I hope this doesn't sound stupid.

a reply to: JUhrman

oh, i'm fine with sharing--and I plan to do so. I've shared one experience so far here on ATS and I am planning on getting the rest out there in short order. I guess I'm just waiting till the time feels right. And it also depends on another user here, KingKelson, who is a close friend of mine and my fiance's irl, since he experienced the same things that I did during that particular experience--"The Dan Incident" I suppose I should call it.

Basically, if we hadn't all experienced the same thing we would have been sure that we were crazy. Because what all happened was so beyond the realm of what a normal person would expect to encounter on a day to day basis--even more weird than me seeing the beast of bray road (which is saying something, believe you me).

trauma can be caused by experiencing things that have no base in usual reality. And sorry I'm being so vague. It just doesn't seem right to branch off into the paranormal and stuff like that on a medical forum. But I will get on getting my stuff out there. I guess for now you just have to take my word for it--that I had encounters with weird # (no, no abductions or any of that lol they'd never take me alive. this is more like demonic ish messing with me and my friends. like physically appearing stuff. to all of us. that kinda thing you know? not something I enjoy remembering. Still hard for me to even believe that it happened even though I was there when it was happening. It's a lot to swallow.

Thought I'd seen the last of any weird stuff after I got out of the toddler years. lol oh boy was I wrong.
I used to be the type of person that would laugh at anyone who believed in things like what I'm talking about right now. I thought I was all past getting over seeing what I saw as a young child. But then right after seeing that wolf like monster, the two years following were like full of the weirdest ish imaginable. I STILL bring up the incidents with my friends and interrogate them lol asking if they remember just to make sure that I'm really not crazy.

edit: and yeah, if you want PM KingKelson and ask him if the dan thing traumatized him. From what I saw him go through, It definitely did. Luckily for him, though, he doesn't have an eating disorder. I was actually totally recovered while all of the weird crap was happening. And only within like the last half a year have I been relapsing. The perfect storm I guess :/ By the way, I think it's been 3 years since the dan thing occurred. If that helps give a better timeframe.

a reply to: dffrntkndfnml

thank you so much! and I will!

a reply to: rukia

Thanks for sharing. I do certainly believe you. I knew from the beginning there was more than what you told in the OP. You are not the only person around who is intuitive or had encounter with high strangeness

That's why I encouraged you to talk about your experience. Having to put words on it will help you, like seeing that you are not alone in this.

The worse is when people keep things like that for themselves, because they start ruminating it all alone and there is nothing and no one to put it back in perspective.


Also please, please be very aware of what I told you in my last post lack of food and sleep will only make these things you can't control happen more often. This is known both in the medical and esoteric fields. You have to trust me on this and ground yourself more. Your anorexia is related to these other things but not like you believed it, your lack of energy is causing all this. You need more ASAP. Please consult.

Take care

I just wrote a long post and then weirdly got logged off and lost it. Anyhow, I'm not going to backtrack beyond cause I'm so tired I can barely see.

You mention weird experiences... You once mentioned the white buildings with the shopping centre underneath. I have wanted to ask you about it (if you care to) but hadn't seen you online in awhile. I suffer great homesickness for such a place. Just curious. I don't mean to be insensitive when you are struggling with something else. But in that light, I was anorexic when young too, major body dysmorphia since forever... but there is hope. Your writing here has always been wise, to my mind, so the psychological foundation you have to work with is strong.

Take care of yourself.

a reply to: rukia

Your getting help may give your mom strength. Don't put it off for that reason.

a reply to: JUhrman

You're an amazing help, both here and in the thread I just made about the experience. You are very kind ^_^
I will take that advice

Thank you everybody for your support, encouragement, and advice!

a reply to: rukia

Good morning rukia,

Name is Kyo and I am pleased to have run across this thread not because you are hurting but because you are seeking. As stated before you have made a massive step of admitting. Now is the doing and that can be very rough.

Two things about me...

