On saying “I love you” to lots of people.

The other day I was getting advised in college and I blurted out, “I love you so much right now!” …to my advisor. Because I felt that she was being super kind towards me and I observed her as being an amazing and unafraid human being and I couldn’t help it. I loved her. A lot. In that moment. I’ll carry that with me for a long time now and I thought that she should know. Cause what would it prove to keep that big emotion hidden from her? If I pretended like I felt nothing? Or if I just continued to nod and smile without responding? Wouldn’t that feel a little evil….? It was years ago when I realized keeping these loving moods from others is straight up dishonest and evil. And on the contrary, by telling people that I love them, it could possibly lift their spirits and reinforce kindness and love. So what’s the big deal? WHATS THE BIG DEAL?

I also confess love towards co-workers, customers, and sometimes complete strangers whenever the mood strikes me and whenever I feel that it is safe(whenever I sense someone is unsafe/a creep, I clearly do not engage). But is it wrong? Is it wrong to be so open about my feelings… even if feelings are fleeting?

“I love you” doesn’t mean I want to sleep with you. It doesn’t mean that I want to have anything to do with you outside of our normal interaction. It doesn’t mean I want to have a serious relationship with you or even be friends with you (even though I probably wouldn’t object to friendship- and if I did want to be close to you I’d make it known). So in that manner I think I often love things and people from a distance. I don’t need them to give me much, and sometimes they don’t have to give me anything. Sometimes I fall in love with complete strangers, people who stick out from the crowd, people who I’ve never talked to but only observed from a distance who I still remember after years and years because of their presence alone.

When you say I’m tainting the word love or defiling it because I use it a lot... you’re really calling me trash and telling me I’m unworthy of love in a backhanded kind of way. But I guess I’ll always fight to be worthy to love(TO love, that's not a typo), and I'll always struggle to be more than trash.

And is that wrong? Is it wrong to say "I love you" so freely?

a reply to: geezlouise

If it feels right to do it then its the right thing to do.
Im sure it can feel arkward to be on the reciving end of such a statement, but it can also make the day.
And really there's no harm in saying it, its a alltogether positive statement.
More power to you for being able to say it!

a reply to: geezlouise


Ummm...hello GeezLouise...how could it be wrong...?

I think that if someone has an issue with it then the issue lies with them...I personally think that this world could use a whole lot of loving...in the sense that you meant it of course...

Never apologize for having compassion for your fellow human beings...Again...if someone gets all warped by it then it's probably just their way of expressing a desire for such sentiment...and an inner conflict on how to assimilate such compassion...

I'd say keep on keeping on...it's good for your soul and theirs as well...

Be well my friend...much compassion...






YouSir

Words are cheap

When i worked in social worked, notice folks who say I love yous the most in everyday situations (i mean like more than a few times per day around them) tend to have SA problems like nicotine, and opiates, esp

Sounds like you really meant it.

A lot of people say they love each other all the time, they don't mean anything by it. Like some people say they will pray for you as an excuse to not have to actually help out and lend a hand.

Loving someone is demonstrated more than spoken. You have to show love. You have to show love and appreciation by actually showing it.

Just saying I love you can be misinterpreted as an excuse or a putoff.

Love as a means to feel good is not love.

I say i love you to alot of people everyday, when i see someone being kind, helping out, i say i love you.

People should try to say nice things everyday, it come easily after you do it the first few times.

a reply to: mandelaeffect

I can't help but notice that you JUST JOINED! So, WELCOME! I had to google what "SA" stood for, LOL. What's your deal?

originally posted by: geezlouise

When you say I’m tainting the word love or defiling it because I use it a lot... you’re really calling me trash and telling me I’m unworthy of love in a backhanded kind of way. But I guess I’ll always fight to be worthy to love(TO love, that's not a typo), and I'll always struggle to be more than trash.

And is that wrong? Is it wrong to say "I love you" so freely?

You're not "tainting" the phrase as much as using it beyond the socially-approved norm. Because it's an emotionally laden phrase normally reserved for special people in your life, that could cause problems simply because other people don't know how to parse it in an unusual context. This will happen anytime you move beyond expected boundaries. You're not a little kid any more and people expect you to behave appropriately, and that means keeping your emotions in check.

