Respect is a 2 Way Street in any Relationship (Honesty + Trust)

Respect is a 2 Way Street in any Relationship
(Honesty + Trust)



Is having a Skype video relationship considered cheating? Do you have to physically be with someone for it to be considered cheating on your spouse? Does texting or emailing someone constitute cheating?

Cheating to me implies a relationship with sex involved, is it still cheating if there is no physical contact? Technically, not really, but there is a deeper issue involved when you are in a committed relationship, isn't there?

Being secretive and having any kind of relationship with someone other than the person you are supposed to be committed to does not necessarily constitute cheating, but it certainly undermines the relationship and the trust involved.

If you are in need of other stimulus then being committed to a monogamous relationship may not be for you, unless the stimulus is shared with that person.

Being honest is paramount for a relationship to last, the trust factor must stay intact for there to be the bond necessary for a healthy relationship. So, as long as you tell your significant other what it is you do for extra attention or share your other relationships you will maintain that trust factor. If you don't then you must not value that relationship as much as you should.

My spouse knows everything about me and I have no secrets, but that does not mean I volunteer all information. If they ask me a specific question they get the truth whatever the question is. We are all entitled to privacy and to have individual relationships independent of the committed relationship, but honesty and trust have to be forthcoming and expected for the committed relationship to work.

Insecurities play a huge role in how we feel about other peoples actions concerning us and how we deal with those insecurities also requires honesty with ourselves about the relationship itself. If we want out then we sometimes create the friction necessary to force the issue. Sometimes we sabotage the relationship on purpose because it is actually easier than confronting the obvious lack of trust and honesty involved.

Relationships are not easy and overcoming trust, honesty and insecurity issues make them even more difficult.

Cheaters are crying out for attention and affection when there is a lack of that in the relationship they are in, so, rather than cheating be honest with your partner, tell them how you feel, share your insecurities, tell them how much they mean to you and that you really don't want to look elsewhere for validation. Or be honest with yourself and recognize that you are in a relationship you no longer want.

Just ask yourself that one important question, you know the one, "How would I want to be treated?", the answer is if you are being honest with yourself, "I want to be treated with respect!" Do unto others....of course, right?

Respect is a 2 way street, to get it you have to give it.

AMEN !

If you're doing something with someone else, that would hurt your spouse and you're hiding it, it's cheating. Think how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You are sharing intimate details with another man/woman, that you would normally only share with your spouse.
People can excuse it any way they like, but they're just doing it to sooth their own conscience.

Yes it's cheating.
A relationship is emotional and physical. Doing either with another person is cheating.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

If we are going to be honest then that red font is terrible to read, it's an assault on the retinas.

But yes it true what you say, it doesn't matter how many lovers or friends you have, always hold onto the ones you can trust.

'Some friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere. But good friends are like diamonds, precious and rare.'

a reply to: DAVID64

In your opinion, I do not feel having a relationship with another person is cheating if there is no sexual activity involved, the cheating only occurs when the need to hide it is evident.

a reply to: Thecakeisalie

It was orange and I changed it just for you. Don't tell my spouse!

There are varying degrees of relationships that are forged on-line or through texting, however, they do not cross the threshold of cheating unless there is obvious intent to hide it.

The most important aspect is are you being honest with yourself and are you being trustworthy? If your partner knows and understands the reasoning behind it then cheating is not the problem, there may be some other issues, but the key is in the motives and whether or not you are hiding it.

a reply to: Bluntone22

It depends on the type of relationship and whether trust has been violated. I have forged relationships here at ATS and they do not constitute cheating yet they are emotional from time to time, so the answer is they can be cheating if there is intent to hide, invalidating trust and forging dishonesty if my spouse ask me and I choose to lie.

originally posted by: soulpowertothendegree
a reply to: DAVID64

In your opinion, I do not feel having a relationship with another person is cheating if there is no sexual activity involved, the cheating only occurs when the need to hide it is evident.

I'm glad you acknowledge that the idea is your opinion....I 100% agree with the last part of your original...if you are lacking emotional support....if you are so unhappy in your relationship...then depart and be honest about it...or as you mentioned; make an attempt to tell your partner. Beyond that I do disagree, respectfully

I think cheating is minimally about the sex and for the most part about the attachment that the cheater sought elsewhere. So yes, cheating, IMO, can absolutely happen if you are attaching to someone else and doing so behind the back of your partner. Sex never has to enter into it in order to be cheating

great topic

This is such a subjective matter that it cannot necessarily be clearly defined. That being said their are the obvious situations that that majority would feel is cheating i.e.; sex with another partner other than the one you are openly involved with without that person's knowledge.

The Japanese view on this is rather interesting and this court ruling is an example Japanese say if paid for then sex is not adultery

I personally feel as though if my mutually agreed upon committed partner whispers sweet nothings in someone else's ears yet there is no sex then I'm going to feel hurt and violated regardless if it is not technically "cheating". I would also reasonably assume that based on that behavior there was at least the intent to perform sex at some point in the future between the two.

