everything happens for some reason

I have a friend who says to me sometimes "I believe everything happens for a reason."

I think about that A LOT.

In some ways I am quite sure that everything that happens was caused by something. So there is -some- reason for the event, but can we correctly determine the reason why the specific event happened.

An ex girfriend I really liked told me that it was mean to be it would be when she left me. When she was with me she would tell me sweet things like a dream she had before she met me she was sure i was in. So apparently, she believed that there was a greater scale of events and the entire event was out of her control.
I know i was with her because I chose to be. In some ways life "threw us together" but that's not why i chose to be with her.

Now in retrospect I can think of many many reasons why that relationship happened and good reasons why it should have ended. But only because I was looking for a reason after it ended. It wasn't an external reason when I was with her. It was a choice, but after it ended I had no choice. Sorry to ramble, I think about her a lot.

The idea that we are floating hanging by the thread of fate is a little disconcerting.

The real reason why I will always be asking these questions is the abuse I suffered in my younger years for almost a decade and a half. There was no escape from it, and I didn't chose it. I was born into the situation. For years and years I asked WHY? Eventually realizing I could not find the answer by looking backwards.

Was the isolation, torture, and pain that was given to me as a child meaningless? Or is there a bigger reason.

Lately I've been thinking there is a reason behind it and it's been making more and more sense.

A neighbor that lives down the street from me told me of a dream she had of me a while ago. She said (paraphrase I dont remember the exact words), "I dreamed a really big storm was here and really hit the neighborhood hard. And after the storm I walked out in the street and all the houses were destroyed by the storm but your house was still standing. And when I asked you how your house made it, you said your (family member) had taught you how to be ready for these things."

She had never met said person, so knew nothing about their character. This person she referenced had taught me pain, and fear, and the ability to endure it for a long, long time knowing that the only escape was getting older and bigger.

This seems almost opposite of karma...

If as an innocent child I already suffered, how would I need to suffer again? As messed up as it sounds thats the only logical reason I can understand why over half my life i was allowed to be controlled and made miserable by a group of people. To be able to endure through greater suffering, I'll already have a head start on the people that have never developed a taste for pain and humiliation.

Aside from my logic of this, wWhat is the reason behind pain?

a reply to: sociolpath

Aside from my logic of this, wWhat is the reason behind pain?

Like you said, to grow. A seedling comes up and grows strong if its in the sun and wind, spindly and weak in shade under the eaves.

Don't know about the specific abuse you suffered. That guy in Unbroken? Unbelievable how he endured what he had to.

a reply to: sociolpath

I am starting to believe the same. I have been through a whole bunch of trials in the past 5 years that I never thought I would have to endure. My wife left me when our daughters were babies, cheated on me with a client. She is still with him, in fact. I want my family back together more than anything else in this world, but the things that have happened since the divorce have led me to believe that I am being tested for some reason. I am not the same person I was even 2 years ago, not by a long shot. I have had many good things happen, many doors have been opened simply be walking up to them. I have met many people who have helped me in the things I am trying to accomplish (am accomplishing), and the circumstances behind most of these people and events cannot be chalked up to coincidence. Too many coincidences start to feel like not a coincidence at all. Something big awaits and I look forward to finding out what.

a reply to: intrptr

Yep no pain no gain.

If there was no reason to life than life becomes meaningless, as all of creation becomes what it is. Which makes no sense, so sense has to come from understanding, the "what it is".

Hence, there has to be a reason for everything, plants just don't grow, they have a role to play, the seas and air every particular system or thing, as it's role to play.

That includes you and I, it's up to you to find your purpose.

Does nothing happen for no reason, then?

a reply to: sociolpath

everything is a lesson!
And especially the bad or negative experiences are the best teachers.

At least this is how in Tibetan Buddhism they explain bad karma. They even go as far as to say, that when something bad happens to them, they are happy because, bad karma is being processed and you know...after the rain, sun will shine!!

If you don't know at the present what is the point, there will come a time in the future where it will be clear, but it totally depends on the individual and if he or she can let go and move on to learn new lesions.

I am very happy for you, because you managed to move foreword from your dark past and because of that you have grown into a person who you are today and is shearing such a story. Many people would have trouble to get as far as you did, because we all sometimes have troubles of letting go, but in the end ... learn & let go we must!

I was treated like # my whole life. I was the product of an affair and my family was extremely religious. I was borne in the southern US and it was before people had children out of marriage. When I was born my grandmother called my Mother's sister and said "Well, she had it". That pretty much sets the stage for what happened throughout my childhood. I was ostracized simply because I was a 'bastard'. The short duration I was in high school was hell. Teenagers can be evil as hell.
I could have easily gone the other direction in my life, but I chose to work my ass off. I left high school after 9th grade and went to college. I excelled in college. I don't know if I would have done so much college if it wasn't for the asshole teachers and students who consistently treated me like #. I never will be respected by my family because of religion. The people that abused me were 'Godly' people. If that's godly I don't want anything to do with religion.
I worked for the government then I went blind one day. Rushed to the doctor and found out I had MS. Well, that was a shock but I handled it, got married and got a job with the government.
My Mother passed from breast cancer but I had the physical and mental strength to take care of her all day, every treatment, every hospital stay and I held her hand as she passed. That hurt.
I was diagnosed with bone death a few years ago and I have had numerous surgeries so far; there will be more to come.

