My experience as diagnosed schizoaffective

Right now i am completely stable, i havent had any hallucinations in a while and my mind is calm. right now i feel like my old self as before i was diagnosed as schizoaffective.

From my understanding schizoaffective means you are schizophrenic with anxiety and depression, or added bipolar all fit into one diagnoses.

Every month I go to Directions for living in clearwater for a fluphenazine injection into one of my arms, rotated to a different arm each time. the needle is very thick and the viscous liquid going into your muscle can hurt alot, sometimes its not so bad.

I was diagnosed schizoaffective when i was between 20 and 21 years of age, and i am now 24 so i have a few years experience with this disorder.

Tactile, Auditory, and visual hallucinations have all occured to me in different ways. on the day of my grandfathers funeral, before i was diagnosed, i hallucinated a cloud that looked like an angel with the sun as its halo. When i had seen this i thought it was so beautiful i broke down and cried my eyes out. Later on i ended up hallucinating things like the clouds arranged into a stairway to heaven, and i saw the tree of life encircled in the clouds.

I hallucinate auditory hallucinations and tactile hallucinations as well. Ive heard voices come to me once in a while, usually its a female voice and the first time it came to me it told me it was the egyptian goddess Isis. The voices i hear are different than the voices in my head because i can hear them through my ears instead of within my mind. sometimes i cant control what im thinking and voices in my head will act like people i know.

For tactile, i hallucinate the emotions and facial expressions of other people i know when i think something or say something. It feels like it overlaps my face and i cant control these emotions they will make me cry or laugh and its not myself doing it, its very hard to explain. I also feel a tingling sensation in the head area above the ears all around the head as if you were wearing a tiara or crown. At first i thought it was communicating with me because i would ask or think something and i would feel this incredible tingling sensation that feels better than an orgasm.

it makes me sad and depressed that the voices that come to me may not be real because they seem so awesome and powerful.
and i have mad anxiety that i take Xanax for because im always scared and anxious for the next hallucination. i dont take any medication for depression anymore because ive heard that they can make you suicidal.

I am even shizoaffective in my dreams(which are crazy dreams.)

Really im just wondering if anyone else on ATS is like me and have any experience with voices and hallucinations, because part of me wants to believe there is more to it than just a medical diagnoses.

a few weeks ago i hallucinated two birds that appeared on my stomach when i was laying down, i tried to grab them but they turned into mice and ran up my chest and then down my back. it scared the living hell out of me.

cheers

because part of me wants to believe there is more to it than just a medical diagnoses.

Please, for your safety and the safety of others, don't start thinking these voices are anything but a hallucination. They are only in your mind and have no control over you. They are not messages from God [ any God ] and they are not your friends. They are not angels sending you messages or aliens or anything else but the product of your own mind. If you ever feel the need to act on something they tell you, please seek help immediately. Call a friend, relative, your doctor, emergency services, someone, anyone who can help you. Please don't let anyone tell you it's your inner voices or that you need to listen to the "voices in your heart" or some other crap. It's a disease and you seem to be handling it well, so far. Don't go down that road.

originally posted by: DAVID64

because part of me wants to believe there is more to it than just a medical diagnoses.

Please, for your safety and the safety of others, don't start thinking these voices are anything but a hallucination. They are only in your mind and have no control over you. They are not messages from God [ any God ] and they are not your friends. They are not angels sending you messages or aliens or anything else but the product of your own mind. If you ever feel the need to act on something they tell you, please seek help immediately. Call a friend, relative, your doctor, emergency services, someone, anyone who can help you. Please don't let anyone tell you it's your inner voices or that you need to listen to the "voices in your heart" or some other crap. It's a disease and you seem to be handling it well, so far. Don't go down that road.

The voices have never told me to "Do" anything. i know some people get voices that make them act out certain things, but i was thinking something incredibly evil once and the female voice came to me and told me it would never let me do that evil thing.

a reply to: Belcastro


That's great! At least you hear positive messages and not ones telling you to hurt yourself or others. Keep fighting. It maybe a long road but you've taken the first steps.

There was an interesting article about a Amazonian shaman who visited a psyche ward in America. Basically what he said was "So this is how you treat your emerging shamans/healers". To him he saw not people that were ill, but people that needed shamanic spiritual help. In his community the same people would be initiated in several ceremonies that would allow the person to regain there "sanity" and even become a healer for others. What this suggests is that "hallucinations" may actually be alternate realities seeping into ones everyday "regular consciousness". Most likely dimethyltriptamine plays a critical role in this process. Interestingly, it is typically released during periods of stress.

a reply to: Belcastro

Hi Belcastro,

Thanks for the description. Interesting to read your experience.

