For all my pretension of intellect, I am stumped. Assistance would be welcome.

Greetings fellow members.

I am having some issues, and need to gain insight.

I should explain that I am comfortable in my skin, and am capable of enjoying my own company, which is just as well. Some of you may be aware, that when it comes to matters of the heart, I am either improbably unlucky, or just an utter sap, and that either way, relationships I have been a part of have left me pretty much used up.

For all that, I am a pretty happy guy. I am cynical as all hell, but a happy guy. I have my mind, my family, my son and my friends, and life is good...

You would think, that a person with as many friends and acquaintances as I have, with a life as full of colour and wonder as mine is, would be happy with his lot, and I SHOULD be!

And yet somehow, I am fantastically lonely. I feel so greedy, so gluttonous, so wretched for feeling that way, but this is how it is, none the less. A friend of mine was talking to me yesterday, and all out of the blue, after she had finished talking about her man, she said "So... do you not WANT to find someone?", as if I had been in the midst of a host of opportunities to do so, and had ignored them all in favour of consuming more beer or something.

Aside from the fact that I really did not need to hear THAT question, I really did not want to be thinking about it at all! And now I am. I feel so empty, and yet I know myself to be full. I am loved, I have people in my life who mean the world to me, and that is the best any human being should ever hope for. I have no right to expect, hope, or even dream of more, and yet...

Why am I so emotionally greedy all of a sudden!? What the hell is happening here?

Any takers?

a reply to: TrueBrit

Blame your new phone. Those things can mess y'up real bad.

...but seriously, life IS a rollercoaster and the more you can embrace the lows and understand their necessity the more you can enjoy the highs with a clearer perspective.

a reply to: TrueBrit


It's not greedy to want someone to love in a romantic way.
Everyone has friends and family but that special someone is something else.
Don't feel bad or greedy or whatever for how your heart feels.
Maybe you need to have another half, a soul mate - as cheesy and cliched as that sounds.

Go for it man.

a reply to: TrueBrit

That's just how girls are, they think they are helping us.



BTW, thanks ladies, we really do need a little push now and again but, sometimes it isn't helpful.

a reply to: nerbot

Cheers nerbot!

So simple, and yet, such an elegant way to make a fellow laugh!

originally posted by: TrueBrit
Why am I so emotionally greedy all of a sudden!? What the hell is happening here?

I think you can blame this all on the simple fact that you are a human being.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Don't mistake your natural time alone which is a must for anybody for being lonely, perhaps something that can be hard to seperate and the feelings you are having are because it seems wrong rather than just different.

Everything is unfolding perfectly me thinks ;-)

edit to add....peer pressure can play a big part too. The general concensus of those who follow a line that offers security and normality. Group mentality that negates individuality.

Perhaps try being a little more of an Enigma with those around you and what you seek may reveal itself (or herself) in time. For me, people worth knowing enjoy mystery using their imagination and the "click" is a truly special thing.

a reply to: TrueBrit

I've noticed how cynical you are lately. Sometimes you used to be not as much.
Did you think cynical and happiness were synonymous?

I don't know how this is a question.
Happiness comes from the inside.

I've been mega screwed over by the opposite sex and in life over and over again..
But.. I can't shake this freaking smile..
I lost my cynical smart arsed ness.. I grew out of it and needed a new coat. Actually I became Cynical of my cynicism..

Don't turn cranky old brit on us now.

LOL.

a reply to: stargatetravels

Yes... I think the issue there is, that most of the women I have met have been more interested in my potential as a pet, more than anything else.

I have literally had women turn to a friend at a table and ask "AWE! You guys... can we keep him? Do you know what they eat?" But all the while of course, the speaker is texting their boyfriend or whatever. In fact, I once had a married woman ask her husband if she could keep me, assuming a long enough leash could be found.

I am furniture, a thing to be patted on the head like a gargoyle outside a particularly fancy abode. That is how females usually relate to me. They know I am a man, but not in any primal sense. I suppose it does not help that when I am out and about town, I sometimes become a parody of Matt Berry... but ... crap. I feel like a ship without a sea to sail in right now.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Find you a good woman, no more girls..
I don't date people, I only go after someone if I'm falling or could go into love with them.
You can read people, see how they act and treat people.
No need to waster time..

I saw a video of you..
You should have no issue with wit and charm..
just no charming snakes.

Today's society goes against elemental happiness. This is why you cannot find peace. Peace does not exist in this world. We have been forced not to be content with our lives, always wanting more.

WRITE! you MUST write. write write write.

(did i mention you should write? no? well, you SHOULD write!)

a reply to: Reverbs

Reverbs, I have always been a cynical, curmudgeonly bastard, and have always had quite a lot of fun being such.. odd as that might seem.

My mother used to call me the old timer when I was eight. If you broke my bones open, they would say "old git" through the middle. It's part of who I am, and I have spent an awful long time putting this thing I call a personality together... I am not into the idea of scrapping it. I want to be appreciated for who I am, rather than some put on character.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Well then they're not the women for you.
When you find the right one they will treat you as an equal, a partner and will love and cherish all of you, not patronize you.
I don't know who these women are who say this and maybe they're just being goofy and sarcastic, but I'd ignore them.
Find someone who makes you feel good about yourself, makes you comfortable enough to actually be yourself and not have to hide or act.
If they can't love you for you then screw them (pardon the pun)

a reply to: TrueBrit

Nah I said nothing of the sort.
Find the word change in my post I dare you.

I see actually a phrase "don't change... "
In my post.

Come on now silly.

a reply to: TrueBrit

I find your situation best summarized by Batmanuel (one of my favorite superheroes):




Now, if you really did want to abandoned the "lone" lifestyle, I think you would be gifting another person with the same thing you are looking for. Just imagine. There are people out there being deprived of you who are feeling the same way. From what we know of you on ATS, whoever you end up sharing yourself with will be a lucky person indeed.

So instead of feeling guilty or greedy, please realize that this is an opportunity to fulfill others, as well.

You need to get laid man. That and you're presumably human.

a reply to: TrueBrit

When I was about 30, I became so disgusted with the whole search for a mate, that I decided to give it up. I thought... what if I don't EVER "find" someone? Am I going to spend the rest of my life hoping, looking, expecting, only to be crushed by the reality of never meeting him (or her)?

So, I decided that I wasn't going to do that anymore. I was going to look at my future as me, surrounded by the love of my family, friends and cats (I had cats at the time instead of dogs). I resigned myself the the prospect of being the "crazy cat lady". I even got a poster with a beautiful girl on a couch, surrounded by cats. I decided to be happy with that life and embrace it.

Within a year, I met my husband of 23 years.

You are NOT greedy for wanting someone. It's in our very nature to want someone to share our lives with. There's not a thing wrong with you. Don't get down on yourself for that. So, let go of that! You are perfectly normal in that way.

My sister met her husband in a personal ad (back when everything wasn't computerized). We married the same year they did. If I were in your place, I'd investigate some of the dating sites that are available. You are a special person. You deserve to have a special someone and that lucky person deserves you.

Pa reply to: Cuervo

Well said. I am not at all unaware of the importance of fulfilling others.

The main problem seems to be that I can do that until the cows come home, and it won't get me anywhere, like the last however many times!

originally posted by: Cuervo
From what we know of you on ATS, whoever you end up sharing yourself with will be a lucky person indeed.

Truth!