When Hitting Someone Is OK

There was a time when things were great and we had no issues. She was a wonderful person to be around, and there were really no issues at all, until she started to not listen, and do things that upset me.

I figured raising my voice would help, but it didn’t.



I started to tell her and show, over and over, how things needed to be but she wasn’t going to have any of it.
It was going to be her way, so I had to do something about it to make my point clear.

One day I decided to get her attention by slapping her, and it seem to work well. She cried a bit and I felt horrible too, but I got my point across, so the next time she stepped out of line I knew exactly what to do.

Sounds bad huh?

What’s interesting is this is a made up story to prove a point. And I bet some of you thought I was talking about an adult. I was actually talking about a child. Violence is a poor way of communicating, and if this were 2 adults, one most likely would have a felony on their record for assault and battery.

If we look at the first paragraph it’s about Me Me Me, and how the person lacked communication skills and reacted in anger, instead of knowing how to deal with a situation, and a child.

Children for the most part are a blank slate, and willing to listen, learn, and do what is right if the parents have the proper skills to deal with them.

Today we lack direction, on almost every level. Children are a reflection of the generation that is directing them, or lack of directing.
Some children do turn out ok, in spite of poor parenting, but it may take many years for them to balance things out in their lives.

A person that believes violence to get their point across, when dealing with children is the answer, then let me make a suggestion; Live by your standards and be equally as abusive to adults and see how far that gets you.

Children are a gift and they look for direction, love, interaction, and guidance. Abusing them is a sign that someone has lost complete control, can't find a solution to a situation, and lacks proper communication skills.

Unfortunately there is no prerequisite for becoming a parent just a short moment of passion, and a lifetime of responsibility.

Tens reasons not to hit your child.

In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. Among these needs are: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise, and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But his greatest need is for his parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too distracted by their own problems and worries to treat their children with patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to punish a child for responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly unjust.

Anyone that thinks that violence against children is fine may need professional help. Some people maybe feeling anger, at this point, and justifying their past and current methods, but I have another story for everyone.

I’m a father that has never had to hit his son, and he is a well-adjusted young man these days. I have been a coach for over 2 and a half decades. I have coached hockey, soccer, chess, and many other programs of various ages from 4 year old to 16 years old.

None of these children ever needed to be hit, or subdued by physical violence in order for me to get my point across, in fact, it was just the opposite many children sought my guidance out, because they were abused at home.

Many times stupidity and ignorance are past down from generation to generation, because that is the way it has been done for many generations.

The cycle of ignorance and violence needs to stop somewhere, so will it end with you?

a reply to: Realtruth

You people who talk about not smacking a kid must have either had parents who didn't care or cared too much (single child in a rich family)....

I was neither, my parents loved me and gave me an excellent upbringing...This included getting spanked in the rear on multiple occasions and guess what? I LEARNED A GREAT LESSON!!! To not do what I got spanked for....My father was not abusive in ANY sense of the word, but when I didn't listen or was bad I was spanked and guess what? IT WORKED!! I grew up to be a great adult with an incredible family, make great money and have a daughter of my own....

My point being, unless you had an abusive childhood...Spanking does actually work if utilized properly and not turned into abuse...Also, people who don't have children shouldn't have an opinion on the matter, IMO of course....But if you don't know and never experienced it, how can you comment?

Getting spanked is much different that hit or smacked.

Spanking works very well - and is world known as a valuable and good way to discipline when the time calls for it.

originally posted by: Chrisfishenstein

You people who talk about not smacking a kid must have either had parents who didn't care or cared too much (single child in a rich family)....

Us people?

Well I was raised in a lower middle-class house where we worked for everything. I have a large family, and everyone did their part.

Live your philosophy. The next time an adult gets out of line reach across the table and smack them.

Children can't hit back, and won't hit back.

a reply to: Chrisfishenstein

I have to agree with everything you said, with one little add.

My parents never spanked me IN ANGER, and I never spanked my sons in anger.
I always got, and gave an explanation for the spanking.

But I did try other punishments as well, so it wasn't the "go to" punishment.

