Who Do I Love?

because i think you appear strong its easy to be broken by .....things the worst is confronting yourself

a reply to: malevolent
To consider me strong...that is like considering, hmm I can't think of a comparison at this very moment, but trust me I am not strong by any means. I've been broken by the end of the relationship, more so when I tried to fix things, but the feelings are creeping back. I'm not strong, but I am very open. If only with strangers through the internet. Much harder with those close to me, as for everyone I assume.

a reply to: Tiamat384

I suppose. I know "perfection" doesn't exist. But ever since I was really young, I always felt there was a certain certain someone out there that I've never come across. I've come to accept I probably spent too much time daydreaming and fantasizing about what love was.

a reply to: IridiumFlareMadness
Surely you have time to meet someone special, you know what my greatest fear is? That the girl that I pushed away, was the perfect one for me, but I pushed her away and it's all gone. Here's my idea. When looking for love don't look for perfection, because love creates perfection.

originally posted by: Tiamat384
I fall quickly, and before being accused of not actually being in love with the person, I disagree. I don't think I am capable of less

"Falling in Love" = hormones + crush!
Easy to do quickly.
Often happens 'quickly'.
Means nothing, and is not 'real' unconditional Love!

True, unconditional Love is ALWAYS recognized by It's unconditional Virtues; Compassion, Empathy, Sympathy, Gratitude, Humility, Charity (charity is never taking more than your share of anything, ever!), Honesty, Happiness, Faith...
ALWAYS!

thats why i think it you need to be broken so you can be put back together. it sucks and i've already done it though. you don't know until you try, unless your just trying to get attention, your stronger than you think if you can't get pass the hurt use it to make you who you want to be

a reply to: namelesss
Admittedly I don't much like the phrase "falling in love", but I'd have to disagree. I think what you put as "True, unconditional Love" is the perfect idea of love, but love is very very rarely perfect because we are not perfect, but then this is not a discussion about what love is.

a reply to: malevolent
I don't care for attention, I tend to be introverted though can be quite the opposite depending on the situation. When it comes to say ATS I simply like talking with fellow members and sharing my thoughts or feelings. Well, then comes the question should I break myself 100%. I've been through it before, the worst ten months of my life, but perhaps I could rebuild again.

as a fellow introvert i would to ask thats all you got out of that? here it is in simple terms hurt and live in the past or get over it so you can be in the future of your choosing

a reply to: malevolent
Can you please clarify the first part, "as a fellow introvert i would to ask thats all you got out of that?", out of what exactly? Again not to be taken in any wrong way, just your grammar, or lack of, trips me up sometimes. To some extent I understand, and by breaking myself I mean I might stop fighting the emotions, take all the darkness, hurt, sadness and loneliness and just let destroy me in order to...hmm, self-destruct. I feel for a decent amount of my life I have been broken, I wound up fixing myself through a destructive way (contradicting I know) and then being completely just, saved by the angel that was the girl. Now I am neither fixed nor broken and I suppose I might have to destroy myself.

i have trouble putting things into words or in this situation typing. if you don't understand then fall to your lowest point then at least from there you can't go nowhere but up. i wouldn't suggest that whole i'll destroy myself thing the cycle of hurt would just keep going on and i'm sure you do have people that care about you

originally posted by: Tiamat384
a reply to: malevolent
I feel for a decent amount of my life I have been broken, I wound up fixing myself through a destructive way (contradicting I know) and then being completely just, saved by the angel that was the girl. Now I am neither fixed nor broken and I suppose I might have to destroy myself.

In other words, you did drugs. And the angel was a nurse at a re-hab center. Call it like it is.

No offense, but you need to get to the root of your issues that make you feel as if you need to "destroy" yourself. That's not normal behavior and it's certainly no way to find "love". I put that in parentheses because I really think you have no clue what love is. Among other positive attributes it's a feeling of contentment......something I don't think you WANT to feel right now. The reason I'm bringing this down to earth is that there are millions of people in this world trying to find love right now, and the last thing they need to do is identify with YOU.

