I just has a colon probobe. And it hurt.

a reply to: BuzzCory

Yea that colon cancer can be a sneaky bitch, my dad had problems with polyps so I ended up getting checked at 40 rather than wait until the customary age of 50. Glad I went in because they removed two polyps which ended up being noncancerous thank god. My advice is if you have a family history of this problem don't wait til your 50 do it when your 40 because if you wait 10 more years you could be dead. Sorry you lost your dad so young.

Just to add some levity to the painful situation:

Subject: Colonoscopy Procedure...

This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:


I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a
colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color
diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the
place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy
explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,
reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I
didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain
was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE
17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy' s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for
a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold
a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now
suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands
of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on
the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance
with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had
was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less
flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix
two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug,
then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar
with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then
you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour,
because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a
mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint
of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with
a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it,
'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is
kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may
experience contact with the ground.



MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here,
but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much
the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when
you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty
much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate
everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you
have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as
far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and
start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.



After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my
wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I
worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional
return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on
Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that?
Flowers would not be enough.



At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally
agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a
room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little
curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those
hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you
put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually
naked.


Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily
I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying
down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I
pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to
make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in
full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn
your house.


When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where
Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see
the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there
somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll
over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something
up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the
room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing
Queen' by ABBA.. I remarked to Andy that, of all the
songs that could be playing during this particular
procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least
appropriate.



'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I
had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish,
prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail,
exactly what it was like.


I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling
'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment,
I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy
was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt
excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that
it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying
colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist.



On the subject of Colonoscopies...

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous.....
A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:



1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must aquit!

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, weren't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all…

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

I woke up in the middle of a colonoscopy while they were cutting out a polyp. Crap on toast that hurt like hell! Obviously, for the next colonoscopy I switched doctors and went through a different medical group.

a reply to: droid56

a reply to: Nucleardoom

my threshold for pain is through the roof
but so is my love for meds

a reply to: droid56

I have bad news for you. You were not at the hospital,out patient services or whatever. You were on an Alien spaceship and the Aliens had a hold of you. You were anal probed not for any search of disease,but for purposes of research by extraterrestrials. I hope you didn't give away any of our secrets. They are after our gut bacteria. They don't have any and have to mine us for it for some purpose. If you start having nightmares,you need to look up one of Bud Hopkins friends to be hypnotized. Good luck and make notes.

a reply to: Dimithae

We all keep trying to TELL him that, he dont listen!!

a reply to: notmyrealname

Thanks for that! I never thought I could laugh so hard about anything related to a colonoscopy. I debated including a description about the "cleanout kit" experience in my post, but decided against it. I'm glad I did now; Mr Barry did a far better job of describing it than I could have done.

a reply to: droid56

Just had one done last Wednesday, all without any complications or pain. I stayed awake the entire time and kept asking questions, mostly humorous, but the occasional technical one concerning the procedure. When they told me that they were removing a polyp, while watching on the monitor I said, "PEW! PEW! Pun intended". I was nervous before going in, but it wasn't that bad.

One additional word of caution though, follow up on everything they tell you to do afterwards. Especially hydration. I didn't up my water intake and resumed my normal routine and ended up get gout in my foot as a result Sunday night. Now that IS PAINFUL! This is the first time I've been able to get in front of my computer for more than five minutes.

DRINK WATER!

I haven't had a anal probe,but i have had a cystoscopy a camera and light put into you're penis,i had a local anesthetic not the one they put in to you're spine.

Well i was #ing bricks for a week, everyday i would stare at the old chap and i would shed a tear.

The day came,had my injection was told you MIGHT feel a little discomfort as they rammed what felt like a sony camcorder on a broomstick into the old boy,Then as they push in they release a gel which is supposed to numb as it goes further into you're bladder,that's when you have the urge to pee but you can't, really strange feeling.
They then fill you're bladder with a liquid after about 5 mins they pull out said 1930s movie camera on a tripod.
After about an hour they let you home, I really struggled to pee for a couple of days after ,think that was more in my head than physical but i was really sore inside my penis and every time i pee'd it felt like hot daggers.

I ont think i could do the one up the arris not after what i had with the cystoscopy.

I posted this while still under the influence of whatever they gave me at the hospital. How do I know this?

Mostly because I never spell probe in a thread title incorrectly. And because I know how to spell colonoscopy and anesthesiologist, but I couldn't come even close to doing it yesterday. And the final clue was that when I went out today, I found my car parked remarkably close to the house. Inches away. Confession: I illegally drove home from the house of the friend who picked me up at the hospital. 24 hour driving prohibition was cited as the rule. I now understand the wisdom of this rule.

The pain of I'm awake and they are most painfully removing the snake from my colon was one drama. The other drama was that I was supposed to take part 2 moviprep at 6 in the morning but I slept in until 7, and my last visit to the toilet was just 5 minutes before I was compelled to leave my house. I wasn't sure the job was done, but it turned out I was an empty vessel just in the nick of time.

a reply to: KROandSOTV

christ man.
i dont think that is something i could handle.

not so much the pain which of course i would be afraid of but i get real weird about my oh so special places.

i had to have an ultrasound on my testicle satchel before and i was worked up into a fit before i got there.

some things really freak me out. things going in through the out door is a major bugaboo for me.

im also paranoid of kidney stones.
my step dad had them once and he was literally crying. he was jacked up on dilaudid and all that and was still crying.