Soul Eaters

You will notice that this post is not in the short story forum. Soul eaters are a real, present and true physical risk to all of us. They are a dark threat to us that too few, especially the MSM, are afraid to mention or even consider.

In this post, I will only consider one soul eater, one which we have effective strategies of combating. This soul eater is a memetic creature, it exists in our attitudes and thoughts. In common parlance; we call it 'a grudge' in other descriptions, we call it 'unforgiveness'.

"What," I hear you say, "we were all ready for some far-out-there doom porn and you are just talking about this"?

Yes, but bear with me, because this is a real and present threat to our health. It isn't just some BS.

Several years ago, researchers with the National Comorbidity Study asked nearly 10,000 U.S. residents, “Would you say this is true or false? I’ve held grudges against people for years.” Slightly more than 6,500 people responded to the question. Writing in the journal Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology in 2010, researchers Erick Messias, Anil Saini, Philip Sinato, and Stephen Welch report that those who said they tended to hold grudges reported higher rates of heart disease and cardiac arrest, elevated blood pressure, stomach ulcers, arthritis, back problems, headaches, and chronic pain than those who didn’t share this tendency. Though most scientists note that much more research is needed on the subject, this isn’t the only study linking unforgiveness to health problems. - Psychology Today website

The Negative Effects of Unforgiveness on Mental Health

The above links are just a few of those that relate to the detrimental effects of unforgiveness.

Basically, unforgiveness is a delayed stress response to a transgressor. It causes us to continually re-live the stressful incident and re-enforce the the negative associations. This has a direct effect on us not only psychologically, but also physiologically.

Unforgiveness is defined as an emotional imbalance.

If you consider the person who has transgressed, then they are usually entirely ignorant and free of effects of unforgiveness.

It is the victim who is further victimized by the recurrent nature of the affront. A negative feedback loop. It eats away at our souls!

So obviously, as intelligent and self actualized people, we should become cognizant of this useless and destructive response and purge it from our lives. The only truly effective way of doing so is to forgive.

To some people, forgiveness may entail a ritualistic and outward expression, even facing the transgressor and breaking the negative loop by reinforcing positives. To others (very few) forgiveness may achievable in their internal conversations.

However it is expressed in you, it is important that you do seek to forgive. It means far less to the wrongdoer that it will ever mean to you.

For your sake, forgive.

a reply to: chr0naut

Interesting to say the least, ive always tried not to hold grudges and hatred toward others as it only plays with my emotions and thoughts, not there's. I always try and make amends with those that have wronged me for years and almost immediately i feel better within and so do they so i can certainly vouch for it psychologically bringing well being but ive never considered the physical attributes and negative impact this could potentially have on me.

Good thread

So in other words, forgiving is a selfish act?

Just kidding. I agree 100% with your post. The first time I realized that a person's emotions are tied to their wellbeing is when I heard that it takes more work on the part of your facial muscles to frown than to smile. In other words, it takes less effort, literally, to be happy than to be angry.

What you're presenting takes that a few steps further, but it still makes sense. The problem is, the medical community still takes more stock in peer reviewed facts than subjective speculation. No matter how much sense it makes and no matter if it's a logical extension of something already proven.

originally posted by: Peacetime
So in other words, forgiving is a selfish act?

Just kidding. I agree 100% with your post. The first time I realized that a person's emotions are tied to their wellbeing is when I heard that it takes more work on the part of your facial muscles to frown than to smile. In other words, it takes less effort, literally, to be happy than to be angry.

What you're presenting takes that a few steps further, but it still makes sense. The problem is, the medical community still takes more stock in peer reviewed facts than subjective speculation. No matter how much sense it makes and no matter if it's a logical extension of something already proven.

Ultimately, isn't everything we do selfish by some definition, even when being unselfish, we have our own reasons.


Also,I believe that there is significant analysis, peer reviewed and accepted by the medical orthodoxy, because of the definition of unforgiveness as a stress inducer.

a reply to: chr0naut
One way to look at the situation is that the person who did something wrong to you (assuming you have a valid reason for the grudge) has injured their own karma. There is no need for you to hold a grudge, waiting for a chance to pay it back, because the person's own karma will unwind and do it for you. You may not see it, but you can relax and assume it is going to happen.

This is Buddhism's nice way of getting rid of grudges.

It's a good thing I have a bad memory about people messing with me. I may not hold a grudge, I just list them into a do not trust position in my mind. Being mad at someone is bad for your health, but not wanting to associate with someone because they you not compatable is good for your health. Just unfriend them and go your separate ways.

originally posted by: StanFL
a reply to: chr0naut
One way to look at the situation is that the person who did something wrong to you (assuming you have a valid reason for the grudge) has injured their own karma. There is no need for you to hold a grudge, waiting for a chance to pay it back, because the person's own karma will unwind and do it for you. You may not see it, but you can relax and assume it is going to happen.

This is Buddhism's nice way of getting rid of grudges.

Yes it does sound very reasonable but my suspicion is that it may not be enough for some people to release their unforgiveness and de-stress.

In a personal anecdote, some years ago, I was defrauded of a significant sum of money and attempted to recover it through the courts.

At the time, I doubt that the balance of karma would have sufficed for my mental state.

This was probably the worst and most stressful time of my life. I noted at the time that it also impacted my other relationships, causing trust issues where none existed. I also began to suffer physically, the stress becoming increasingly heavy a burden.

