The emotions thread - share your emotional management

So the idea of this thread is to generate sharing and debate about something very underrated - emotional management.

The thing is, generally, all we do in life is to FEEL GOOD and AVOID FEELING BAD.

You name it: study, work, earn money, go out at night, buy stuff, look good, have friends, have a good talk, go on a date, get a good job, hug someone, practice sports, have sex, be good, be great, be confident, have self esteem, we seek all of this because it make us FEEL GOOD.

Good feelings are the goal, all we do is just means to an end.

And then there are a lot of stuff we do to avoid loosing all these things we cherish because loosing them will makes us FEEL BAD.

Even rationality and intellectual activity, like thinking and being smart, figure out stuff, throw ideas and opinions, we do this because it makes us FEEL GOOD and we believe it will put us closer to GOOD FEELINGS.

So we manage the world outside because external events cause feelings, they make us feel good or bad.

Good feelings are the final reward of life actions and bad feelings are the penalty, they are the thing to avoid, and we avoid events that make us feel bad.

So, here´s some questions:

How do you do to feel good?
Do you let your feelings be controlled by events you cant control?
How do you react to events?
Can you turn a negative feeling reaction into good feelings?
Do you understand the negative emotions circuit? -> event -> automatic negative thought -> automatic negative feeling
How do you manage losses? Do you let it burn inside until the fire calms and you can rise stronger, like the phoenix? Or you start right away trying to react well, trying to look on the bright side, without mourning?
Can you control your emotions? Or are you a puppet, emotionally controlled by other people and by life events you cant control?
Do you let life events put you stuck in bad feelings?
Can you see any value in feeling bad?
Are you aware of your emotions and what triggers them?
Are you aware of others emotions and the emotions you create on others?

Share it, lets increase emotional intelligence and be more happy, lets raise the energy vibe of our surroundings.

Thanks a lot.

I don't think I could have come across a more perfect post this morning as I am wallowing in anger and frustration once again at my bosses and their stupidity/disrespect. My boyfriend and I have worked for them for six years and he just quit so I feel lost and stressed having to face the bosses alone. I am mentally stuck because I am exceptionally patient then lose it... sometimes the right thing to do but sometimes not.

Don't have much to add but you have given me lots to think about and then I will post. Thank you.

Best way to manage emotions?

Bury them. Bury them deep.

originally posted by: FaceMyBook
Best way to manage emotions?

Bury them. Bury them deep.

Bury? Hmmm i say feel them, accept them, don't block energy, let it flow, if its anger you feel, don't resist it, feel it, and then the storm will eventually pass. If you resist it, it will never go away, it will surface from time to time.

originally posted by: Manula
....if its anger you feel, don't resist it, feel it, and then the storm will eventually pass.

Correct. I feel anger towards all willing planners and operatives in the False Flag Sydney Hilton Bombing. I trash them every time the internet gives me the opportunity. Then it passes for me. I hope they rot in hell.

originally posted by: Kester

originally posted by: Manula
....if its anger you feel, don't resist it, feel it, and then the storm will eventually pass.

Correct. I feel anger towards all willing planners and operatives in the False Flag Sydney Hilton Bombing. I trash them every time the internet gives me the opportunity. Then it passes for me. I hope they rot in hell.

Bad feelings towards people?
But are they to blame for being ignorant and stupid? They didn't made themselves.
Get over it. No one is to blame, people do what they can with the knowledge they have and the feelings they feel, they are not to blame for all the factors that make them do what they do.

They still need to face rules and penalties though, otherwise this would be even more jungle like that what it already is.

a reply to: Manula

Yes, they face the penalties. But death brings the release.

And yes. They are not to blame for the factors that create them.

originally posted by: Manula

originally posted by: FaceMyBook
Best way to manage emotions?

Bury them. Bury them deep.

Bury? Hmmm i say feel them, accept them, don't block energy, let it flow, if its anger you feel, don't resist it, feel it, and then the storm will eventually pass. If you resist it, it will never go away, it will surface from time to time.

There is a lot of recent psychological research that supports this, that allowing the feelings and process to happens actually heals it all quicker. Burying or suppressing them doesn't work.

a reply to: Quetzalcoatl14

It's true, usually. Burying it creates a mad zombie that digs itself out and comes back in a very twisted form.

On the other hand some things are so awful burial and re-focussing is the only answer.

