Life Is Short. Have An Affair.

originally posted by: olaru12
American sexuality being based on Biblical ideals is a constant source of amusement to Europeans where mistresses for the husband and lovers for the wife is a common practice.

Iv'e always thought that sexual repression is one of the contributing factors of why Americans are so violent.

geraldmceachern.blogspot.com...

I agree. The real problem with this "scandal" is the extreme attitudes about sex and relationships.

I sit here reflecting upon my change in perception that has happened so slowly over the years, I was barely aware of it.
Once, the idea of my mate "cheating" on me would render me physically sick almost.

Now, the using the word "cheating" seems absurd, and I have no problem with the idea of my husband sleeping with someone else. I wouldn't be adverse to a fling myself, except I haven't met anyone who inspires such a desire.
But my thinking is that it could only rev up the engines and confidence of him or I - a positive energy to bring back to our couple.

The only way "cheating" makes sense to me now is in the sense of cheating yourself - doing something you don't want to do, or not doing something you do want to do. You can cheat yourself.

Though the point about being honest with others on these issues is relevant. But when the others around are so darn uptight about love and sex, that makes honesty difficult....
Frustration probably does lead to problems with aggression and violence in some....

Life is too short.

Love your significant other, like you want to be loved.

Dont waste it on someone that doesnt care.

Who didn't see suicide skyrocketing from this leak?

All you that laughed and judged had to have

Lost jobs, public shaming, divorce, lost custody, why stick around? Especially when there is little proof an affair ever occurred.

But hey, we still get get to point our fingers at others for their short comings.

Can they leak Jenny Craig's list online next?

Fat shaming will be all the rage again

Eating is cheating after all .........

a reply to: Klassified

I am kind of an idiot when it comes to this type of site. How does/did it work? Were you guaranteed to be hooked up with some hot milf? Or was it just like any other site where you look at pictures and try to get others to respond to you? I am just not sure being on the list as a member means you cheated. Perhaps it does. Anyone know?

originally posted by: olaru12
American sexuality being based on Biblical ideals is a constant source of amusement to Europeans where mistresses for the husband and lovers for the wife is a common practice.

Iv'e always thought that sexual repression is one of the contributing factors of why Americans are so violent.

geraldmceachern.blogspot.com...

I think you've hit the proverbial nail on the head.

originally posted by: network dude
a reply to: Klassified

I am kind of an idiot when it comes to this type of site. How does/did it work? Were you guaranteed to be hooked up with some hot milf? Or was it just like any other site where you look at pictures and try to get others to respond to you? I am just not sure being on the list as a member means you cheated. Perhaps it does. Anyone know?

I doubt it was guaranteed. You sign up, put yourself out there, correspond a bit, and wait for a bite. Intent? Yes. Action? Not necessarily.

originally posted by: olaru12
American sexuality being based on Biblical ideals is a constant source of amusement to Europeans where mistresses for the husband and lovers for the wife is a common practice.

Iv'e always thought that sexual repression is one of the contributing factors of why Americans are so violent.

geraldmceachern.blogspot.com...

I agree.

I'll add a little ditty here. Since moving to the US I have decided it is vastly different to other western societies. I put that squarely on the hold evangelical christians have here. In OZ /NZ Europe and Britain they don't. A natural maturity was permitted to evolve in those countries regarding religion because it wasn't associated with "freedom". I have lived in Britain and OZ and now the US, and I feel I live in a country more similar to a muslim dominated country here, the fanatical beliefs are the same and acts as a control of society (in this case sexual repression) its just their "words and beliefs" are different, but the behavior and the control is the same.

a reply to: zazzafrazz

Sure, I think sexual repression is a fact and a constraint in the U.S,I as well have lived in Europe. Having said that monogamy in a marriage certainly is not wrong nor are open relationships so long as honesty is maintained.

I personally am a one woman kind of man, I say all that to say this,monogamy in marriage is not a religious restraint it's a trust and growing together and loyalty issue.

I was cheated on and my wife left with my children, that # is painful and it's wrong I don't think I can right that off as my Christian monogamous angst ( im an atheist btw ) anyway a lot of that I agree with, but some of what you said seems slanted, or certainly hard to relate to.

a reply to: DeathSlayer

WOW...... this is sick........ so monkey see...monkey do, huh? This is the problem..... people with twisted ideas giving bad advice.

