2 Years Down The Drain

So, she went from referring to our relationship as fairy tell like to telling me she didn't love me anyone, in no time at all. I just don't get it. You don't fall out of love with someone instantaneously. Sure, we had our problems. Every couple does. I just didn't see it coming. I personally think it was her friends in her ear, hardly any of them likes me. They were all single and bitter, or in crappy relationships and bitter. Women can't seem to stand seeing another woman happy if they're not as well. If that's the case, I still don't want her back. If she can be that easily led by others, I don't want her in my life.

She wants to remain friends, still calling me her best friend, but I just can't get past feeling betrayed. Yet, I'm still trying to overcome being in love with her. How is that even possible? How can I be in love with someone that continuously treats me like crap. All she ever did was lie to me about everything, and then complained that I didn't trust her.


Aaaghhh! Why can't I get over this?!

What has worked for me -

Keeping busy and nurturing other friendships. Giving it all the time it needed before trying to be friends (for me it was not possible in every case). Walking through the grief as soon as possible, without sitting in it for too long, and onward!

Sorry for your loss -



You've still got us!

I've been on the mend for almost a year. It takes me a while to trust again, but I will not give up!!

a reply to: jaymp

You can look at this either way you could sit around heartbroken .


Or

If I was you from what you described I would be relieved free at last .

a reply to: raedar

Thanks man. Yeah, it's still pretty fresh. It's only been a couple of months. It's getting really hard not to hate her, but I can't. For myself, I can't spend my energy on hate.

One good thing: If there ever were an issue that almost everyone can relate to, it's this.

I'm the type to never give up, even when I should. So I think the Universe sometimes helps me out by doing for me what I refuse to do for myself. I'm finally realizing this.

At this point, I feel very free and happy! I have learned a lot from each relationship I've had and do not wish anything but peace and happiness for the ones I've loved.

You got this!

Small differences become huge over time, specially if you start to live together, have comfort in thinking there was nothing to be done, you could always change in the way she wants, but that would make you miserable and the result would be the same, only taking more time and perhaps having some kids in the middle.

a reply to: jaymp

If you can fall in love so quickly it stands to reason you can fall out of love just as easily. The fact is, many think lust qualifies for love when they are 2 very different things. True love requires understanding and forgiveness along with unconditional love. Seems to me maybe you are not really nor have you been actually two people in love. Friends maybe, but even that seems a bit tenuous.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree


How exactly did you gather that? We weren't in lust. I know the difference. It was love. True love. At least on my end, anyway. It was the only relationship, in fact, that I've ever even been in love. So much so that I had even bought the ring only days before she ended it. If you knew me, you'd know how huge of a step that is for me. More than most.

I don't believe in half-ass relationships. You give it your all, or nothing at all. I was deeply committed, madly in love, and dedicated to provide for her emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. She seemed as though she matched me in that.

She's also an abuse victim, has severe issues with insecurity, and has a very hard time loving herself. That too I believe took a toll. She couldn't believe that I loved her, because anyone else that had ever told her that used a false sense of love to manipulate her.

Run away, fast as you can!
Seen this situation before, it'll never be ok.

I think that our paths cross with certain people because we need to learn something from them. If you learned some valuable lessons from this relationship it may help you be more successful in your next relationship. If nothing else perhaps you have learned to avoid getting into another relationship where you are the "hero" for a "damsel in distress".

Sal

a reply to: jaymp

a reply to: jaymp

Whooo..yeah... I hear you my friend. Me myself had a girlfriend who betrayed me in a very disgusting and heartless way...During the time we were together she made it clear it was safe to love her, she convinced me that she cared and considered our souls to be a perfect fit...a rare find.

I asked myself so many times...how is it possible that I can still feel love for her. She doesn't deserve my love..and I felt like my heart was taken hostage. You try to find reasons why.... and even when you find your answers the love will not go away.

Thinking about the wrong she did cause only pain and grief....because my love is true. There is no way out..only time or someone new to love could help me deal with the space she conquered in my heart.

