Online dating.......

So recently, a friend of mine told me I should try online dating because I'm single.

Being an ATSer, I do my research, and I find what is as far as I can tell the best app for this.

POF

Well you first 5 mins a lady messages me, within a couple of days she asks for my number so she can call me.

I give it to her.

In less than 15 mins on the phone and a dozen texts, she breaks out the nudes.

And just keeps sending me ever more vulgar pics, then she starts freaking out about 2 days after I gave her my number, that she texted me and I didn't respond within 5 mins.

Then she starts demanding things, like "you better answer me when I text you!! ".

I haven't talked to her since, should I just cut her off?

It seems obvious to me I should.

But she isn't the only one, there are more horror stories, several more, and I have only been doing it for a week now. What the actual #!!!!?????

On a brighter note, I have met a couple of normal females, and met one, we have plans for later in the week.

I told her when she asked about meeting " my name is XXXX, I work at XXXXX XXXX, I am the head of their XXXX department, just stop by at your leisure and check me out. If you want to say hi at that point go ahead, if not, walk away, no stress, no worries, for either of us. "

She did, and she brought her son, she was normal we chatted, we kind of hit it off.

She told me I should ask out some other ladies also, but that isn't me.

What does ATS think, is the the new normal?

Dating enmass until you find someone you can stand to be around?

Maybe I'm a prude, but that is so fraking tacky and distasteful! I don't even send nudes to my husband! But that's just my personal preference.

Sounds like the normal lady may in fact be normal. You giving her an option to check you out without pressure is an amazing idea!!!!

I met my wife online, but not on a dating site. It was a social site sort of like facebook, but not as stupid.

I have been on dating sites and I can only suggest to be very thorough in your profile, especially the "what I'm looking for" section. There are a lot of great gals to be found, you just have to be vigilant. If this woman turns you off, I'd tell her the two of you are incompatible and continue the search.

Good luck to you

originally posted by: chelsdh
Maybe I'm a prude, but that is so fraking tacky and distasteful! I don't even send nudes to my husband! But that's just my personal preference.

Sounds like the normal lady may in fact be normal. You giving her an option to check you out without pressure is an amazing idea!!!!

I just want to find a normal female to spend some time with, if we get along great!!

If not, OK that is cool too.

That is just my style, I don't ask others to do anything they don't want to.

Especially not MY lady .

I thought it only fare to give such an open option, show up or don't, say or not.

No pressure, no worries, if it is meant to be, it will be, if it isn't, it will sort itself out.

a reply to: johnwick
My buddy is on there. Nothing like that's happened to him. Weird. I'd cut her off. Go for the normal ones.
I'd like to say, you should never give your personal email or phone number out unless you know you can trust whoever it is you're talking to. Some people on dating sites sell info like your email address or whatever to spammers, who then spam the hell out of you. Be careful.

originally posted by: mymymy
I met my wife online, but not on a dating site. It was a social site sort of like facebook, but not as stupid.

I have been on dating sites and I can only suggest to be very thorough in your profile, especially the "what I'm looking for" section. There are a lot of great gals to be found, you just have to be vigilant. If this woman turns you off, I'd tell her the two of you are incompatible and continue the search.

Good luck to you

I did tell her, I'm not going to be in another relationship where I have to give her my total attention at all times.

And that we weren't compatible, that is the last time I responded to a text.

a reply to: johnwick

Online dating is so hard man...it depends on your age too....I had very similar experineces as you and then id have the ones that just want to chat and never actually meet. This one girl was my best candidate back when I was into it and she told me she was really happy to E meet me and would love to meet up...then every time I asked she had an excuse not to. Needless to say I moved on then she messaged me upset asking why I didn't talk to her anymore. I said I didn't want to be text buddies for 2 months and never meet her. I think some are looking for attention...some are desperate..and you said it...the "new norm"....

I have not tried tinder but I heard the idea is really cool.

