Long Gone

Once again I'm stuck. Relying on someone else to help me get by.

How did this happen?

I pushed him away and now he is gone.

Long gone.

Says there is no helping it.

I did this!!! I made this happen!!

What is it about this guy that keeps me wanting him?

He's not special in any way.

In fact he doesn't have anything. No job. No house.

And yet, here I am, willing to give everything I have to see his face again. I'd give him my last dime to make sure he is safe.

But he doesn't want it.

I think I've screwed up for the last time.

And he's gone. Long gone.

Won't even tell me where.

"Either survive or Die on the beach."

And now he's headed to a beach somewhere.

My love. My Lover. I wish you would talk to me.

My heart is torn to shreds.

Nothing left.

I can only say I'm sorry a million times.

And hope he believes it.

It's okay to hold on isn't it?

Very cryptic....I'm lost.
Did he drive away or get driven away?

a reply to: PageLC14

Maybe it will be the best in the long run..
Move on be by yourself for a while and be happy with yourself.

It's just the hormones moaning.
Find another. You'll get over it in time.
I speak from experience.

a reply to: Hoosierdaddy71

I guess it could go both ways . No one else sees him the way I do. So I have little birdies whispering in my ear. Constantly.

But it's hard to make something work when the work seems to be coming from only one side. Ya know?

I just love so deeply and strongly. I can't seem to let go of anything my heart latches onto.

I made a decision that was for the best for my daughter and I. Which in turn drove him to drive away.

He is who he is, I've learned. And try as I might, he won't change. And I don't know if I can handle who he is. It's tough.

I've had my heart torn to sheds too. It sucks. The thing to bear in mind, is that things have to be "right" for both. So it follows that if it's not "right" for him, then it's not right for you either.

Ya know? and remember "this too shall pass".

But yeah, until it does, it's quite painful.

So sorry. : (

It will be ok Lady don't beat yourself up things happen

a reply to: boymonkey74

In time I suppose I will move on. Hopefully.

I'm still young. Do I even know what it means to be happy? I don't know if I can answer that..

a reply to: PageLC14

I think I've screwed up for the last time.

I did this!!! I made this happen!!

I can only say I'm sorry a million times.

Did you cheat on him?
Sounds like you may have...

a reply to: SecretKnowledge

Nope. No cheating.

I just made decisions two times that were for the best for my daughter. Two times that led to the end of our relationship. I put my daughter first. But I guess the way I did it wasn't the right way? I don't know.

a reply to: ladyinwaiting

"This too shall pass" No truer statement could be said. Maybe it's too soon to say but I think it will always be painful..

Thank you for your kind words

a reply to: PageLC14


Let me give you a little advice. Don't settle for someone that you want to change, it will not happen. Just move on.

a reply to: PageLC14

It's okay to hold on isn't it?

Its okay to let go, too. If he left you, you don't want him anyway.

Go through your grief, its normal. And it will pass.

a reply to: Hoosierdaddy71

Don't settle for someone that you want to change, it will not happen. Just move on.

That's very good advice. Thank you. I shall try. Guess that's all I can do really. Lol

a reply to: intrptr

Well, honestly, I left him. But like I said, it was what I thought was best for my daughter and I. I can't support someone who doesn't want to support himself. Not when I have a 3 year old.

I'd be willing to confess more if I didn't think you'd all know who he is lol.

Ps: I was gonna mention something about how music can bring back the pain and as I write this a song comes on that reminds me of him.
"I keep going to the river to pray
Cause I need something that can wash all the pain
And at most I keep sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you it keeps me awake."

One song after the next.

"Round and around and around and around we go
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it takes me all the way
I want you to stay..."

"Lately I've been, I've been losin sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be

Said no more counting dollars we'll be counting stars"

And then there is Taylor Swift lol saying

"It's like I got this music in my mind saying it's gonna be all right...

I'm just gonna shake it off."

Synchronicities...

a reply to: PageLC14

Listen baby girl, I do have a home, I do work, I do have a car.

Any woman with a heart as big as yours deserves a real man.

We are out there, we are everywhere, we are looking for good women.

Keep your head up.

If he wasnt taking care of you, he doesnt deserve you.

Honestly unless he is physically disabled, his not having a job a home or a car are all 3 up front disqualifications for a relationship.

He was using you, and that he got what he wanted he is gone to use another.

Dont miss him, replace him.

You do deserve it.

a reply to: infinityorder

See, that's what people have been telling me. That he was using me...I just don't want to think that. But even after we split up just recently, I was sending him money and buying him food so he wouldn't starve...Round and around. It's probably for the best that he has left. Probably. I just have to keep telling myself that until I believe it..

Thank you for your reply

originally posted by: PageLC14
a reply to: infinityorder

See, that's what people have been telling me. That he was using me...I just don't want to think that. But even after we split up just recently, I was sending him money and buying him food so he wouldn't starve...Round and around. It's probably for the best that he has left. Probably. I just have to keep telling myself that until I believe it..

Thank you for your reply

Any woman that has done what you say you did for this guy has put in real work.

I feel you, I have done the same for several women, I just had to learn the hard way.

They used me like he used you.

Dont let it get you down, get over him.

Get a good man, be happy.

If he doesnt have a job, dont even consider him.
If he doesnt have a place dont consider him.
If he doesnt at least have a pos car, dont consider him.

You and your child will both be better off.

Good luck, you seem to have a very big heart, the world needs more like you in it.

a reply to: infinityorder

Guess I should point out that he does have a vehicle. And he's very proud of it. Lol


Thank you again for your words they have made me feel better and have given me a boost of confidence and some strength.

originally posted by: PageLC14
Guess I should point out that he does have a vehicle. And he's very proud of it. Lol

So less of a vehicle and more of an extension of his manhood?

Sounds like you're better off.