Borderline personality disorder - need advice

Hello ATS,
This is going to be a lengthy post, please bare with it.

I was wondering if anyone has any experience with a family member or loved one that has BPD?
If so, i was wanting to know the tell tale signs.
Someone i love displays the symptoms that ive read about on the net.
Anxiety, sudden crazy mood swings - going from everything being normal, then the person suddenly becomes defensive and starts accusing the other of the most unlikely scenarios. Spontaneous depression and anger.

Example - last year around this time my wife had BPD symptoms started and was thinking the world was out to get her. That everything that happened was done intentionally to ruin the her life.

I dont have much of a social life anymore. I dedicate my entire life to my wife and kids. I go to work and come home and spend every single day im home with my wife.

Suddenly i was being accused of either being in the mafia or was an undercover cop. (Quite the spectrum there) and that i would leave our house and go to my other familys home for the 4 days a week i am out of town working. During which time, i would either earn proceeds of crime or do undercover cop things. Then i would make my paystubs on the computer and mail them to the house.
Then it got more intense. Suddenly i was being accused of trying to think of ways to have her killed so i could get insurance money. Soon it was everything i said and did was put under a microscope.

being on the end of the accusations, i felt like i was on the stand from the second i woke up in the morning till she fell asleep. It was one of the hardest things i have ever had to deal with in my life.
But i did. I would do everything i could to try to calm her. It would sink in that it was all in her head for the first bit, then all of that went out the window and it was back at square one again.

I joined a support group on how to deal with people who have BPD. Did a lot of reading and finally got her into see a psychiatrist. The mental health system in my city is a joke.

After i was finally able to start getting her help, i was still the bad guy. No matter what i said, it was me out to get her. Even though i stood beside her the entire time. That wasnt enough to prove to her that i wasnt living a double life and that i love her.
After a few months it was found that her anti depressant mirtazapine was the culprit behind bringing her symptoms out.

Now, the past few days ive been noticing my wifes anxiety rising. Its in the paranoia stage right now.

over the weekend we did some christmas shopping. I seen this thing called a paperless book. Basically its a tablet with a stylus, you write notes on it and to erase what you have on the tablet when you push a button. voila you have a fresh place to write.

I showed it to her a few months back at michaels craft store, but she payed no mind to it.
So when she took interest in the tablet thing the other day, i said ya, i showed you this months ago. That was that.
Tonight i get a phone call from her saying, i was at michaels tonight but i couldnt find that paperless book tablet thing. Then she goes, who did you goto michaels with?
I said i was with you everytime ive been there.
Then She hung up on me.
I called her back and said, you hang up on me because you cant remember looking at something 2 months ago?
She said ya right and hung up again.
Rather than call her back to fight, i went and had a smoke.

Earlier in the day she had an appointment and called me up almost crying because of how horrible it went.
The entire time i could tell she was blowing the situation out of proportion. She claimed that this doctor and his secretary were just staring at her and were trying to make her feel like an idiot.
The jist of it was, she couldn't understand what the docter was saying to her in regards to having her tonsil removed. I just agreed with her and told her to relax.

I know if i bring it up to her about her being in a BPD episode, I'm gonna be called every name in the book because im a liar, theres nothing wrong with her and that im trying to make her think she has mental problems.

Im lost here. I dont know what to do. Do i leave it and let her go into a manic episode. Or do I bring it up and deal with the barage of insults ?

Does anyone here have any experience dealing with this type of thing?

a reply to: Macenroe82
Personally I believe BPD is about jealousy, insecurity, and uncontrollable mood swings. Well, that's the way it seems to me. And I suspect myself of having BPD, or some very similar form of personality disorder. Recently, or not too recently (about 3 months ago) my...princess broke up with me. Over the course of the relationship, well. It started amazingly. I was super sweet, loving, caring. But as time went by, say a few months I would have moments of being distant or bored of everything. Being jealous for petty reasons, even over celebrities. I would get angry, never hit her of course. I can't imagine hurting people physically, not the ones I love. But at the same time. It was the people that mattered the most, that brought out the worst of my behaviors. Don't take what I say next as advice. Don't believe a word of it, because everyone is different. But to me, as time went by. She became, stronger or more willful and would defend herself with arguments. That made it worse. Any defensiveness seemed like aggression. Don't take my word for it. Just my opinion. Being undiagnosed, suppose I can't say much. Only what I believe because I believe I am that. No attack, at least from my standpoint, was meant to hurt anyone, especially the girl I love. It was most often, if not always, as a result of the fear of losing her, even if the fear was imagined in my head with no evidence. Oh and looking more closely at your OP yes, things can go beyond proportion. To you it may be a tiny thing, to anyone with BPD it may be major.