At best, it would tend to make people uncomfortable. At worst, it could cause you a problem if someone thinks you actually mean it, at which point you would be in a position of having to shut that person down. You don't want to sleep with this guy yet you just said "I love you" to him. From his point of view that's a complete contradiction in terms. It's not an 'altogether positive statement' if it causes you problems. I think you already know this or you wouldn't have devoted a thread to asking about it. Now one interpretation is that you "just can't help it," but the other is that you are playing with other people's emotions and you know exactly what you are doing. And that is simply manipulative.

One problem with the over-use of this phrase is that if you find you are actually in love with someone, how do you distinguish that and tell them because using an every-day phrase has lost its impact. Do you tell them, "Well, in this case I REALLY love you." to show the difference? By over-using it, you diminish its value. That phrase, coming from you, doesn't mean much.

Now you can blame others for misconstruing what you mean and fault them for willfully misunderstanding you. You're already on that path by suggesting anyone who disagrees with you is "really calling [you] trash." which I believe is completely unjustified and more like a pre-emptive strike to cover your bases here. You're answering an anticipated objection ahead of time. It's an absurd over-reaction. How did you get from 'love' to 'trash' so very easily? That's extreme.

Now you'll get a lot of positive feedback here on this thread and anyone positing a contrary point of view, such as myself, will get negative feedback. That much is predictable. But that's kind of what you want. You're not really asking the collective here for an honest evaluation of the issue; you're asking to be affirmed that you are right. That much is clear from your statement because you've set it up that way.

And, yes, I know what comes next in this thread, but just think about what I've said here.

a reply to: LesMisanthrope


Ummm...hello LesMisanthrope...I think your right or rather half right...If the intent is to make yourself feel good by showing compassion...then I agree...However...if the intent is merely to express loving kindness and bring happiness to someone else as a means of appreciation...then I disagree...

Be well my friend...






YouSir

a reply to: schuyler

I think you already know this or you wouldn't have devoted a thread to asking about it.

More than one person told me to stop tainting the word love. From the internet. Never in my personal life. I usually get "I love you's" back and though sometimes I sense the other person is slightly caught off guard, they usually light up a little and I can tell they're not negatively affected.

One problem with the over-use of this phrase is that if you find you are actually in love with someone, how do you distinguish that and tell them because using an every-day phrase has lost its impact. Do you tell them, "Well, in this case I REALLY love you." to show the difference? By over-using it, you diminish its value. That phrase, coming from you, doesn't mean much.

You are SO WRONG HERE, because the people I'm very close with know that I love them through ACTIONS and the TIME THAT I SPEND WITH THEM, not via mere words.

How did you get from 'love' to 'trash' so very easily? That's extreme.

I struggle with being unbelievable (as a victim of abuse, it's common to feel unbelievable) and so when someone tells me I'm tainting the word love because I use it often, it feels as though they DONT believe that I can actually mean it/feel love, so by saying "I love you" I must be lying and by the act of lying, I must be dirtying the word. And when you taint something you dirty it. And you dirty it because you're dirty. So on and so forth.

A part of me is very childish and feels very real and very big emotions, and I do keep them in check. To the best of my ability.

You are correct about people having a very restricted understanding of love and that I'm pushing the boundaries. And I always will. You are wrong that "at best" I make people uncomfortable and "at worst" whatever you're saying, because I face people on the daily and from all my 32 years of living, I've not had a negative experience from it.

Thank you though for being real. You are definitely very safe within the boundaries of the average hive. Must be nice to be so safe.

With love,
Louise.

a reply to: schuyler


Ummm...hello Schuyler...Perhaps that's why there's so much conflict in the human species...if one is uncomfortable by an expression of loving kindness...does that make them more comfortable with a measure of animosity...?

Perhaps what I mean to state is...Is it more expectant in a conflicted culture for individuals to be suspect of compassion...especially from strangers...or even acquaintances in a social setting...therefore the discomfort...?
Also does that equate to those persons expectations of normal response to center around an entrenched fight or flight comfort zone...

