Gender Dysphoria, Cuervo, and ATS

a reply to: Cuervo

Very interesting.

Well we're just scratching the surface on gender and sexuality. I remember reading the story of a woman who was born with both male and female anatomy and was raised female but later wound up having a sex change because of wrong gender identity.

Who knows how it all works. I wish it was studied more and not for evil purposes(like trying to prove that this segment of population doesn't deserve equal protections and access etc etc.)

Oh and another really interesting study I read(sorry I don't have links, I'll look later) was that aggression levels in transgenders were asked in a survey and it showed that most male aggression is probably environmental because even after transitioning they didn't state any changes in aggression(which would eliminate elevated testosterone as the reason some males exhibit aggressive behaviors).

Again needs more genuine studies.

I appreciate your honesty with your ATS family. I am happy for you. I was worried about your wife until you mentioned her secretly being into women. LOL! Man, did that work out well or what? You were lucky there! So now you get to keep your wife and also be what you wish to be.

a reply to: Cuervo

I wish you the best.

I'm doubly glad that you have a loving partner.

I actually wish you both the best.

I am actually a little ambivalent about sexuality. I mean, I am male, have fathered beautiful children, am happily married and truly enjoy sex but I also know I have a softer side that cries at 'chick-flicks' and stuff.

It's just that sex is not such a big thing in my mind. More that love is the big thing.

So I'm just glad that you have that. The plumbing is optional.

I know of some people that did as you did, I don't know that much about the things they went through or their exact path of how they got there but they seemed okay about it.

I am a woman and happily so, despite being not an average woman in my thought processes sometimes, (I get called ''scientific'' a lot), and I am heterosexual, I wouldn't want to be a man so I wouldn't know how that really feels.

The concerning aspect of transgender 'transition' of the surgical variety is that it's drastic and never fully functional as nature intended.

Wouldn't it just be easier for accepting that fluidity of gender and working round it. I couldn't imagine having parts sewn up /added to etc could ever be all that healthy for the body or the mind. Surgery is a sort of wound and there is always a reminder. I couldn't imagine anyone really psychologically gaining from such procedures.

There is probably a holistic process that involves only the mind and psychology for acceptance of the physical self that is far healthier.

a reply to: Cuervo

Cuervo my friend...

Something you should be thankful for, in having a late transition, is your beautiful child & wife you have that may not have been possible had you changed when you were younger!

You don't need me to tell you this, but if ever you have those thoughts that you wish it had happened sooner, think what you would have missed out on.

a reply to: OrphanApology

That study on aggression is new to me. If you find it, I'd love to read it. Anecdotally speaking, those I've spoken with who've transitioned expressed the opposite. But then again, that might just come from being happier and more in line with their true nature. I'm certainly willing to believe in both possibilities. I won't know as all of my aggression has been manufactured to fit my role. In private, I'm like Ghandi but in public, I was more like somebody from Jackass.

Personally, I like the possibility of nurture being as equal as nature when it comes to human behavior but too much has proven to me otherwise, as you can imagine.

originally posted by: CharlieSpeirs
a reply to: Cuervo

Cuervo my friend...

Something you should be thankful for, in having a late transition, is your beautiful child & wife you have that may not have been possible had you changed when you were younger!

You don't need me to tell you this, but if ever you have those thoughts that you wish it had happened sooner, think what you would have missed out on.

I've pondered that a lot and it's very awesome it's something you thought about. When asked if I could go back in time and start this whole thing during puberty (the most optimal time for transitioning), I said "no" for the very same reasons you stated.

It will be more difficult now but it would have been more difficult to get the family I have now if I had done it earlier. I rolled the dice on surviving it so far and I won a family out of it before offing myself so I wouldn't change that for the world.

a reply to: Cuervo

Yeah those "what ifs" can be powerful & overbearing sometimes... I'm sure that's ten fold in your situation.

Stay strong Cuervo...


God bless you!

a reply to: Cuervo

Well I tried to find it again and couldn't.

