Some advice needed age difference in relationships.

originally posted by: nonspecific


Also I can say from experience that some(or all) of your favorite shirts will slowly start to "disappear" and other strange clothes will "appear".

You will find your self defending your haircut and feeling pressured into some god awful "styled" cut.

You just made me LOL so hard..
I just had to think.. Do I own anything my ex didn't pick out???
Not much hahaha...

I drew the line on my hair.

Oh and she was 2 years younger than me, but we both acted like we were 12.. I think it just all depends.. Someone my age who acted my age would only like half my personality, and maybe not even.. I'm like 40 and 7 at the same time. I'm ridiculous. If I find another ridiculous person who can be serious too, I don't think I care how old she is.. In my head I have a range from 21 - 35, but I could go beyond that for the Perfect person.. Would have to be perfect though.

And I agree to whoever said boymonkey acts younger than his age.. I would have NEVER guessed 41..




@ boymonkey: Is boymonkey sure about this ??? Asking on ATS I hope isn't a sign of doubt, because I do feel like you will go through with this date or whatever this is.

Good luck. I believe in you.

Two stories:

My nephew began dating a girl 17 years younger. Before he proposed he came to me to get my thoughts on the age difference. I told him of course, go for it, if he thought she would make him happy, but to remember that works both ways. He needed to know he could make her happy too, and might find himself having to compromise more than usual. So there. It worked and they've been married for quite some time now and have two kids. They seem to be very happy. (Auntie ladyinwaiting is so proud.)

Story 2.

A famous football player my ex-husband knew, retired and opened a restaurant in a resort area. We were in the restaurant and he sat at our table. He was in his 40's at the time, and his girlfriend looked to be in her twenties. When she left the table, my husband commented on her age. This is what he said:

'yeah, I always date these young girls who worship me, but then, when they get to be about 30, they don't think I'm any big deal'.

lol! Just saying.

But of course boymonkey, don't let age deter you. Go for it. If it's not going to work, you'll know soon enough.

a reply to: KnightLight

Just nervous tbh. Gonna get crap from some I think but like you all have said if we are both adults and it makes us happy.

a reply to: boymonkey74

What you got to lose?

Nothing.
Go for it monkey boy.

Im 17 years older then my gf, been together 12 years.

Age is but a number

originally posted by: boymonkey74
a reply to: KnightLight

Just nervous tbh. Gonna get crap from some I think but like you all have said if we are both adults and it makes us happy.

Meh, some folks might tease you a little, but it's okay.

a reply to: boymonkey74

Its tough to say really.

From my experience dating or getting involved with someone from work is just awkward at work, and if the relationship ends sour it's not fun. I dated a girl from my work once, and it ended, I ended it because we were both headed in different directions in life, so I was OK and had come to terms with it, she was sort of blind sided by it and had a hard time.
But, that's just it, the directions in life when someone is in their 20s can take several turns for an individual, whereas you are somewhat established in life it will take more effort to 'keep up' with her than for her to keep up with you.
Also, I do not care how mature a person seems someone under the age of 25 is still growing, physically and mentally.

The biggest issue I see when it comes to relationships like this is that young people want to be free, experience life, try new things, if you get involved you cannot get between her wants and needs as a young person to stay up late, go out on weekends, go out with friends, be alone, etc. This is the main reason why age gaps as large as this one is tough.

Take caution, but I am sure you already knew that.

a reply to: boymonkey74

This just popped up in my other internet places...

Made me have to laugh at myself.. I love doing that.

Hope you like it.

a reply to: boymonkey74
Pull a one nighter and treat her like crap afterwards.

originally posted by: boymonkey74
I have a party tonight to go to and I have just started sort of seeing a girl from work who is twenty and she told me last night she wants to take it further and be my actual girl freind and she wants to spend the night with me.
I like the girl a lot but I must admit I'm 41 and a bit nervous seeing its been so long.
So should I go for it and stuff the age difference or what?.

