Do you ever feel like an absolute ass and/or ingrate?

My apologies for the "ass" in the title but, it was hard to come up with a more descriptive adjective.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to get this burden off my chest but, I do. Maybe because I wasn't raised with a silver spoon....I don't know.

I came from nothing... and, because of that, I worked my ass off to make sure I had an education and options for a better future for myself.

Now that I've been established, successful and comfortable, I'm starting to feel guilty.

WHY?

Why on earth should I feel bad for working hard and striving for the the things I always wanted.

It makes absolutely NO sense to me.

I did everything RIGHT! I worked multiple (4 at one point) jobs to put myself through college. NO ONE helped me pay for my education. Not one other person.

I sacrificed my time, my health and basically my quality of life to make something of myself.

Why in the HOLY HELL should I feel bad about it?

I'm at a stage in my life where I want for nothing. I have everything I always wanted and, for some reason, I feel bad for having it all.

What IS THAT?

If I didn't give back to others, I would think that might be the reason but, it's not.

I give back very generously in many different ways.

Why do I feel guilty for living a life that is satisfying and comfortable?

Some people just have a guilty demeanor. My sister is like that. No matter how kind she is, she's always apologizing for things. It kind of drives the family crazy.

Life is short, take care of you and yours. Nobody can save the world on their own. Do the best you can do and accept it for what it is.

I do not feel like either. Just embrace who you are.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

I think they call that "humility".

That's a very complex situation and from someone who did not work hard to fit into society and scrapes by thanks to the love and support of family, I can say try not to feel guilty.

Be happy with the choices you made and reap the rewards of what you have sewn.

If you want to help someone as you travel your path great but do not think you are a bad person by any stretch for working towards your goals.

This reminds me of an quote/saying that has always resonated with me.

Life is a rushing river that you were tossed into. You can do one of two things. You can Identify a point and swim towards it, or you can let the current take you where it will.

I chose the latter, you chose the former. Nothing wrong with that.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Perhaps your problem comes of not being able to accept that aside from the very hard work you have put in to get where you are, the reality is that all that hard work would mean nothing, if it were not for the fact that you have also been fantastically lucky, as are all persons who make a decent fist of living.

It is impossible to earn a million dollars, pounds, or any other relevant type of currency, by hard work. Hard work and luck? That is a different ball game. You can go an awful long way on luck alone, if you have it, but hard work on its own? Does not amount to jack diddly.

It might have for you, but that is because you have been lucky, not just because you worked hard. That does not take away from your accomplishments at all, but let me suggest something...

If you realise in the back of your head, not consciously, but deep in the back of your mind, that your success is just as much a random event which could easily have gone another way, but for the alignment of factors and variables beyond your control, then you also realise in the back of your mind, that there are poor cusses out there who have slaved for years, and gotten nothing out of it, and others still who worked hard and LOST something in the doing of it, rather than making anything.

Perhaps you feel like an ass occasionally, because the back of your mind is telling you that your outlook is somewhat skewed by the fact that things happened to work out well for you, because by random chance, your hard work bore fruit, and the same number of man hours and solid effort has not paid off for countless multitudes?

Just a thought!

I wouldn't know about having things work out. I have been wrecking myself for ten years, trying to make a family business work, and we just got put back to square minus one quite recently.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

I sacrificed my time, my health and basically my quality of life to make something of myself.

Why in the HOLY HELL should I feel bad about it?

You shouldn't! You should feel proud of you accomplishments and station in life.

Now that you are in a very enviable position...find and pursue a passion! Worked for me....

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric
What did you do for work? Maybe that is part of it.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Perhaps your problem comes of not being able to accept that aside from the very hard work you have put in to get where you are, the reality is that all that hard work would mean nothing, if it were not for the fact that you have also been fantastically lucky, as are all persons who make a decent fist of living.

It is impossible to earn a million dollars, pounds, or any other relevant type of currency, by hard work. Hard work and luck? That is a different ball game. You can go an awful long way on luck alone, if you have it, but hard work on its own? Does not amount to jack diddly.

It might have for you, but that is because you have been lucky, not just because you worked hard. That does not take away from your accomplishments at all, but let me suggest something...

If you realise in the back of your head, not consciously, but deep in the back of your mind, that your success is just as much a random event which could easily have gone another way, but for the alignment of factors and variables beyond your control, then you also realise in the back of your mind, that there are poor cusses out there who have slaved for years, and gotten nothing out of it, and others still who worked hard and LOST something in the doing of it, rather than making anything.

Perhaps you feel like an ass occasionally, because the back of your mind is telling you that your outlook is somewhat skewed by the fact that things happened to work out well for you, because by random chance, your hard work bore fruit, and the same number of man hours and solid effort has not paid off for countless multitudes?

Just a thought!

I wouldn't know about having things work out. I have been wrecking myself for ten years, trying to make a family business work, and we just got put back to square minus one quite recently.

TrueBrit - I've always loved your replies.

always. They are full of depth and knowledge that most overlook as simple banter....

I know better.

I hope it all works out for you.....truly I do

originally posted by: ugmold
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric
What did you do for work? Maybe that is part of it.

My calling has always been to help others find their own calling....at least as far as I understand it.

Who the hell knows though.

Maybe I'm just wasting my time.

It`s not the destination that brings us joy it is the journey, did you take time to enjoy the journey?

a reply to: TrueBrit

I agree with you that hard work + luck = success.

Just my opinion here, but I think you place a little too much emphasis on luck and diminish the role of hard work.

Now, I can't say you are completely wrong. While it is true that hard work can sometimes lead to a rough life with little fruit to show for it, I think that is the exception rather than the rule.

Rather than emphasize and expand on where I disagree with you, I would rather speak to something where I think we (possibly) agree.... LUCK... although we may differ on it's affect on people and their success or lack thereof.