Man...I tell you. I often wondered why we humans have the abillity to love someone and why it can cause so much unhappiness when that same love is disturbed in a negative way.

a reply to: jaymp

You had a lucky escape.
It took me 13 years to realise I wasnt the bad person.
Not a waste, more of a life experience.

Thanks to everyone for the much needed support. I agree. I learned a lot, so I suppose it wasn't a waste. Now I know what red flags to look for with the next one.

ismynameimportant, I totally understand. Some women are capable of this Jedi Mind Trick type of move that totally makes you blame yourself. I got that a lot too. She took responsibility for nothing. Ever.

originally posted by: jaymp
How can I be in love with someone that continuously treats me like crap?

It works on men too.

You're not saying it, but it's happened to you before. Maybe not in the same way, but it's happened before. If this was a totally new experience for you, you wouldn't be asking the questions that you are. You would have run to the hills and made it there. I know that sounds backwards in a way, but that's the way it typically works.

You need to find out why you're drawn to that behaviour. Forget the fact that she's a woman. That has nothing to do with it. It's the behaviour that you're drawn to. (Actually, I should have posted "I hate myself for loving you" by Joan Jett)

You would find a cross-eyed, buck-toothed and bowlegged woman attractive is she did the same thing.

(No offense to you or cross-eyed, buck-toothed, bowlegged women of course).

I hope I didn't come across as too crass, but men and women alike have been known to get trapped in that web for 100's of generations now.

But yeah, seriously, you need to get to the root of this weed.

Hey jaymp sorry to hear of the relationship loss... Don't think of it as 2 years down the drain though, you had happy times together I'm sure and learned from it too. We can't help who we love. One of these days you will find someone who is a perfect match

a reply to: DeepImpactX

I hear what you're saying, but it's not like that. She didn't show her true colors until much later. I was just hoping she would change. What initially attracted me to her was her kindness, open mindedness, and gentility. The crazy didn't come till later. I'm a little nuts myself, so I gave her the benefit of the the doubt.

Oh well. She was, and still is, toxic. I dont see her changing anytime soon either. Meanwhile, I've completely changed my life for the better since we broke up. I'm a completely different person. And that feels AWESOME.

and your single again!!

a reply to: jaymp

Look, it happens....and you admit missing the signals. Give it up, its done.

Look at it differently: not 2 years down the drain...but 2 years of learning how to get the next one-right.

MS

originally posted by: jaymp
So, she went from referring to our relationship as fairy tell like to telling me she didn't love me anyone, in no time at all. I just don't get it. You don't fall out of love with someone instantaneously. Sure, we had our problems. Every couple does. I just didn't see it coming. I personally think it was her friends in her ear, hardly any of them likes me. They were all single and bitter, or in crappy relationships and bitter. Women can't seem to stand seeing another woman happy if they're not as well. If that's the case, I still don't want her back. If she can be that easily led by others, I don't want her in my life.

She wants to remain friends, still calling me her best friend, but I just can't get past feeling betrayed. Yet, I'm still trying to overcome being in love with her. How is that even possible? How can I be in love with someone that continuously treats me like crap. All she ever did was lie to me about everything, and then complained that I didn't trust her.


Aaaghhh! Why can't I get over this?!

If you ever find out how to get over it, please U2U me. Same deal, from butterflies to "I just changed.. deal with it." in no time. left me basically at the alter more or less.. all the plans, the future, the family we were thinking of, everything.. suddenly means nothing. a 'fling'...

and I just feel betrayed, used, meaningless.. I was giving up everything, she had to do nothing.. and I didn't cope very well. She turned almost every friend we had in common against me. yet.. I guess I'm stupid. even with a broken heart, I'd tie it back together for her..

oh well.. there's always booze.. turns me into a monster, but it takes away the days...

originally posted by: jaymp
a reply to: DeepImpactX

She didn't show her true colors until much later. I was just hoping she would change.

What initially attracted me to her was her kindness, open mindedness, and gentility. The crazy didn't come till later. I'm a little nuts myself, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

And there you have it. Birds of a feather.

I wish I could believe that you have totally changed yourself, seemingly overnight, but I can't do that.

I hope you did though.