How I Learned Not To Be A Boy

a reply to: SearchLightsInc

A playful exciting intelligent well humored woman is much better than eye candy plastic materialistic static woman.

Good for you keep on keeping on.

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: Anaana

Naah, it has to stay freely. Like Bluesma said it is only something for real men. If you don't wear it with a certain attitude it doesn't work.
But thanks for the nice pic

I love how he holds his cock.

And thanks for appreciating that latter point, I picked it on exactly that basis...and because Ewan always rocks the frocks.

I don't care for 'real' or 'unreal' men classification, just as I don't like it applied to women but I do like to lose a moment now and then admiring a well turned calf...the more of those the merrier I am.

a reply to: SearchLightsInc

Interesting read and totally agree.

Gender-stereotyping sucks balls.

I think there's a fear that the kid might become gay unless encouraged sufficiently in the right direction.

Threads like this make me queasy
My experience of of the 'right on' pc correct brigade is not a happy one.

a reply to: Anaana

I should correct that, I meant real as in confident.

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: Anaana

I should correct that, I meant real as in confident.

You and I are going to have to agree to disagree...I like 'em shy

I now go for tom boy type girls anyhow.
Well now anyway after 3 ex's which were all girly but loved being violent towards me I changed my type.

a reply to: Anaana

Ah I don't care enough to disagree. They are all beautiful peculiar creatures, big and small. And he:

Is also a unicorn.

I had the opposite experience in grade school. I never played with dolls and wanted to dress in girl clothes, but I didn't like the mean rough play the boys were into on the playground. So in around 3rd grade I played with the girls a lot, why not? I liked girls even at that age, started having crushes on girls by about 9 years old. Anyway, that made the boys bully me even more and was often called gay or fag, even though I didn't really understand what that meant at the time. By 4th grade, I spent all my recess on the swings because it was wasn't gender specific.

There was a mean pecking order on the playground and it was hard for an intelligent, gentle and thoughtful boy to understand. Until I had a real steady girlfriend out of high school, even my parents questioned my sexuality. There was an incredible amount of pressure to conform to one sex type or the other. Not even when I started working out in H.S. and getting buff did the suspicion about my sexuality end, I had to be "dating" in order to conform, but by then I had extremely high standards and didn't want most of the girls I knew beyond a mere friendship. That didn't mean I wasn't getting some action here and there, just wasn't dating or talking about fooling around.

Also, I like the "tom boy" types much more than the girly girls, I find them exciting and am attracted to them.

a reply to: SearchLightsInc

Having a personality is more important than how you dress. Girls that only care about looks become useless once they hit their 30's and their looks start to deteriorate.

a reply to: MichiganSwampBuck

I like the "tom boy" types much more than the girly girls

Me too but they never reciprocated.

Bitch.

While i fully support your right to dress how you want and play sports i find some of the posts in this thread to be just as bad as the discrimination you went through.
Girls who like to wear dresses and play house and make up plays are not boring or to be looked down on, I find it ironic to be proclaiming a right to live and dress as you please without negative comments, but make negatives comments about people who choose a different path to yourself.
I grew up in the countryside so climbed trees made dens, went out on my BMX all the tiem.
My daughter is a girly girl, who likes pretty dresses and dolls, i dont think less of her because of it.

originally posted by: Nyiah
Duh, of course girly stuff is boring. Dolls & home-body play is dull. I wasn't a frilly prissy snot like other girls, I actually got out of the house & got dirty

Just let kids play how they want, get over the stupid crap. No need for any adult's idiotic agenda & resulting meddling to muddy it up with.

I just found myself thinking - this sounds totally self contradicting?
You don't worry that your view and attitude might be sensed by your kids and influence their "choices" of play?

I mean, I did the "boyish" activities my mom wanted me to do, and dressed as she wanted me to, and repeated the put downs she said about girly girls, hoping she wouldn't be ashamed of me and hoping to win her love. But that didn't eliminate my secret doll playing and dress up I did in secret (I ended up stealing these from other girls) that made me feel so ashamed of myself.

Is it somehow more acceptable if a boy does this ?
Why is it being prissy or snotty to feel gentle, soft, nurturing, or relation-focused?
I am not sure that is a realistic judgement ......

a reply to: SearchLightsInc

I'm more or less you.

I just proudly embraced the tomboy label. As far as I was concerned, boys did far more interesting and fun things than girls. At no point did I ever think I was a boy (not enough to get confused about it), it's just simply that boys have more fun and dress in more comfortable clothing.

After one year of being bullied constantly, I learned to simply stop worrying and do what pleased me. I learned to only really care about the opinions of the people who truly matter in my life. If they actually care about you, they'll accept you as you are. And those are the people who will give you honest criticism when it's needed.

a reply to: SearchLightsInc

Great post!

I was also a "tomboy" and I don't take offense to it at all. I'm proud of it, in fact. I did play with dolls and my E-Z bake oven, but I also had trucks (OMG! I LOVED trucks!), played in the dirt, climbed trees, wore "boy's clothes" and rode my bike and stayed out late, as you described. I led a FULL life, not being relegated to acting like someone else's idea of a girl.