I guess my whole point is # just happens. You have to grow from said #. Good luck.

a reply to: sociolpath

I think its a combination of chaos, fate and freewill.

And your the only one who can define the three in your own life.

What one desire's - One shall perceive and doubt.

Everything is for a reason- Its cause, effect, action, reaction .. The balance and clockwork.

I wounder if things are not the way they should be - then we would of been better off ago' - but because of mans scales of meaningless and positive acts has brought us here to each second.

As individuals , ourselves - We would have no meaning in ourselves and no change. If there was no cause - there's no Change.

Perspectives and Age - Its not whats in store for you, its what you make of it - And that is all the battle each of our own, our Minds. The more you think about it, the more you will see and sense it. Sometimes, we are all just simply blind.

Just, don't torment yourself too much. Appropriate what has been learned and yet what will be learned.

a reply to: sociolpath

"Everything happens for some reason"

...not the loss of one sock in the washing!

Å99

I fully agree.

But what good is it?

It makes you REALLY appreciate the little things that make you smile, rare as that may be.

But dont dwell on the past you cant change. Every day has a tomorrow right around the corner.

originally posted by: sociolpath
everything happens for some reason
I have a friend who says to me sometimes "I believe everything happens for a reason."

Any and ALL 'reason', all 'meaning', all 'value', exist in the eye (imagination/thought/ego) of the beholder!
There is no substance that you can put on a table, take it apart, and find something called 'a reason'.
All such exists in 'you'!
So whoever imagines a 'reason' for something, that is 'a' reason for it.
One imagines a reason for a hammer is to drive nails, if you have nails to drive.
Another finds a 'reason' for the hammer in murdering someone.
Another, with no use for a hammer, finds no 'reason'.

"We do not see the world as it is, we see it as we are!"

"Everything happens for a reason" only if you imagine that it does.
Like if you suffer from a 'belief' infection!
There are those who imagine/believe that there is a 'creator' God with a 'reason' for 'zapping the Universe into existence'!
In the mirror of the Universe, we see our own 'reason/image' reflected back at us, but all 'reason', all 'logic', is imaginary alone!
A hammer is a hammer is a hammer.
I invented it for my reasons. Another uses it for his.

So it is true, that things 'have' reasons (in our imagination), but it is not true that 'things contain reasons'.

If as an innocent child I already suffered, how would I need to suffer again? As messed up as it sounds thats the only logical reason I can understand why over half my life i was allowed to be controlled and made miserable by a group of people. To be able to endure through greater suffering, I'll already have a head start on the people that have never developed a taste for pain and humiliation.
Aside from my logic of this, wWhat is the reason behind pain?

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." --Richard Bach

“Suffering is a gift. In it is hidden mercy.”
― Rumi

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
--- Rumi

"I say that next to God there is no nobler thing than suffering. Right suffering is the mother of all virtues, for right suffering so subdues the heart, it cannot rise to pride but perforce is lowly." - Meister Eckhart

"Harkee, all rational souls! The swiftest steed to bear you to your goal is suffering; none shall ever taste eternal bliss but those who stand with Christ in depths of bitterness. Nothing is more gall-bitter than suffering, nothing so honey-sweet as to have suffered. The most sure foundation for this perfection is humility, for he whose nature here creeps in deepest depths shall soar in spirit to highest height of Deity.' - Meister Eckhart

"The growth of the soul in man is as that of a pearl in an oyster, both being caused by irritation." - Plato

Pain and Blessing/Bliss are One Reality!
The only difference is a matter of Perspective!

"The immature run from Pain, the Wise find the Blessing within!" - n

"Only a Breaking Heart can Love!" - n

life is pain and happiness. you are a product of your environment. are the rich wealthy because the universe wills it or because they deserve it? no, they are born into it. you can only do so much with the hand you are given. children from africa will never be millionaires, but privileged kids born to a relatively rich family in a first world country have a much higher chance of making tons of cash. that's just life. you cant do much about the body and life you were "given". if the environment is primed for tragedy, it will happen to somebody if not you.

anything that can go wrong probably will, thats why i always expect the worse.

originally posted by: cryptic0void
Does nothing happen for no reason, then?

Thats subjective. What is nothing?

a reply to: blistytater

Wow, thanks for sharing that. I felt your pain and learned from your experience.

Each eventful moment through out our lives, is never all good or all bad. Even when you are suffering there can be a tiny element of beauty encapsulated in that moment. The same when you feel everything is perfect. There can always be an element of badness or uglyness about it.

originally posted by: InnerPeace2012
a reply to: intrptr

Yep no pain no gain.

Whoever promotes such garbage thinking is utterly INSANE.

I believe that most things happen in a more or less random fashion. There is influence by past and possibility, but no plan or plan maker.

I am thankful to all your wonderful replies and your stories relating to these questions. I can empathize.

I've been a bit down lately and isolated having a difficult time finding a reason to wake up in the morning.

My conclusion right now is that any reason for to keep moving, and going is good enough. This morning a splitting headache woke me up at 4 am could not get back to sleep. This is the reason to get out of bed and put my boots on today. Not ideal but It works. :pp

As Brian said, "always look at the bright side of life."