Some of George Carlin's best

Found this on a satellite radio blog. It's a great mix of his stuff:



Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Most people don't know what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it

If you try to fail, and succeed, what have you done?

If we are the only species in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

In comic strips, the person on the left generally speaks first.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Jesus, Ghandi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King were all murdered. We tend to kill people who tell us we
should live together in harmony and love each other.

We have war, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong.

I don't just accept everything I'm told. My mind doesn't work that way. I got this crazy thing I do called "thinking", and because of it, I'm not a very good American.

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

I wish that we could measure how much the potential of the mind to expand has been stunted by television.

This country has squandered its promise for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.

If you need motivation, you probably need more than motivation.

I could never understand national or ethnic pride, because pride should be reserved for something you achieve on your own.
Italian Pride. Black Pride. Latin Pride. Irish Pride.
Being Irish isn't a skill. Having a bumper sticker that says Proud To Be Irish is like having a bumper sticker thats says Proud To Be 5'11''.

Warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."..."Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one."... "If you drink long enough, at some point you will vomit up the lining of your stomach."


I'm sick of this "Team Player" bull#. Any reasonably intelligent person should be able to get along with others. I don't need to be an official "Team Player". When someone says 'There is no "I" in team', tell them 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.' If they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.

Iv always liked this guys stand ups, he's hilarious, clever and insightful. Thanks for posting, if your looking for more comedy like his look up Bill Hicks, he's also a great comedian with some anti-religion/politics based jokes

a reply to: ColeYounger

Loved Carlin,and miss him terribly. We need people like him to stand up and tell it like it is,with humor. There will never be another like him.

a reply to: ColeYounger

I wish we still had Carlin and Hicks.

There's nobody else like them out there these days.

Shame.

a reply to: LiveForever8

my husband and I saw George carlin years ago when he had a show in our area...george was one of a kind...loved his humor!

After reading rave reviews all over the place, I decided to watch him on Netflix. I turned it off after 20 minutes and was really disappointed, I had been really excited to discover a wonderful comedian. I just don't find him at all funny. I think he brings up some wonderful points, and people love to quote him, but I personally don't get the appeal. I don't want to disrespect the guy, and I'm glad so many people enjoy him, clearly he's become a comedy icon, but I don't find him funny, and I don't get why people seem to act like he was profoundly insightful.

If someone wants to point me in the direction of a great performance, I would appreciate it. Maybe the show I watched was a dud or something.