Does anyone want to finish this off for me?

originally posted by: Tardacus
A bedtime story about a burglar? bedtime stories are suppose to help children go to sleep not give them nightmares lol

That's a good point.

The poem should therefor be ending with young Jacks winning the battle against the evil

Thanks man,

Spiro x

originally posted by: nonspecific
That would make a brilliant ending!

I think if we can fill the middle out a little that would be awsome.

a reply to: haven123

thanks,I put no thought into it just what came to my head....and the children sleep sound in bed

originally posted by: haven123

originally posted by: nonspecific
That would make a brilliant ending!

I think if we can fill the middle out a little that would be awsome.

a reply to: haven123

thanks,I put no thought into it just what came to my head....and the children sleep sound in bed

iv added a line to my op that fills the no rhyming part i left out

The time is right the Burglar said,
As he clambered slowly out of bed.
The time is right,
I feel the need,
On babys gurglings to feed!

So off he crept in dead of night,
In darkened doorways out of site,
Untill he came to Milton Road,
AHA! he said young Jacks abode.

Lying sleepling, peacefully he thought
I could pounce and grab run he thought
His mind made up up, he must go on
Though now is not right, it would be full on

The darkness thickens within his soul
I could take young Jacks, his body his soul
Waiting for the calm
Waiting for the pounce
I need to calibrate my every ounce
For i am the thief of every gurglings
I will obide my time with every earthling.

The gurglings hesitation, one of strife
Has now caused you Jack to wake, grab the knife
With a thought of evil and a thought of good
The knife from young Jack, to thrust he should
Without dispair, to launch forward still
To kill this demon, young jack he will.

In with the death strike
Gurglings will gurgle
Death be upon him
Death be no hurlde
I will win young jack pronounced
I will take this Gurgling with every soul ounce

I am the winner to not defeat
Now the thief gurgling is knocked of his feet
In a puddle of soulessness the Gurgling lies
Yes little Jack says, I defeat the evil soul with my own eyes.

Lying there helpless and fold
Young little jack has won two fold
Awake and aware of all around
He knew he could hear that awefull evil sound

I am the ruler of my bedtime sleep
Dam you Mr gurgling, weep you will weep

With the evil soul now detroyed
Young little jack, a sleep and boyd.

Mr Jack!

Spiro xx

originally posted by: CharlieSpeirs
a reply to: nonspecific

He sneaked in slowly through the door,
Never enough, he wanted more,
He reached the bedroom, poised & ready,
To snatch the babies toys & teddys.

He reached in slow, the baby dreaming,
The toddler was awakened, screaming,
In came Father, his gun was drawn,
The Gurgle Burglar is no more.



That's the best I can do, my friend.

i like this

originally posted by: haven123

originally posted by: nonspecific
Years ago when my baby brother was born I had the idea of writing a bedtime book for him.

He's 17 now because I got stuck after the first couple of lines but people still occasionally bug me about finishing it.

It's called The Gurgle Burglar and is about a mean spirited creature that steals into babys bedrooms and steals there gurgles rendering them gurgleless for some nefarious reason I never figured out.

So If anyone wants to have a crack at finishing it then be my guest, theres not a lot to go with.


The Gurgle Burglar.

The time is right the Burglar said,
As he clambered slowly out of bed.
The time is right,
I feel the need,
On babys gurglings to feed!

So off he crept in dead of night,
In darkened doorways out of site,
Untill he came to Milton Road,
AHA! he said young Jacks abode.

Thats as far as I got in 17 years...

so upon his horse got on and road,
he heard that sound in the dead of night,
enough to turn his ways,
to give back all gurgles
right then without delay,
then he thought to himself what to do now,
carry on going and end up caught,
or fight the demons he once sort,
he thought thing over with a bottle of fanta,
and changed his ways and became santa.
he filled his sack full with toys,
now the man brings children's joy.

I really REALLY like the ending to this. Its all christmissy and loving.

Emmm, Im back to the sketch pad.

Spiro

originally posted by: Spiro

originally posted by: haven123

originally posted by: nonspecific
Years ago when my baby brother was born I had the idea of writing a bedtime book for him.

He's 17 now because I got stuck after the first couple of lines but people still occasionally bug me about finishing it.

It's called The Gurgle Burglar and is about a mean spirited creature that steals into babys bedrooms and steals there gurgles rendering them gurgleless for some nefarious reason I never figured out.

So If anyone wants to have a crack at finishing it then be my guest, theres not a lot to go with.


The Gurgle Burglar.

The time is right the Burglar said,
As he clambered slowly out of bed.
The time is right,
I feel the need,
On babys gurglings to feed!

So off he crept in dead of night,
In darkened doorways out of site,
Untill he came to Milton Road,
AHA! he said young Jacks abode.