While I did manage to recover some money, the legal costs consumed most of what I won back. So I made a decision to forgive and reboot my life.

The weight lifted and I actually found financial freedom, realizing I could get so low financially and still survive quite well. This gave me impetus to take calculated risks and diversify, which I would not have considered in my 'old life'.

My only regret now is that I did not forgive earlier.

I've always taken it from the angle that while I would like for those people to know the hurts they did me, odds are they neither know nor care and wouldn't even if I could pour out my heart to them.

So I let it go.

All it does for me to hold on to it is make me feel bad and perpetuate that hurt. If they aren't going to care about it, why should I? It gives them way more power over me than they warrant.

Here is a simple solution:
1. Do unto others what you want others to do unto you. (you rephrase that if that to you sounds too religious)
2. Being positive and focusing of the positives of life will attract more of the positive things in your live.
3. The easiest way to be stress free, is simply cheer up.

We tend to condition ourselves to think that, I have to do so and so, to cleanse or rid my soul of anything negative, but in the true nature of things, What you put out is what you get!

It all starts with humbling yourself, and redefining your current belief systems, which basically dictates at the core what meaning we give to life as it is. Life itself is "meaningless".

Peace

Well, here's a hypothetical scenario: what if one's husband has an affair with a co-worker and leaves one to raise a child on one's own, then subsequently marries said co-worker? His career takes off, he has more kids and seems very happy? And one's life is never the same? I know several people that can fit in that scenario. How do they forgive that betrayal? Why does it seem like the adulterer gets his cake and eat it too, while the partner left behind has to struggle so hard? How can anyone forgive and forget?

I know that people will say that the universe will make it right eventually, but that's just too long sometimes!

a reply to: Lolliek

If the "cheater" so to speak decides to live his life that way he so desires, or for whatever reasons, he or she has made his or her choice. The question is whether one should allow that to affect their livelihood, is really up to the person.

Some people tend to look the other direction and move on with life, and other chose to allow this "grudges" so to speak, linger and affect their livelihood. And as the OP has pointed out, this is where the health issues come about as result of lingering on the past so to speak.

It all comes back to redefining your beliefs, and quite simply letting go of the negative feelings, because your only blocking what positive things can come about in your life.

This is really not some made up stuff, as this is really talking through real life experiences. Whether anyone choices to listen and heed of this advice, it's really of their own choosing[b].

Peace

How do I forgive? I am carrying a grudge, and I know I need to let it go for my own sake. The other person will never feel guilty, and probably doesn't even think about it, but I do, almost daily. The frequency gets less with time, but I want to be done with this, once and for all. Is there away to speed up the process of forgiving?

Beautiful post! star and flag

originally posted by: Pillywiggin
How do I forgive? I am carrying a grudge, and I know I need to let it go for my own sake. The other person will never feel guilty, and probably doesn't even think about it, but I do, almost daily. The frequency gets less with time, but I want to be done with this, once and for all. Is there away to speed up the process of forgiving?

Easiest way out is start focusing on the things that genuinely excite you, when you start perusing the things that excite, it simply is being true to yourself.

The more excitement you put out, your life will transform for the better. Excitement itself should talk care of any grudges you may have had against anyone.

Or simply shout out to yourself, "I am fully ashamed of holding grudges about so and so as full as I can", and probably throw in a guilty shame party invite your friends and enjoy. You won't even realize your grudges going out the door, cause you didn't invite it .

Peace

a reply to: chr0naut

Excellent teaching

Excellent thread

S&F

originally posted by: Pillywiggin
How do I forgive? I am carrying a grudge, and I know I need to let it go for my own sake. The other person will never feel guilty, and probably doesn't even think about it, but I do, almost daily. The frequency gets less with time, but I want to be done with this, once and for all. Is there away to speed up the process of forgiving?

Absolutely, there are ways to speed things up but I would like to refer you to someone far better qualified than myself:

How Do You Forgive Even When It Feels Impossible? - Andrea Brandt Ph.D. M.F.T. in Psychology Today

Understand that forgiveness is a process but is such a worthwhile one. It is personally empowering that you can overcome such things.

originally posted by: Lolliek
Well, here's a hypothetical scenario: what if one's husband has an affair with a co-worker and leaves one to raise a child on one's own, then subsequently marries said co-worker? His career takes off, he has more kids and seems very happy? And one's life is never the same? I know several people that can fit in that scenario. How do they forgive that betrayal? Why does it seem like the adulterer gets his cake and eat it too, while the partner left behind has to struggle so hard? How can anyone forgive and forget?

I know that people will say that the universe will make it right eventually, but that's just too long sometimes!

Can you see that in the scenario, the negative scene is re-enacted in the mind of person who cannot forgive. Their focus plays on to someone else, requiring the resolution to hopefully arise externally.

it doesn't resolve for the person stuck in the mindset. It is a victim mentality.

a reply to: chr0naut

Very interesting! Yes, I do see it. I'm going to print out the article by Dr. Brandt and pass it along. Thank you!

a reply to: InnerPeace2012
Thank put for the advice. You are definitely right about refocusing my attention on my goals and positive things. I'll put your suggestion about yelling out loud into action. I'm not sure about the party, though. I really don't want others who know me in person to know how petty I can be.

a reply to: chr0naut

Thank you for the link. I enjoyed the article, especially where it discussed being ready to forgive, and how forgiving doesn't mean you have to forget, think that the way you were treated is all right , or keep that person in your life.