I sometimes wonder if it is in part the dream state breaking through into consciousness. I say this because the hallucinations are acting on all the senses. To affect all the senses like that would be severe brain damage yet it does not show up like that. It seems to be such a dominant experience in the psyche generally and I think there is a process acting upon the region where we process the senses centrally into coherent perception. It may only be a slight intermittent chemical anomaly and ranging in severity.

You know when people see things that we call mysteries may be they are just times when this happens and that it is common to a great many people to have the odd "experience".

The human race has had an interesting relationship with its members who experience these altered states. Once revered as shamans and healers now tossed to the margins of mental illness labels and a social taboo almost. It may just be that these experiences shaped so much of our early development. Artists have deliberately used dissociation of the senses to achieve original ideas.

Just because certain human conditions are not comfortable does not mean they are redundant and quite possibly may be very important in evolutionary terms.

I keep ever hoping for a widening of perception and understanding of mental conditions. We need to penetrate them socially, psychologically and biologically, not just block them out with these awfully strong and potentially harmful if used long term drugs. We need to imagine around these issues and develop a quantum approach.

a reply to: Belcastro

Belcastro, I trust that you understand that Oannes has presented a distorted view of mental health from a pagan society and it has no relationship to your situation. Keep taking the meds that allow you to function normally in our society.

I have a son similarly effected. Good luck.

originally posted by: Aliensun
a reply to: Belcastro

Belcastro, I trust that you understand that Oannes has presented a distorted view of mental health from a pagan society and it has no relationship to your situation. Keep taking the meds that allow you to function normally in our society.

I have a son similarly effected. Good luck.

Not so fast, Slick. It may be you who has the distorted view of mental health. How boring to have to live under the oppressive narrow mindedness of your stereotype, "Keep taking the meds".

You are acting so naively because so many people who have mental health conditions now don't use meds and there are other approaches available. It is to me lacking in imagination and is certainly not solving any problem of prevalence, treating the symptoms and not the source. Psychology and sociology are changing rapidly, so is medicine.

I am NOT saying don't use meds if you are prescribed them. I am just not content with this ridiculous medicate it if you can't understand it attitude. It is going nowhere fast. We know this by the amount of U.S children who are prescribed psychiatric drugs.

originally posted by: Revolution9

originally posted by: Aliensun
a reply to: Belcastro

Belcastro, I trust that you understand that Oannes has presented a distorted view of mental health from a pagan society and it has no relationship to your situation. Keep taking the meds that allow you to function normally in our society.

I have a son similarly effected. Good luck.

Not so fast, Slick. It may be you who has the distorted view of mental health. How boring to have to live under the oppressive narrow mindedness of your stereotype, "Keep taking the meds".

You are acting so naively because so many people who have mental health conditions now don't use meds and there are other approaches available. It is to me lacking in imagination and is certainly not solving any problem of prevalence, treating the symptoms and not the source. Psychology and sociology are changing rapidly, so is medicine.

I am NOT saying don't use meds if you are prescribed them. I am just not content with this ridiculous medicate it if you can't understand it attitude. It is going nowhere fast. We know this by the amount of U.S children who are prescribed psychiatric drugs.

You need to be careful, its not only his life but maybe the life of others as well, Its a question should posts like this be on ATS at all as there are lots of "snake oil" sales people here who dont think of the affect of what they write back. Please note I dont see you as such, but what you write should be seen as how it will affect a person who suffers from a mental disorder both in a good way and bad. Take care

a reply to: Revolution9

You are not helping either.
Plus, you put a point on how some people tend to want to create or push their own reality when it obviously is not working. In reality, you work with what works. Not for some pie-in-the-sky ideals that have little merit in the here and now.

Our OP is having trouble functioning in a normal life. And you offer what....what?

a reply to: Belcastro

My opinion as a spiritual person, since I am unqualified to give you any other opinion.

If the visions and voices were from God you would not have to ask if they were. Nor would they cause you any fear or anxiety.

God allows for a world full of Chaos and you are experiencing part of that Chaos. But God himself is not Chaos. If you read the words of Jesus you can see one who spoke to God but only found peace and harmony in doing so.

Your fear and anxiety are from a source of Chaos not from the peace amd harmony found in God.
Since your condition causes fear and anxiety and you are uncertain I would say the diagnosis is likely correct and you should keep following your doctors directions.

When meditating it is normal to have visions and hear voices, because you are seeking answers. These are things I have experienced but they are always instructions and life lessons that I was seeking. Answers can come in various forms through meditation but they always bring peace and harmony to life, never fear and anxiety.

a reply to: Belcastro

Lol, I was thinking then of Christ. Christ helped people who were in certain mental states that were hurting them or others around them. At the same time Christ was accused of being mentally ill or having a demon as understanding was back then. How ironic.