By conflicted culture I mean the negative news cycle culture that claims so much of our attention even on this site...I can certainly surmise how that might be a determining factor in creating an intent meant to comfort shaping it into being uncomfortable by such...

I know that I personally make people uncomfortable here on this site because of the way I choose to express myself...however I do it purposefully...my intent with that is to reach beyond the uncomfort instilled by an untrustworthy society...(poetic license) and hopefully set that aside so that I can have a conversation with the real person and not some societal construct...

I'm about to embark on some uncomfort directed your way...

Be well my friend




YouSir

Nothing to be ashamed of.I'm the same way,I sometimes tell my friends when saying goodbye,I tell them Love you,especially when I have a drink..

originally posted by: geezlouise
The other day I was getting advised in college and I blurted out, “I love you so much right now!” …to my advisor. Because I felt that she was being super kind towards me and I observed her as being an amazing and unafraid human being and I couldn’t help it. I loved her. A lot. In that moment. I’ll carry that with me for a long time now and I thought that she should know. Cause what would it prove to keep that big emotion hidden from her? If I pretended like I felt nothing? Or if I just continued to nod and smile without responding? Wouldn’t that feel a little evil….? It was years ago when I realized keeping these loving moods from others is straight up dishonest and evil. And on the contrary, by telling people that I love them, it could possibly lift their spirits and reinforce kindness and love. So what’s the big deal? WHATS THE BIG DEAL?

I also confess love towards co-workers, customers, and sometimes complete strangers whenever the mood strikes me and whenever I feel that it is safe(whenever I sense someone is unsafe/a creep, I clearly do not engage). But is it wrong? Is it wrong to be so open about my feelings… even if feelings are fleeting?

“I love you” doesn’t mean I want to sleep with you. It doesn’t mean that I want to have anything to do with you outside of our normal interaction. It doesn’t mean I want to have a serious relationship with you or even be friends with you (even though I probably wouldn’t object to friendship- and if I did want to be close to you I’d make it known). So in that manner I think I often love things and people from a distance. I don’t need them to give me much, and sometimes they don’t have to give me anything. Sometimes I fall in love with complete strangers, people who stick out from the crowd, people who I’ve never talked to but only observed from a distance who I still remember after years and years because of their presence alone.

When you say I’m tainting the word love or defiling it because I use it a lot... you’re really calling me trash and telling me I’m unworthy of love in a backhanded kind of way. But I guess I’ll always fight to be worthy to love(TO love, that's not a typo), and I'll always struggle to be more than trash.

And is that wrong? Is it wrong to say "I love you" so freely?

Unworthy of love projectors would say something like, "This is reducing love to a mood or an emotion which it is not. You were expressing a misplaced, although good intended, emotion that had elements of mania."



Nonsexual/non-romantic love is an emotion stimulated by a newborn like stirring in the heart. You were expressing what came from the depths of your heart chakra projecting this newborn love from your heart root. Best feeling in the world. It can scare other people because its so innocent and genuine it blows them away and they don't know what to say. Its good for them though.

I find that sometimes, if not mostly, actions speak louder then words.

I've never gotten along with my brother and there was always this competitive energy between us. But I realized that even "don't be fu*king selfish" is equal to saying I love you sometimes. It's love disguised in a different form. Because I know, when the time comes where I'll need his help, he'd be willing to sacrifice his life for me.

Some people are fake when they say "I love you", it just becomes words for seeking self validation from others.
I've noticed that sometimes just the way someone stands, the look in their eyes, the energy/intention they radiate shows enough about them.
Sometimes only a small smile speaks more then words ever could.

I've personally found that my most profound experiences of love came through silence. That I feel is the language of love.

