Mid-life Crisis... But not Mid-life

a reply to: boymonkey74

Thank you for the reply. I have learned to be greatful for any acknowledgement.

I strongly believe that to be successful in the next life, you must begin in this one.

BTW, boy monkey, I do pay attention to your posts.

originally posted by: intrptr
a reply to: BloodSister

I Don't know what I want in life anymore, I'm not happy with it, but it feels like it would be an exhausting journey trying to change it. I just feel stuck!

You have been conditioned to strive for goals, be ambitious, successful, have lots of money, stuff, recognition.

All that goes against your inner "grain". The pull you feel that is failure to accomplish all these worldly goals is not you, its the conditioning. That guilt feeling of being a failure is false, let it go. Be glad you're inner guide and conscience are working normally.

Let that be your guide.

This post resonated with me. I'm lucky in that I don't bother myself with the conditionings of society that I must have plans and ambition to attain material wealth. I live a very low stress, low risk life and for the most part I'm very content with that. I chose this path and I will stick to it.

The pull of societal conditioning sometimes afflicts me but that never lasts for more than a few hours before I realize how lucky I am compared to many who I see stressing about money and their job security and such.

Just stay true to yourself and to hell with what society thinks you should be doing.

I have gone through such crises somewhere like every ten years or so. There are moments of transition, when you feel the need to relook at where you are, where you are going, who you are.

Wish it was part of our culture to drop everything and go on walkabout when it's time. I actually find a way to do exactly that, now that I think about it. I quit my job, or get sick, or go on vacation alone, to do soul searching.

In my case, each time, I need to re-evaluate. Often the question of living in France arises - I start to question again WTF I am doing here, if I want to try harder to change who I am to adapt to the culture successfully, or have I reached the end of my capacity or willingness to change? Everything gets questioned from there - my relationships, my work, my home.
I usually want to throw everything out the window and start a totally different life.

I'm kind of barely pulling out of one of those phases now - a few weeks ago, I told my husband I wanted to separate, so I could move out of this huge isolated farmhouse which is stifling because of his hoarder tendencies. At least this time I didn't consider going back to the US, I've come to peace with the fact that the rest of my life is here - I'm as much as an alien over there as here at this point.

I'm finding confidence again, and feeling like the new stage of life is going to reveal itself any moment and I'll be ready to get busy again. Because each time I go through a transition, major changes happen and become the markers of that period of my life. I woke up yesterday night in a state of confusion, wondering if I was really almost 48. I guess it just suddenly hit me that I got old and I never saw it coming! That changes what I can look upon for the next stage.

If I were you, I'd try to keep in mind that this is a good thing, no matter what it feels like in the moment. Tell yourself it is a transition, and really search your soul to find what is most essential to you and what is unecessary. What are you doing out of sense of duty, or for others, or for reasons that have lost their value with time?
What gives you joy, what do you need, but have neglected out of fear?

These are esssential questions. Figure those out, and open your mind to more possibilities, then see if they present themselves as opportunities!

Before long you'll be waking up in a real mid life crisis, and the intensity of that might actually depend upon how well you benefitted from these earlier ones!

a reply to: corvuscorrax

Thanks for that reply.

People with less are more grateful for what they got. More humble and less demanding. Less selfish and more helpful. They don't have to guard or maintain as much, have more free time and less worry. Its okay to keep it simple, leaves time for more important pursuits or no pursuits at all, even. Isn't boredom wonderful?

Cant take anything we acquire with us, expect us.

Wow. and thank you people! Its nice to know there's a lot of people out there in the same situation, and I guess its just life.

I guess we all have to get on with it.

Thank you Community!