Baddogma's Meta Cafe- Polite Discussions About Scientific Mysticism and General Weirdness

Just popping in from work to say, "Wowee, so glad ya'll reduced the cosmic mysteries to an easy to grok energy drink.. we're done here."

Kidding... sorta.. .as usual...

and to dumb it down a notch back into simple phenomenology... I went into my slightly creepy bedroom last night and saw a white ball of fuzzy light scoot from my bed right into my left leg, leaving a chill buzz... musta scared the resident shade... so said "sorry to have bothered you, please let me sleep" and did.

Welcome to my world and this thread is "stirring up stuff" ... so thanks?

Back to the "three subsets up" show!

originally posted by: KellyPrettyBear

Anything that you NEED casts a spell on you...
Anything that you truly love needs YOU.

I find this to be an amazingly profound statement!

It is applicable to so many aspects of the way reality is 'experienced'...

...I mean, it applies to the psychological, the spiritual, the 'psychical', the phenomenological, the relational (have I left anything out?) -

- as well as all the varying experiential perspectives there of.

Kev, you need to put that statement in your signature!

I love it so much, I want to have it printed on a T-shirt!

a reply to: lostgirl

Kev could be a mystikal t-shirt maker extraordinaire, but that would likely make him retch.

Me too... but boy, am I grateful he's letting loose... I haven't learned this much (and solidified half congealed thoughts) from reading a few lines since I read Rumi on the toilet (in the spirit of keeping poignant truths earthy).

So thanks to the pretty bear from the legume gallery.. .keep on it!

I've mostly avoided social interaction online for many years now, but I decided to sign up here because of this thread.

I've dealt with "general weirdness" for my entire life as far as I can remember, and perhaps you all will find some parts interesting. I wrote about it all before 8 years ago on another set of forums that no longer exist, and since then I've mostly only talked about these kinds of things with my family, so I think other perspectives on it all will be interesting as well.

A synopsis of my life's high strangeness, of sorts:
My first decade of life was filled with violence, and terror. Not much point in devoting a lot of time describing the physical "real world" side of that, I'm just tossing it out there, and I wonder why KPB considers it common for folks who have similar weird experiences. If nothing else I was mostly immune to fear by the time my weirdness started being a common occurrence.

When I was 10 years old, while hiking through the woods near my home I felt like something was watching me. I turned around, and a solid black human shape was leaning around a tree, looking at me. After a few seconds it leaned back behind the tree, and I walked back past the tree to see if whatever it was was still there.

Of course, it wasn't, but that was the first time I saw something that strange outside of dreams/hypnagogia.

At the time I wrote it off as a random hallucination and didn't think about it much for another 6 years. When I was 16, one night while trying to go to sleep I got the same feeling of something watching me, so I rolled over and saw what looked like the Grim Reaper standing at the foot of my bed, and I started seeing images of a car wreck in my mind.

I stayed awake for some time, that night, and told my mother about my "vision" the next day in case it wasn't a hallucination. If it wasn't, I thought at the time that I was going to be the one involved in a car wreck. That idea didn't bother me at all.

Two weeks later, my best friend's girlfriend died in a car wreck. I felt guilty over that for several years, but initially I became obsessed with "figuring it all out" as it were, hoping that if it ever happened again I would understand things better and prevent it.

I reasoned that, if some crude form of precognition was possible, other things must be possible as well.

I read everything I could find on paranormal phenomena, various religions and forms of mysticism, and other things. Within a few months I learned to meditate and opened the kind of doors that could easily lead to insanity instead of enlightenment. At one point my mother was seeing things in her peripheral vision, and witnessed objects move, among other things. I witnessed similar things, but unlike her it didn't frighten me, so I considered the phenomena confirmation of a sort and kept searching, mostly within myself.

Eventually, while meditating I met a female entity that agreed to teach me. She said she was a goddess, along with a lot of other standard stuff stuff I didn't believe. Although there were times my weirdness made me consider lots of possibilities as far as what it means to be human, I wasn't special or some kind of chosen one. I told her that I wouldn't worship her, but that in time I might love her.