There's a lot of anecdotal information out there when I searched. If I can find it again I will show you. I believe it was a survey and not study, study.

Either way at the time I had looked it up was after they had surveyed men during war and found testosterone levels actually went down(which doesn't go in cahoots with the men are violent animals by nature #).

Edit: Also the anecdotal stuff pointed in opposite direction. So who knows?

If I find it again I'll post it.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
I know of some people that did as you did, I don't know that much about the things they went through or their exact path of how they got there but they seemed okay about it.

I am a woman and happily so, despite being not an average woman in my thought processes sometimes, (I get called ''scientific'' a lot), and I am heterosexual, I wouldn't want to be a man so I wouldn't know how that really feels.

You aren't missing much, heh.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
The concerning aspect of transgender 'transition' of the surgical variety is that it's drastic and never fully functional as nature intended.

You'd be surprised. As far as "functioning" in the sense of being able to give birth, no. But many many many women can't do that. In most other ways, it will function just like any other.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
Wouldn't it just be easier for accepting that fluidity of gender and working round it. I couldn't imagine having parts sewn up /added to etc could ever be all that healthy for the body or the mind. Surgery is a sort of wound and there is always a reminder. I couldn't imagine anyone really psychologically gaining from such procedures.

Yeah, it totally would be easier to just accept it! But it's impossible. Like most would say in my position, if there were a therapy or drug to "fix it", it would be utilized. And you're right about surgery being invasive and severe. That should illustrate how awful it is to not transition. It's not like I want to flip my junk inside out. It's definitely not my first resort. It's only second to last from suicide.

And for many, it never even needs to go that far. Being hormonally balanced does miracles in many cases.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
There is probably a holistic process that involves only the mind and psychology for acceptance of the physical self that is far healthier.

I've done that. Psychologically, I'm able to reconcile my womanhood. It doesn't stop the dysphoria, however. Transitioning is as holistic as it gets when you actually look at what "holistic" means. To alleviate gender dysphoria, the whole mind, body, and spirit are addressed.

I don't expect people to get it and it's totally unfair of me to demand that of somebody. But it is something that's totally fascinating once you begin to research it. I promise you, after you spend some time really delving into it, your perspective on treating it will change. I'm a total yoga-going, vegetarian, homeopathy, herbalist, spiritual etc geek so I'm the last to look towards big pharma and surgery for answers but... after you exhaust all other options, sometimes you have to look at facts. Even when they suck.

And it does suck.

Good for you. Go for it. My neighbor transitioned when he was 50! He called me one morning from a large hospital and told me he'd just had surgery. I asked what happened and he said "I've had my tallywacker removed".
lol.

She seemed happier, but borrowed my jewelry whenever she could, and then didn't want to return it. I retaliated by helping myself to her books.

The only thing I noticed, was her driving skills seemed to improve immensely, whereas "he" would scare me to death. Hmm.

a reply to: Cuervo

Part of me thinks it is a society thing.

Gender is defined by the majority in western cultures by media and roles etc.

If people were living physically intensive lives, wilderness style it wouldn't even be considered.

For example, if anyone has spent any time in the wild and had to depend on their wits etc for survival, things like gender identity doesn't figure much.

This might sound obvious, but have you thought about removing yourself from society for a few months, literally like trying a buddhist retreat or renting an isolated cabin with limited supplies and just being yourself in nature for a while.

Nature has a powerful way of setting things straight, getting real perspective and realising the things that really matter.

I'm a total yoga-going, vegetarian, homeopathy, herbalist, spiritual etc

its quicker to just say 'fruitcake'.

a reply to: ladyinwaiting

That brings up a good point.

If you transition to female does your insurance rates go down after transitioning?

originally posted by: Rikku

I'm a total yoga-going, vegetarian, homeopathy, herbalist, spiritual etc

its quicker to just say 'fruitcake'.

Hah! No kidding.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
a reply to: Cuervo

Part of me thinks it is a society thing.

Gender is defined by the majority in western cultures by media and roles etc.

