For all my pretension of intellect, I am stumped. Assistance would be welcome.

Hi bro,

First off, I'd just like to say that I don't like seeing you upset. At all. Ever.
2nd, (as others have pointed out) it is not selfish/greedy/wretched etc to want to be loved by a partner. It is a perfectly natural thing to desire.

Now, to the meat and bones...

Do YOU REALLY want a partner? YES/NO

If the answer is YES, then... maybe try asking....

What are you looking for in a partner?
What type of person will they be?
What values will they have?
What interests will they have?
Where does that sort of person hang out?

Now, Does your life currently allow you to find & interact with people of that particular variety?
(i.e. Are you meeting potential partners but just not converting those into a relationship, or are you not meeting anyone who could potentially "fit the bill" at all?)
If you ARE meeting them, then great - it's probably just a matter of time. (Unless you are putting them all off somehow?)
If you are NOT meeting them, then you maybe need to change your routine?
Hang out where you are more likely to bump into the type of person you've described above?
Join a club, group, class.... volunteer... mix things up a bit... widen your circle of acquaintances.
If you REALLY want to meet someone, what are you currently doing to make it happen? (I don't mean trying to "force" it to happen, that never works, but if you really want it to happen - why not make it easier for fate to intervene!)

Lastly, it might help to review EXACTLY what it is that you are looking for.
I have a theory that every person on the planet is a unique individual, so - if there is such a thing as the Ideal Partner, there can be only One (for each person), because we are ALL DIFFERENT.
The chances of finding that one are several billion to one, so it makes practical sense for most of us to settle for slightly less than the 100% Ideal. So, we settle for 99%, 95% maybe even 90% of what would be Ideal.
(Have a think about it - Who do you know who has a 100% PERFECT relationship????)

The problems arise when we set the bar too high.... and miss out on potentially great relationships.
Or set the bar too low.... and end up in relationships that are not very fulfilling or satisfying.

I think, The trick is to set the bar at the correct level!!

I wish you all the very best.

G

originally posted by: Gordi The Drummer
Hi bro,

First off, I'd just like to say that I don't like seeing you upset. At all. Ever.
2nd, (as others have pointed out) it is not selfish/greedy/wretched etc to want to be loved by a partner. It is a perfectly natural thing to desire.

So I am told... that does not, however, lessen the sensation in my gut!

Now, to the meat and bones...

Do YOU REALLY want a partner? YES/NO

If the answer is YES, then... maybe try asking....

What are you looking for in a partner?
What type of person will they be?
What values will they have?
What interests will they have?
Where does that sort of person hang out?

What am I looking for? The answer to all of these questions is, I have no idea. You see, I have tried no expectations, I have tried all expectations, and all I have learned is that I have no idea what to look for, because first, I have to have some expectation of simple honesty, and even that simple thing is a) hard to find, and b) not always an indicator of suitability, I am stumped there! I am hoping I will know when such a person comes into my life.

Now, Does your life currently allow you to find & interact with people of that particular variety?
(i.e. Are you meeting potential partners but just not converting those into a relationship, or are you not meeting anyone who could potentially "fit the bill" at all?)
If you ARE meeting them, then great - it's probably just a matter of time. (Unless you are putting them all off somehow?)

In your experience, does it put ladies off when doors are opened for them, when they are seated before you are, when they are treated like ladies, and referred to in human terms, rather than as conquests to be attained? If not, then I would say that there is no off putting happening... unless you count the time I walked into a local bar with a suit jacket and no shirt... to be fair, it was damned hot that day!

Join a club, group, class.... volunteer... mix things up a bit... widen your circle of acquaintances.
If you REALLY want to meet someone, what are you currently doing to make it happen? (I don't mean trying to "force" it to happen, that never works, but if you really want it to happen - why not make it easier for fate to intervene!)

Gordi... how can I put this... There are precisely no bars, public spaces, and hangouts locally, where persons who share my interests and habits congregate, where I am not known, either recognised by face or name.

Lastly, it might help to review EXACTLY what it is that you are looking for.
I have a theory that every person on the planet is a unique individual, so - if there is such a thing as the Ideal Partner, there can be only One (for each person), because we are ALL DIFFERENT.
The chances of finding that one are several billion to one, so it makes practical sense for most of us to settle for slightly less than the 100% Ideal. So, we settle for 99%, 95% maybe even 90% of what would be Ideal.
(Have a think about it - Who do you know who has a 100% PERFECT relationship????)

The problems arise when we set the bar too high.... and miss out on potentially great relationships.
Or set the bar too low.... and end up in relationships that are not very fulfilling or satisfying.

I think, The trick is to set the bar at the correct level!!

I wish you all the very best.

G

You know, I know what you mean when you say that no one has it one hundred percent perfect where relationships are concerned. However, I am in a position where the closest I have gotten was only perfect in the most Lovecraftian manner possible, and so my bar, as you put it, is rather less easy to establish than one might assume.

I'm lost mate. On the other hand, I'm still smiling!

a reply to: TrueBrit

I saw you had a topic
I was gonna bring cookies but I cant afford cookies

So instead I brought a likely misplaced attempt to make you smile before I lock myself inside my impenetrable bubble for the night.

Hi

Attempt made,
Pending results

I will go hide now and whisper vile things in the ears of parrots

a reply to: Elysian

It was very nice of you to make the attempt! It was the whispering of vile things, into the ears of parrots that made me chuckle! That is such an absurd mental image!

a reply to: TrueBrit

Yesssss
Mission accomplished