Correct me if I am wrong but you search through photos swipe one way for yes, other way for no of women or men in your area, depending on your preference.
If you and your potential mate both say yes, it will I think it will let you message. Also I think your phones will notify you when ever you walk past someone that you said yes to and they said yes back, so you could meet in a semi-organic way.

Does that make sense? I might be completely wrong, my sister tried to explain it to me.

a reply to: johnwick
I have very little experience with online dating; but, if a fella had given me the option to stop by at his work and check him out, that would have been so awesome! I only met guys from online a handful of times and it was very nerve racking!

originally posted by: Skid Mark
a reply to: johnwick
My buddy is on there. Nothing like that's happened to him. Weird. I'd cut her off. Go for the normal ones.
I'd like to say, you should never give your personal email or phone number out unless you know you can trust whoever it is you're talking to. Some people on dating sites sell info like your email address or whatever to spammers, who then spam the hell out of you. Be careful.

Lol, ironically, one lady messaged me for some NSA(no strings attached ) fun.

I was kinda put off, but maybe it will be fun who knows.

Right before we are supposed to meet she says, " I just want to make sure you are not a bad guy, type your personal info into this site for a background check ".

I know I have a flawless background, I can see her not wanting a rapist etc.

The web site demanded my card number for a background check... Sskkkrreeeeeeettt!!!!


Lol, I'm an ATSer I know how carders work, I called her out, no more responses period.

There were 2 other attempts to card me, and a stalker, my brother saw and recognized her, after he pointed her out, I looked over see startled and drove off when she saw me.

originally posted by: chelsdh
a reply to: johnwick
I have very little experience with online dating; but, if a fella had given me the option to stop by at his work and check him out, that would have been so awesome! I only met guys from online a handful of times and it was very nerve racking!

I know how hard that is, I have been on blind dates.

I just figured, it is the best way to no pressure give an option.

I give you schedule, my real name, and we will see what happens.

It was that or meet me out in the middle of nowhere late at night.... Ya not really that is creepy even if you are a guy.

Why not make it as easy and open ended as possible, no commitment, no stress no worries, on either side.

At least though when she came over, I was busting my butt working like hell, that always makes a guy look good.

The ladies do like a hard working man.

All I can say is these freaks give the rest of us a bad name....
sigh....

Crayzeeeeeeee! Run, don't walk!!!

a reply to: johnwick

It's probably a dude.

a reply to: johnwick

People like that give dating sites a bad name, man. I'm glad that you didn't fall for the scam.
Also, be careful of meeting someone. Make sure it's in public. "She" could be a guy or have a guy with her and they could attempt to rob you or worse. I've heard horror stories. Good luck on the site. My buddy's been there for a couple years and no luck.

a reply to: johnwick

So recently, a friend of mine told me I should try online dating because I'm single.

I don't know anything about online dating but I do know a great plot for a screenplay when I see one.

Thanks!!!

originally posted by: Swills
a reply to: johnwick

It's probably a dude.

Bwahahaha!!!!!

That had occurred to me.

originally posted by: olaru12
a reply to: johnwick

So recently, a friend of mine told me I should try online dating because I'm single.

I don't know anything about online dating but I do know a great plot for a screenplay when I see one.

Thanks!!!

No problem, but I get a 2 percent gratuity.

I've met great friends online, the men seem to get on my nerves very quickly. There has only been one guy I talked to long enough that maybe he would meet my kids, and then he got on my nerves.

I also actually went on a date that I didn't know was a date. I thought we were just hanging out. Oh the embarrassment, when I told my friends that!

I wrote this on another thread about the same subject and thought it would be appropriate to copy it here.

I've met a few girls from online dating sites... And usually (in my experience), there's something wrong with them that causes them to be rejected by everyone else.

