The demise of guys?

There is a thread on how violent media effects the young:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

I have been noticing this trend with older people as well. While this mostly effects men, women get sucked into these addictions as well. The most disturbing part of this is the isolation of these people (and I don't discount by own tendencies in this area either).

This ted talk takes the discussion into easily accessible porn as well. It presents young people, without experience, a truly warped view of healthy sexuality and creates objects for use out of us all.

A Portion of the Ted Talk given by psychologist Philip Zimbardo can be found here:

if one out of a thousand is depersonalized and does bad things because of video games, and one in a hundred people play these games a lot, That could lead to problems since there are three hundred million people in this country. That means there could be three thousand extra loose cannons out there capable of killing or injuring people. Some times one person can kill many people.

Maybe they should stick these people in the army and send them overseas to fight in a war.

There was a time when families took care of their offspring.


Occasionally, that included taking them out back and shooting them.


We evolved in packs- the mental step there is that a community has to decide when an individual that community produces is not fit to remain. There are too many of us in the world to simply exile them.

It's all well and good to be idealistic, and put "insane" people in places where they get "treatment"- but there are too many humans, and that simply isn't working. Half of them are running things, now.

a reply to: FyreByrd

I want to respond, but it's such a wide topic. I've also been noticing a trend to reduce wider societal problems to singular activities or causes. I find it wears me out psychologically thinking of it all, especially in this kind of presentation.

The big thing that really jumps out at me is that there is no putting any of this back in the bottle. Whether you believe video games are okay, and pornography is only a little bad, and you know boys will get back into education etc etc etc ... It doesn't change the fact that this person could have just walked onto the stage and said, 'we're screwed, humans are crap' and then walked off.

We will probably adapt eventually, it just so happens that the last couple of generations and the next couple have an uphill climb to get there.

Interesting topic FyreByrd, but I just feel like I don't have anything useful to contribute and nor does anyone else.

It's an interesting one for sure. I came across this the other day regarding Philip Zimbardo :

www.independent.co.uk... -10238211.html

But then does the pendulum not swing both ways? Do some young men feel the need to make objects of themselves?

www.doctornerdlove.com...

www.dailymail.co.uk... male.html

Apologies for the quality of the links, but I hope they add something to the discussion and are on-topic.

a reply to: FyreByrd

I have to say, that I was never really all that happy to be around a huge mob of dudes, and nothing but dudes. Gender diverse crowds are always more interesting. For example, there's a group of guys that my best friends boyfriend introduced me to. My besty Kerry, her man is in a band with a few of them. Every weekend we all hang out at my besty's place, get drunk, and talk crap all damned night one night, usually Saturday nights.

I like it when they bring their girlfriends, because otherwise all that happens is five or six hours of in jokes, quotes from spaghetti westerns, quotes from old school rock songs, and getting told by a bunch of heterosexual men, how much of a sexy bastard I am. Now, don't get me wrong, they are a fun bunch of guys, but I like to be intellectually stimulated by conversation, and I find that their girlfriends (who look on with derision at the antics of the gathered throng) often have more interesting things to say, or more interesting responses to conversation starters.

I guess you could say, that I have always been "just a guy" rather than "one of the guys". Its always been that way with me. Back when I was a kid, other kids my own age, male or female, just didn't get me, and I have to say, I didn't get them. Big groups have never been my thing, but big groups of males? I have never fit into one of those in my whole life. I find something deeply unsettling about it, normally related to the way dudes tend to behave when there are no ladies around to impress. It just turns all to crap. Their intellects fall apart, and everything becomes one massive phallus related joke, which, while funny for approximately forty eight point three seconds, gets a little damned aggravating after about two hours.

Another thing I have observed about male group dynamics, is that even as an adult, a males behaviour will moderate away from knuckle dragging halfwittery, almost immediately that the group size he is a part of shrinks down. For example, if the group size shrinks from say eight, down to say three, including that dudes significant other, then he will start calming down, chilling out, and actually thinking things through, rather than coming up with the established, formulaic response he would otherwise have given to a particular situation.

I genuinely believe that bravado is what makes it so damned hard for me to deal with being in large groups of dudes, because the more dudes there are around, the more of it there is, and I have never been one for all that myself.

Now, as for dealing with the opposite sex... Sweet Jesus... If the gentleman who gave that very interesting talk (which I believe I have actually watched all the way through, rather than that small, four minutes and forty seconds or so clip) had wound up in my shoes through the last twelve to thirteen years, then he would have a few problems with establishing normal intimacy levels with the opposite sex as well! I have been cheated on, dumped in some of the harshest ways you can think of ( after a week of dating Her: I can't do this any more. Me: What? Why? Her: I sobered up.), dumped by email, text, and by an exes NEW man over the telephone, not to mention having a child with a woman who allowed her damned idiot family to get between us, meaning that I didn't actually meet my son until he was TEN GOD DAMNED YEARS OLD! Oh, and let's not forget the time that a lass I was seeing decided she would rather be with a man who had been convicted of possession of indecent images of children, than be with me.

Now... If there is a man out there, anywhere on this cursed ball of assorted flotsam and jetsam that we call a planet, who could retain an entirely healthy and open attitude toward the opposite sex after all that, then I want to meet him, and ask very nicely to know what he has been taking and why I cannot get it at the pharmacy yet. That being said, I am not allergic to female company at all. Far from it. I find female company to be invariably more witty, engaging, and fulfilling than hanging out with a huge mob of dudes.