Bonus, as an adult, I can tune up a car, change a tire, design and build things from wood (power tools rule!), plus I'm a great cook, can make a wedding dress and I'm a sensitive, compassionate and sexy woman. If others don't understand that, it's really their issue, not mine. I consider myself a complete woman.

Gender roles suck.

You just described much of what my life has been like! You're not alone.

I grew up dirt poor, youngest of 7 siblings, never a "typical" girl. By the time I was born, my parents had spent all their energy and money on the older kids, so nearly everything I had was a hand me down. Dolls? I would have been embarrassed to be seen with one, to be honest. My brother (seven years older than me) used to "play fight" with me, boxing and karate style. We would also get his G.I. Joe action figures, take them to the sandblasting lot next door, where we would bury them in the sand and blow them up with firecrackers!! It was awesome! I also had a pony, and i think i was about 8 years old the summer I started saddling him up, all by myself, and riding him around. One time he bucked me off into a prickly pear cactus bush and mom had to pluck out all the needles from my backside, one by one. Looking back, I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything!

When I was about 19 or 20, i realized all my close friends were guys, and I was tired of being called a tomboy. So, I tried being "girly" but it didn't really work out for me. It was a lot of extra work... tedious is definitely a good way to describe it!! And most of my guy friends started treating me differently. Not cool. It just wasn't worth it.

Now that I'm an adult, I don't dress like a typical woman. Jean's and t-shirts. Athletic pants and tank tops. Slacks and a dress shirt for work. Not big on jewelry or fashion. I just wear what's comfortable. I wear my hair plain, and never wear makeup.

Thank you for sharing this post. It's good to know there are others out there who have had similar experiences.

Here's to you, sister!

I'm a transgender woman so I know a lot about what it's like to try and fit the mold everyone else decides for you. The only thing you can do, is be true to yourself and be the best you, you can be.

If you do, eventually you will have others that care about the real you, not some role you play for others, but you.

Yeah people are jerks, they get uncomfortable easily with things that don't fit in their narrow views of the world. They want things to be simple, and lash out against things that threaten to complicate their world.

Is an annoying, but natural thing. See way back when, a change in the environment or society could result in death for the whole or much of the tribe as such things created unpredictability in a world that was hostile to human life. This is the state most wild animals live in. Human's haven't quite gotten rid of that instinct. It's thanks to cultural advancement we're able to begin to branch out, be different and be ourselves, because, we no longer live in the wilds of the world living day to day, at the mercy of our environment where the slightest unpredictable change could be disastrous.

So when people act like jerks, and overreact to your being different from what they expect, know that part of that reaction is because of an instinctive primal fear.

That doesn't make it right, but it makes it understandable. Is also why acting with aggression, and hate towards such people will only increase that fear and in doing so turn what is caution and trepidation into actual hate and aggression. Is a complicated issue. I was about to go on about peace movements and why they are important and why the lunatic fringe and countering hate rhetoric with hate rhetoric is so bad, but this is about you and what you have and are going through, so instead,

Hang in there sister, being yourself when different is full of trials, but if you ever become comfortable in your own skin by being yourself, and find people in your life that love you for you, and don't expect you to be anything you're not, it's worth all the bull# you put up with in getting there.

originally posted by: Bluesma

originally posted by: Nyiah
Duh, of course girly stuff is boring. Dolls & home-body play is dull. I wasn't a frilly prissy snot like other girls, I actually got out of the house & got dirty

Just let kids play how they want, get over the stupid crap. No need for any adult's idiotic agenda & resulting meddling to muddy it up with.

I just found myself thinking - this sounds totally self contradicting?
You don't worry that your view and attitude might be sensed by your kids and influence their "choices" of play?

I mean, I did the "boyish" activities my mom wanted me to do, and dressed as she wanted me to, and repeated the put downs she said about girly girls, hoping she wouldn't be ashamed of me and hoping to win her love. But that didn't eliminate my secret doll playing and dress up I did in secret (I ended up stealing these from other girls) that made me feel so ashamed of myself.

Is it somehow more acceptable if a boy does this ?
Why is it being prissy or snotty to feel gentle, soft, nurturing, or relation-focused?
I am not sure that is a realistic judgement ......

Make no mistake, I let my kids play with whatever they want (within reason, of course) They choose their toys, not me. How I feel towards girly play is of no consequence, they gravitate towards their play style themselves. Dolls have been offered by many people, they've always been tossed aside. The only ones the older kid will even touch is Monster High. Even then, she doesn't really play with them so much as she collects them. She's more artistic and would rather paint or draw than play with her MH dolls. The little kid simply can't be bothered, dinosaurs are her toy of choice (and cars) They don't play house or mommies together like some sisters, they never have. They build things together with their legos/k'nex, or they'll build a town to race their cars through.

As far as seeing fellow little girls growing up as prissy, maybe pretentious would have been a better word choice. Feminine play's attributes do tend to be overblown. There's little to be learned that way that cannot also be learned through other toys or simply playing with others.

People commenting on what you're wearing and questioning your choice of hobbies...life sounds tough.

a reply to: SearchLightsInc

Thanks for sharing your story, always a brave thing to broach in a place like this!

I can't help but sit here and imagine how many of the people who agree with your sentiment would feel differently had this thread been about a boy talking about being told not to act like a girl his whole life.

I hope everyone can just be someday