And don't think you can get away from me by hiding on ats! I know who you're with!

Sorry just trying to help you laugh, coz sometimes thats all you can do.

Look for a private message in a little while.

a reply to: Macenroe82

Sorry, I don't think it's borderline. It sounds more like full blown schizophrenia; break from reality. Medication and therapy from a qualified professional is your only option imo.

a reply to: Tiamat384

Well that shed a little light on it. when you said that if she defended herself that it seemed like agression.
Thats exactly how my wife acts. Its like by me explaining something to her, im being the jackass and that its a personal attack on her.

a reply to: VoidHawk

You know what? That was actually very appreciated. A smile always helps

a reply to: Macenroe82
Personally, being left alone would have been a good way for me to cool down, but then I'd feel abandoned by her...For me the best thing would be for silence and for her to hug me. Even if I don't hug back. I will, just might take some time, a few minutes. That's just me of course.

As a long-term psych patient I think she should be hospitalized and stabilized. The hospital environment helps. She need be there probably a week or less. They are very good at what they do.

a reply to: olaru12

Her psych at the time said that everything points to BPD.
I just highlighted close to one afternoon, in comparison to what else happened. And the accusations that came.
She went for 3 months, twice every week to the psych. So they got a chance to see how she was.

But my coverage maximum was up after all those session and those crooks wanted 300 an hour after that.
My wife felt better and seemed in a lot better state.
So she was fine with not going anymore.
But we never got definite answers as to what it was.

Have you sought professional help? Amateur diagnosing via the Internet is not exactly the best way to go about handling these sorts of things, nor is soliciting advice on a conspiracy site. Just sayin' We aren't the most reliable medical people around, and if we or you are wrong, the implications are huge.

a reply to: Restricted

That was the plan last year. But like I mentioned our system in this city is a joke. She was on a waiting list for a bed in the mental health ward. We were told it would be at least 2 months. Unless she tried to kill herself.
Such a disgrace.

BPD is to me is Borderline Personality Disorder, but I assume you are talking here about Bi-Polar I or Bi-Polar II, which are two separate diagnoses.

Read this: www.mayoclinic.org...

Also check DSM V for etiology and pharmacotherapy for recommendations.

Good luck. Hope this helps a little.

*There are support groups all over the net for people trying to cope with MI loved ones, and also for those who are MI.

Get your google on!

a reply to: schuyler
I agree, though the largest risk is the end of the relationship, perhaps suicide as there are some tendencies. I say the end of the relationship is the larger risk because it is more likely than suicide. Though, (Directed at the OP) for you the risk is continued "abuse".

a reply to: schuyler

When i asked the psych how to deal with my wifes episodes, it was like it was a joke. That there was nothing i could do. Thats why i asked here if anyone had experience dealing with someone who has BPD.
The support group i joined was more of a rant and rave. A place for people like me dealing with someone, to vent.

a reply to: ladyinwaiting
The title is Borderline Personality Disorder.

a reply to: Macenroe82
There is nothing you can do honestly. I'd say make her feel loved, but then I'm really not sure. Avoid conflict, try to realize what triggers her mood swings.

a reply to: Macenroe82
There is nothing you can do honestly. I'd say make her feel loved, but then I'm really not sure. Avoid conflict, try to realize what triggers her mood swings.

originally posted by: Macenroe82
a reply to: VoidHawk

You know what? That was actually very appreciated. A smile always helps

Although for slightly different reasons I've been in the same place you're at right now. Hell on earth is how I described it.
Don't forget how to laugh, its what keeps us sane.

Well she just called me. She apologized, which is very rare.
I calmly mentioned that ive noticed her getting really excited over little things.
She agreed, i told her i love her, but she needs to take a step back and relax and really think things over before jumping to conclusions.
Then it was like it never happened and she was joking around with me.
But ive seen this many times before. When i get back to town on Thursday im gonna sit doen with her and tell her what ive noticed and that we should do something before it gets out of control again.