But as for approaching ACTUAL intimacy with a woman at this stage? Put it this way, I am not going to be instigating anything. This planet, the species... It's too messed up right now. I cannot trust that ANYONES motivations are what they ought to be, let alone actually make a move that might see me get staked out again, and left for the God damned ants. If a lady comes up to me one day, and makes a move on me , then assuming something does not appear totally and utterly hinky at the time, maybe something might happen in that direction. But for the moment, I am white flagging that whole element of my life. Not having someone in my life in that way is a lonely thing to endure, but experience tells me that its a damn sight easier than failing so spectacularly as I already have in that area.

a reply to: Pinke

I, too,get overwhelmed by the basic topic of 'media' or 'screaming media' as it stands today.

I really don't have a problem with porn or video games for that matter, but in all do proportion and IN THE CONTEXT of the real world - not as substitutes for it and the relationships necessary for a functioning society.

I sent my daughter to a school for 14 years (K-12) where media was frowed upon and in my home had a strict rule about no television or movies or computer until high school. We weren't so strict that she couldn't watch a bit or play a bit at friends homes that didn't keep the same standards - but we were very careful. When she graduated High School, half of her graduating class were lifelong classmates that basically followed the same lifestyle. I notice the difference in kids with little media exposure compared to the ones that had what would be considered normal exposure. Attention and ability to focus is the first thing; personal communication and relationships are easy, follow-through and responsiblity are much higher, all the cognitive and artistic skills are enchanced in those children with minimal childhood exposure to "Screaming Media".

I also notice it in adults - you see similar distinctions between adults who use media a lot and those that don't (and I include computer time in this).

I think that while violence in media is a real concern for overall mental health and social skills it is the media addiction itself that creates a huge part of the harm to our ability to work and live together as we must.

I think that addictive - even frequent media usage robs us of our humanity.

I have no interest in dating or getting married. I like my free time and I don't like having to answer to anyone. I like fishing playing video games and going to the bar. I'm not socially awkward I just don't want to pay child support. Child support is the No. 1 reason I avoid relationships. I enjoy having money to do stuff I'll be damn if I'm going to pay for my babies moma's new car.

Too many women are out to trap men and just look at them as sperm donors to get a weekly check. A lot of women get knocked up and after they have a kid they don't want anything to do with you. I like to keep my life as simple as possible. I don't need to worry that if I loose my job I'll go to jail for not paying my support. If there were no child support there would be a lot less single mothers.

Oh here we go again.. a egghead who dont like to play games At TED makes a argument that people are more violent due to video games and porn.. Get off your high horse nerd.(i wear glasses to so i have the right to call out a fellow nerd)

I swear if that guy put effort into something else than trying to demonize stuff the world would be a better place. Games are a OUTLET for some. Concentrate on thereal issue. the education of the young and giving them a healthy fear for punishment and teaching whats real,and right to do.

originally posted by: wantsome
I have no interest in dating or getting married. I like my free time and I don't like having to answer to anyone. I like fishing playing video games and going to the bar. I'm not socially awkward I just don't want to pay child support. Child support is the No. 1 reason I avoid relationships. I enjoy having money to do stuff I'll be damn if I'm going to pay for my babies moma's new car.

Too many women are out to trap men and just look at them as sperm donors to get a weekly check. A lot of women get knocked up and after they have a kid they don't want anything to do with you. I like to keep my life as simple as possible. I don't need to worry that if I loose my job I'll go to jail for not paying my support. If there were no child support there would be a lot less single mothers.

I wasn't speaking about romantic relationships whatsoever. I was speaking of normal day to day social relationships - at work, school, in public and those are relationship skills that are being damaged by Screaming Media of all sorts. It goes without saying that romantic relationships would suffer as well but like you I'm not terribly interested in them.

originally posted by: yuppa
Oh here we go again.. a egghead who dont like to play games At TED makes a argument that people are more violent due to video games and porn.. Get off your high horse nerd.(i wear glasses to so i have the right to call out a fellow nerd)

I swear if that guy put effort into something else than trying to demonize stuff the world would be a better place. Games are a OUTLET for some. Concentrate on thereal issue. the education of the young and giving them a healthy fear for punishment and teaching whats real,and right to do.

He has research to back him up. Calling him names is a child's response to unpleasant facts.

originally posted by: FyreByrd

originally posted by: yuppa
Oh here we go again.. a egghead who dont like to play games At TED makes a argument that people are more violent due to video games and porn.. Get off your high horse nerd.(i wear glasses to so i have the right to call out a fellow nerd)

I swear if that guy put effort into something else than trying to demonize stuff the world would be a better place. Games are a OUTLET for some. Concentrate on thereal issue. the education of the young and giving them a healthy fear for punishment and teaching whats real,and right to do.

He has research to back him up. Calling him names is a child's response to unpleasant facts.

Research with a bias is not reliable because he set out with the end result already in mind instead of following the facts. this crap was tried back in the early 90s,and the 80s as well. they were always wrong.

I demise thee, I demise thee, I demise thee. Get thee behind me but 3 paces... I wilt shou thou the meaning of demission!

K sorry, anyway, carry on.