Thats as far as I got in 17 years...

so upon his horse got on and road,
he heard that sound in the dead of night,
enough to turn his ways,
to give back all gurgles
right then without delay,
then he thought to himself what to do now,
carry on going and end up caught,
or fight the demons he once sort,
he thought thing over with a bottle of fanta,
and changed his ways and became santa.
he filled his sack full with toys,
now the man brings children's joy.

I really REALLY like the ending to this. Its all christmissy and loving.

Emmm, Im back to the sketch pad.

Spiro

run with it brother it was a quick think, but i wanted to turn it into something less dark.
Your ones are sweet to

a reply to: nonspecific

The neighbours saw the burglar creeping,
Called the cops while babies sleeping,
The burglar was busy, he had not seen,
The red and blue were on the scene.

When suddenly there was a mighty crash,
As the window then did suddenly smash,
Your local PD, to save the day,
Just threw in a freakin' flash!

And as the flash left his hand,
Into the crib it surely did land,
Typical pig didn't give a fig,
Wouldn't be surprised if it was planned.

Pew pew pew pew pew pew pew,
Whats it got to do with you?


Erm ... That's as far as I got!

a reply to: BelowLowAnnouncement

H aha i know what yo mean, it gets to the point where it gets memory block



Keep trying though, sounds awesome.

Spiro

You Sir or Madam are a very naughty person and your humour is in my taste, I laughed a lot.

But I would still like to find a more child freindly version to this chilling tale.

a reply to: BelowLowAnnouncement

So here's my submission. The punctuation is probaby not right as I am not particularly skillful in its execution.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The time is right the Burglar said,
As he clambered slowly out of bed.
The time is right, I feel the need.
On babies gurglings to feed!

So off he crept in dead of night,
In darkened doorways out of site,
Until he came to Milton Road,
AHA! he said young Jacks abode.

Up to the door; the decrepit prowler came
Every theft so easy, tonight is just the same.
The door tightly locked, this place it housed no fools.
It grinned as it reached in its pocket full of tools

Silent and rapid against the device he fought
The hunger was growing; for the gurgle he had sought.
The click and clack of the lock breaking finally free,
Filled the creature with pride and what people must call glee.

Into the silent home the shadow did creep.
It sneered as it thought of the prize it would reap
Into his mind a thought. Slowly it fell.
"I've been here before, I remember it too well"

"I must be mistaken." The dim creature thought.
To burgle Jack twice would profit me naught.
For gurgle, once stolen, with thief it remains.
The house seems familiar only for what it contains.

Renewed in his quest the creature went on
Hurrying now lest he face an encounter with the dawn
For those who burgle gurgles are afraid of the day,
and puppies and nice things like flowers grown in May.

Finally to Jack's door the burglar arrived.
So smug in the plan his dark mind had contrived.
He reached for the doorknob, slowly it turned.
He made not a sound, the way he had learned.

Through a crack in the door he looked in at them.
"Oh no" he thought "Who is that one with him"
For at the boy's bedside a small figure sat
and the gurgle burglar's plan was ruined by that.

For a long moment; the burglar thought that he was done.
"I wanted that gurgle dearly; but tonight there will be none."
And then a wide grin, stretched his lips out real tight
"I'll wait 'til that other; says their goodnight."

So he stuck out his ear and listened within
Jack's brother was talking saying " It's Time to begin"
"He's reading him a story" The burglar said in his head
"To make him comfy and cozy and ready for his bed."

So the burglar it listened to what the boy said.
And soon he felt tired, head heavy like lead.
"That story's quite nice" (His first good thought in years)
"Perhaps I'll also lie down, 'least 'Til the brother disappears."

There in the hallway the burglar lay down
Harder he fought to maintain his sad dark frown
But the battle, soon lost, as it left his old face.
What one might call a smile was left in its place.

Then in the darkness, two gurgles were made
Not a move from the burglar; on the floor he had stayed
For one gurgle was his, and that had been his mission.
Who knew he could have it without a criminal decision.

Now as his dreams swam round him the burglar felt joy
For the story he had heard from that other young boy
Was of the source of gurgles and what they signal too.
They come from a happy heart and simply mean Thank You.

For when a child's happy and cannot find the word
They think it's neither awkward nor a little bit absurd
To offer you a gurgle and softly turn their heads
As they soundly sleep, quiet in their beds.

So the burglar withdrew. He said "No more this life for me."
"Gurgles need not be burgled friend. You can have them free."

I actually had three diferent tingles in my spine with that.

The first with terror, the second with suspense and the third with awsome joy.
I never saw the ending coming and after 17 years it was awsome.

I think with some very minor tweaking that is the story of the gurgle burgular.

Thank you, thank you very much indeed.

a reply to: Josephus

That, my good friend, is simply awesome. Simply more awesome than an awesome thing

I too got tingles, really good tingles.

Spiro

a reply to: BelowLowAnnouncement

ROTFL!

That's the BEST - LOL!

I think you've found a calling - I want to read more from you, lol!

peace