Big Beer Strikes Back at Craft Brewers

With the smaller craft beer industry gaining steam as the mega-breweries see constant slippage in sales, there had to be counter-offensive. It was just a matter of time and waiting to see what the giants would toss out into the arena.

That time has now arrived.

On the shelf starting on or around Thanksgiving in the US, the major beer branders will be testing the consumer's eyes and taste buds with some of the most unusual mixes & brews imaginable...

Toenail-gar-Rita, is the next of a growing line of brew variations to the old Margarita cocktail. This one will be based on the flavor of fallen/discarded toenails found in most all of San Francisco's city parks. It is indeed challenging but the maker is betting that their targeted customer base, Millennials, will love the radical concept and clip the shelves dry.

O'Possum's Pur'ee, will be coming from the same state that did some controversial legalization but will actually be aimed at the aging and oft-crotchety Boomer generation by combining a culturally familiar road-kill marsupial with an Irish rendering in the specie's name. The contents will contain authentic dead possum hair and the label's image will show a rotting carcass holding an empty beer bottle in one paw. It is believed that old rednecks will flock to the flavor concept.

Labor Pain Ale -or- LPA, takes the name of the basic due-date terminology and twizzles it up with the currently popular IPA type to attract a more liberal, feministic audience. It's a milder, amber/red ale that contains less body but more alcohol than a sanitizing, post-birth swabbing. Guys, you'd better hold her hand tight... even while she curses your very existence!

There's a lot more coming this way and we'll be covering their arrival by the bottle and by the chug so... stay tuned!

...

lmao

All us old rednecks will enjoy O'Possum Beer with dinner

The big brewers have already launched their counter-really-offensive "craft brews". Coors-Blue Moon, Miller-Lienenkugel's, Bud/Inbev-Shock Top.

They don't need to add toenails or oppossums or afterbirth to be gross

In the Uk these independant brewers try to push their brews as "craft beer" but they are just called micro-breweries. The biggest seller for any beer (and be truthfull here, they all taste nearly the same) is price.
Now have any of you concidered the price of beer, no matter what supposed exotic ingredient is added to it. Now in the UK beer sells for an average of £3 a pint ( over half that cost is taken in tax by the government) and that averages out to £24 a gallon. Just remember that beer is just water that has a minimal of ingredients added to it, it brews itself.
Now take petrol, it has to be shipped from the wells, it has to be refined yet still costs around £6 a gallon. Go figure.
So here a good one for all you micro- beer drinkers in the UK. If you've ever been on a trip to a big brewery for a tour and at the end of the tour you get given free tasters, Why is it free? probably you've been told that they make hundreds of gallons that it is nothing to give a few gallons free. That is only part the reason. The real reason is (I got this info from a brewer) if the beer does not leave the premises it is not taxed so they've saved over 50% as it is.
Now ask youself this question. If you drink at a micro-brewery with a bar attached (which they nearly all are) how come they are charging you top whack for your pint when it really should be half price cos they don't have to pay tax if it doesn't leave the premices.

I went to a brewery/craft beer joint once. It was packed with hipsters and cosplay types.
There was a young woman playing guitar and singing Donovan.

Right...just the type of people I want to drink with.

originally posted by: olaru12
I went to a brewery/craft beer joint once. It was packed with hipsters and cosplay types.
There was a young woman playing guitar and singing Donovan.
Right...just the type of people I want to drink with.

Donovan, huh? Wow... that's a name with some old some memories attached, lol.

My stepson brews his own and is about to enter some sweet tater brew in a contest. Can't wait to have some of it... he's really good at brewing.

Best

a reply to: crayzeed

Have heard stories of craft brewing in the UK and how it is somewhat different than here in the US...

Thanks for the reply

a reply to: the owlbear

Hit the nail on the head, man

a reply to: DAVID64

All us old rednecks will enjoy O'Possum Beer with dinner

Damn right!

Meet ya out back by the smoker... we can sample the ribs and sip some good stuff!!!
(Seriously!)