Domestic Abuse Victims Paint Black Dots On Hands As Subtle Signal For Help

I won't go in to my own experience of abuse as a child. I left home at 17, buried the abusive alcoholic bastard 10 years ago, have never been to his grave and refused to let it influence me as a husband and father. It was called "family problems" back then and everyone ignored it.

Many feel uncomfortable offering abuse victims a way out. They feel "It's none of my business" and will just ignore a woman on the street with a black eye, because 'They don't want to get involved" or "It's not my problem". Many just don't know how. They have no idea how to approach a person and say "I see you need help". If they have this dot, they are screaming for someone to notice. They have been psychologically beat down to the point where, their only way of asking for help, is that small, almost unnoticeable dot in the palm of their hand. They are so afraid of the abuser finding out, they won't even say it out loud...."We. Need. Help"

Oftentimes it is incredibly hard for victims to break the cycle of violence. That is because their abusers tend to watch their every move, making reaching out for help nearly impossible. Abusers also exert various forms of control over victims that are beyond physical, and often use mental, emotional, and financial forms of it to gain and maintain control. When it comes to speaking up, many victims struggle to find their voice and be heard.

They are afraid of what comes next. The police getting involved,the embarrassment of people knowing. The stigma that comes with it. People pointing fingers and saying "Ohhh, that's her?"

How does a child tell you Mommy or Daddy beat them? They look up to them as protectors and when they become the monster, telling the child, "Don't you dare tell anybody or I'll make it worse", where does that child turn for help?
You.
Don't ignore it. If you can't approach them yourself, find a cop and tell them what that dot means.
Find a way to help.
About 6 years ago, I saw a lady and a child, just sitting on the sidewalk crying. I stopped and the lady had a bloody nose and her left eye was discolored and swollen. Less than a minute after I stopped, a car came screeching in and a guy jumped out and came toward us, yelling at her and the child to "Get in the fu**in" car NOW". I was not armed, but I looked him in the eye and said " Don't" "You won't live through it". Being the coward they are when not faced with a helpless victim, he left. Short story : She filed charges, he went to jail.
I'm not telling you this to look like a heroic bad ass, just showing how easy it can be to help.
Just notice.
Just stop and help.


www.huffingtonpost.com...

The black dot campaign was started with the hope of drawing some much needed attention to victims of domestic violence. The whole campaign revolves around the act of drawing a black dot on the palm of ones hand, which signifies that the individual is a victim of domestic violence and wants or needs help. Any bystander who happens to spot the dot can then try to help or assist them. All too often victims of domestic violence suffer in silence and the idea behind the dot was that it gave them a way to reach out for help, while minimizing the risks for further violence and danger. The campaign has been met with a mixed response of both praise and criticism. However, in the overall scheme of things, the idea is a good one. Any attention brought about or light shed on the plight of victims is a step in the right direction.

All for getting DV victims help but this seems like kind of crappy way of going about it. Not many people walk around displaying the palms of their hands...

Surely now this information has been released, will abusers not just look for the black dots on their victim's hands?

The whole situation is far more complex than what it seems though.

Up until recently I was living in a notoriously hard country town and on numerous occasions came across some chick walking the streets on one of my late night walks with a bruised up face (usually aboriginal), I'd always just look in the other way and just keep walking.

I mean, what was it I could have done? I have my own problems, not like I was financially or emotionally able to start up some battered women's refuge in my home.

Its a brutal sad world and I'm definitely not in the position to be able to fix it, one tragic case at a time. The police and government should be sorting this crap out... why should I be made to feel guilty about not doing anything?

a reply to: Shamrock6

Sham, I have a special hatred for abusers, so, to me, any way is a good way. Most can't just come out and say it. They've been abused for so long, they are terrified to speak up.. This may not be the best way to go about it, but if only a few get the help they need, it's worth it.

a reply to: Subaeruginosa

Seriously? If you were lying in a ditch, bleeding, is it ok if I just walk past you, cause "I got problems of my own"? Thanks for the "Not my problem" example.

By the way, it's as easy as dialing a phone. You don't have to get personally involved. In my situation, I had just planned on calling the police, but the incident unfolded very quickly and I was NOT going to just stand there and do nothing.

a reply to: Nexttimemaybe

That was my original thought. Their hands could be checked before going out, but if the abused can just get hold of a pen while they're out..................

a reply to: DAVID64

I get that, and I don't disagree at all. If one woman gets helped then great, chalk it up as a win. It just seems to be more of a gesture of support than any actual measure of usefulness. Which support is great, I just don't see something like this actually working very well for victims.

This seems absurd to me and smells of being another pointless viral campaign.

a reply to: introvert

Yeah, you're right, this is just useless. I mean, why give a victim the idea they could do something. We really shouldn't encourage them to find a way, any way to get out. Just stay and die quietly, right?

originally posted by: DAVID64
a reply to: Subaeruginosa

Seriously? If you were lying in a ditch, bleeding, is it ok if I just walk past you, cause "I got problems of my own"?

