Season of the Witch

a reply to: Bluesma

Oh yeah, that's not politically correct for americans is it? Well, basically- happy thawts, to you and yours, whatever you celebrate (or not).

Seasons greetings to you bluesma

Marry christmas!
Happy Holidays!
or
hope you all have a lovely day!

I think when I wrote this, I knew I might be using words that had an emotional charge- like "to manipulate", which has taken recently the meaning of subversive covert manipulation, instead of it's original meaning.
That is what I was trying to get back to.

The studies of the male and female brains show that women recognize emotions better than men, and end up directing attention to them more- to know when to hug your child, to give comforting words, or a smile, is all emotional manipulation too. This is not a necessarily bad thing. It can be a great strength and important thing to share with others around us.

I guess I should have expected some hostile reactions to the suggestion that we can find something good to pull from a bad past experience- I have seen that often enough with other subjects. People don't want to see anything good be produced from something they judge wrong, because that makes the lines blurred.

But as much as the world seems easier to navigate when we see it in black and white, I think it also limits us from moving out of the past, into the present, with as much power and strength as we could have. Holding onto grudges and hatred hurts the self as much as it can anyone else!

I don't think I communicated very well in this thread. But I'll probably do better next time, as my thinking develops and clarifies. Such discussions as this make it clearer to me what I need to re-think and learn to say in simpler and more succinct ways.

Thanks for the help.

a reply to: Bluesma

You communicated very well I think - and I understand what you're saying

I guess I should have expected some hostile reactions to the suggestion that we can find something good to pull from a bad past experience- I have seen that often enough with other subjects. People don't want to see anything good be produced from something they judge wrong, because that makes the lines blurred.

Hostile? :-)

Some people just disagree with your take on things. Even then, they only disagree with some of it. They disagree, but they don't disagree in a way that you'd prefer, so, maybe - you see hostility where there is none?

Sometimes women say exactly what they mean. Maybe most of the time. Maybe even at least as often as do most men. You mentioned earlier that male and female brains are different - women are supposedly better with language than men

So, how come Shakespeare?

:-)

There are differences between the genders - it's pretty obvious. Behavior is obviously influenced by biology and social expectations. Gender is such an interesting thing though - if we allow ourselves to see in shades of grey instead of just black and white then we can stop talking about men and women and how they should or shouldn't behave. Good girls and bad girls - a thing of the past

All my best to those lovely young passive-aggressive French girls Bluesma. Vive la résistance!

a reply to: dawnstar

That's an interesting take on why certain personality/behavioural types are selected into managerial/power roles and I did read - or saw a documentary on TV - where certain minor psychopathic/sociopathic traits are considered useful (or did they say desireable? (scary stuff)) in leadership roles, where lack of emotion or empathy ("it is just business"), aggressiveness (manipulation of staff based on fear/bullying), narcissism ("it's my way or the highway" (fear as well)), and certainly both genders could fall into this scenario. However, statistics are clear, that more men hold real positions of power than women, for varying reasons.

I believe that women who take on those roles are most likely expected to perform in a manner that they find distasteful or perhaps that goes against most women's grain, such as leaving behind the nurturing and empathetic qualities. Or, they realize that they cannot have a personal life (wife, mother, sister, friend) and a high-powered career, so choose a more balanced life with less demands on their time.

On a positive note, I do see the number of female government officials rising ever so slowly here in Canada, and recently I was pleased to see (albiet rare) female members actually stand up and cry foul whenever misogynistic male members of parliament spew their poison. Yet, female representation in my government is still not equal.

I will remain positive knowing that some people in high powered positions are and will continue to be called out on their negative behavior or leadership styles that do not foster a positive workplace environment. I know for a fact, that I will be one of those people.

originally posted by: Spiramirabilis

Hostile? :-)

Yes, I think Dawnstar made it clear I hit some very sensitive nerves earlier. I won't bring up the exact quotes which seemed to express anger and hostility- it isn't about you, and that isn't an "accusation of wrong doing"- it is simply trying to acknowledge some of her feelings, my part in them and that I care.

You mentioned earlier that male and female brains are different - women are supposedly better with language than men

So, how come Shakespeare?

Did you read the link I put up? It explains that.

All my best to those lovely young passive-aggressive French girls Bluesma.

I obviously didn't express myself well, because this indicates you didn't get what I was saying.
I think french and americans have just as much tendency to be passive aggressive, but because of their conditioned cultural values, they do it about different things - according to their societies taboos.

It is a taboo here to be ambitious, to want to move ahead, do more, or be more, then others, or be different. Therefore their will to individual power emerges in hypocritical ways,

Whereas in our culture, ambition and will to individual power is acceptable, even highly valued, so it is the desire for belongingness (to be part of a powerful herd) that emerges in hypocritical ways.

By hypocritical, I mean an outward explicit denial of them, while actions have the opposite effect.

I do not see anything wrong with either of these drives and consider them inherent in all humans.
I meant to point out that what we believe about good and bad, acceptable and unacceptable behavior or drives,
can determine what we are explicit and implicit about.