Removed a best friend today, and it sucks!

Well, to make a long story short - A long time ago, I had a friend. Now, this friend of mine was the typical type of best friend: My parent's and his got along fine. We knew each other since the 2nd or 3rd grade. We'd take turns going to each other's houses every other weekend. This trend stayed the same throughout middle-school, even after he moved away.

Well, around high school, I noticed that we started to communicate less; he started to become someone that I wasn't able to recognize. When senior year came along, I heard that he was going to one of the parties I usually went to, which cheered me up, because I thought maybe I could talk to him in person to see how things were going over the past couple years. Well, he made it to the party, and immediately started drinking. The saddest part was that, it suddenly dawned on him that the person that was babysitting all of the drunks at 3:00am in the morning was his childhood friend.

Well, today I finally pulled the plug and dropped all forms of contact with him; For me, it's a conflicted feeling: I've known him almost forever, so there's a lot of memories involved. And in a way, it's relieving, because he became a toxic friend, and I knew it was the right way to do things overall.

And yes, I know it's a part of life, that I'm still young and can make new friends. Doesn't stop the bit of pain though. Growing up sucks sometimes

-foss

a reply to: fossilera

Better then watching that friend die of addiction. You can't help. Keep hope alive - it is possible to come back and someday you may meet your friend (not the addict) again.

Grieve and let go.

a reply to: fossilera

Sorry to hear that .. I can relate. I've been the remover as well as the removed, and it was frankly quite painful for me in either case.

Perhaps as FyreByrd said, there will be another chance at a healthier relationship.. Although it (unfortunately) doesn't always tend to work that way in my experience.

a reply to: fossilera

I've had to do the same with a family member pretty recently. My situation got so serious that my vehicle was tampered with after my dad passed away. You can't help people that are that far gone. You can either step away or chance being dragged down with them and you definitely don't want that.

It's sad to do it and it's a hard decision to make for anyone who has ever had to do it, but it's generally the right thing to do. Save yourself while you can and just hope he can do better for himself in the future.

Alcohol can do some major damage when one allows it to.

Perhaps your friend will mature in years to come and things will change. HUGS!

a reply to: fossilera

Well I'm a drinker and have lost many friends through it. Let me tell you that abandoning them only makes it worse. If you actually gave a # about them then you wouldn't do what you have done. We all have a cross to bare...

It really depends on whether or not he wants to change. Sometimes we don't realize that one's addiction is a cry for help. But the truth is that we can't help someone who doesn't want our help. I think once some life-changing event happens and/or he hits rock bottom he will realize what he is doing is not working for him and is driving people away.

And, you never know, you may get a call from him in the future along with a sincere apology. If not, the truth is that some people weren't meant to be in our lives forever. However, since you got along well and were close I think he may wise up one day, even though that may take some time, and you may hear from him again. Hopefully you can pick up where you left off. If not you'll make new friends and you'll always have those fond memories.

I feel for you. We've had to do that same thing with a couple of family members.
It is really, really painful but not making the break is like letting an abscessed tooth go on and on. It will eventually poison the entire body. Or in our case---the entire family.
"Toxic" is the very word to describe those relationships. Despite the protests, "Awww, he/she is such a nice guy/gal when sober." the toxic outweighs the good.
Sending good thoughts your way and hoping your friend finds healing.

Sometimes you have to close the proverbial door on friends.You will remember the good and forget the bad after a while.Then you move on.Long life and many friends to you in the future...

a reply to: fossilera

An addict needs people. It may not seem like it now but he will thank you for sticking by him in a few years time, if he gets over it.

It was all in your own head, all of this, you created and lived a story your brain wanted you to live.

You have placed on someone a script that you read yourself.

Bet if you ask the guy, he'll bve all Oo Wtf? but you will only hear what you want. Delusion.

hes lucky you did this. saves him being the bad guy when he sees you are a whopper...

a reply to: fossilera

Someone drinking at a party was grounds for baring them from your life?

Ive grown away from a friend whom was almost exactly as you described except we were good friends all the way through highschool, and even a year or two after, we always were in contact, etc. And then he got a girlfriend, and just slowly faded away. I attempted to contact him several times with no positive outcome.

I think completely 'removing' them from your life is a little far, but keeping your distance and keeping it civil would be the more wise path to go, he is young, so are you, each person expresses their feelings, emotions, and actions in different ways, getting drunk at a party is the norm is it not?

Has drinking for him gone outside the realm of social gatherings?

a reply to: fossilera

So you have not seen your friend for 2 years, he turns up at a party and immediately starts drinking?

Dont ever invite me to one of your partys.

Unless I read this wrong, you haven't spoken to this friend in years, he got silly drunk at a party, and you don't want to continue the friendship. Is that correct? If so, you are not losing a good friend...you haven't talked in years so just move on. I will say it seems a bit premature to end a relationship over a night of getting drunk..unless this a repeating offense which causes problems. Sometimes when you close one door a new one opens...best of luck.a reply to: fossilera

I dont get this you cutting someone from your life because they were drinking at a party, is that you mr Buzzkillington?

Perhaps it was YOU that wasn't such a good friend to chop him off at the knees like that.

Trust me you'll be fine. Heck in a matter of time you'll wish you had done it sooner. I went thru the same thing. had a couple of friends, grew up with, stayed close in high school. Once in college I found it in my best interest to cut ties with them because of their poor decisions (drunken fights mainly lol). Now that 15 years ago in our early 20's. I run into them a few times a year and we have conversation like it was yesterday.

a reply to: fossilera

“As you go through life's rich tapestry, you realize that most people you meet aren't fit to shine your shoes. It's a sad fact, but it's true. A good friend is someone who'd hide you if you were on the run for murder. How many of them do you know?”
Lemmy Kilmister

Think about that for a moment if you want.... I drink, a lot, and have few, but very good friends that don't.

a reply to: Wide-Eyes

Every situation is different. There are two people I wish I had walked away from even earlier but because I wanted to be a good friend or SO I hung in there for years. And because I tried to be there for these people despite very heavy drinking, I suffered the consequences that still affect me to this day.

I've been walked away from, too, for my substance habits by someone I considered a sister. While I was angry at the time, I #ing get it now. She didn't need to bear MY cross along with her own.

Thanks for the support (yes, even the naysayers). Although could everyone do me a favor? I know this is contradictory to how the star system is supposed to work, and I know that you want to show some support...but for this thread could you take the stars off my original post and put it on someone else's post? I'm not trying to be offensive, but this thread isn't exactly something that needs to compete with other, better topics.

And to clarify - The drinking was one factor in all of this, not the main cause. And, some of you are most likely right, I'm a horrible friend for ditching him, but my gut said it was the right thing to do. It's just a really hard pill for me to swallow right now.

-foss