Well that's the thing, none of the people who I've come across and have clearly just been assaulted were helplessly laying in a ditch bleeding. They were just as capable of dialing a number as I was.

It may come across as in-compassionate, but its a futile exercise to attempt to help someone who refuses to help themselves. Plus, if you decided to get involved you'd probably just end up being robbed by her, or bashed by the bloke who smacked her up in the first place... Like I said, these situations are usually very complex and getting involved will probably not solve anything and end up biting you in the arse.

Its obviously very sad... but its just a fact of life.

I think that this is a nice, subtle way to help. However, I also see it being prone to being abused (zero pun intended) by immature people who want to exploit something for attention, or people wanting to "SWAT" others by getting help for something that's not really happening, or like others have mentioned, getting caught by their abuser(s) trying to get help and that leading to more than abuse (or further, harsher abuse).

But as with anything, one must weigh the pros and cons of something like this. But it seems to me that if they have the ability to put a subtle dot on their hand, they have the ability to find help in other ways, too, like asking someone to use their phone and calling the police themselves.

But I don't have any experience with the psychological and emotional state of being abused in any way, so it's easy for me to not understand why this would be the best way for someone to seek help--but I can empathize with someone who seems that all hope may be lost and they don't have the esteem or assertiveness to seek help directly. Plus, this may be that small action that gives them a glimmer of hope that keeps them going in a scenario where giving up may be the next best thing.

It has its merit, for sure, but there are also concerns that come with it.

a reply to: DAVID64
If I remember correctly, you live in my neck of the woods. I'm not sure if you're in a smaller town like I am, but having grown up in a major city, I was used to domestic violence being a fact of life. I'm not sure why I thought it would be different when I moved to a rural setting, but over the last 20 years, I have been surprised and saddened by the amount of domestic battery in this area.

It's a very complicated issue. I have seen, and been involved in cases where the one you are trying to help turns on you. Think Stockholm syndrome. But that doesn't mean there aren't people out there who NEED HELP. Yes, there's always the chance you'll feel like a fool or worse, for helping. But there's a greater chance you might just help someone turn their life around.

originally posted by: DAVID64
a reply to: introvert

Yeah, you're right, this is just useless. I mean, why give a victim the idea they could do something. We really shouldn't encourage them to find a way, any way to get out. Just stay and die quietly, right?

I never said that we shouldn't empower them to do something or that they should just die. That's quite an emotional response.

What I don't think we should do is attempt to start ridiculous viral campaigns to draw attention to something.

Draw a black dot on your palm? Well, you would have to make a scene with that hand just for people to notice it and then assume people even know what it means. If you have to draw that much attention to yourself just to get noticed, why not just keep it low-key and walk in to a woman's shelter or, better yet, the police station?

This is no different than the ALS bucket challenge. It did create awareness, but more attention was paid to the viral lunacy of it all.

You know it's often pointed out the amount of abuse of women that happens in other countries or cultures.

But it is a very serious problem in the USA and other western countries, but for some reason it is kind of ignored to an extent.

a reply to: DAVID64

I really do think we are going backwards on this terrible issue. My Mother was a probation Officer and could remove women and their little one's to various hostels - obviously the usual culprits barked out are they catholic or jewish blah blah but usually if they weren't, the Salvation Army was fabulous and took in anyone - no questions. Now most of these facilities have gone so there are often only a very few hostels.

I did hear that if a man can access and trace via the NI number or child allowances etc he can grab his family back. People forget that for some of these men the family is their claim to a roof over their nasty heads. Its also the same for women who have kids and beat them, without the kids she ends up on the street if they get taken away - so there is a versed interest in hiding this behaviour.

I can never get my head around the fact that our government spends so little on this type of social care and prefers to put our money into bullets. I do hope that in the UK Corbyn will start to influence some of these issues and fight for those in our society who need help because the effect on many who survive a vicious partner/parent suffer side effects throughout their lives unless they are able to heal themselves. Many do not repeat this behaviour and make good parents and partners but its not enough to be encouraging for some when in dire need.

a reply to: DAVID64

I can certainly sympathize with those in such situations, and would do what I could to help. Glad that you stepped in when you could, as well! Too few are willing.

That said, what exactly will these dots accomplish? Until I read this, I'd have had no idea what it meant if I saw such a dot. For that to be a signal, there would need to be a massive campaign about it, and if they do that, then the abusers would be aware as well, and that would seem to defeat the purpose.

Perhaps some sort of campaign to teach people not to blame the victims of abuse, or look down on them, would help. Maybe beating the crap out of the abusers would work better.

If nothing else, maybe this will raise awareness and encourage more people to step up when they are needed.