Using myself as the example, here is an extremely brief history...

- I was born and grew up dirt-poor (and so did my wife, incidentally).

- We married right after I completed high-school (she was still a senior) and found a TINY place to live (essentially a room) while I worked at whatever job I could find. College was not an option.

- After a few years I found a job at a construction company making photo-copies and running errands.

- I put in a tremendous amount of effort and asked for more responsibilities (prior to asking for a raise).

- Little by little I would get assigned the crappiest of assignments that were still of greater value than I was hired to do (typically sitting a few hundred feet underground, overnights on weekends and holidays).

- Finally, after immersing myself in the work and self-teaching myself on my own time I got the first real promotion of my life. There wasn't a huge salary increase, but it felt huge to me. It was the start of an actual career.

- Still trying to keep this brief, blah blah blah and years later and many promotions later and a few moves to different companies later.... and now I'm in a pretty good spot professionally and economically. (Although, the OP may be in better shape, as the phrase "want for nothing" doesn't quite apply to me yet. But even with our son's tuition and the insane costs of living adjacent to a major city, we are doing well.

So what does this have to do with Luck vs Hard Work?
I have never, EVER felt guilty for where I am now. I deserve to be where I am now. I deserve to have the resume I have built off the sweat of my brow (same goes for my wife as well whom, in some ways, has a similar story to mine). I deserve to command a salary for a Project Manager that runs projects valued at over $100Million.

That being said, I do know I am lucky. I am lucky because I wasn't born in a third world country. Even more significant, and this may or may not show through my posts on ATS, and I'm not sorry if this makes me sound like a jerk, but I was born relatively smart, if I do say so myself (not claiming to be a genius here). I understand that I'm lucky that with no higher education, I was still able to learn about so many aspects of the industry. I also feel lucky because (again, even if it doesn't show on this site), I possess a certain amount of charisma and common sense (which we all joke is not so common anymore). I'm also lucky that my son, my wife and I are in good health (although one could possibly argue that we take care of ourselves so it's not so much luck, but I think you know what I mean).

Anyway, I agree that success is hard work + luck but I think we may differ on the chemical make-up and ratio.

Side note: I'm still relatively new to this site but I did read a previous post of yours regarding your business and I had thought to ask you about it... but did not because I don't know you and I didn't want to trespass.... but I sincerely hope that the tide is turning in your favor is some meaningful way.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Why do I feel guilty for living a life that is satisfying and comfortable?

Because your material comforts are built on a foundation of centuries of oppression and exploitation, on slavery and the destruction of natural resources.

Because you realize that your life of safety and comfort contributes nothing to humanity or to nature; take yourself out of it and it has no purpose.

Find something you feel is genuinely worth doing and pour all the resources you have amassed into it. You will die poor but happy.

originally posted by: Astyanax
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Why do I feel guilty for living a life that is satisfying and comfortable?

Because your material comforts are built on a foundation of centuries of oppression and exploitation, on slavery and the destruction of natural resources.

Because you realize that your life of safety and comfort contributes nothing to humanity or to nature; take yourself out of it and it has no purpose.

Find something you feel is genuinely worth doing and pour all the resources you have amassed into it. You will die poor but happy.

How many underage kids worked in sweat-shop conditions to send you the computer, tablet or smartphone you used to send that response of yours?

Are you a hypocrite? Or are you maybe jealous of someone that made something of themselves. I don't know you so I am asking sincerely.

a reply to: eluryh22

The stress of all that hard work seems to have fallen on your poor avatar. He looks really used up. Though very well dressed.

You aren't the OP. You don't have his problems. My post was addressed specifically to him.

He is at a point in his personal development where, whether or not he has yet realized it, his own comfort and security are not enough to make him happy. He had developed an intuitive sense of the injustice of life, and of his own share in the blame for it (we all have a share). He needs to be shriven. I don't mean that, necessarily, in a religious sense, though if he is religious he is free to take it that way. What I mean is that he needs to identify and assuage his feelings of guilt.

He has tried to reason his way beyond them, to no avail. That is why he started this thread.

You are at a different stage of your journey. To you, comfort and security remain important priorities, and the quest for them endows your life with meaning. Your big project is the man you are making of yourself. It satisfies you for the present.

It will not do so for ever.

originally posted by: Astyanax
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Why do I feel guilty for living a life that is satisfying and comfortable?

Because your material comforts are built on a foundation of centuries of oppression and exploitation, on slavery and the destruction of natural resources.

Because you realize that your life of safety and comfort contributes nothing to humanity or to nature; take yourself out of it and it has no purpose.

Find something you feel is genuinely worth doing and pour all the resources you have amassed into it. You will die poor but happy.

Perhaps you should go back and read my entire post again.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Perhaps you should go back and read my entire post again.

I understood it quite well the first time.

Were you referring to this line?

I give back very generously in many different ways.

That's not enough. If it was, you wouldn't need to make this thread.

It is yourself you have to give, not your money.

originally posted by: Astyanax
a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Perhaps you should go back and read my entire post again.

I understood it quite well the first time.

Were you referring to this line?

I give back very generously in many different ways.

That's not enough. If it was, you wouldn't need to make this thread.

It is yourself you have to give, not your money.

It is myself that I give. It's a bit brazen of you to presume that it isn't my time, my attention and myself that I'm not giving back.

With all do respect, It's my opinion that you are making
presumptions.

Presumptions about my feelings of self worth that you could not even possibly begin to understand.

You have every right to hold an opinion of me based on the fact that I made this post public. I own that and, accept your opinion and, your reply with an open mind.

It still doesn't make your analysis of me correct.

We are all cut from a different cloth.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

It still doesn't make your analysis of me correct.

Let's hear your self-analysis, then.