All kids are different. Some things work for them, others don't.

a reply to: Realtruth

You people, as in you people who talk about how spanking doesn't work....I am living, breathing proof....As long as that spanking doesn't turn into abuse...That is excellent parenting! Teaching a kid to deal with something they did wrong and life $hitting on them....That happens every day as an adult and kind words won't teach a kid a damn thing about life taking a large steaming pile of crap on them every day....Life lessons should be HARD, that molds a child into an adult to learn to deal with how to act in the real world...

originally posted by: chiefsmom
a reply to: Chrisfishenstein

I have to agree with everything you said, with one little add.

My parents never spanked me IN ANGER, and I never spanked my sons in anger.
I always got, and gave an explanation for the spanking.

But I did try other punishments as well, so it wasn't the "go to" punishment.

All kids are different. Some things work for them, others don't.

Same with me, couldn't agree more! That is a HARD life lesson for a child and just what is needed to learn about how life as an adult is...

ETA: It is more so the child knows there is something wrong, not to injure or do out of anger....It is a very valuable lesson and I for one, am very glad that was done to me to assist in growing up!

a reply to: Realtruth

Imagine this...
A child of perhaps three or four reaches out to grab a pot from the stove. You do nothing, or you sit them down and try to explain to them that it will hurt them. Do you REALLY think that child has any comprehension of the consequences? No, of course not.
Instead, you have two choices, either you spank them and inflict mild discomfort in an effort to educate them about something they should not be doing (something which will harm them) or you let them do it and they suffer incredible injury to learn that lesson.

This namby pamby nonsense about smacking kids is incredibly dangerous, it's incredibly naive, and it's ridiculously simple minded - and usually offered by people who have never had kids themselves.

Kids do not respond to common sense and discussion, they cannot comprehend risk, it is your job to inflict minor discomfort when needed to maintain their safety and prevent more serious injury or even death.

a reply to: Realtruth

I didn't expect this. I started working on a list of valid reasons after I saw the OP title. Oh well, time well wasted (shrugs)

Cheers - Dave

originally posted by: Chrisfishenstein
Teaching a kid to deal with something they did wrong and life $hitting on them....That happens every day as an adult and kind words won't teach a kid a damn thing about life taking a large steaming pile of crap on them every day....Life lessons should be HARD, that molds a child into an adult to learn to deal with how to act in the real world...

Let's see so hitting a child, by your philosophy, teaches them how life will take a "large pile of crap on them every day"?

Sounds like delusional parenting to me, but if it works then run with it.

Some kids deserve it more then others these days, and not so much out of anger, it a reality check. When you look at a lot of kids these days thinking they are tough without a single battle scar, to being spoiled little brats hardly taking care of themselves relying on someone, they didn't get that early lesson in pain.

The problem with North American kids these days, is they think they can have it all with no repercussions, compared to kids in poorer countries, accepting and being grateful for what ever blessing they have and want to change for better.

I got picked up by the hand and booted by my dad steel toes in the ass and hit with wooden spoon by my strong armed granny, and it was for a good reasons. Often or not it was because I'd hit my lil brother for teasing the crap out of me, and I would have to hit him for him to stop. It'd work, but then I'd get the beating for making him cry, and he'd get a little slap for teasing me.

See the main problem is that there is a thin line between, like love and hate the idea of being disciplined to being given a lesson of obedience, which often leads to serious abuse.

Is there a reason why most rich kids blow their parent fortunes and becoming poor, while a poor person has better spending habits, thus trying to become successful in the process?

Is there a reason why Bill gates didn't give his son a cent and made him work for outside companies?

originally posted by: Realtruth
Live your philosophy. The next time an adult gets out of line reach across the table and smack them.

I would do exactly that if they were about to stab themselves in the eye with a fork.

You just don't seem to get it. You CANNOT rationalize with a child, it is NOT POSSIBLE.
If you put a child in a room with three sweets on the table and tell them that if they only eat two they will get four in an hour, they will eat them all.

Kids do not understand consequences, they do not understand pain. People like you seem to think that Humans are born with your awareness of the world, when they are simply not, and no amount of trying to claim otherwise will change that.

I had a really big disagreement with a friend of mine about ten years ago when she said she would never smack her kids. She had two kids eventually, and she ended up smacking them both on occasion. She had to admit that she had been wrong. You cannot "educate" you children about risks and dangers by discussing it with them as though you're in therapy. If you do nothing, you end up with injured kids.