Kissing may not be cheating and getting a lewinsky in the oval office may not be sexual relations but I'd be deeply hurt by both. So if you give your heart to someone don't go mess it up by flirting around the edge of disaster. Just my take anyway.

a reply to: KyoZero

It would have to depend on what type of attaching as you put it is occurring, not all relationships are with the requisite emotional or physical content, some of them are for mental stimulation, gender not withstanding, not all partners are capable of having a shared interest in all subjects.

However, if I am on ATS having a debate about the merits of numerology, for instance, and my partner ask me what I am doing and I say, you wouldn't understand, or mind your own business, it is still not cheating.

Not every private conversation is demonstrative of cheating, there may be some hurt feelings involved, in which case, the insecurities will play a role, but a good partner knows when to respect boundaries and have faith that there is nothing to be concerned with.

On the other hand, sharing the content may not harm the relationship, but it will still create hard feelings of the, you never trust me kind.

If my partner goes to a religious gathering and I do not go, whatever relationships they have are for them to have and if I am secure in our relationship then I will not insist they tell me everything about it.

If they want to share that is up to them.

There are many facets involved in a relationship of the committed kind, having faith that it is strong enough to allow for independent relationships, business, family, religious or otherwise, as long as there is no intent to hide a more serious minded romantically inclined relationship, is necessary. You have to trust and be honest when confronted, but be careful how you approach it.

Insecurity, paranoia, control...can not be the factors involved or the relationship is doomed anyway.

originally posted by: soulpowertothendegree
...the cheating only occurs when the need to hide it is evident.

Exactly. When I met my Ex I was with my best friend at the time. A woman. It's possible guys. There wasn't any social media of cell phones then but if there were I would have been fine sharing whatever was sent to each other. If you're not comfortable sharing what goes on between you and another woman.... you are cheating.

a reply to: TrappedPrincess

Yeah, paying for sex is only cheating if your partner is not aware of it. Flirting is harmless and strokes ego's. The line can be crossed, but having a need to carry on sexual flirtation with kissing and touching is crossing the line and is indicative of a larger problem that needs to be addressed.

If there is mutual agreement between partners then it is not cheating, but for me, I would not want my spouse to feel the need for affection from another and vice versa, otherwise, why bother being committed.

Hillary approved and that is the only reason Bill got away with that behavior, again mutual consent, piggish behavior or not.

The exchange of bodily fluids however is a health issue as well, so not telling your partner is not only cheating it is harmful to their health, too, physically and emotionally.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

Right I get what you are saying and I think their is some manner of middle ground here....but I think I require further explanation on my part

What I should clarify and say is that if you are seeking romantic/emotional attachment with another without telling your partner because you know it would hurt them then it is cheating

100% with you that all manner of private talk with outside friends, etc do not mean cheating is happening....

thanks for allowing me to clarify

a reply to: intrepid

I have had many relationships with the opposite sex while being in a committed one and the only time it ever posed a problem was when the insecurities reared their ugly head and crossed the boundaries of sense. it is aways better to be upfront and whatever insecurities there are get addressed.

There is a slippery slope when a partner insist on knowing everything and does not allow for the trust to exist. If I have done nothing wrong, questioning my integrity can be just as harmful. Still, the level of respect has to be maintained by both or the relationship is doomed, so if the insecurity of my partner needs to be dealt with for there to remain a peaceful coexistence then it depends on how much that relationship means to me versus the other relationship being called into question.

It depends what the status is at the time and if there has been an unusual amount of conflict.

originally posted by: soulpowertothendegree
Cheaters are crying out for attention and affection when there is a lack of that in the relationship they are in

I disagree with your psychological analysis, I've known plenty people who cheat just solely because they like sex.
I've never cheated on anyone I have personally committed to, but I've had sex with plenty of cheaters who didn't want a relationship, just no strings sex.
Oh, and I've never had sex with any cheating woman who's partner I have looked in the eyes.
Any other bloke I don't know then yeah, just public, ain't my problem, I'll deal with it if I have to.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

Stuff happens man. One of the first times I made love to my Ex was at Janet's(my close friend) place. She's as nuts as I am. She poked her head in the door and gave a thumbs up. I yelled "Janet!!!" For years my Ex thought I called her name out. Sometimes you've got to be understanding too.

a reply to: KyoZero

What I should clarify and say is that if you are seeking romantic/emotional attachment with another without telling your partner because you know it would hurt them then it is cheating

Not telling them period would be cheating. The hurt would happen either way. The right thing to do is not the easy thing, but a romantic involvement is not always emotional and vice versa.

I have had emotional relationships that were strictly platonic that were kept private for the simple fact that I never felt it was necessary to volunteer information,

However, if the question is posed and the lies ensue, that is a form of cheating even if there is no romance involved, that becomes a honesty and trust issue based on insecurities.

a reply to: grainofsand

Whatever the motivation behind a cheaters intentions are really do not change the fact there is a trust and honesty issues involved. If you knowingly engage in sexual activity with someone you know is in a committed relationship then you are part of the problem and obviously do not care if someone cheats on you.

That is really sad behavior by the way.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

It's only cheating if someone is knowingly hiding an aspect of a 3rd party relationship because they know it is something their partner would not like. That could be sex, emotional attachment or any other interaction.
People's relationship structures are not all the same as yours, but willful deception is universal...nobody likes that if they are at the receiving end of it.