Just be yourself and don't try to be one of those older dudes acting young to attract her. She should like you for who you are and if she doesn't you guys dont need to be together.

Have fun with her but there is no way it's going to work on the long term.

Someone who his 20 has completely different desires and projects and interests from someone who is 40. As soon as the honeymoon period is over the nightmare will begin.

Not trying to frighten you, just being honest.

a reply to: boymonkey74

boymonkey74,

Personally speaking, as a thirty year old fellow, I generally tend to avoid dalliances with ladies younger than myself by more than five years. I got hit on by an eighteen year old a year ago, and I was mortified to find that she was so young. The reason for this, is that I have an old head on my shoulders. If you think that your head is young enough to encompass the whimsical nature of younger folk, then I do not see why you ought not make a go of it. But you have to be certain of what you are getting into!

Watch the family, and remember to duck, then weave, then serpentine!

Don't ever follow the advice "whatever makes you happy". Murder and cruelty make some people happy. Really think about your situation. One of you is eventually going to get tossed like old news...emphasis on the old. If you're in it for the coitus, then whatever makes you happy.

a reply to: boymonkey74

My wife is 10 years younger than me, together 27 years.

originally posted by: mysterioustranger
a reply to: boymonkey74

My wife is 10 years younger than me, together 27 years.

So she's not 21 years younger than you and your situations are not comparable

I say go for it but I can give you a little warning...

I have 10 years older than my love and she's recently been talking on how she should of met me later in life, how she didn't live her single life long enough, that she didn't have the chance to party enough...

Most women seem to be emotional time bombs...it's not you it's me.
It's hard to trust a women with your heart.

a reply to: KnightLight

oh god the picture is priceless

21 years difference.. that girl is ur gf? might be in future lol

As long as she is not one of your patients I say go for it.




Come to think of it, even if she was I would probably say the same thing.

Big difference between a 10 year difference and a 20 year difference.

In my experience, such relationships are best left to short term.

As another said, the bigger concern is that she's a co-worker. You're old enough to know you don't poop where you eat man. At least, not if the job is critically important to you. Simply WAY too much that can go bad here, different units or not. Unless you're in completely different locations, with no daily interaction (which is the same as being a different workplace).

At 41, changing jobs is much more difficult. At 20, no big deal for her. So you have a LOT more to lose. While a 20 year old piece of rump can be enticing, it isn't worth risking your livelihood.

originally posted by: theMediator
I say go for it but I can give you a little warning...

I have 10 years older than my love and she's recently been talking on how she should of met me later in life, how she didn't live her single life long enough, that she didn't have the chance to party enough...

Most women seem to be emotional time bombs...it's not you it's me.
It's hard to trust a women with your heart.

No offense, but your other half sounds like she's tossing up a badly veiled excuse for current dissatisfaction, selfishness & immaturity. Some women are simply like that on their own, but hide it well for a time. By contrast, I couldn't even legally have a drink on dates with my better half, but I don't see why I should view the last 11 years as not having been single long enough. I have never had and still have zero desire to go club/bar-hopping, go Girls Gone Wild drunken party-animal nuts or be the town doorknob (where everyone has a turn) Had I gone that route, I'd have missed out on far more that matters much more on a fundamental level than a series of shallow ventures.

Maturity is either already there, or it isn't. Maybe it'll come to her in due time.

a reply to: boymonkey74

Monkeyboymonkeyboymonkeyboy. I"ve no advice for you on relationships.
HOWEVER.......... Tonight? Do not get drunk......REPEAT....... do not get drunk,,,,,,,OR high.
Stay level headed. Just being with her on a date or at a party or whatever is all the stimulant you will need.

She knows you in a controlled environment. Work. Let her continue knowing you as the level headed guy she is attracted to. Sure loosen up a bit sure, maybe, but dude, whatever you do do not get SLOPPY.