This is a fact of life, and no amount of stupidly liberal nonsense will change it. And yes I am a liberal lefty, I just know common sense.

originally posted by: Rocker2013

Kids do not respond to common sense and discussion, they cannot comprehend risk, it is your job to inflict minor discomfort when needed to maintain their safety and prevent more serious injury or even death.

Plenty of adults do not respond to common sense, so should we "inflict minor discomfort" on them too?

originally posted by: Specimen

The problem with North American kids these days, is they think they can have it all with no repercussions, compared to kids in poorer countries, accepting and being grateful for what ever blessing they have and want to change for better.

I'll agree with this statement many children are spoiled brats these days and not grateful, but who's fault is this?

originally posted by: Realtruth

originally posted by: Chrisfishenstein
Teaching a kid to deal with something they did wrong and life $hitting on them....That happens every day as an adult and kind words won't teach a kid a damn thing about life taking a large steaming pile of crap on them every day....Life lessons should be HARD, that molds a child into an adult to learn to deal with how to act in the real world...

Let's see so hitting a child, by your philosophy, teaches them how life will take a "large pile of crap on them every day"?

Sounds like delusional parenting to me, but if it works then run with it.

You make whatever personal attacks you want.....Just keep talking to that 2 year old and expect them to listen to you! Sit them down and explain like an adult and see how far that takes you...This sissy, nancy girl kids crap that is part of society now a days is an absolute joke, and the prisoners (kids) know who runs the asylum (home)....But you keep having that sit down discussion with your kids and best of luck when they don't listen to a word you say or respect you in any way, shape, or form for letting them do whatever they want...Best of luck to you!

originally posted by: Realtruth

originally posted by: Rocker2013

Kids do not respond to common sense and discussion, they cannot comprehend risk, it is your job to inflict minor discomfort when needed to maintain their safety and prevent more serious injury or even death.

Plenty of adults do not respond to common sense, so should we "inflict minor discomfort" on them too?

No.
Why do you keep trying to make this about adults who know better?
This is about kids and preventing them from causing themselves harm.

You need to work out the difference between adults and kids, and the difference between abuse and parenting.

The fact that you make this comparison only reinforces my belief that you seem to think kids are capable of the same mental processing as adults, maybe this is why you have the views you have.

Kids are not born with an awareness of risk, danger, mortality, injury, pain... this is ALL NEW TO THEM. Where do you think it all comes from? It comes from parents inflicting mild discomfort to teach them about dangers around them. It is better to make your child cry out in discomfort as a result of you smacking them once to make them change their behavior than have them grab a pot handle and pour boiling water over themselves because you stupidly confused smacking with violent assault.

originally posted by: Realtruth

originally posted by: Specimen

The problem with North American kids these days, is they think they can have it all with no repercussions, compared to kids in poorer countries, accepting and being grateful for what ever blessing they have and want to change for better.

I'll agree with this statement many children are spoiled brats these days and not grateful, but who's fault is this?

Probably the fault of the parent who refused to smack their child when that child started stealing sweets from the other kids.

originally posted by: Realtruth

originally posted by: Specimen

The problem with North American kids these days, is they think they can have it all with no repercussions, compared to kids in poorer countries, accepting and being grateful for what ever blessing they have and want to change for better.

I'll agree with this statement many children are spoiled brats these days and not grateful, but who's fault is this?

THE EFFING PARENT'S FOR NOT TEACHING THEIR EFFING KIDS A LESSON!!! For sitting them down talking to them like an adult when they are a child....For letting them burn themselves with the pot of boiling water because you only told them this would hurt and they didn't believe you!! I could keep going but you don't seem to get the picture here....

Real, I respect your opinion on this, I just disagree.

But let me give you a real life example, and you can tell me how you would have handled it.
(Personally, I now think my dad handled it perfectly. At the time, I was just pissed he went through with it.)

My parents were having a party. I was 13. I wanted to go up the road to the neighbors. (there was a cute boy there)
My father told me to be back in 45 min. If I wasn't I would get the belt.
Well, I figured he would never notice, he was having a party.
He did.
I was gone for an hour and 15 min.
He brought me in the bathroom, asked me if I knew why I was getting the belt. I said yes, because I was gone too long.
He said this was going to hurt him more that it would me. And swatted me twice.
Guess what? I never disobeyed a time limit again. I survived. It was the one and only time he ever use a belt.