Only you can make you feel bad. I understand that we are all one, everything. On this planet, we are here to LOVE and learn. All things that happen are meant to happen and I accept that. Someone is learning something when they LOVE or hate; nurture or kill; help or harm, it doesn't matter. I don't buy into every emotion I see, hear, taste, smell, or feel. I accept what is mine and I send LOVE and compassion to all else. I send you LOVE and I am very happy to be able to do so. Peace.

I feel good, my life going exactly like i wanted and i am happy with all things and issues in my life. I don´t let events to control my feelings (especially if it is something negative) instead i step one step back and try to see the whole picture, joy i appreciate always.

Learn to accept. You can´t change anyone who they are truly inside, just learn to accept them as they are. First, you need to observe your own thoughts about the person or the situation, realize if you are being harsh with your own opinion and learn tolerance towards others.

Be truthful and kind to yourself.. we are here only once ( what they say ) Filling one´s life with negativity is such a waste of life !

a reply to: Manula

The thing is, generally, all we do in life is to FEEL GOOD and AVOID FEELING BAD.

There is no difference between the pursuit of happiness vs. the avoidance of pain because it arises from the same state or attitude of mind.

Good feelings are the final reward of life actions and bad feelings are the penalty, they are the thing to avoid, and we avoid events that make us feel bad.

I agree. We either feel comfortable or uncomfortable - that's what it boils down to at the core. How we choose to describe the cause or label this polarity (good, evil, loving, angry, etc) is arbitrary.

How do you do to feel good?

I allow the things that don't feel good a platform to stand on: I give it my attention as silent observer -- I FEEL it. Only then, does pain become joy.

I have found that suppressing negative feelings and thoughts creates a blockage which takes up room for more positive feelings and thoughts; so, instead of falling into the vicious cycle of the Pursuit of Pleasure vs. Avoidance of Pain; I sit through it and feel it out..deeply. I don't run from pain or try to distract myself with illusory pursuits to counter it. I embrace the darkness of pain until the light of wisdom unfolds from it.

"Kindle the light in the dark" - C.Jung

It appears pain was and/or is a thing; a sensation; an uncomfortable; non-resonating feeling. By not running away from it, and embracing it, one is able to perceive matters in a different light. Since energy is always neutral, it is our interpretation of it that gives rise to various thoughts associated with it, yet, the sensation is never altered, it remained just that, a sensation. Because it attracted the attention of my emotional body at the time it appeared as pain. By observing it from the point of non-judgment we become transmuted, which in turn alters the way we perceive the world.

Can you turn a negative feeling reaction into good feelings?

Very easily. There is no difference between the sensation of Anxiety/fear vs. Excitement/joy other than the thoughts attached to the one sensation. So, one can easily give their subjective mind more dominance in this case and envision more uplifting thoughts as the sensation perceived as anxiety/fear is flowing through their nervous system instead of focusing on what the objective reasoning mind's narrative is telling us what is causing the sensation.

In other words: one can allow the outer to dictate the inner and remain unwitting pawns of effect; or they can allow their inner to dictate the outer and become more creators of cause by simply understanding the nature of polarity and rhythm through becoming conscious of the world of sensations that are intertwined with thoughts. One either can respond or react. The former arises from a presence of mind, whereas the latter comes from being distracted by the pursuit of happiness which is the avoidance of pain.

Do you let it burn inside until the fire calms and you can rise stronger, like the phoenix?

I believe pain is caused by a desire or an unreleased attachment. Some fail to accept the fact that emotional pain (discomfort) is simply only a warning and a messenger. Some keep denying the messenger because they do not wish to hear what it has to say. Some prefer to remain in "the need not to know" realm. To explore the origins of the pain and not run from it will create room for new creative energy.

I imagine pain as my heart's voice who wants to tell its story, and until I allow it to be heard, it will remain embedded in my consciousness creating emotional blockage.

Transcend it.

IV. THE PRINCIPLE OF POLARITY.

"Everything is Dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled." — The Kybalion.


All is mind.

a reply to: Manula

My emotions have mostly narrowed a lot since I've grown older. I'm in an almost constant state of ennui with a remote sadness of a varying degree. There are moments peaked with anger, frustration, and sometimes a laugh.

1. Several things make me feel a semblance of good. That would be gaming, tasty food, sexual release, music and weather. Time with people can include good or bad feelings. Time with pets is nice.

