entitled to voice your opinion, and I'm glad to have it.

Thanks also for the avatar comment. It's the only one I have ever used.

As it happens, I like wolves.

a reply to: JustMike
I'm glad you have a sense of humor. I was trying to make you laugh. I like wolves, too.