An Unveiling

a reply to: iNobody

Who told you that I'm an atheist? I've been pretty clear on these boards that I'm agnostic.

a reply to: Krazysh0t

My apologies then. No one told me that. I just got that impression from reading some of your posts. Thank you for the correction.

I haven't read everything. In any event I'm at my keyboard now and am writing the story. It should be done shortly. You will probably find it uninteresting, as it probably is uninteresting.

An apocalypse. That is what a lot of people term some type of catastrophic event. But that is not what the word means. It means a revelation. That is why the last book of the Bible is named Revelation. It is an unveiling, a revelation of what is to unfold.

This is an unveiling of the story of one life. My life. I decided to write it here. Perhaps it will affect someone.

So, this is the story of me, nobody.

Where do I start? I grew up in a very dysfunctional family and endured tremendous abuses when I was a child.

I was sexually molested from the age of four by family members, and that lasted until I was almost 13 years old. Little did I realize how that would have profound effects on me for the rest of my life. I am now 37 years old.

But I wasn’t just sexually abused, I was emotionally abused, bullied, physically attacked, on a number of occasions being hospitalized with bruises all over my body. I learned early that I was nobody.

Beyond that, from the age of four I was also constantly harassed by demonic entities. My family was very steeped in the occult, I had three brothers that practiced some form of it, as well as my grandfather. This is not a story about them, or what they practiced, nevertheless it affected me.

To me there was never a doubt about whether there were spirits that we can’t see. I grew up with them. And learned early they were cruel, they were mean, they were nasty, they were vulgar, they were bullies.

It was when I turned 13 that I finally had enough of it all. And after a bad day at school I remember coming home to a house full of hatred and strife, my dad hit me, my brother bullied me, and everyone was yelling and screaming.

I ran to my room and closed the door and wished for death.

I could tell you stories of what tricks and bullying the demons would play on me when I would try to sleep. They would hit me under my covers, whisper into my ears the most foul and perverted things imaginable. Tickle me, make me itch, knock on the walls and windows, give me visions of frightful things. Appear in frightful forms. And I was scared of them. I went years upon years without sleep.

This all lead up to that day when I went to the room and closed the door and began to cry. I knew there must be a God so I prayed to him and asked him why he would allow me to suffer so much if he existed. That day he answered my prayer. As I was praying, and wishing for death I felt the spirit of the good God descend upon me and take away all the sadness and depression I was feeling.

I am not a good person. And I don’t know why God decided to answer my prayer that day, and I have seen how he has answered many prayers, ever since that day. But I have come to learn a few things in my life.

One thing is that faith is a gift from God himself. Over the years I’ve talked with many people since finding faith and have come to this realization. Back then when I was 13 I picked up the Bible and began to read it, and I read and read and read. I’ve probably read through it more than a dozen times over the years, and many places much more than that. But others have too and come away with something totally different.

I cannot convince you God is real. I can use evidence and convincing proofs, but ultimately God himself is the one that opens the hearts that he will. And I have come to this realization, he is looking for people who are humble, who hate what is bad, who have love. And in these he moves them to have faith in him by revealing himself to them.

In a certain place in the scriptures we are told that if we search for God as for hidden treasures he will allow himself to be found. In another place we are told that he is not far off from each one of us. And we are given the assurance if we draw close to him he will draw close to us.

Because of my childhood I have learned to deal with PTSD, and feelings of worthlessness and other things. This is my unveiling. I used to be ashamed of those things, but I now feel free to talk about them.

Someone on this thread asked me who I think I was to have some special type of knowledge. Well, I am no one. But knowledge I do have, and it is not because of me. I am not special.

It reminds me of a scripture that states: “So if any one of you is lacking in wisdom, let him keep asking God, for he gives generously to all and without reproaching, and it will be given him.” – James 1:5.

Back then when I felt God’s good spirit upon me I read the scripture, and have almost daily asked for wisdom and knowledge. Not to be smarter than anyone, but to learn the truth, and learn to love.

And that is the key to finding God. It is not in trying to make a name for oneself, or to think you are special when you are not. It is simply learning that you are nothing, and learning to love.

In another place in scripture we are told: “God opposes the haughty ones, but he gives undeserved kindness to the humble ones.” – James 4:6.

Anyone searching for truth, for God to reveal himself, for knowledge, it begins in your heart. For no one can come to know God or be drawn to him without the right heart condition. He is real, there is no shadow of a doubt of his existence, his power, his wisdom, or his love that surpasses all human understanding.

When I started this thread last night there was a lot more I wanted to say, and there still is. About injustices that have been perpetuated upon your servant. And also other weaknesses and flaws that I have had to overcome, some of them because of my childhood. But that will be left for another day.

I realize that this will be a disappointing read for most people.

But for the one person that perhaps may find any comfort in it, this was for you.

I love you.

a reply to: iNobody

A story of a life is always an interesting thing to experience.

You have focused on your past in your post.. I hope you also give consideration to where you are going here and now.

a reply to: Serdgiam

Very well said. The past makes us what we are, I realize that now. But it does not define us. And even God does not look at the past. Of course he knows why we all tick the way we do, and are the way we are. But what really matters is what we do now, and tomorrow.

It is a good reminder. Thank you for you words of wisdom.

a reply to: iNobody

OK

That was not what I was expecting when I made my first post on this thread, Ive seen a few that start out like yours and then eventually they come back with some revelation from a spirit guide about an earthquake or alien invasion that is imminent.

If your genuine and not trolling much respect for coming out of your experiences with a positive attitude, I can only imagine what you went through would break most people

a reply to: iNobody

Only a child of God could make those statements that you made. I have also walked in your shoes as a child and understand. God loves you and you have moved him to reveal to you wisdom and knowledge needed so you could forgive those who mistreated you.

You have not stated this but I know you have forgiven them that did wrong to you because I know your sins have been forgiven and I can say this by the way you write.... simple discernment.

But one of the most important steps in the Christian faith is to forgive those who have committed sins against you before asking for forgiveness from the father. One of the hardest things I had to learn but once you do this (with all your heart) the pain and torment stops..... doesn't it? You can never forget but you can forgive and once you do ..... the pains stop, the heart can heal, and your spirit will grow and become stronger. When people learn the secret of forgiveness they will learn they can go on with their life in peace with joy and happiness. Those who can not forgive must live with the pain, nightmares and torment by those who committed sins against them. God removes that pain and replaces it with peace, love and forgiveness ...... literally a supernatural event ....... a miracle!

My sister, I thank you for your revelation, keep your faith for it will often be tested. Grow in your prayer life and all your requests will be answered. Remain humble and continue to be a role model for those new to the faith.

God bless and protect you.

Your brother in Christ.

Thank you... Very much.

a reply to: DeathSlayer

Deathslayer, I am saddened to hear you know what is like to be in these shoes. And am surprised at your astute statement. I am no one on my own, but will reveal to you that I am one of the chosen, adopted sons of God. To no merit of my own.

I see God talking through you.

And yes, your servant has forgiven all the tresspasse against him. I love everyone, even the liars, and abusers of me.