2. Absolutely. My emotions are in a permanently depressed state thanks to the general state of society and the world.

3. Sometimes, I can turn my negativity around, but I generally just let it be.

4. Yes, I understand the circuit.

5. With apathy and further disappointment.

6. I control my anger. Other stimuli further my negativity.

7. Yes.

8. Yes in some ways. It's natural to feel anger and fear. However, shame and guilt are the real bad ones.

9. Sure.

10. I try to be. Often, it seems nearly everyone is simply a slave to their emotions and what you mention in your post.

Emotions are what drives people to acts of violence, suicide or destructiveness.

Emotions exist for a reason. They are what we used to think with before we evolved intelligence. An emotion, therefore, is first and foremost a call to action.

To deal with the emotion, you have to act, and act appropriately.

Here is how to 'control' your emotions:

1. Feel them.
   
   
2. Identify their cause, if possible.
   
   
3. Deal with the cause on its merits. This is the bit most people get wrong. Your objective should be to solve the problem, or seize the opportunity, in a way that brings about the best result for all concerned, not the way that immediately relieves your feelings or gratifies them.
   
   
4. Some good sense and self-denial may be called for in step (4). Or you may find yourself trapped in a neurotic or addictive cycle that prevents you from acting correctly. Then it is time to seek professional help. This however is fraught with difficulty: the trick is to find someone who can solve the problem you have, not just comfort and soothe you. Not that there is anything wrong with sympathy, but it is a palliative, not a cure.
   
   
5. If there is no practical solution to the problem, then realize that your feelings are pointless and tiring (whether negative or positive), ignore them and get on with your life. The feelings will soon go away as you and your mind move on to other things.
   
   
6. If they don't, you may have to face the fact that you've been Darwinned out of the Big Game. Of course, this is unlikely to bring you much comfort, but then, there's no arguing with Ma Nature. :-P

a reply to: gottaknow

Shame and guilt are the bad ones.

Oh no they're not. If a person feels guilty or ashamed, chances are they do so for very good reasons. Their duty is to confess what they have done wrong and make amends (if that is still possible) and/or undertake some act of atonement. Then the feelings of guilt and shame will go away.

Unreasonable guilt and shame are sometimes the result of cruelty or religious brainwashing in childhood. I have outlined above the way to deal with this. Professional help may be needed.

a reply to: Manula

Do you understand the negative emotions circuit? -> event -> automatic negative thought -> automatic negative feeling

The way I see the circuit/set/continuum/spectra is:
1. ingest (take in image / take in sensory information / take in force)
2. interpret (perceive image / translate sensory information by its force/will/spirit)
3. conceive (output image / produce sensation / produce image).

What I try to do is, in step 2, I test the spirit, or will, of the image. If its spirit is not good, that is, if I perceive it to be bad, I try to react accordingly:

by looking away ; by not thinking of it ; by not interpreting it any longer ; by not indulging in it or digesting it ; by not eating of it any longer ; by ending step 1. and/or step 2.

or

by "fixing it"; by producing a better image, spirit, and interpretation, since it is "bad", misconceived, ill-conceived, wicked, etc.(because it makes me have "bad" feels); by trying to conceive a more proper image/interpretation/spirit (by conceiving a more proper conception); I move to conceive a better spirit.



You have stated that it is automatic, but it isn't. What is seemingly "automatic" is what has been previously conceived of as your body / image / form, your will / spirit / desire, your concepts / perceptions / awareness / soul; and you can change those things about yourself: how you feel about something, how you see something, how you will or desire something, how you image or manifest something - that is the whole point - to become spiritually aware so as to produce good images/fruit for one another.

Think about it like you have just taken in my words/body (which are the image of my awareness) and by interpreting/perceiving the spirit/will/force within them, you conceive how you feel about them, either "good" or "bad". That is, these words are the image of my awareness and my awareness is of my spirit/will [which I, too, have taken in (breathed in) from my environment (your words, in part), and then used, along with my spirit/will, to produce steps 2 and 3: which is my will to conceive words/fruit for your conception of the Spirit. That's the circuit/set/continuum. (These words are the finality of step 3 for me.)

So yeah, my management is perceive and conceive byway of the "by" things that I mentioned.

