Should I ask for money? How? Who?

This is completely foreign territory for me - Asking for help, from anyone, for any reason. I've been taught to be mostly independent but I'm seeing some circumstances where I really believe my parents could use some money ( More than I can afford, more than they can ) My father has schizophrenia, and they really need some changes in life but those changes cost a lot of money....

Should I post a fundraiser online?
Ask family and friends first?
What should I do?

Any suggestions will help - Whether it be to figure something else out, or ways to ask people for money without feeling completely ashamed of myself for going against the way I was brought up, the way I feel about asking for help when I know so many others have it worse...

a reply to: deadlyhope
Look here to see if it gives you any helpful information. There are ample county, state, and federal resources available for this, the site has great information. Sorry to hear about your situation and hope things improve.

a reply to: AllSourceIntel

Thank you for the link, we are not quite aware of everything available to us as this is a fairly new situation. My father can currently work, due to being in a very low stress environment but programs such as the ones you linked are bound to help in the near ( hopefully not too near ) future.

a reply to: deadlyhope
You are welcome.

a reply to: deadlyhope

Seems to me that people around the world may have it worse right now, that's possible. The folks over in Nepal at the moment, who are under their houses, or mourning generations of their family right now have to be hurting, for example.

But you have to understand that some people on the planet have it bad because there is little to no help available to remedy their troubles. That need not necessarily be the case with you. Its a damned shame that relief efforts are so slow in the aftermath of the various cataclysms which befall mankind in remote areas. But you are not up in the Himalayas right now, nor are you stuck out in the dunes of the Sahara. You are not thousands upon thousands of miles from the nearest effective balm for your woes, and those of your loved ones.

So yes, its terrible that things happen every day that no one can prevent, or mitigate for in any meaningful way, but you must recognise that if there is a route you can take to getting assistance, then you MUST seize upon it, and the reason that you must do this is simple. Assuming you live in a developed western nation, there are mechanisms that one can put into motion, both governmental, and indeed crowd sourced, which could see your troubles mitigated, and these systems exist because people saw suffering and thought it was shameful to allow people to go on through life with such things pressing upon them, holding them down, drowning them in hardship and sorrow. People created methodologies and institutions to try to help do everything, from dealing with homelessness, to coping with disabilities, from getting off drink, to dealing with mental health issues.

Now, granted, no system is perfect, and certainly no system attached to government. But there are options available to you outside of that too. Kick starters, crowd funding, these are good routes to getting improvements made to lives lived hard.

I can understand your being proud never to have asked for help. Self sufficiency is something to be proud of after all! But the reality which assails you at present, would appear to represent a good reason to step outside your pride and seek aid. Whether you seek it from your local, state, or federal government, or from the wider population of the whole planet, through the omnipotence of the internet, it is clear that you need the help, and that not having it will damage you.

Look at it this way. Those who cannot access aid will not have their circumstances improved by your failing to access what aid may be out there for you. Once you have secured improvements to the circumstances in which your loved ones are living, perhaps rather than avoid the aid entirely, you ought to get what you can from it, and pay it forward, so to speak (Bleh, sappy movie reference. I am going to have to clean my teeth again...bleeeeeh).

No matter what you do end up doing, never think that you are obligated to suffer alone, or to suffer needlessly. No one bought you up to do that, or to allow another to do so, if the capacity exists to relieve their pains.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Thank you for your reply, TrueBrit - I've seen you post quite often around the forums and often you're more detailed in your posts and they are often rather meaningful - Thank you for that. You have given me a good frame of mind about this, I do see your line of thinking where my aid does not cause others harm. I guess it just comes down to pride, humility, things like that - Thinking that others in my community may think less of me and my family if we ask for help when we are not struggling like others have ( Sudden cancers costing hundreds of thousands, deaths, etc ) I know it may not be realistic thinking - We just live in a town of 150 people, and I can't imagine how bad things could get if we weren't accepted in general because we may appear greedy, and what not - It'd also be tough to explain that while we look like a normal family able to afford all that is to come our way, that's far from the truth - But if the truth is indeed worth hearing, it may be what I have to use.

a reply to: deadlyhope
If you get government support, I would consider that as your father getting his money back. Never have understood the negative association with people getting help from the government, always thought of it as someone reclaiming their money.

On another note, I am from a small town like yours and they are great (including surrounding towns) for supporting benefit fund raisers that raise money in your dads honour when things like this happen. I am not sure you would necessarily want this information out yet, but that is also an option

a reply to: AllSourceIntel

The information is out - My mom actually wrote a published book about it. It's just that we look normal - I mean we have computers, they have one good vehicle, and a trailer that's not yet fallen apart.

It's the future that largely worries me. They can barely afford unexpected costs of getting pink eye, or a bad cold - We are not insured, and this is already an old home that will not last through their retirement - Especially with schizophrenia getting worse with age. Minor car costs ( replacing tires ) puts them back to broke just about. I'm just seeking a way that they can live in a house that will last, they can get the medical coverage he needs, and they don't have to worry about their second bankruptcy when something minor goes wrong.

a reply to: deadlyhope

Actually, I've heard that schizophrenia improves with age. At least according to what I've been taught in class. And it makes sense as well since that disease is really affected by dopamine levels. I mean, it can hit later in life but schizophrenia appearing later than your teens or 20's is kinda rare I think. Could it be that your dad has dementia or some sort of myelin degenerative disorder? Have you gotten brain scans and stuff? Just wondering.

a reply to: deadlyhope

I know what you mean about the difficulties of keeping up appearances, for want of a better phrase. I work for a family business, but I get paid very little, and therefore still live with my mother. What people do not realise is that just because we rent a shop, and have stock, does not mean that we ourselves are swimming in tides of profit.

Nothing, in fact, could be further from the truth. The only reason our business has been kept going these last ten years has been because of sacrifices made by everyone involved. Through floods, fire, government interference, legal battles, and other tribulations we have remained, but not without cost. We have had to have help with simple things, like housing costs to name just one example.

It is fortunate in some respects, that my family have never been used to being secure in our persons or dwelling places over the years, that we have always been under the gun in terms of finance. Persons used to being able, by hook or by crook, to being able to outlast any trial or gamut without seeking assistance would not have been able to deal with the last decade of my life, without going completely mad...

What one has to accept is that sometimes one has to remember to prioritise tangible things, like survival, like security, and wellness, over the opinions of others. No one has the right to judge you, or your family, for doing what must be done to prepare and protect yourselves from what may come. These are interesting times after all, and so it makes little sense to be hamstrung by abstract notions held by others, about who you are, and what you are about, in the face of rapidly changing economic and political circumstances, such as those which prevail these days.

I wish you the best of luck in finding a path through this gauntlet run we call life, and hope that whatever route you take, results in appropriate comfort and wellness for yourself and your family members.

For fundraising, consider a meat draw(raffle) or alcohol, depending on the law in your neck of the woods.Online. maybe gofundme or other source of crowdfunding.Consider setting something up as a legit charity, idk if you could take advantage of tax laws to help make things more affordable that way.Good luck, it's great that you are being proactive

a reply to: rukia

It's believed he's had it for quite a few years, but the actual obvious symptoms were closer to the age 50. They did a MRI and what not, and a doctor diagnosed him with paranoid schizophrenia - He does have delusions of grandeur.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Thank you.

You are right in saying others cannot judge our situation, I shouldn't worry as much about what others think, but I should also go about things the right way myself.