Depersonalisation/Derealisation

Something that has been happening to me for a few weeks now... after some (online) research, I ended up accepting it's depersonalisation/derealisation. I was wondering if anybody here has some experience with it.

Here's what I've been going thorough:

It started a few weeks ago. I was washing my hands before going to bed and I looked at the mirror. I just couldn't recognise myself. I knew it was me, I could tell the features were "right", but it didn't feel like it was me. I stared at my reflection for some time and all I could think was "have I always looked like this? I thought I was different".

As you can imagine, that was scary as hell.

However, it was also pretty late, about four or five in the morning. So I assumed I was just extremely tired, went to bed and that was it. Next day, I was completely able to recognise my reflection.

That said, this has happened a couple other times after this incident. Since the first time it happened went away after I had gotten a good night's sleep, I decided the other times were just a consequence of being too tired.

Another thing that has happened: a couple weeks ago, I was driving. I was on a highway and going rather fast (it was a highway, after all), but then the car in front of me stopped abruptly. I hit the break in time, but it was scary...

...except that I wasn't scared? I was suddenly hit by the feeling that I was dreaming. I knew I wasn't dreaming, I have been lucid dreaming for many years now, I can tell the difference between dreams and reality pretty well. But the FEELING was there.

I assumed (I do a lot of assuming, I know) it was a reaction to stress. It was a considerably dangerous situation and I figured it was my brain's way of coping with it. The feeling went away in less than an hour.

Last night, though... I was driving, again, but I was stuck. Traffic jam. Nothing serious, I was listening to music, minding my own business. And then I started feeling weird. I felt strangely disconnected to everything around me. And disconnected to myself. I was really numb. Paradoxically, I also felt like was on the verge of having a terrible panic attack. I have no idea how it's possible to be both numb and extremely anxious, but that was what I was feeling.

And this lasted for many hours.

I was terrified and I seriously considered that I was actually losing my mind and going officially crazy. Once I got home, I started looking around the internet, and this is when I ran into depersonalisation/derealisation.

So, ATS... anyone out there who's been through this? If so, maybe we could talk?

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a reply to: olaru12

Thanks, I'll read that!

Yeah, I'm gonna call someone on Monday to see what can be done/if I need to get checked... worst case scenario, they lock me up.

As for substances, I've never tried any, so I can say for sure it's not that...

It's scary as hell, though.

I know the feeling all too well. It can be frightening. Like somehow suddenly being shocked awake, only to find that nothing is real. Seems to happen in high stress situations, or when you're super tired. Associated with anxiety and panic. Not good at all.
Feels like the conscious mind is recoiling and going on auto pilot, while you're left just watching it all happen. A total disconnect. Like watching a movie. Some times with an acute sense of deja vu.
Some say it's the loss of ego required for spiritual enlightenment.
But I don't like it.

Eta: Yes, substances can bring it on as well. Also head injuries.

originally posted by: IridiumFlareMadness
Feels like the conscious mind is recoiling and going on auto pilot, while you're left just watching it all happen. A total disconnect. Like watching a movie.

Yes! That's exactly it!

originally posted by: IridiumFlareMadness
Seems to happen in high stress situations, or when you're super tired. Associated with anxiety and panic. Not good at all.

Based on my experiences, that's what I had assumed so, and it does make sense...

Not good at all, I agree.

a reply to: LukeDAP

It had happened a couple of times to me when I stopped taking my anti-epileptic drugs, after I had been taking them for more than 20 years. I would suddenly wake up and didn't know who I was or how I was called or where I was. It is very frightening. I can only assume you are experiencing a lot of stress and this is a way your mind is trying to cope with it. If so, try to do something about it before it gets out of control and you start having panic attacks every day like I did.

a reply to: Alexander1111

Wow, that sounds way more frightening than what I've been through, to be honest. I'm sorry this happened to you.

I've decided it'd be better if I just started with either a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Not sure which one, though. I'll do some research this weekend... any suggestions?

I've had this pretty permanently for about nine years now. It was really bad when I was taking medicines. I can make it worse by eating certain foods, foods that actually share chemistry with the medicines I was taking.

Did you recently start taking any meds, especially anti-seizure meds? Have you started taking any supplements or made a change in your diet? If you disrupt the methylation cycle this can occur sometimes.

Depersonalisation disorder can actually be a good thing once you learn to utilize how to use it.

Try taking a multivitamin/multimineral pill for a week, it can help sometimes.

a reply to: LukeDAP

It's a bit late but hello....I'd be quite happy to talk to you if interested. I work with a few clients who have diagnosed with the symptoms and one specifically with DP disorder. I of course offer no professional advice online but will happily point you to a few options.

I have had the depersonalization only for the last couple of months and I know the feeling. It's quite fascinating yet disturbing at times.

But if you'd like to chat feel free to drop me a line

Oops, sorry, guys, I got distracted by... well, nothing important, to be honest. I just forget sometimes to check my posts/threads. But thank you so much for your posts!

a reply to: rickymouse

a reply to: KyoZero

I haven't been taking anything lately... so it can't be any meds.

I've been paying extra attention to myself these past few days and I've noticed I have extreme mood swings. The weirdest thing about them is that sometimes I'll be really angry and start shouting a lot, but then it's over pretty quickly and I feel tired. Once I decide to chill and maybe take a nap, it's like my body doesn't need the sleep, but my mind does.

I have to seriously consider I have some sort of mood disorder, some type of bipolar disorder or something, since this can't be normal. And if that's true, I guess the stress all these mood swings cause my body may be responsible for those depersonalisation/derealisation episodes.

Of course, this is nothing but assumption on my part. I'm a little confused to what I should do, as in, which type of professional I should look for. Psychologist? Psychiatrist? I can get both on my health insurance, so that shouldn't be a problem. I just... haven't had the best of luck with the ones I've seen. But if I have to go - and I feel like I will, at some point - then so be it.

Any suggestions?

a reply to: LukeDAP

Well as a bipolar I client myself and a therapist...I typically will suggest both with one caution. You can always see a psychologist/therapist and it is a great start. Though I am on medication personally and I am a proponent of it, I always request people think long and hard about benefits versus cost. All meds have capabilities to carry some minor and some rough side effects with them. Quick anger that fizzles quickly can be many things including a sign of bipolar disorder. Most people think that bipolar means either overly happy or depressed but anger is one they don't hear as often.

I would suggest talking to a professional near you...and if you think medication is going to help, find a psychiatrist with good reputation which you can find on various MD ratings sites

I wish you the best of luck