I think you just kinda made his point for him DS.

You should stop giving advice and trying to make Adultery sound acceptable which it is not. It has broken up many families; leaving children without a father or mother.

No. It's betrayal that does the damage. There are couples who are fine with adultery. Just not behind each others backs.

When I got married I committed myself to my partner as if we became one and part of this bond is trust and respect for one another. Having an affair shows no respect or love for your partner.

That's great, and a choice you and your spouse made.

No bible needs to teach this basic moral understanding, it should be common sense.

The poster was not condoning betrayal of the trust in a a marriage. He was stating that not everyone finds an affair the worst thing that could happen, and some couples don't have any issues with it within the framework they have set for their relationship.

P.S...... I have been happily married for over 35 years....

That deserves an applause. Glad to hear it.

originally posted by: TechniXcality
a reply to: zazzafrazz
but some of what you said seems slanted

How so?

Good riddance. Sinners always preach the loudest.

-Toy the Bear

a reply to: zazzafrazz

In the context of monogamy in a marriage, someone feeling cheated or wronged isn't because of an oppressive Christian element or a monogamous angst. It's because of being betrayed, though you didn't directed say those words it falls within the context of this thread, and your reply.

a reply to: TechniXcality

I was referring to Olarus sexual repression post more so than what you are referring to. But
I can see why you think that.

a reply to: zazzafrazz

Yes sorry not picking at you, I am somewhat sensitive and certainly biased about the whole thing.

Also I wouldn't compare the U.S to a Islamic like control system, though there are certain elements of extremism.

Where I am the majority of folks are multicultural and philosophically oriented. So also being a red blooded American,perceived slights on America tend to get me going to. Anyway good morning

a reply to: TechniXcality

I didn't say sharia.

a reply to: zazzafrazz

Yes indeed the blunder has been corrected.

It is the conceptual confusion between the decision to construct and live a life together as a couple,
and any sort of affectionate sexual relationship that causes some of the problems of feeling betrayed .

I know intimately that a lot of women will actually convince themselves that are hopelessly in love with a man, just because they had sex with him, and their mind cannot justify that except with the concept of love (in the american sense, of being an isolated and long term attachment). The modern american mindset does not even include anything in between Love (with a big L- marriage and lifelong committment) and emotionally detached sexual intercourse.
(the first being virtuous, the second being vice).*

It was rather interesting to me to discover different conceptions of love and sexual relationships besides those two!

My point being - with only those two options to fit your desires and acts into, you are undoubtedly going to have things like married people leaving their spouses for another, when they cannot otherwise make sense of a physical attraction that doesn't fit into the sinful emotionally detached (solely carnal) exchange - it can only be, then, the big L !

I do thinki that this ethical system of thought originated in religion, and spread so deeply into the culture that even atheists are carrying it. Like the so-called Protestant or Puritan ethics that influence our attitudes about money.

a reply to: Bluesma

In my opinion especially with children involved, it is nice to have a monogamous stable relationship between the parents, it's develops family cohesion, trust, and loyalty. (It's also nice to know that you are the father of the children) this is a matter of personal preference, and there is nothing objectively 'WRONG' about open relationships. However cheating in a monogamous marriage destroys relationships and trust, I have cheated I have been cheated on. I personally will not cheat again, because I value that commitment and have seen the detrimental effects first hand on the family. I truly do not believe this is a Christian monogamous angst as being implied, even in a society of free love and open relationships I would still want to center a family around those values.

a reply to: TechniXcality

He got what he deserved.
Preaching values and integrity while having none of his own.
By taking his own life he'll be on his way to hell if his beliefs are accurate.
He was a coward - that abandoned his life - his wife and his children.
We don't need him in our society attempting to guide people into the light
when he's corrupted filth.

-Toy the Bear

a reply to: Bluesma
I always enjoy your posts on this topic. Refreshing.
As I have said previously, we are not a monogamous species by nature. We can choose it, and I have no issue with those that do. It's when we lack understanding of our nature, and are in denial of it, that we run into trouble.