How Many Apostles Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

originally posted by: thesaneone
a reply to: Eunuchorn

No offense but that is the dumbest joke I've ever heard.

Obviously not heard many jokes.

I'm a Christian, please take this in a the light hearted humor in which it is intended.


Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing golf. Moses is up. He hit the ball and it lands in the water. He takes his club, parts the water, hits his ball, lands on the green, rolls into the hole and hits a par.

Now it's Jesus' turn. Jesus hits the ball but it lands in the water. No problem for him. He walks on the water, raises the ball, hits the ball, lands it on the green and it rolls into the hole, making a par.

Now it's the old man's turn. He hits the ball, it lands in the water where a fish catches it. An eagle swoops down and catches the fish, he drops the fish onto the green, the ball pops out of the fish's mouth, rolls onto the green into the hole, Jesus turns around and says, "Will you quit fooling around Dad and play some real golf!"

a reply to: Anyafaj

Now that was a good joke. lol

originally posted by: mikelkhall
a reply to: Anyafaj

Now that was a good joke. lol

Have you ever heard the greedy child's prayer?


Greedy Child's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my toys to keep,
So no other kids can have them!!

I didn't care for the first joke, the second joke I expected to hate but the end was pretty funny lol.

But seriously guys don't you know a single dang thing about Jesus!
They say he was hung like this *proceeds to hold hands up*

originally posted by: EhTheist
I didn't care for the first joke, the second joke I expected to hate but the end was pretty funny lol.

But seriously guys don't you know a single dang thing about Jesus!
They say he was hung like this *proceeds to hold hands up*

LoL, that's dirty

Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.





When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.




People who don't like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn't have such funny beliefs.





I saw a sign outside a church which read:

"C H - R C H... There's only one thing missing."

I'm not sure "CHPROOFRCH" is even a word.

a reply to: blupblup

Sounds like you had a better grasp on Christianity as a young boy than most do as adults lol

How many Atheists Beating Dead Horses does it take to change a light bulb?

None.
They'll all confirm unanimously that light bulb never existed in the first place.

a reply to: GENERAL EYES

You should say "There is no lightbulb"

a reply to: Eunuchorn

The devil is always in the details.

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. 'What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!', he said to himself.

As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.

He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant the atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!...'

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying:

'You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?'

The atheist looked directly into the light.

'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?'

'Very well, 'said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: 'Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen.'

'God, I have a problem.'

'What's your problem Eve?'

'I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all these wonderful animals as well as that hilarious snake, but I'm just not happy, '

'And why is that Eve?'

'God, I am lonely and bored and I'm sick to death of apples.'

'Well Eve, in that case I shall create a man for you'

'Man? What is that, God?'

'A flawed base creature with many bad traits. he'll lie, cheat and be vain. He will revel in childish things. he'll be bigger than you and will like fighting, hunting and killing things. He won't be too smart so will need your advice to think properly. He will have a limited emotional capacity so will need to be trained. He will look silly when aroused, but since You've been complaining of boredom, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs and you need never be bored again.'

'Sounds great', said Eve but what's the catch, God'

'Well, you can have him on one condition.'

'And what's that, God?'

'As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring, so you'll have to let him believe I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret. You know, woman to woman.'