Good luck.

a reply to: Manula

Remembering that storms never last forever and that life is a cycle with bad moments followed by good ones is what help me....

Sometimes I start the day with this website, to meditate for 60 seconds and make a problem disappear from my mind..... after all, everything has a solution and a silver lining, only death is final (unless you believe in reincarnation, of course )

Here, try this website.... it only takes 60 seconds... speakers on please:

www.pixelthoughts.co...#

*Double post*

How do you do to feel good?

Mirtazapine 60mg daily

Do you let your feelings be controlled by events you cant control?

No, I have the above pharma-helper

How do you react to events?

General apathy.

Can you turn a negative feeling reaction into good feelings?

Yes, you just have to frame the issue into a positive.

Do you understand the negative emotions circuit? -> event -> automatic negative thought -> automatic negative feeling

Yes, years of CBT have instilled a sound knowledge of thought cycles.

How do you manage losses?

By never losing. "If you lose, dont lose the lesson" is one way of putting it. Another way is: always make net gains.

Do you let it burn inside until the fire calms and you can rise stronger, like the phoenix?

No but I was thinking of moving to Phoenix...

Or you start right away trying to react well, trying to look on the bright side, without mourning?

Mourning? No, death is a beautiful thing, why people mostly only see it as a negative is beyond me. I mourn nothing, only celebrate its lifecycle.

Can you control your emotions? Or are you a puppet, emotionally controlled by other people and by life events you cant control?

Interprate my answer to this with my other responses, I dont think the question is worded in a way I wish to answer.

Do you let life events put you stuck in bad feelings?

Nothing will make me feel good about Tony Abbott being PM, that bad feeling will stay.

Can you see any value in feeling bad?

I mentioned above about not taking net losses, not losing the lesson. I'll go further and state this: How do we know true good if we have never experienced true evil?

Are you aware of your emotions and what triggers them?

Yes, years of dealing with PTSD has made me aware of my triggers

Are you aware of others emotions and the emotions you create on others?

Yes, this is probably the most important thing we can do: not make people feel like #. So you are having a bad day, why make other people have a bad day too? its not going to make your day better (I'm talking about interacting with strangers, but does ally to people you know too), they are just going to go off and be in a negative mood which will be then reflected toward everyone else they interact with--its a cycle of hate.

I think everyone deals with their emotional life somewhat differently, even if the discomfort/pleasure, repulsion attraction principle is universal.

I developed early on a habit of changing my perception of events in order to create more positive feelings, instead of trying to change the exterior events, because when I was young I felt powerless to influence the exterior. Lack of interaction with adults deprived me of the sense that I could influence outcome through behavior or actions.
I mean, do something good or bad, there was no reaction either way in the immediate, so going with the flow and just rearranging my internal world was more effective.

In the extreme, this becomes a problem with becoming too internalized and not active enough.

I did pick up a big sense of delayed gratification though, which I observed to be something of a "natural law", in contrast to being dependent upon others' ideas or thoughts- which developed in me a strange sort of draw to make decisions which seem to be the least pleasurable. I tend to take the hard road, even if the possible positive effects of that are not evident.

That can seem sort of masochistic at times, or self destructive, but I've noticed that because there is very deep underlying belief that the harder, less comfortable way will inevitably give forth fruit, I will be very alert to signs or opportunities later that might become available as a result, and grab them. -Whereas I've noticed people who learned more about immediate gratification might miss them, out of their belief that it was simply a wrong turn or mistake with no potential later. It becomes sort of a self fulfilling prophecy.

So I allow myself to get down about things in the immediate, mostly because I have come to expect that pain or distress is a temporary thing, an immediate response, which inevitably will be wiped out by the pleasure to come later.
If I allow myself to express with others my blues in the immediate, I've noticed it troubles some greatly, they get afraid I'll sink into something that will be very long lasting. Those ones find it de-stabilizing that the next day, my great depression is gone.

For a long time, I just took that to mean that people make conscious effort to stabilize their emotional state and keep it going as long as possible, even if it is unhappiness. But I have come to think that is not the case- it is just that a lot of them do not have that underlying belief about reality in which everything has either immediate or long term benefit.

Life for those individuals is about right or wrong choices, black or white, good or evil, that is static and universal- if something "wrong" happened, it shall remain "wrong", or bad and painful, it shall never emerge with a positive side.
Reality does seem to reveal itself according to our beliefs about it!