If people were living physically intensive lives, wilderness style it wouldn't even be considered.

For example, if anyone has spent any time in the wild and had to depend on their wits etc for survival, things like gender identity doesn't figure much.

This might sound obvious, but have you thought about removing yourself from society for a few months, literally like trying a buddhist retreat or renting an isolated cabin with limited supplies and just being yourself in nature for a while.

Nature has a powerful way of setting things straight, getting real perspective and realising the things that really matter.

There is a big debate about that. Many have the mistaken belief that gender is totally a socially-driven construct but it is not. I used to believe that for a long time and it's the belief that enabled me to live in suppression for so long. But it's just not always true. Gender roles are gender roles but gender itself is something more and gender identity includes but does not stop at gender role.

As far as getting away. Yep. I'm very in tune with nature. And many Christians may find it funny but my pagan religion is also what kept me from transitioning for so long because "nature doesn't make mistakes". I've finally been able to understand the truth of that and have reconciled it.

In fact, there have been people like what you are talking about since recorded history. For just one example, look up "two spirit" people. They lived in the settings you are talking about yet still had their issues. Luckily, their societies made room for them (in some awesome ways, actually).

a reply to: Cuervo

First of all i had to look up Gender Dysphoria so once again ATS has improved my knowledge , through you and your OP of course . So now that i am an armchair expert i have a question or 2 .

I am still into chicks. Having a vagina won't change that.

Is it chicks exclusively . Feel free to tell me to shove off as it is really none of my business .
When i connect the dots i come up with a lesbian trapped in a mans body , given if its chicks exclusively . I am not trying to be funny here ,Wiki gives me a drawing its up to me to colour it in .
Your wife . You are so lucky , that could have turned out way worse .Good luck in the future .

I said 2 questions , umm crickets .

Nice to see another transgender person here! I'm the opposite, though... I'll give you my boobs if you give me your, ahem... manhood, shall we say?

Anyway, I'm REALLY happy for you, especially for your wife being secretly into women! It is rather interesting, cause all the girls I've been with were either bisexual or straight? Mind you, I haven't begun my transition yet, so it truly is fascinating. It's almost like they can feel it's right, even though, in theory, they shouldn't be attracted to me? Food for thought.

Anyway, good luck, ma'am! I'm here if you ever feel like talking!

originally posted by: hutch622
a reply to: Cuervo

First of all i had to look up Gender Dysphoria so once again ATS has improved my knowledge , through you and your OP of course . So now that i am an armchair expert i have a question or 2 .

I am still into chicks. Having a vagina won't change that.

Is it chicks exclusively . Feel free to tell me to shove off as it is really none of my business .
When i connect the dots i come up with a lesbian trapped in a mans body , given if its chicks exclusively . I am not trying to be funny here ,Wiki gives me a drawing its up to me to colour it in .
Your wife . You are so lucky , that could have turned out way worse .Good luck in the future .

I said 2 questions , umm crickets .

Yeah, the whole "lesbian trapped in a man's body" is literally true for me. My wife had a good chuckle about that one, as well.

As far as exclusively? For now, yeah. I'm just not into dudes. I'm hoping my sexuality will broaden a bit later on but I'm not counting on it. I also had the startling realization that if I transition "all the way" and undergo bottom surgery, I just might die a virgin.

originally posted by: LukeDAP
Nice to see another transgender person here!

I'm the opposite, though... I'll give you my boobs if you give me your, ahem... manhood, shall we say?

Anyway, I'm REALLY happy for you, especially for your wife being secretly into women! It is rather interesting, cause all the girls I've been with were either bisexual or straight? Mind you, I haven't begun my transition yet, so it truly is fascinating. It's almost like they can feel it's right, even though, in theory, they shouldn't be attracted to me? Food for thought.

Anyway, good luck, ma'am! I'm here if you ever feel like talking!

Thanks! I felt a little bad by not representing the FTM segment of transgenderism very well so I'm glad you posted!

As far as a trade, I wish! I think the ultimate cure would be brain transplants.