She did, however, transfer a bit of herself my way so I could continue stumbling along my chosen path. Or at least that's the best way I can describe it; she touched my forehead and I knew how to sense and channel energy within myself. I was aware of the various labels ascribed to what flows within us, chi, prana, etc, before she did that, but I didn't and still don't consider it something religious, mystical, or otherwise unnatural. It does weird people out a bit though when I channel it and the hair on my arms stands up, sometimes.

Once when I was bored and meditating while listening to my mother I decided to see how far I could take that particular phenomenon, and my female entity convinced me that she'd help if I opened myself to her completely and merged with her consciousness. I agreed, and sensed the thread of energy woven into the earth connect with me, and from there the network flowed outward to the sun, and through it along a pathway to the center of the galaxy. At that point, I encountered a source of energy and consciousness that seemed to break a dam inside myself, and things got really weird.

I felt an apparently infinite tide of energy flow into my body, and touched a mind that looked back through me. It felt ancient, incomprehensibly alien, and cruel beyond words. None of that bothered me, but in the 8 seconds or so that I maintained contact I felt like my body was on fire and being converted into energy, and would die past a certain point if I kept it going. While it was happening, my mother raised her arms like something was blinding her and ran from the room screaming something about demons, which I found hilarious at the time.

I felt like I had to make a choice to stop whatever the process was, or let it continue. I chose to end it, and eventually stopped laughing long enough to go find my mother and try to get her to calm down. According to her, she saw my eyes grow larger and emit blinding light and she thought I was possessed. I was just happy I experienced something another person could see, and wished my father had seen it instead. At the time I thought he deserved fear more than her, because of my childhood.

After awhile she tried to deny the experience, and said it was a hallucination, but never could come up with a good answer for why she ran, and said she never wanted to talk about it again. It took about 5 years of prodding before she would talk about it at all.

Anyway, those are the high notes of a life chock full of twilight-zone crap. I have no answers, no truths to offer, and probably very little hope of ever figuring out any of it. Whether anyone believes it or not, I hope it was entertaining reading, if nothing else.

I look forward to any and all replies to my particular insanity, and hope you all have a wonderful night.

a reply to: lostgirl

"So do it!"
"Form the image!"

Anyone who tells me what TV show that is from gets 1 free grolbney.

Glad you like it.

It IS so powerful it's rather like a magic spell.

It's yours...the expression.....

Anyone who likes it may steal it without attribution.

Kev

a reply to: Rethaya

Sounds fairly standard for a BD thread!

Welcome.

I believe you....you mentioned various markers that I find commonplace.

I hope that you find healing, If that is what you are looking for.

Kev

a reply to: Rethaya

Wowserz... welcome, Rethaya.

Yeah, you fit in well... and even if you didn't you can have a window seat.

The damage really seems to attract this crap, although my own childhood was fairly damage free.

I tend to consort with folks who are terribly damaged as I find them to be far more complex, real and "exciting" than well loved, sheltered little snots like me.

originally posted by: Baddogma
I went into my slightly creepy bedroom last night and saw a white ball of fuzzy light scoot from my bed right into my left leg, leaving a chill buzz... musta scared the resident shade... so said "sorry to have bothered you, please let me sleep" and did.

Either that, or someone sent a psi ball your way :-P

a reply to: UniFinity

I gets even better when you know you are dreaming. I met myself once, strange experience.

I did some pretty cool stuff last night. I snuck into a private German-themed beer garden for Apple employees. No idea where my brain came up with that concept.

a reply to: KellyPrettyBear

It's still not the clear light that the Tibetans talk about though...

a reply to: MystikMushroom

True.

Kev

a reply to: Baddogma

I'm formally requesting a cessation of compliments please. Being compared to Rumi is a Little much.

