Do we have a broken heart Emoticon??? I need one!

Thanks for sharing and hang in there Charlie!

My wife and I broke up 8 months ago after 10 years together and 2 children. Looking back, it was inevitable but still came as a huge shock to me. I felt like I died, and at times my children were all that kept me from giving up. After 8 months, the pain and loneliness have numbed a bit, but I still very much mis the secure feeling of a family, a home and a future.

It's hard to imagine I will ever love someone so much again, but looking back, I've had that feeling every single time after a break-up and sure enough, each time someone knew eventually came along. So I trust that one day I will be back on top, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

I will never give up on love, because it gives life true meaning. But for now, I am focussing on my love for my children.

Good luck to you! You are not alone.

soulwaxer

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

Hugs to you, Charlie... Nurture yourself and know that the severity of your pain is temporary. It will get better. But love lasts forever.

a reply to: soulwaxer

My wife and partner of 15 years and two awesome kids broke up 2.5 years ago. Been there, done that. Sent me down to a Dark Place. But I never gave up Hope. I ended up finding a person who can finish my thoughts and is beyond what I ever thought possible. I need to be better for Her.

Love is out there. Real Love beyond all Understanding. It is not some biochemical mistake but a force of Nature permeating the fabric of this Universe. Never give up.

a reply to: the owlbear

Thank you for the encouragement owlbear!

soulwaxer

sorry for your loss. You are grieving, just not a death of a person.

Wow, I honestly didn't see this going past page 1.


So grateful for the amazing kindness you've all showed.



All I can offer is a virtual hug and kiss, but it comes from the deepest part of my Soul.


Thank you everyone. X

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs
I'll take the hug, the kiss you can keep.

It may not be over. I once reunited with a girl after not seeing each other for 8 years. The same thing happened with another girl after 7 years apart.

But even if it is "over" look at it this way, every "failed" relationship is there to teach you the lessons to be a better husband and lover for when you find "The One". Sure, there are cases where high school sweethearts lose their virginity to eachother and stay together until they die... But in My personal exlerience... I'm GLAD for all the heartache and "failed relationships" I've endured over the years. I would not want to have met the lady I'm with now, when I was the person I was back before I had gained all those experience points. I was definitely NOT WORTHY. I'm wiser now, and I have the insight to actually appreciate her for everything she is.

I've cried over girls, nearly going insane and sometimes going temporarily insane over a few, thinking they were the one... Ha... I can laugh about it now. I did things I'm too embarassed to admit in the pursuit of some of these girls, trying to win their hearts back. But today, I thank God up in Heaven every day for them Not taking me back... because then I would never have found The One. She is a thousand times better than any girl I've ever dated, in every way.

You are a man of God, yes? Then Trust in His plan, my friend! I KNOW you have a good heart. I can sense that. And because of that, God has happiness waiting for you.

But in the meantime... Do grieve over your lost love! Feel that pain! Let it stay with you...until you are ready to discard it... it will serve you well... when you find The One. Then you will treat her like the queen she deserves to be treated like, because that's what she will be to you, your queen, as you will be her king.

God's plan is very intricate, with many twists and turns, and one day you will look back and realize you necer would have ended up with your queen if just one of those turns had gone the other way. Even your mistakes you are currently making are leading you down that path to where you will find your happiness.

PM me if you want to talk more, I'd love to hear more if you're in a talking mood, if you're not, then I totally understand that too. Just please don't do anything you cannot take back. All is not lost, I promise you as it were a promise from God.

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

No need to remain friends. You broke up for a reason, it's not healthy for either of you. If you got dumped you will want it to hold on to what you once had, if you broke up with her it will be out of pity and you will lose respect for the person. It goes the other way too. Good luck, move on, and stop contact immediately. She's in the past now.

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

I understand Charlie I am sorry for your pain brother, i just lost my wife, heres a song for us.

You know...

I still come back to his thread every now and then to take in the great advice from everyone.

It's still appreciated greatly, and still effective.


Love ya.

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

I had my heart broken a long time ago and I used to write down how I was feeling. I wrote enough to fill a book, and I'm not joking. Today, I finally decided to let some of it go and have just shredded everything I wrote except for the poetry.

As I was shredding reams of paper, this one paragraph caught my eye:

I just know that I always loved me more than I loved X. I always will love me more, I have to in order to survive. Just because you are capable of putting the other person first in most instances doesn't mean you lose the capacity to put yourself first when it really matters. First golden rule of survival: Learn when it matters.

I wrote that in my darkest hours, I hope it helps.

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

how are you doing now, some months on? You sound a little less raw?

It is a kind of bereavement, so you might consider the Kubler Ross model of stages of loss (works for my clients with an acquired brain injury, and I know colleagues who use it for those going through divorce or job loss, so it's not doom and gloom and death, promise).

If you can recognise which stage you're at, you can see whether it's the one you want to be at, and if not you can work out how to do the work to get to the stage you really want. You're aiming for acceptance, as I'm sure you know, but part of that is realising acceptance does not equal the sun coming back out...more that you're giving room to the hope that the long dark teatime of the soul might have a dawn.

When I think of the fool I've made of myself chasing the 'perfect one'....well, iIm just pleased online is anonymous, else I'd never be able to look any of you in the avatar again. At least you have your dignity!