1. I am a licensed therapist in my home state and I specialize particularly in PTSD, ASD, anxiety and complex trauma

2. I don't know you at all and I am by no means an "expert." I have studied and worked with about 40 people suffering PTSD, anxiety, panic and many related disorders. Point being that I am throwing the bit I can towards you in hopes it might help a bit but I am most certainly not pretending to be a guru...or anything close to it.

So let's throw out the first pitch

You are not in any way abnormal. You are not defective, weak or any other nasty name. Trauma by its very nature is defined as a "normal" reaction to an "abnormal" event.

Or the appropriate way to put it...An "understandable" reaction to an event that is hard to "understand." Trauma, be it physical, sexual, ethereal, social, mental, emotional (etc) is a hard being to control. This is especially true for infants/toddlers/children/teenagers. As our brains and psyche (as it is believed in some circles) do not fully mature and develop until later in life, trauma in the formative years can cause a hasty and completely understandable retreat. When you think about a traumatizing incident, it is a perceived or real threat to your person. Most people who are younger may not have the capacity to process what occurred and thus the brain packs it away until a later time.

This does not necessarily mean complete repression or denial, but sort of a hazy ignoring of the issue.

With that said...pitch two

It's superb that you are aiming for assistance. Obviously, ethically I will quote that nobody here, including myself, can diagnose or treat online and so forth despite our credentials. However, my own experience tells me day in and day out that people who share experiences are worth their weight in degrees and licenses. So I am glad to see so many people here happy to approach and sound off.

Finally...the meat of it

Trauma can indeed be perceived/real/unreal and all sorts of other experiences. So I have a few questions for you to ponder however I am NOT asking for answers; rather looking for you to look into yourself for them.

1. When you talk about ethereal trauma, I do have to ask if these experiences are in any relation to lack of food/sleep. I want to make VERY VERY clear this isn't meant to insinuate you are lying or to embarrass or offend you. This is merely to see if anything might pop up in a line of questioning I'd typically take with someone new. Lack of food, energy, sleep and the minerals/vitamins can cause powerful hallucinations and appearances. However, I believe you mentioned these things have happened before. I would check to assure you are properly balanced. Even a small decrease in an essential mineral/vitamin or a heavy decrease in hydration and sleep can cause vivid and remarkable visions. So really this questions is grounded more in safety than anything. When you compound this with other traumas such as your mother's illness, it's cause for more alarm on that front.

I of course recommend seeing a therapist and potentially a psychiatrist as well. I know you've stated it takes a lot of courage but I believe you have it.

2. Considering residential is huge. It's a lot of work but when done with intentions like yours it can be remarkable. The benefit of residential is the non-stop and ever-present support when needed. I know you know this already but no matter how well someone recovers, it often gets worse before it gets better. Having a nonjudgmental ear around when needed can make huge differences. It's why my career exists today. We don't know you in the outside world so we take each word you say as if we'd never heard it before and help you unravel to get the answers YOU have/need...not what we decide.

As a side note...I love CBT (though am not typically a CBT practitioner despite my training) but have you considered looking into a more existential base? I admit freely that I practice existentialism so I am sure I sound like an advertisement...but the reason I mention it is because the existential school focuses on the "now" but what it really does is offers a look into you and your mind, spirit, heart in effort to find the value in you. Not some inserted value that the therapist gives you...but your own intrinsic value (which is far more important than external value). It offers reflection on your experiences, on yourself and on your world.

Just a thought. I'd be more than happy to give you more info on existential therapy if you choose to PM me. However I understand if there is any reluctance.

3. Dreams (one of my favorite practices) are one heck of a look into the soul. If you ask two therapist what a dream means you'll get three answers. Mine, the other therapist's, and yours. The essence of collaborative dream work is to offer a foundation of safety and challenge for you to experience who/what the dream is. For starters, the "world" or environment of the dream typically symbolizes you and the events in the dream typically symbolize what you desire, need or are experiencing distress over. It can also show you an obstacle you need to get through to grow.

I can go on and on for days about reflection and dream collaboration...but I will leave that up to you. Feel free to share or message me if you have any further questions

Good day brave one

You are lucky you got such a personal, professional and caring answer from Kyozero, OP.

I hope you will consider it very carefully and that you are doing fine!

Take care