Hearing things like "wow that's interesting" or "wow that is helpful" is one thing....but leave out the comparison to historical figures please.

And male egos are frail in general....I don't want you to chase away all the males....

Thanks.....

Kev

a reply to: KellyPrettyBear

I thought the "since reading Rumi on the toilet" was deflating enough... but okay... I guess I should clarify that I'm still not sure you're right about many, many (MANY) things, but I'm happy you're just having fun and not playing so close to the vest... and even the things I think are too shaded by your own filters give me another angle from which to consider this stuff... how's that?

Ego's are funny ... male egos especially so... and I haven't been (seriously) attacked online in many a moon for whatever reason, despite putting myself "out there" ... but I used to (when younger and even more flawed) set myself up for attacks and then revel in deconstructing their motives while admitting my very real flaws... worked every time and I only hope I didn't burst any carotid arteries. Thus maybe the source of the "demonic" attacks, heh.

But you DO push some buttons... anyone speaking about ephemeral stuff with any surety will. "Say lah gair," as we say in the hicksvilles.

originally posted by: KellyPrettyBear
a reply to: lostgirl

"So do it!"
"Form the image!"

Anyone who tells me what TV show that is from gets 1 free grolbney.

Kev

"Kung Fu"? I don't think that's it, but it's the only thing I can think of...

I've been wracking my brain for shows about one person trying to teach another how to do magic, because that's what it sounds like is happening in the quote.

If no one gets it, please tell - I hate when my 'TV trivi-ometer' won't work for me!

a reply to: KellyPrettyBear

thanks, this seems helpful for me and I will keep it in mind.

It even goes along with what was I reading lately about Mahamudra Buddhism. One of the things they teach is that they burn emotions as fuel. And this statement has been with me for some time now and giving me trouble in a sense, that I did not know what they meant. And now you say something very much alike. grrr : )

Interesting, very!

I am slowly starting to open my real eyes, pieces of a puzzle are getting together one piece at a time.

Nonverbal emotional thinking is giving me a bit of trouble, thoughts get in the way sooner or later..."the fake veil of me" is starting to get off, yes slowly but at least I feel it is changing.

originally posted by: KellyPrettyBear
a reply to: Serdgiam

If 'maya' is just us overanalyzing stuff...and burying the 'real' with a very flawed personal fantasy....then we should stop wiring our brains that way with our ongoing behaviors.

I have always wondered if this concept is what is referred to with the Garden of Eden story, and the "fall of man." Perhaps before then, it was the other way around, or something like that.

I think many would be surprised at how actively one can participate in the wiring of our brains, from the ground up. I suppose its easy to take it "as is," instead of as a set of tools, or color palette, that can be expanded and personalized.

Perhaps one of the issues is that widespread dissemination of concepts, methods, and exercise to do such programming might interfere with the efficacy of everything from marketing to media. But, even from that perspective, the end result might be more beneficial than current paradigms.

This incident happened in a house I lived in when I was a kid which was haunted.

I had two friends over, let's call them Doug and Ted (not their real names). They left and I had to do something. I went into the bedroom, which I shared with my brother, when I was done and my brother asks, "Where's Doug and Ted?"

I said, "They left half an hour ago."

My brother said, "No they didn't. They were just here talking and left just before you came back in."

Talk about freaky. I really don't know how to explain this one.

a reply to: MystikMushroom

well you sure had unusual dream.

maybe translation is:
you desire german beer and an Apple

: )

Yes! it is great when you can realize you are dreaming. I have gotten used to look at my hands often while I am dreaming and this is like a trigger for me - if everything goes well I immediately remember I am in a dream due to the hands being a bit messed up and then start wondering about consciously ...

a reply to: lostgirl

"Q" on ST TNG teaching Amanda...a cute young human/Q.

a reply to: KellyPrettyBear

One of my favorite episodes!!!

Loved the part where she accidentally 'manifested' the room full of puppies!

Was always disappointed that they never did a follow-up episode to that one..