If I were you I would stop focusing on loving someone else and start focusing on accepting yourself.

a reply to: Taupin Desciple
No I would never take narcotics. There are other ways that are destructive you know. I don't think you understand what I mean by destroy. I know what love is, I think you don't understand what I'm saying. What you have replied, to me seems like a very twisted version of what I've said. But thanks for joining.

a reply to: malevolent
By destroy I only mean to take all the feelings and just having them. That is all, and I understand most of what you say so it's alright

a reply to: Taupin Desciple
Also, the angel was my ex. She was my angel. She made everything better when we were together. Too much infferring I'm afraid.

I fell in love at first sight once. He was far away, and when I saw him, I gasped and knew I was in love. It was many weeks before we went out on a date, but until then I could barely look at him when speaking, I was so destabilized.
24 years later, we're still together, and love each other. But that love has changed, and we really love the other person as they are now.

Because I think that happened at first because I was already in love when I saw him.
I had found my own inner male side, the term "animus" I like to use (though I have been mocked for using Jung's terminology here, it is the closest I can think of). I had spent time living alone, and no matter how many suitors had shown up on my doorstep, I was internally focused and found my other half inside.

For some reason or another, this man invited projection of my inner male - I suspect certain things about physical appearence and behavior corresponded and made it easy.
Apparently for him too. He'd been drawing pictures of a blond blue eyed girl that looked like me since he was a kid (his mom brought them out to show me), even though he lives in an area where everyone is mostly petite, dark hair and eyes, and mediterranean olive skin color.

One of those drawings is him and her sitting with a bridge crossing over their heads. LIke a bridge between worlds. (we're from two different countries... so I find it symbolic)

One possible interpretation is that there is destiny, soul paths and plans... maybe.
But there is also the possibility that we each are essentially androgenous in nature, there is a male and female relationship within, and when it is in harmony and loving exchange, we live such a relationship outside with someone.

With time, each of us had to come to the realization that oru projection, and the individual in front of us are not the same. There is a disillusion that happens, but that is where you discover REAL love, in the external reality, and can also embrace the internal mate you re-integrate.

Let go of the person you projected the love of your life on! Take her back in, she does bring you magic, and movement and change! Bring her stability and order in exchange, and eventually this will manifest in matter as well.

a reply to: Bluesma
First off, I want to thank you for the time you've put into your response. Now, personally, I'm not sure I believe in love at first sight. To me it just doesn't seem possible, though to be fair that may very well be that my character is very different than many others and so I would need to get to know the other person better, rather than love by first sight, but I applaud you two for having found each other. I hope to have one day what you two have, though I realize I have time being barely an adult as is.

So, and correct me if I am wrong, you are saying to find the other person. The ideal other person, other half rather than settling down for someone? I realize that was not your main point, but it seems to be a part of it. I have to say, your tale makes me want to share mine, between me and my ex, because truly it is one that can not have a large probability of occurring and I have provided a link to the tale in a previous reply in this thread in the first page I believe though that tale is symbolic, I will share the realistic story one day soon on ATS if you care to read. I happen to love sharing it.

With the end of your response you say "her" I hope dearly you do not mean my ex because sadly that is a lost cause..Honestly your mention of his mother bringing those drawings out reminded me of something. Ah memories. Hopefully my response to you is found proper. I'm still thinking about what you've written.

originally posted by: Tiamat384
a reply to: Taupin Desciple
No I would never take narcotics. There are other ways that are destructive you know. I don't think you understand what I mean by destroy. I know what love is, I think you don't understand what I'm saying. What you have replied, to me seems like a very twisted version of what I've said. But thanks for joining.

I think you're right. I don't think we're on the same page with that.

I hope you can find time to read this article about the Anima - I think there is a lot in it that would be helpful to you:

thirdeve.com...

a reply to: Taupin Desciple
I suggest not to infer so much with so little information. Not meant to sound critical.