The Ancient Greeks came up with six kinds of love (Eros, storge, agape, philia, pragma, ludus). Most of us only verbally express love in one or two of these states of feeling. We may feel love in the other states, but we don't openly express it out loud. You sound like the kind of person that likes to express yourself in all of them. If that is your personality, then just embrace it and don't worry about what others think or what kind of name they want to label you with.

a reply to: geezlouise

A person can love someone without being "in love" with them. I actually think a true love for life & our fellow creatures is essential to end the biggest problems in our world. And my definition of "beautiful" is "the spiritual & emotional state of truly loving and appreciating life", because that pure loving spirit seems to radiate from them. So spiritually, I think you're awesome! In fact, the original definition for the word that would become "charity" is "the love God has for His Creations & the love they have for Him".

Unfortunately, most people don't understand that. So yeah, you will definitely give some people the wrong idea. Maybe there should be a separate word for it?

And remember, a lot of guys don't understand the first thing about females or female emotions. We might literally think a woman is flirting with us if you look in our direction too long, walk past us "suggestively", make eye contact with us, do something nice for us, etc. So just imagine how we might feel if you randomly tell us you "love" us. A lot of guys don't even like saying that word to actual loved ones, much less to their associates, neighbors, etc. Not to mention, some guys are possessive & may consider you "theirs" if you say that to them (which can lead to stalkers, jealousy if they see you saying it to others, etc).

So I'd advise you to start with a "tamer" word, just to avoid problems. But as your bonds grow stronger with those individuals, maybe then you can throw in the "I love you guys", "I love you all! You rock!", etc.

Edit to Add: But if I ever build my socialist utopia, you're definitely welcome! We need more people like you in this world.

a reply to: Andy1144

A total stranger once told me what the buddhist said of love, once.

"The purest form of love is attention."

That statement sent me on a journey and I'm still on it. Something about your post encouraged me to share this with you. Maybe the somewhat angry statement, because yes, that can show love. Love can be present even in anger and hatred.

I went from receiving attention to giving attention, too. It goes both ways.

As an artist, the more attention that I give to something... the more I have to love every line and shade and detail before I give up. You can tell when someone loves something; their home, their art, their work, because they pay attention to it, and take careful notice of everything regarding it. Every detail is loved, every line is designed. It tells so much... without words.

a reply to: enlightenedservant

And remember, a lot of guys don't understand the first thing about females or female emotions. We might literally think a woman is flirting with us if you look in our direction too long, walk past us "suggestively", make eye contact with us, do something nice for us, etc.

BOY OH BOY don't I know this, and actually find myself joking about it to other girls. But only joking in a light loving way by sharing awkward stories where I've learned this very thing. Sometimes in a means to pass on some knowledge to younger gals, but I'm not pushy and they'll learn from experience too if they choose to.

We definitely live in a messed up world where it's dangerous to be "too nice" though, but it's real, it's the truth, and I guess... I'm still learning. So when I say "when it feels safe" I really mean that. I would NEVER WILLINGLY PUT MYSELF IN DANGER, just saying. And I would never willingly ask to be trolled/abused. And I've definitely had some experience in that, too.

THANK YOU EVERYONE SO MUCH FOR YOUR POSITIVE REINFORCEMENTS!

I think there is a real stigma about this very subject and I'll never stop fighting for my right to love!

So I love you all, Louise!

a reply to: geezlouise

It's interesting you mention attention, as I was just thinking about how love is synonymus to attention. Because when you give give attention to something, you are intimately involved with it, you become it. This includes negative emotions. Love doesn't always feel like butterflies in the stomach. It could feel bad. But what true love is, is when you see that no matter what you experience, be it love, hatred, fear. You have no choice but to experience those things. This is what awareness is. The screen which embraces every feeling unconditionally. It has no choice but to give it's unconditional attention to what it experiences, because it is it. It cannot reject emotions. And the more we notice our awareness of things, the more our love for things grow, because we see that no matter what we experience, it has to be you. And the more your awareness grows, the more that love is reflected back to you.
Forgive me if this isn't making any sense.
But ultimately you're right though, attention is love. And we have no choice but to give attention to life do we? Is it possible to not love something? Is it possible to experience something that's not you? Is it possible to not give attention to something? Where is the separation? These are some questions love seekers should ask I feel. But maybe I've said too much, the journey is yours to experience.