Is it suiting us any more to think of mental illness under these old descriptions and attitudes? I can even argue that it will save an awful lot of money, crime, violence, suicide, etc by addressing these issues with imagination and understanding. We say that the OP is ill because he/she has a few visions. Yet we call the guy who goes out and blows a lot of people up a terrorist. It is quite clear to me who the really mentally ill person is.

I am bi polar. I would not trade this for anything. I love it. It gives to me rather than takes away. I enjoy the roller coaster ride and diversity afforded by an ever changing mood-scape.

Over the past couple of years I have slowly developed my own coping mechanisms without medication. It works great. Here in the UK they have a good attitude to mental health freedom wise. The professionals that have been involved with me are fully supportive of actions because they are showing to work. I think freely around this condition. I have developed a love for it and that is when I started to conquer any negativity of its presence.

a reply to: Isurrender73

Sure just peace and harmony, if you ignore the poor guy ran off into the desert and lost all his friends got paranoid and kiled, just a fluffy, lovely experience.
Religion and schizophrenia affect the exact same regions of our brains. With simple diagnostic means there is no factual difference, they are one and the same.

a reply to: Belcastro

Thanks for sharing i am always fascinated to read or hear other peoples experiences and am currently treating my own share of psychosis. The big question is always what you take away from the experiences you had and i learned a lot, nobody forces me to take the medicine and i actually had a lot of fun in between, i suffered too but i feel like it was totally worth it. I am a better person now, more honest to myself and aware of my needs, wiser and older (just kidding the wise and old)...

a reply to: Belcastro

Since the argument has erupted, and speaking as a person with mental health diagnoses, I will add this - in earnest and with only good intentions.

Trust the people around you for guidance in these matters... Family, friends, associates. Let them and their observations serve as your yardstick regarding whether or not you are behaving in a healthy manner. I know, from personal experience, that we can lack perspective about these things during flare-ups.

As for medication? If the symptoms you experience without medication disrupt your ability to function and interact with the world, then medication is a proper response. It can be easy for us to get lost in our own thoughts and stop caring about how those thoughts effect those who care about us. We can become very selfish with these things. I personally try to keep this always in mind - as the last thing I want is for my own ego to cause avoidable collateral damage to the people I love.

Best wishes to you going forward. Thank you for having the courage to share.

a reply to: Hefficide

Really good advice that. I verbally applaud you.

a reply to: Hefficide

Sanity prevails.

I am not schizophrenic. I do however deal with a rather sincere problem with anxiety and depression as a result of the impact that anxiety has on my life.

As it is hereditary for me, and therefore a lifelong issue, I've been on a gambit of medications. Currently, zoloft, lorazepam, gabopentin, and topomax.

The lorazepam is a love/hate scenario. For me anxiety is a far more physical thing. It is rather like a seizure, actually. So a medication that impacts the central nervous system is very necessary. However, when I first started on it in 2008 it was a .25mg dose. Damned near floored me. Today, 4.5mg barely touches me. Not addictive, but the rate at which you build a tolerance is wickedly evil. Chasing the dragon is putting it mildly. Alcohol will work in a pinch, but I tend to go overboard, and my liver has voiced a displeasure to this.

For the past two weeks, everyday at work has meant a panic attack, of moderate or worse severity.

Hang in there. And know that you're not the only one, my friend.

Welp, there goes thousands of years of spirituality, soul searching, questioning ourselves and experiencing visions….

nowadays, just "take the meds".

I don't hear anything particularly threatening in these images or feelings as portrayed by the OP. This is not someone who is plotting to take a rifle to a mall or movie theatre, hurt children or drive their car off the cliff.

These visions aren't threatening in that manner, I would try not to fear them as much as just let them wash over you when they come, keep your minds eye open to whatever the messages are, without over reacting or acting upon them.

Sure they are frightening, they are outside our realm of every day experience.

Seeing as how the preponderance of replies point to somethings wrong, science and medicine are the 'cure', I'
ll leave it at that.

a reply to: nullafides

In contrast I am at the peak of health, able to cycle miles and miles, with an athletic physique, eating really healthy food, playing my instruments and looking very young for my age.

In all my life I only spent one occasion for a month on a rehab ward in Paris. After that I devoted my time to learning about myself and have put the effort in.

Drugs if necessary yes, but come on, we can't keep doing this stuff to people like messing up their bodies. Thank goodness I have nice professionals who understand all this and a government that doesn't force medication down peoples' throats. For what reason other countries do force this on people I really dooo not know, but can guess!

a reply to: Revolution9

I see and hear this from my son: "I don't have a problem. YOU have a problem," as he attempts to tell me wild stories.

I'm done on this thread.