I tried something of a little experiment one time. I decided to see what it was like being female on a dating site. I got a bunch of pictures of some random girl; just an average-looking, everyday girl. Then I set up a simple fake profile with those pictures. I didn't write much on the profile, just enough to not leave it completely blank.
And I was completely inundated with messages from guys of all ages. Hundreds of messages. And they're all the same too. "Hey baby, you look good, we should get together", "Hey, you're pretty hot, wanna meet up sometime?", "Hey, if you send me pics of your boobs, I'll show you my d**k".
So I was left wondering... Why the hell are women putting themselves out there on online dating sites, when this is the result? And then I get back to what I said at the beginning. There's usually something wrong with them. The last girl I met from a dating site seemed all fine and nice, but then I found out she was a drug addict. Another I met before her was perfectly normal... Until I found out she has to wear a wig because she rips her hair out, and also has a voracious appetite for sex (she now has sexually-transmitted diseases). Another girl I met online I'd only been talking to a short time when one night she texts me and tells me she's sitting outside my house. A huge portion of profiles I see on one particular site are women who have one or more children and demand that the male be ok with that and good with kids, ie "take care of my kids for me". Aside from that, half the profiles are generic, cookie-cutter things that don't even differentiate the person from anyone else. "I like music and going to the movies and sometimes I like to stay at home and relax".
I do have to clarify something though. I'm not necessarily judging anyone. I really could care less if someone is a drug addict, or a sex freak... whatever. I had a best friend who was mentally ill. I had friends who did drugs. I had friends who had kids. It doesn't bother me. I have my own problems like anyone else, so I'm not looking down on anyone. The point I'm making is there's a reason many women are on online dating sites.

But let's not generalize all these women, because that's ignorant. Let's say for example, maybe only 1% of them fit the above. The other 99% are perfectly rounded, normal individuals. So let's look at it from the guy's side.
You're a guy and you make a profile on a dating site. Be prepared to have a soaring-high self-confidence. You could be the nicest guy in the world, but the harsh reality is, every time you message a girl on a dating site, there's a hundred other guys trying to say whatever they can to hook up with her. You're going to get rejected... ALOT. You might be having long, awesome conversations with someone over the course of several days or weeks, and then *poof*, she stops talking to you. No more conversation. Now imagine this happening over and over and over again for months or even years. It's easy for any guy to start to wonder things... "Is something wrong with me? Am I not attractive enough? Did I say the wrong thing and scare her away? Is she ignoring me because she found someone more interesting? Was she just looking for someone to have sex with?" I've personally faced this dilemma many times. I'd be talking to some girl for quite some time, and she seems all excited to meet me and expresses her desire to get together and do something... And then suddenly, she's gone. Probably because she decided one of the hundreds of other guys messaging her was better.

a reply to: johnwick

First off, that crazy chick you mentioned first, yes, cut her off.

Second, POF doesn't exactly have the best quality people. After all, it's free, so it attracts undesirables by default. That said, I am sure there are some decent girls on there.

But yes, you kinda have to "date around" to find someone with whom you are compatible (relationship-wise) or who you can tolerate (if you ant someone to hang out and do things with) so you're not alone. Dating is a headache. I hate it. I'm the type of person who doesn't want to go through all the hoops and BS associated with dating, and it's all a game anyway as much as we wish it weren't. I'd much rather date just *one* person, and, even though there are differences between us, they're not exactly deal breakers, instead of going on a date with one person every week until you want to have a second date, and maybe that's the problem (or a blessing) in modern times and with technology: there's so much available and from which to choose, we rarely want to put forth the effort into developing something. All partners have their issues and things they have to work through because everyone is different, yet people seem to be too lazy to want to put forth that effort.

There are some people who are genuinely serious about finding someone and will put all their cards on the table, but once again, it has to be someone with whom there is chemistry.

If you're serious about finding a partner, or a girlfriend, and not just casually dating, I suggest trying some other (paid) sites where you can at least filter out some of the lower class freaks, but there you also run into a different class of girl, some that are complete snobs.

You just gotta weed through all the BS.

Happy searching.